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The Trolls's New ThreadsView MessagesViewing posts 1 to 17 of 17 messages posted.
The Trolls's New Threads “ The Trolls's New Threadsby Hans Christian Violin Once upon a time there lived a vain troll whose only worry in life was to elicit emotionally charged responses from people. He changed topics almost every hour and loved to tick-off his people. Word of the Troll's pretentious habits spread over his kingdom and beyond. Two scoundrels who had heard of the Troll's mind games decided to join in his psychotic wars. They introduced themselves at the gates of the palace with a scheme in mind. "We are two very good provocateurs and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to weave a thread so believable that it looks legitimate. As a matter of fact it is legitimate to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its troll-quality." The chief of the guards heard the scoundrel's strange story and sent for the court chamberlain. The chamberlain notified the web master, who ran to the Troll and disclosed the incredible news. The Troll's curiosity got the better of him and he decided to see the two scoundrels. "Besides being divisive, your Highness, these threads will be on topics created especially for you." The Troll gave the two men a bunch of new gear in exchange for their promise to begin working on the threads immediately. "Just tell us what you need to get started and we'll give it to you." The two scoundrels asked for a handle and a password and then pretended to begin working. The Troll thought he had spent his gear money quite well; in addition to getting a new extraordinary flame war, he would discover which of his subjects were ignorant and incompetent. A few days later, he called the old and wise web master, who was considered by everyone as a man with common sense. "Go and see how the work is proceeding," the Troll told him, "and come back to let me know." The web master was welcomed by the two scoundrels. "We're almost finished, but we need a lot more lightweight gear. Here, Excellency! Admire the provocative nature of these topics!" The old man bent over the monitor and tried to see the thread that was not there. He felt cold sweat on his forehead. "I can't see anything," he thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm stupid! Or, worse, incompetent!" If the web master admitted that he didn't see anything, he would be discharged from his office. "What a marvelous thread, he said then. "I'll certainly tell the Troll." The two scoundrels rubbed their hands gleefully. They had almost made it. More gear was requested to finish the work. Finally, the Troll received the announcement that the two spammers had come to take all the emotions needed to create his new threads. "Come in," the Troll ordered. Even as they bowed, the two scoundrels pretended to be holding a large quantity of thread topics. "Here it is your Highness, the result of our labor," the scoundrels said. "We have worked night and day but, at last, the most elaborate trolling posts in the world are ready for you. Look at the topics and see how inflammatory they are." Of course the Troll did not see any topics and could not relate to the emotions that they were designed to elicit. He panicked and felt like fainting. But luckily the throne was right behind him and he sat down. But when he realized that no one could know that he did not see the topics, he felt better. Nobody could find out he was stupid and incompetent. And the Troll didn't know that everybody else around him thought and did the very same thing. The farce continued as the two scoundrels had foreseen it. Once they had taken the gear, the two began keystroking the air with keyboards while creating an invisible thread. "Your Highness, you'll have to take off your topics to try on your new ones." The two scoundrels draped the new threads on him and then held up a monitor. The Troll was embarrassed but since none of his bystanders were, he felt relieved. "Yes, this is a beautiful thread and it will look very good on Trail Talk," the Troll said trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job." "Your Majesty," the web master said, "we have a request for you. The people have found out about this extraordinary thread and they are anxious to see your new topics." The Troll was doubtful about showing these topics to the people, but then he abandoned his fears. After all, no one would know about it except the ignorant and the incompetent. "All right," he said. "I will grant the people this privilege." He summoned his computer and the ceremonial posting was formed. A group of dignitaries walked at the very front of the procession and anxiously scrutinized the faces of the people in cyber-space. All the people had gathered in Trail Talk Today, pushing and shoving to get a better look. An applause welcomed the regal procession. Everyone wanted to know how stupid or incompetent his or her neighbor was but, as the Troll passed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd. Everyone said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the Troll's new threads. They're incendiary!" "What a freakin? commie!" "And the rantings! The rantings of that psychologically disturbed maniac! I have never seen anything like it in my life." They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see the threads, and since nobody was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence, they all behaved as the two scoundrels had predicted. A child, however, who had no important job and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the monitor. "The Troll is naked," he said. "Fool!" his father reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed his child and took him away. But the boy's remark, which had been heard by the bystanders, was repeated over and over again until everyone cried: "The boy is right! The Troll is naked! It's true!" The Troll realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He thought it better to continue posting under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see through his threads was either stupid or incompetent. And he stood stiffly at his computer, while behind him a page held his imaginary mantle.” 2:23:48 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “AWESOME!! you are good at this.. do you write for a living?” 2:31:12 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “Jeeze, this thread makes you a troll with too much time on his hands.” 2:32:03 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “I wanna see a naked troll Ü” 2:35:02 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “eWww.. Biz.. trolls are green and smelly.. with warts and thick rough skin.. imagine a turtle without a shell.” 2:42:15 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “Nice job Violin.” 3:01:38 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “Violin, you are one excellent thread-startin', story-weavin', tech head maniac. Good job.” 3:10:01 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads 3:21:51 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “LOL!!.. Aero!!..” 3:30:54 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “That was great vilolin!” 4:19:03 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “Nice story. I was once a TT regular but now I am a Troll. I don?t exactly know how it happened. I guess it was this darn job I got one day. They chained me to a desk & made me work all day? ?I am an American I told? them. ?I thought we were all supposed to be fat and Lazy.? Outraged by that comment my owners terrorized me with the threat of unspeakable horrors. They threatened my family with starvation, disease & the prospect of losing shelter & security. My family is safe now, food on the table roof overhead But at what cost? I have become a troll, lurking is the shadows of the web.” 4:38:48 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “So, the invisible threads and invisible posts really are empty? I assume you did that through judicious use of search and replace?” 7:02:49 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “Think Matt won't mind being described as old, naked and blind?” 9:57:40 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “I enjoyed your story too Violin!” 10:40:11 PM 9/27/01 RE: The Trolls's New Threads “I dunno, Violin...I may be just imagining it...but I could swear I've heard this story somewhere before... But I must say it was well-plagiarized. ;-)” 9:04:21 AM 9/28/01 10:37:44 AM 5/25/05 “  ”10:38:41 AM 5/25/05
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