Now For the Really Freaky Stuff

“LMAO...hahahahahahahahahah....men could go for 5 :0”

“I know that everybody is somebody else's weirdo, but those people have got to be everybody's weirdo...”

“A basketball player for Southeastern Oklahoma State University was killed near Paris, Texas, in 1997 when the driver of the car in which he was riding lost control after it was hit by a flying cow. (The cow had been sent airborne when it was hit by another car.) [Washington Post, 9-20-97]

The family of the late Russell U. Shell filed a wrongful-death lawsuit in 1998 against The Other Side nightclub in Fitchburg, Mass., charging that Mr. Shell choked to death on a miniature plastic #&%!$ that allegedly had been placed into his drink glass as a prank by an employee. (The club owner said Mr. Shell merely suffered a seizure and that the charm was found on the floor beside Mr. Shell's body.) [Worcester Telegram & Gazette, 8-12-98]”

“...to sleep in one of these! Now, a few questions arise:

- Do they put these in the bedding and mattress department?

- Do you have to buy these in family packs, like most of their other products?


Costco Test Markets Sale of Caskets

By DON BABWIN
Associated Press Writer

CHICAGO (AP) -- Whether you're in the market for a good night's sleep or the eternal kind, there's now a discount store somewhere that has you covered.

On Monday, Costco Wholesale Corp., better known for bulk chicken and cases of soda, started test marketing caskets along side mattresses at a North Side Chicago store. They're also being sold at a suburban Oak Brook store.

"This is certainly something that can be an easy value," said Gina Bianche, a buyer in Costco's corporate office in Issaquah, Wash. "I don't want to say cheap value, but it just needs to be done."

Each of the six models from the Universal Casket Co., in colors including lilac and Neapolitan blue, is priced at $799.99, made of 18-gauge steel, considered medium weight for caskets, and can be delivered within 48 hours.

Caskets could already be purchased directly from manufacturers, in funeral supply stores and over the Internet, but big general merchandise stores had stayed away from selling caskets until now, said David Walkinshaw, a spokesman for the National Funeral Directors Association.

At a Costco on Chicago's North Side, shoppers checking out the new casket kiosk Monday seemed to like the idea that the same store where they buy so many things for this life was branching into the after life.

"A casket at Costco, yeah, I think it's pretty bizarre," said Inga Barth, 53. She wondered about buying a casket with only a kiosk and small samples of the caskets' material to look over, though, saying, "When you go casket shopping, you want to see the whole thing."

That didn't trouble John Neuhaus.

"I want the adjustable bed and mattress for my neck," he joked, pointing to one of the features highlighted at the kiosk. After all, he said, "It says eternal rest."

Others liked the idea of being able to shop for the casket long before a loved one's death, a time when the survivors are distressed, under time constraints and may feel they are at the mercy of funeral homes.

"I remember my mom was supposed to get a plain pine box for my dad and she walked out with mahogany," said Gretchen Henninger.

When her mother later died and Henninger was left to deal with the funeral arrangements, "I felt I was being manipulated into feeling some emotion that would lead me to spend more money," she said. "Taking that away would be wonderful."

Those involved in arranging funerals were not as enthusiastic about discount retailers moving in on their business.

"If you take the casket out of the equation and the casket is purchased in a retail environment, then that portion of the funeral director's profit center will disappear and the funeral director must respond to that," said George Lemke, executive director of the Casket and Funeral Supply Association.

Asked if that meant raising prices, he replied: "That's entirely possible."

Costco is prepared for that, said Fred Elsner, general manager of the North Side store. When casket buyers dial the phone number on the brochure, "We will put them in touch with funeral homes that are part of the program," he said.

The brochure says buyers can cut their overall funeral costs by more than 30 percent that way. But Lemke said the funeral home working with Costco might not be the one the family planned to deal with.

"If you are talking about going to a funeral home, 30, 40, 50 miles away, they (customers) might have an entirely different attitude," he said.

While caskets can costs several thousand dollars, some funeral homes do sell them for even less than Costco is charging, he said.

Walkinshaw, who also works as a funeral director in the Boston area, said he has caskets ranging from $350 to about $8,000. He also thinks Costco won't cut into the business of funeral homes.

"Other people have tried (selling caskets) and found out the public is real comfortable buying caskets from funeral directors," he said. "It's kind of one-stop shopping."

