Nekkid Lives!

“I spoke to the Naked Ape today and he is doing well. He has settled in Northern California. He hasn't been on line lately because his computer is being real BAD! It didn't survive the big move from Tennessee. But, if he strikes it rich panning for gold he'll be back up and on line shortly.

He asked me to say "hello to uall" for him!

So now you know the rest of the story.”

“Yeah, I talked to him about a week ago. We gonna miss him here on the East side.”

“foo! you betta watch yo back, talkin bout da east side biznit!
step to an represent wit da kickdown duckets, g!”

“What did the African-American-wanna-be just say?”

“i said "get me a biscuit!"”

“How bout' a roll? wit butter?”

“gravy, please.”

“S.C. Cops Find Naked Man Dangling From Ceiling

DARLINGTON, S.C. (AP) — Police responding to an alarm at a cash advance business found a naked man hanging from the ceiling early Thursday morning.

An officer answering the alarm noticed tiles, insulation, wires and metal braces hanging from the roof and on the floor of the Check 'n Go, Darlington Police Lt. Danny Watson said.

A naked man with scrapes all over his body then dropped from the ceiling and tried to open the front door and leave, according to a police report.

"He had a charming story to go along with it though. He said somebody threw his keys on the roof and that's why he was up there," Watson said. "He kind of got a little fuzzy on the 'taking all his clothes off and sliding in the store' part."

Police think 22-year-old Michael Gilbert took off his clothes so he could fit through an air vent on the roof, Watson said.

Gilbert has been charged with burglary. The cash advance business doesn't keep money on the premises, police said.


Utah Man Arrested Over Naked Shopping

CLEARFIELD, Utah (AP) — No shirt, no shoes — and no pants — has landed a Utah man in legal trouble.

Last month a 51-year-old man allegedly entered a local convenience store in the buff on multiple occasions. Clearfield police say in August he also made a trip through a restaurant drive-thru, in the buff.

City prosecutors have charged the man in justice court with misdemeanor lewdness. But now the Davis County District Attorney's Office is investigating allegations of witness tampering, which could result in third-degree felony charges.

Police say that over the past week, the man has telephoned the same convenience store, asking for permission to enter the business naked.

He was attempting to talk clerks out of testifying against him, said Greg Krusi, assistant police chief for Clearfield.

Clerks called police, who kept watch outside the store. They witnessed the man approach the business, strip down and walk inside, Krusi said.

Krusi said officers arrested the man and booked him into the Davis County jail for allegedly driving under the influence, lewdness and telephone harassment.

Second and third stories”

“We normally find our kooks caught in the grees exhausts of local KFCs. But they keep their clothes on. LOL!”

“I think this is why the Krystals around here stay open late.”

“We call them White Castles around here. We don't have Krysles. Hell, I have to drive three hours just to get to the closest Sonic. LOL!”

“From what I've heard, they are pretty close to the same thing. Only I bet Krystals are greasier.”

“What I find funny is that on many cable channels up here in Chicago, we see commercials for Sonic all the time, however there isn't one anywhere near us.”

“Wow, there are at least three here in Huntsville.”