The Answer For Our Armed Forces

“Please note: These are not my words. This is a forwarded email.

Please do not heap burning coals upon my head.
======================


Here's the answer for the Armed Forces!

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna; drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already.

And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events... finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in anew government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ...with or without the government's help!

Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!”

“TD, I have come to the conclusion that you are a glutton for punishment. I can't wait to see the storm brew up on this one.”

“One more thing to consider is the alignment of the battalion's menstrual periods. When they go into battle, they will all be PMSing at the same time. Not only will they be ferocious, but they consume every bit of chocolate in the entire country.”

“HEY.. it's been boring.. nothing like a little controversy to stir us all up.

:)

'sides.. it's Friday.. I'm about due.”

“I don't agree TDawggy, everyone knows that men are stronger than women, so even an angry woman doesn't have a chance against a man. Furthermore, an angry woman is even more irrational than a calm one (if that's possible), making her a much easier target.

(this might get me #1 :))”

“Between PMS, post MS, and during MS a woman only has about 15 good minutes per month.






I told that to my wife once and she replied

"That's true. And it ain't tonight."”

“My former boss claimed his wife had CMS.

Constant Menstrual Syndrome.”

“Yes, Buddha Bear, men are so strong, especially mentally. That's why they have to start threads proclaiming that they don't need viagra.”

“Can you say pen!s envy? Sorry mapper try again.”

“Heck I?m not gonna bust yer onions TD. Your cut and paste article is about as sensible as solitary Hiker?s dribble.”

“Nigal:.. hehe.. this girl in ST L sent it to me.. I thought it was worth a chuckle..”

“Great idea! How many men do you know who are not frightened of an angry, menopausal woman? Plus, you could sell it as the ultimate fitness plan - round-the-clock exercise, sparse rations, and chilly climate to combat those hot flashes.”

“They need a name..

'The Beeyatch Brigade'?

'Granny Ghurkas'?

'Company B'?”

“N.O.W.?”

“D(elta) Cup Force”

“PMS Platoon?.....
C Company (fill in the blank, but I won't say it)

The 69th.”

“You guys are good.”

“Chili, the D(elta) Cup Force? Your giving Hasselhoff your best new show ideas for free. He'll jump at this idea for a Baywatch replacement.”

“Hey, only LyndyS responded...the other ladies must be embarrassed about PMS (Punish Men Syndrome).”

“I used to work in an office of only women, no men. Most of us were late thirties to early fifties. We joked a lot about pre-menopause, but to be honest, for some women, the symptoms are so exxagerated that they are devastating. One woman had to be temporarily institutionalized for her family's safety. So for some people, this joke may not seem funny.”

“Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...”

“My mother in-law says she doesn't get hot flashes, but rather, she gets "power surges".”