Bonnie Busch, vice president in Costco's Midwest division, hopes shoppers will make one more stop. "I hope they don't have any deaths in the family, but if they do I hope we can help people out," she said.

© 2004 The Associated Press. A”

“That's $799.99 I won't be spending. I think all of my ashes will fit in a large ziploc bag until someone scatters me on some favorite running route....”

“It looks like Treebeard can't or won't learn a lesson about invoking copyright. Don't you know any better?”

“Hey, look whose back! How ya doing, you inbred tw@t? Boy, talk about caskets and the necrophilia brigade comes out of the woodwork!”

“You're not really one of Mutt's trolls, are you?”

“Don't try to change the subject. As usual you're guilty of invoking copyright. Take a lesson from some of the other so-called people on this board and link to the article instead of copying the whole thing. Are you really that dense? Don't you know you can get in big trouble for invoking copyright?”

“Will you please do me a favor and report me already? I am a sick man. I can't help myself. I need help! Can't you see that I am crying out for someone to have mercy on me and help me drag myself out of this life of plagarism? Have you no pity? Are you that insensitive?

Oh no, there it is again!!!




Oh lord, the humanity. Pleeeaasseeeeeeeeehelp me before I copy and paste again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh nooooooooooooooooooo, the agony!!!


Helpppppppppppppppppppppppppp!”

“Don't you even know the difference between invoking copyright and plagiarism? Invoking copyright is a law but there is no law against plagiarism (despite what your equally guilty and ignorant wife thinks).”

“yes, you should be more careful.

this is how i feel about the matter:

Guilty and Ignorant
"Don't you even know the difference between invoking copyright and plagiarism? Invoking copyright is a law but there is no law against plagiarism (despite what your equally guilty and ignorant wife thinks)."”

“Having fun is one thing.......being an a$$ is another.....

IGNORE THIS USER”

“maybe i'm ignorant and dense too, but wouldn't the proper charge against Mr. Beard be violating the copyright.

Whats this invoking of which it speaks?”

“Is apotemnophilia freaky or what?”

“Yep, that is some kinda freaky.

As long as the source is cited properly and it is used for the purpose of criticism, comment (satire/parody), news reporting, or teaching it is protected and allowed under the fair use clause and sure enough there is a copyright symbol, the copyright holders name and the authors name.

Normally plagiarism is not a crime, but it can be as the basis of a fraud charge or copyright infringement (usually when work is lifted verbatim and passed off as anothers original) if prior creation can be proved.

Much of plagiarism is acceptable and is an important part of the creative process and that is when a concept is lifted and edited to create a new work.”

“Thanks, HPM. I guess I better abandon my dreams of using my cut & pastes of bizarre news stories on TT as a means to get rich quick and retire next year, eh? :)”

“i agree.
i think that much of plagiarism is acceptable and is an important part of the creative process and that is when a concept is lifted and edited to create a new work.”

“Hey Treebeard, you can still do it to annoy trolls!”

“Yes, Bit! I may not be the foremost purveyor of crap on this forum, but I can contribute some GREAT, stolen ideas!”

“Yep!”

“If certain so-called people(they know who they are)ever had one original creative thought in their thick skulls it sure would be nice. Why don't you try your hand at some poetry or creative writing instead of constantly invoking copyright?”

“FREAKY!

sacco, you are a little troublemaker!”

“So when's the freaky stuff start then?”

“Well, let's administer the anaesthetic and I'll start sawing away, ynami²...”

“me?

i think YOU'RE a


FREAKY!
little troublemaker!”

“Here's an original that I posted last year:

My only regret is that mama wasn't around at the time to include in my little poem, as she would fit right into the subject matter!

