A new, even scarier, threat!

“FALLON, Nev. (AP) ? A 59-year-old man who received a suspicious letter with amorous writings and women?s lace panties turned it over to sheriff?s deputies, who stored it in a biohazard barrel before determining that it didn?t come from a terrorist.

?It was from a secret admirer,? Churchill County Sheriff Bill Lawry said. ?We returned the letter and the underwear.?

The Fallon man said he became concerned about the threat of anthrax contamination because the unsigned letter was mailed from Reno in a yellow envelope with no return address.

Neatly printed on two pages, the sexually suggestive message and black thong panties arrived Thursday.

?It just about blew my socks off,? said the man, speaking on the condition he not be named. He said he had lived in the rural
community only since September and few people had his address.

The man said he was worried about anthrax exposure because he sniffed the contents to determine if perfume was present.

?I don?t know of anybody who would do this, and I have no explanation for it. I feel kind of silly,? he said.

The woman who made the overture notified the sheriff on Monday when she learned that the letter had been turned over for investigation. She told authorities she was romantically interested.”

“so, the meeting was really just so that you could return newgirl's underwear?”

“LOL rad, I think we need to have a little talk with Tahoe, however.”

“No, silly rad, it was so he could get a hand writing sample in order to match up the handwritten address.”

“OH!”

“Pity the poor lady who had her panties classified as a biohazard.”

“"that girl is pois-ooooonnn"”

“My wife routinely puts my underwear in a biohazard barrel.”

“Now, we are down to typing word for word from newpapers to amuse ourselves.
Aero: you still haven't given us the blow to blow happening when you meet newgirl??
Leaves us wondering....”

“"blow to blow"?? ;-)”

“Most of the folks in Fallon are inbred, it was probably his sisters, or aunts undies. LOL.
I will keep an eye on the mail though. If something like that came to my house, my wife would shoot me dead.”

“Icegirl- It was too good not to share, plus I'm easily amused! BTW I cut and pasted it! (along w/ the AP byline) I burned out my 2 typing fingers last night writing up our meeting report.

"The Case of the Missing Newgirl" thread about sums up our meeting. We had a really nice chat, shared some family pictures and even talked about backpacking!

Hey, watch out! I'm going to be in Bellingham the first Sat. in November! It's your big chance to make it to Phil's page :>)”

“"I just want to remind you that you are in direct competition with Chicago, which so far has produced the highest yield of female underclothes of any place in the United States. Oh, here's one, thank you very much. Chicago, if you'll recall, was the town in which we received the very famous Voodoo Butter Underpants . . . heh, heh . . . the pants that nearly broke Tommy Mars' neck. As soon as he took a whiff of those, his head went back this far, and he was heard to mutter 'Jeezus'. So, we don't care what kind of condition they're in. "

FZ”

“Whoa!! Two words I don't like to hear together: Butter and Underpants”

“YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, THANKS A LOT AERO!”

“no no no no ... the Jazz Discharge Party Hats!”

“Tilt!!! Thats too funny. I'd never heard (or read) the tale. I'll paste it here. Thanks. (Matt is gonna have a fit!)


Once upon a time
It was in Albuquerque, New Mexico
There were these girls that worked at the college
The were really cool...
(They thought so anyway)
The would be delighted to tell you how suave they where
At the drop of a hat

There was three of 'em:
One of them thought she was a Beauty Queen...
The other one was a Walking Blxx-Job
And then there was this skinny girl...

Oh well...
Some of the guys in the band got together
With the girls from the college
They were having a good time...
(We were in Alburquerque for a couple of days)
But these girls thought they were Hot Schit
'N wouldn't pooch the guys in the band
On the first day, so...
A couple of the guys in the band
Who were desparate for THAT KIND OF ACTION
Kept workin' on 'em for two days
(Which is a waste of fiickin' time anyway...)
So, anyway...
But if that's your idea of a good time, what the hey?

Send those pants up here!
Here's some more!
Okay, good-good!
Traditional cotton...oh, how sweet!
Umf...huh-huh-huh-huhhh...
HERE! Work these!

Anyway...
We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico...
A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go nameless
Because their girlfriends might find out
Decided they were gonna work the wall on these girls
From the college
So, one night...it was the first night
When they were still trying to 'get it in there'
(Ya know what I mean? Huh-huh-huh-huh...)
The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the band
She says, well, to several of the guys in the band
And one of the T-shirt guys too...
"HEY! LET'S GO SKINNY-DIPPING!"
At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotel
That's right, your heard right,
Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel...
It was so fun...
But the water was very, very cold!
So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny
'N' probably totally insensitive to climatic changes
Took all of her garments off and she jumped in the pool
And she says, "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!"
Well, one of them did...
The other one was too smart for that schit
So him and the T-shirt guy say by the edge of the pool
And when the girl who was really skinny
(And insensitive to climatic changes)
Took off her clothes and jumped in the pool
She threw her pants over there by the little table

Well, one of the guys in the band picked up her panties
(He told me later the stuff in the bottom
Was like punching an eclair...)
Anyhow...there was nothing else to do...
It was Alburquerque, New Mexico
It's two o'clock in the morning...
They're not going to get any noooky anyway...
So this one guy and the T-shirt guy
Started sniffing the girl's panties...
They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue...
Sniffing every 'thing' that adhered to these
Delightful little morsels
(Some of you might think this is weird...
No wonder. It's not exactly normal, but
What the fiick?)
So, they're snorting it...
(Hey! It's the twentieth century...
Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it,
So long as it doesn't cause a murder...)

So they're snorting the pants
'N' then they put them on their heads...
They were having a good time...
The girl was in the water...she didn't even see
What was going on with her underpants...
They were wearing the pants
It looked just like a tiny little party hat...
Their ears were sticking out the side...it was so fun
Later on they discovered,
This would make a great way of life for them...
They would go from town to town, looking for panties
They would take the panties after they were hung up
On the clothes line
Later on they would take 'em back in the dressing room
They would play with them...
They would fetish the underpants...
They would snort every little morsel attached
To the underpants...and then...they would feel that
They were FULFILLED

And so you can see,
That what we're doing here on stage
Is part of a Great American Tradition
The tradition of the
JAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY HATS

Frank Z.”

“Man, Matt's little nanny guard is a pain in the a$$. It took about seventeen attempts to post that FZ poem.
Its ART, MATT.”

“I was thinking that the way to make anthrax deadly was to put in something people would sniff...”

“For Sure Ped!

Flyguy, I can't think of Albuquerque without thinking of that song. Slays me Every Time!

(So long as it doesn't cause a murder...)”

“I just mailed a dozen pair of boxers to every single girl who regularly posts on TT. Biz, ya might not want to check your mail.”

“It's OK as long as you don't inhale anything. Maybe you'll start a really different (and kind of disturbing) form of chain mail.”

“Well, there's chain mail, then there's chain mail...”

“or even chain mail!

(dur)”