Backpacker's War

“It seems to me this upcoming war against terrorism is going to be fought by American backpackers. Cruise missiles and aerial assaults will not flush terrorist from their holes. Our enemy is fast, light, operates at high altitude and lives off the land. The enemy will force us to meet him ?off the grid.?

My shipmates back in the Navy would have been useless in this war. But many of the personalities frequenting this site have characteristics our soldiers will need to win.

Anybody up for a death-march troll for bin Laden?”

“Backpacker's Jihad?

Does this mean I have to change my name to Humanpackcamel?”

“Leave the camel-packin' to those most qualified!

If those wackos are going to live off the land, I hope they like to eat rocks!

Yes indeed!
To fight in Afganistan one would have to be mountain humper!”

“heh.. from what I have seen of Afghanistan's border area, it would TAKE a select group of backpackers to do any good infiltrating them..

:)

Kewl.. maybe a new ECT in the works?”

“Anyone trying to invade that country will have a can of whoop @ss opened on them. It happened to two super powers and it looks like they want to collect all three to have the complete set. The rugged natural terrain makes it ideal for defensive fighting to the already warlike natives. It would be an war of attrition where I'm not sure we can afford to take the losses. Quick surgical strikes with special forces and then getting them out again just as quickly sounds more plausable.

The Afgani's are natural born mountain backpackers.”

“That's what I have heard, GS.. I was watching the news last night, and they were explaining that.

Historically, NO one has ever invaded Afghanistan and won.. (with the exception of Alex the Great a couple thousand yrs ago)”

“That's it! The whole TT gang should invade Afghanistan. Pack your dogs, fishing poles, llamas, gear, all your physical and emotional baggage, and just drop in bin Laden's camp. We could ask where the best campsites are, start discussions and arguments, bug him to take group pictures. He'd probably hang himself or run screaming into the mountains.”

“Sounds like a plan!”

“Where do I sign??”

“The sexual life of the camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to bugger the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior orifice,
Is blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And Sphinx's inscrutable smile.”

“If the Afghanis are already so good at mountain humping, heaven forbid we let any of our high-tech bping gear fall into their hands. It's too late to get the Stinger missles back, but let's hold the line on Capilene underwear and Pocket Rocket stoves and Gore-Tex bivy bags. So make sure you carefully screen those folks trying to buy your used gear over the Internet.”

“uh, the Afghanis are good at STARVING pekka. Lizs's 'Freedom Fighter Massoud Dead' thread details exactly what a war on Afghanistan entails..”

“pekka, on that same theory, we may find out Bin Laden has been ordering gear from REI for the past year. At this point, I wouldn't find it hard to believe.”

“TIC, Biz, TIC. Although, the terrorists did have credit cards, hmmm.”

“LH, believe this: That @#!?**# was short selling in various markets around the world in the days leading up to the attack. he made a bundle, probably on airline stock.”

“Ways to flush those buggers out;

Round up the womens and dress them in tank tops and hip-huggers(their "men" will ALL be hiding in the hills, so this should not be too difficult)

Set up big outdoor weenie-roasts with a complete selection of pork products and feed their kids and womens.

Teach the kids and womens to dance the macarena(sp).

The moo-jar-head-een will loose their fookin' minds at the thought of all this devilment and come sweeping out of their hiding places at which point they will be easily shot down.”

“Don't forget to introduce them to NASCAR.”

“Rather.”

“Dan?”

“Give them the XFL! God, I miss those cheerleeders!”

“Tom Terrific, "dance the macarena", that's a good one, lol. We could get Playboy to do a pictorial of "Women of the Middle East".

Aero, it's said that Bin Ladin had insurance on the World Trade Center.”

“Ain't off-shore banking wonderful? That's where this war should be fought. Follow the money...”

“The FBI was reportedly investigating short selling of the stocks in three reinsurance firms with stakes in the WTC in the days before the attacks. The companies stocks had dropped something like 15% in the week before the attack. It seemed odd because the businesses were healthy and had recieved favorable reports.”

“No, not Dan. I gotta work on that pronunciation... 'rah-THER'.”

“I wonder what regular day to day crime is like in thew USA now. Seems people around the country have gotten friendlier toward each other since the WTC thing.

Is crime down here?”

“I also wonder if Spam's buisness has picked up being an Army Recruter.”

“Please...One question at a time!”

“People have been real gentle towards each other lately. I guess everyone is doing alot of reflection. Sorta like the mood at a funeral. Hope it lasts.


I do hear someone is itching for a fight on the 'temper' thread though.”

“If ever I'm in Afghanistan, I'll give a lucky local $3 to hump my pack up the hills...since they're such good climbers...equal employment opportunities, you know.”

“A Soviet veteran describes the extreme difficulties of combat in Afghanistan:

Soviet experience in Afghanistan”

“After reading up on Afghanistan yesterday I'm thinking that sending gear may be more effective than bombs.

The average Afghani get about $800/year to spend.

They don't know what they're missing because its against the law to own a television.

All the people with money and intellect left years ago because they knew war isn't ever holy.

They don't have any synthetic high-tech clothing in the pictures I've seen.

Materialism is probably the answer. Once they build up REI dividend points and watch some t.v. the battle will be over!”

“Someone was just telling me of the Arabs great hatred of pork.