""The Site That Matt Built

This is a tale of a group of folks

who inhabit a place

in cyber space

which on its face

keeps its pace

with the human race

in a fantasy place

we'll call the site that Matt built


This is the troll

that stole the soul

and infested the site that Matt built


Violin is the man

who says he can

find out the troll

who stole the soul

who infested the site that Matt built


Then Geobeet said

my suspicion's not dead

that Violin is the man

who says he can

find out the troll

that stole the soul

And infested the site that Matt built


Now, Minstercreek

done flapped his beak

and Geobeet peaked

and accusations wreaked

of what Up Urs said

That made TTer's dread

the next ugly thread

to come out of his head

when he rolls out of bed

then Geobeet said

my suspicion's not dead

that Violin is the man

who says he can

find out the troll

who stole the soul

and infested the site that Matt built


Now, what can we learn

from all this #&%!$

that angers Tom

and bothers Bit

who BB called out

for all to see

will he show up

at TC3

He's probably too chicken

or maybe too stricken

by the new 'ignore' button

that so bothers 'Mutt' and

the rash of bad pictures

it's a lousy mixture

of bad taste and fun

But, all in all,

the TTer's have won

So, let's raise a glass

trolls, kiss my ass

you're likely one person

and my thoughts are a cursin'

the pavement you walk on

and the computer you talk on

but, we don't give a hoot

'cause the point is now moot

when Geobeet said

my suspicion's not dead that

Violin is the man

who says that he can

find out the troll

who stole the soul

and infested the site that Matt built

Now, it seems they're back

For a sneak attack

Because they lack

An ounce of tact

When in fact

If we don't react

They won't come back

For another spat

Their minds' one track

To give us flack

So, screw you, Jack

We're taking back

The site that Matt built


The End""”

“Now, Divinity's advice comes in handy. Click!”

“One so-called "original" thought and it was last year. You just invoked copyright of a nursery rhyme and changed some words. I would hardly call that creative or original.”

“Apparently there's a publication out there called "amputated love" especially for those who like the post op variety.
Talking of which, anyone seen Boxing Helena?”

“lol, no...I heard it was awful though.”

“How about Crash?”

“yeah, only heard about that one too. There's some sick puppies out there.”

“Ignoring me will not change the fact that you constantly invoke copyright and have never had even one single original or creative thought in your thick head. I'm not surprised to see you run and hide instead of acting like a man and facing what you've done (since you're obviously not really a man I'm not surprised). You're more like a little boy who takes his ball and goes home when somebody contradicts his obvious misbehavior. Go run home and hide behind your wife's skirt. Just make sure you kick out whoever's there already.”

“click”

“LMFAO ynami! I bet that site is for people who are sick of SO's walking out on them.”

“lmao.... "not so easy now is it beeyatch" (j/k)”

“WTF?

Yo Treebeard, who the hell is this #&%!$ that has nothing better to do than to cyber-harass individuals posting material to make other people laugh?

Sounds like that crazy water chic from PA.”

“HOLLYWOOD, CA—Americans gathered Monday to discuss their feelings of heartbreak, anger, and resentment toward America's sweetheart Kirsten Dunst, after the film star broke up with the U.S. to be with some douchebag that everyone thought was gay.


Above: Dunst and the utter wad.
"I don't think anyone expected this," Grangeville, ID resident Troy Pilner said, to murmurs of agreement from the rest of America. "We really cared about her, and I thought she cared about us. How can this butt-munch she's seeing provide something that the 293 million of us can't?"

Many Americans have theories about why Dunst—whose film credits include the two Spider-Man blockbusters, Bring It On, and The Virgin Suicides—broke up with us. Residents of Arizona report that Dunst's new boyfriend, Portuguese shipbuilding magnate Gilberto Nunes, must have filled her head with lies. Florida residents suggest that Dunst got scared when she realized how much she cared about us.

When asked to comment on these theories, Wyoming residents said it was still difficult to understand "what could have driven [Dunst] into the arms of such a cock."

"I never would've thought she'd be fooled by some Eurotrash pretty-boy gaylord with six-pack abs and a 100-foot yacht," Nashua, NH resident James Westerly said. "If we'd known that was what she wanted, we would have dyed our hair and bought her a bunch of expensive presents. But I always assumed our relationship was deeper than that. I really thought the U.S. and Kirsten Dunst were soulmates."

Added Philadelphia resident Joyce Lister: "Did you see those pictures in the Enquirer where [Nunes] had his shirt open so you could see some stupid tattoo on his chest? God, I hate that guy."

The U.S. then began to sob uncontrollably.

For the past week, Americans have been endlessly dissecting and discussing the "Dear John" letter we received from Dunst on Aug. 11.

"The letter from Kirsten really hurt me," said Plains, GA resident Amy Treemont, who has loved Dunst ever since she saw her in Little Women. "Look at this section where she talks about needing to grow as a person and an actress. I didn't know she felt like we were keeping her down. Maybe she thought running off with that Nunes prick was easier than working out our problems."

