The Case of the Missing Newgirl

“I pulled my collar up against the cold, October evening as I waited. Dinner was a stale tuna salad sandwich from the campus diner. Somewhere in the failing light I heard the distinctive "clop-clop-clop" of a pair of well-worn hiking boots on a concrete sidewalk. I looked up from the past-it's prime tuna and there she was- a long drink of water on a hot day. She had deep, brown eyes that even a Boy Scout with a new compass could get lost in. She stopped directly in front of me, her gaze drifting downward towards my wilted lettuce.

"You Aero?" she asked.

"Who wants to know?" I replied.

She was a classy dame with the cool detachment of a backpacker on the fourth day of a five-day trip and the soft skin of someone who knew their way around a hot pool. If my hunch was correct, it might be the girl on everyone's mind, Newgirl.

"So, what can I do for you?" I asked knowingly.

"You need to help me. They don't believe me!" she said with a shake of her soft brown hair.

"They?" I asked.

"They, them, the Trail talk regulars!" she said with a hint of exasperation. "They just don't think I'm real! I'm newgirl!"

She looked real enough to me. I tried my best to straighten up my sandwich and gave her a sideways look.

"How do I know you're who you say you are? Mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"No, of course not!' she shot back.

"OK, here goes. Who's Buddha Bear?" I fired at her.

"Strange juxtaposition of peaceful prophet and saber-rattling hawk." she answered without missing a beat.

Hmmmmm. I had to think.

"Bacpac".

"Saber-ratting hawk", she replied.

"Nigal." I thought I had her.

"Beer-guzzling buffoon, but lovable!"

This dame was sharp as a tack, and as deadly. She had them pegged, but I wasn't convinced. I had to think of a tough one. Just then it hit me!

"Who's Radaghast?" I knew I had her!

"Who isn't?" she said with her eyes melted my mayonnaise.

That clinched it. She could only be Newgirl.

"OK, suppose you are newgirl. How am I going to prove it?" I was stumped.

"You'll have to take a picture." she pleaded. "But I'm afraid of all the wackos out there."
"Look sister, if we were all afraid of wackos, we'd stay at home reading paper backs and spending time with our families. But why me?"

"Because you're Aero, the most honorable man I know of, besides Phil!"

"Ya got that right, Doll." I agreed.

"OK, I got a plan, see. I'll take a picture of your mug and plaster it all over the Internet. That way they'll all know it's you." I offered.

"No!" she pleaded, "not the Internet!"

"I got a better idea. I'll just post it on Trail Talk. No one ever takes that rag seriously."

"Well, OK", she agreed. "But will they believe it?"

"Trust me, Doll. I know what I'm doing."”

“NOOOOO! Newgirl's that guy on Home Improvement!”

“That's Aero in drag!!! You can't fool us!!!
Nice pic, new.”

“Oh my Gawd!!! Aero--toooo funny!”

“LOL. I believed in her the whole time.”

“Aero, nevermind my e-mail! You da' man! This is frickin' hilarious!!!!!! Okay, who wants to give me the first apology? Kidding! You guys are forgiven for your doubting!”

“I keep mentally superimposing her old signoff over the top of the picture.”

“Way to go newgirl! Areo your my hero!

Question is it real folks?”

“Lol Aero. Hey newgirl are you smiling?”

“Hey guys, she's the real deal! Classy lady!”

“Is it real? I can't read the name and date of the newspaper. Is it the Billings Gazette?”

“Hey Antrax headlines can't be more current!”

“Or it could have been take a couple of days ago.”

“So it's safe to assume sense she is holding up today's paper you have taken her hostage?

See newgirl, ya should have packed the fletchit rounds like I told ya!”

“Welcome aboard newgirl!”

“I'm not smiling, I'm laughing my ass off. Ladies you should all know that Aero's picture was not just an exceptional one. He's an official hottie! Mrs. Aero is very lucky!”

“Fer cryin' out loud it was today! My camera is still warm!”

“Hes married? Now sad I was hoping that we would have some TT romance happenin between you two!”

“I met to say how sad not now sad!”

“Can't help but pull yer chain.”

“No TT romance here, but he is a super nice guy.”

“Well, it was a tough day at the office. I'm going to bed! 'night Newgirl. It was a pleasure to meet you!”

“Good night Aero! Nice meetin' you! Thanks!”

“Newgirl ain't zackly ugly either!”

“That was great!

Aero - you stepped up to the plate and hit a grand slam home run in the bottom of the ninth!

newgirl - I love your pic! It would make a great thumbnail.”

“Kinda like Wilson on Home Improvement.”

“Alittle paranoid aren't we!!!!! Your pic stills offers more than you think to any wannabe net stalker.”

“Go ahead and do whatever Phil, I mean if you can post that on to your page it's fine by me. Thanks Nigal. I might just post something more revealing (of my face) soon.”

“Oh, and look, she has boots on and there is a backpack in the picture with her. As we all know if there is a backpack in the picture that makes one a bone-E-fied backpacker! I guess the non backpacking rumors are dispelled as well.”

“Well, I guess I took my chances Briar! We did the "wilson" thing on purpose. Personally I think it is very funny.”

“Yeah, just ask Lizs. She is certified!”

“Clever. Were you in on Aero's gumshoe story, too or was that his creation?”

“newgirl - OK.”

“Yes it is , but I think a dippled smiled would look better "Ms. Wilson."

I'm just glad you're not one of Rad's alter ego's!!!!”

“lol Aero, that was great!

BTW - Rad, you are hot!”

“Like I posted on your gear winners thread Nigal. I have boots, some packin' clothes (which I am obviously not wearing in this photo), and a day pack. It is also my pack for school. I am a single mother going to college. I don't got a money tree in the backyard for all sorts of gear. I'm working on it though.”

“Newgirl is a Babe. Hmmm, and she can read too!”

“The gumshoe story was his own creation. I think it is an awesome creation. The sandwich stuff is killin' me! Buddha, rad and I just knew you would love us! HaHaHa!”

“Nah... she's still not real. It's just another mass hallucination. Call Wild Kingdom. They're going to have to dart the whole herd.”

“Thanks Tilt. The herd comment is esp. sweet.”

“*G*”

“Hey, Nige and Dunadan.......yeah, she must be a certified backpacker, for sure!!

Welcome newgirl. 'bout time. *smirk* hehehee”

“hey lizs”

“Nice pose Newgirl...so are you a blond or a dirty-blond? hee hee”

“Wow, newgirl. Leather and Levis. I think I'm in love.

Good job Aero.”

“Aero deserves the Pulitzer!!!”

“Definitely doable.”

“i had a great time, aero! you're such a stud!”

“Aero, that was priceless! Great picture, Aero and Newgirl! Now, can you change your name to something proud and powerful, please?”

“"The gumshoe story was his own creation"

This is good news and bad news for me. It means newgirl doesn't think I'm a beer guzzling bafoon but it DOES mean that Aero thinks I'm "loveable"...[as Nigal presses his back to a wall]

LOL!”