I think we could use this to our advantage! I heard an only half-jesting torture plan for bin Laden that sounded pretty good with some ingenious uses of pork!!

Stick it to'em where it hurts! Jihad, my eye! Pork, it's the "other white meat." Up yours.”

“Put the pork to 'em!

Ever heard of a "fuel/air" bomb?
Weeeeellllll, how's about a LARD/AIR bomb?

It might have the same effect on those mundafentalists as water had on the Wicked Witch of the West~@%^>”

“"I love the smell of hogfat in the morning..."

(and remember their big hit "I'm A Fool For The City")

*That's* why I need a teflon-coated titanium frypan.”

“How tough could a guy who wears a dress be, for cryin' out loud?

”

“Tough enough to abuse women......and shag goats and camels.”

“I watched CNN today and they gave the layout of Afghanistan in 3D. It was pretty cool. But, the "commentator" was pointing out how tough this was going to be for our troops to get in there. One of his points was that Kabul was 6,000 ft elevation. I thought to myself, "Damn, I know people on this board that could climb that backwards!" Does everyone forget that we have our share of tasty elevations? I hate it when the media plays this up as some "mission impossible". We have the best trained troops in the world! Maybe we'll have to back to using horses to fight this one, but either way, we're gonna kick some A$$$$$.....”

“did someone call my name?”

“no.”

“I`d leave American troops out of it.Remember Iran.... Big mess.I love you Americans.. You have awsome equipment...Your troops just aren`t trained right...Remember the death toll by American friendly fire in Operation desert storm ... Send in Israeli special forces or the British SAS ....there some of the very best trained in the world. I`m not trying to put you down ... I think a lot of the USA.. I`ve just trained along side some of your troops and your regular Marine Corp has cosistently been shown up by Canadian armed forces reserve men.

If they do send in American troops... send in your Navy Seals or Green Beret...convential warfare training won`t win this one.”

“I would say that beyond a doubt that Afghani troops are the best trained to fight in Afghanistan. Our troops the best trained, hmmm, how about best equipped.”

“Walrus, you'd better hope that some of us ignore your post! It's a good thing Hyper has school tonight. :o)”

“Now I know the world is coming to an end. The Marines bested by the Cannuks??!?!?!
I'd better run for the hills......”

“Walrus, what was the "test" that pitted Marines against the Canadians? The average American youngster who joins up just doesn't get much opportunity to assault such fixed positions as beaver lodges and log jams, LOL.

Just kidding. In WWII, when the Special Service Force 1 was formed (the Devil's Brigade became its nickname), the Canadians were brought in because of their background in working in severe winter conditions, since the brigade's initial objective was fighting in Norway.”

“Its nice and patriotic to say that the U.S. has the best trained troops in the world.
I think its more accurate to say that the U.S. spends more money on defense than anyone else though.

Don't forget that for all the best intentions....yeah, right......the Pentagon is primarily a money spending machine.

A friend of mine was with the Marines "fighting" the Norwegians in a bit of winter "warfare".
The Norskies did prevail.
This was during the '80s during Ronzo Reagan's much vaunted "defense build-up"----more like a spend-up.

I do not intend to put down our soldiers.
After all they only do as they are told.......by who ever is in charge......with what they are given to do it with.

Why don't we turn the Japanese loose on them?
Anybody care to tangle with those dudes?
I'm sure there are plenty of Japanese boys who would voluteer for a fight......any fight!”

“For every American soldier killed in WWII, there were TEN Japanese soldiers killed. For an interesting post-modern retrospective on the Pacific War, try reading "Goodbye Darkness" by William Manchester. The book is an autobiographical account of the fighting on the islands, written as he returned thrity years after the war to tour the islands that he fought on. A great read, as it provides an eye-witness account of the Pacific War without the "rah-rah" taint so common to other books of the same genre.”

“Canadians troops are very well trained soldiers. Too bad they don't have anything to fight with. I hear that the Swiss and Swedish troops are also very good.”

“What we displayed during Desert Storm showed what we can do. We adapted to the area and situation very quickly. At that time, people said that we would have a real tough time against the Republican Guard and they were mopped up in days. Ths is a different war, no doubt. I think that the government is preparing for the worst case, which should be done. Our country does not like the fact of losing troops. It's a very uneasy feeling, even in a good cause. I really feel that we wouldn't send our troops into a meat grinder (said with Arnold voice from Preditor)”

“Pekka - you gotta remember those aren`t just any ole beaver damns! There Canadian beaver damns,your american teenagers wouldn`t have a chance. You also gotta watch out for our imported beavers,there from Scotland ,and you know how the scots love their caber tossing.Why last year at Lady Evelyn Smooth water,I saw a six foot Scotch beaver ( I knew he was scottish by his kilt) toss a 50 foot white pine 600 yards to his lodge.... I say bring on your boys!!!

You Yanks are great.Have a great day Eh .”

“Gearslut - you forgot we have backbacon.Have you ever been hit by a slab of back bacon.I mean we`re talking serious pain here.And if it really gets rough we can throw hockey pucks at them...Now we`re talking nasty!!
Hey I spent 3 years in the Canadian Army and I can throw a mean water balloon.I can soak you with a water ballon from 300 meters.... so you all better be nice.Besides I have me a pet beaver and I`ll sick him on yah.”