Continued Treemont: "Kirsten, if you can hear this, we still love you and want you back."

Many dumped Americans said they were angry that Dunst broke up with them in a letter, feeling that a phone call would have been more appropriate. Those who have tried to reach her to discuss the matter report that her phone number has been changed.

"I think she owes us an explanation, but she won't agree to meet us for lunch," Prineville, OR resident Keith Starling said. "The U.S. deserves some closure. I mean, why did she leave us for him, of all people? He's such a worthless poseur."

Residents of Florida said they came close to fighting Nunes Friday at a Miami Beach bar.

"We were all just drinking and trying to forget when he strolled in like he was King #&%!$," Miami's Terry Masters said. "I wanted to deck him right then and there. The bar went real quiet, and he was like, 'Doy... What's going on?' Like he didn't know. If it wasn't for our friends from Puerto Rico holding us back, I swear he'd be dead. Next time, we kick his ass on sight."

This week, Congress fiercely debated a piece of legislation that would have authorized the U.S. Army's 82nd Airborne Division to beat Nunes to within an inch of his life. Partisan bickering held up the bill, with Republicans wanting to add a rider labeling Nunes a "#&%!$" and Democrats wanting to call him a "first-class jerkoff."

Though reluctant to discuss the messy breakup, Dunst said she still cares about the U.S. very much and never meant to hurt anyone, but that those of us who are seeking a reconciliation "shouldn't hold [our] breath."

"I'm not denying that there were wonderful moments and a lot of deep feelings between us," Dunst said. "There were just too many problems. What happened between [human #&%!$pile] Gilberto [Nunes] and me happened naturally. He makes me feel special. The sooner everyone realizes that my relationship with him is for real, the sooner we can all get on with our lives."

Continued Dunst: "It's not like America has never changed its mind. Do I need to mention a certain woman named Julia Roberts? Or Meg Ryan, while I'm at it? If you ask me, America doesn't know what it wants."

In response to Dunst's comments, the U.S. decided to go on a three-day bender.”

“Pair exchange blows with dead snake, baseball bat

By Jean Jones

LAWRENCE TWP. -- A dispute in Cedarville Sunday proved that just about anything can be used as a weapon.

Cedarville resident Michael File received several small lacerations on his back Sunday as the result of being whipped with a dead six-foot-long blacksnake, state police said.

File, 26, wasn't wearing a shirt when Kenneth Davis, 42, of the 400 block of 8th Street, Vineland, allegedly whipped him on the back with the snake in the yard of his Main Street home.

Davis later was assaulted by File with a baseball bat, authorities said.

State police said they learned that Davis had been attempting to let the snake, which was alive when the incident began, crawl into File's residence. File's father, whose name was not available, saw the snake approaching the front of the residence, stepped on it and beat it to death with a piece of wood. Police said Davis, who had been drinking, became angry and pushed the elder File.

Michael File told Davis to leave the property, whereupon Davis picked up the snake, twirled it over his head and assaulted Michael File with it, police said. The Files then went into the house.

Several minutes later, police said, Davis entered the File house and attempted to assault File's father. Michael File is said to have come out of his bedroom, grabbed a baseball bat, and hit Davis over the head with it several times.

continued...”

“Did this happen in New Jersey?”

“That guy Davis has one psycho neighbor. I'd hit him with a baseball bat too!”

“yuk...I was just notified one of my clients has been video taping me any time I go outside the building. He's evidently been doing this for months.

FREAKAZOIDS MAN FREAKAZOIDS! I'm a prisoner in my own office...”

“what were they doing that for?”

“Just a suggestion: If he has cameras on his shoes, don't wear skirts.”

“I work at a disabled adult housing site. This person has a few diagnosis..and I'm not real tickled 'bout it. He's most certainly not doing a documentary on social worker's.”

“these tapes on e-bay yet?”

“DAMN Carlette...that's a lil weird. Can't u do anything about that? How did you find out? Did he tell u? or what?”

“I guess it depends on the guys condition huh?”

“I'm not worried he'll "get me" he's in a scooter and can't really leave his residence often......but its gross to think what he may be doing with tapes while he drinks malt liquor at home.”