Something Original

“With all the plagiarizing going on around here I felt it was time for something fresh and original. With all the cut and paste stuff going on I felt the bar had been lowered sufficiently for me to post a personal trip report. What the hay, right?

East Fork Perimeter Expedition 2001
or
The "Hell yeah man!" Hike

Time and Date: Friday November 2nd.
The players: Nigal and his faithful sidekick Mike: AKA Larry: AKA Larwy.
The Place: East Fork Lake via Cincinnati, Ohio

12:30 Pm
It was one of those rains that never stops but, at the same time it never really gets going too well. Yes, it was a spitter day. Rain was periodically spitting all day only broken up by the occasional outbreak of a true rain. In every sense of the word...it sucked. It never fails. Every stinkin' time I go out hiking with Mike it rains. Hell, I have farmers call me during the dry season and ask, "Hey, Nigal, When you and Mike going hikin' again? Boy we sure could use the rain.". So it came as no surprise that it was raining this day as we pulled into the south trailhead parking lot at East Fork Lake's backcountry perimeter trail. In Ohio 'backcountry' means hikers and HORSES are allowed on the trail.

With the rain steadily spitting we got our gear out of the back of the Jeep. As we were preparing we heard in the near distance a female voice exclaiming a triumphant, "Hell yeah!". We turned to see a wet young man with a dog on a leash following a wet young woman with dirty blond hair, very busty (but in a bad way), eyes as red as a fire truck and obviously had no bra on (again, but in a bad way). They were walking from the mountain bike trail (?) and she exclaims again, "Hell yeah!" as if they just returned from base camp on Everest after a successful summit bid.

She saw us with our backpacks on and made a B-line for us. She never introduced herself by name but it was obvious her initials were THC.
She starts right in with, "Hell yeah man, you guys going out there?"

Mike being the more outgoing of the two answered "Yeah.". I was still flabbergasted that a girl this large didn't know what a bra was.

She starts right back in with, "Hell yeah man! That's cool. You guys got tents?"

Mike tells her that we have tarps instead of tents and of course her reply is, "Hell yeah man! We saw this tree that was bent down over the trail and it was beautiful man. That would be a great place to set up a tarp. It wasn't too far in though." (We found it about 500 from the parking lot)

Larry tries to speak to which she replied, "Hell yeah man! It's great out here man. I was just tellin' him (boyfriend who is now waiting at the door of their car looking like he wants to be anywhere but where this chick is talking to others) that we want to come and live out here for ever man. Yeah man, if it wasn't for weather we'd just live in there for ever man. Aw shit man, where'd the dog go?" The dog was in the car with the boyfriend now and she got the clue it was time for her to get in too. "OK, well have a great time man!"

This short chance meeting was all the humor fodder Mike needed to keep us both in stitches all weekend long. Mike's alter ego is "Larry" (pronounced Larwy) and you never know when he's going to slip into Larry mode in order to get a laugh. I think he spends as much time in Larry mode as he does Mike mode as he is the proverbial clown. Most of the trip was spent with me asking him things as simple as, "Hey Mike, you want to go this way instead?" and every time the reply would be Larry yelling, "Hell yeah man! That's beautiful man!". Every time we would pass by a tree laying over the trail he'd turn into Larry and start talking about how we could put our tarps over these beautiful trees and just stay out here forever, except for the weather, and food, and money, and dope, and work, and...

We were going to need the humor too. The rain spit all day long. As soon as we would collapse our umbrellas it would start again. While rain doesn't bother me it was different this time. The trail we were on was a circuit trail that goes all the way around East Fork Lake. It is 32 miles long and we planned on doing the whole thing. It's very doable. Very doable in DRY weather. Because it is a horse trail too this sometimes rough but very travelable trail becomes a 2' deep trench of mud and horse crap in the rain. When it wasn't a trench the wet places were 20' across because the horses always go around water rather than through it. We had to go 7 miles the first day, 19 the second, and then 6.5 out. The first day we covered the 7 miles in six hours. Son of a...the trail was so bad there was no way we were going to make it all the way around. The weather for the rest of the weekend was to be great but the trail was still going to be the same. Sh!t! We got to the first camp after dark, cold, wet, and bitching.

I told Mike (Larry was nowhere to be found in these conditions) that I didn't care what he did but I was going to spend the next day hiking back the way we came and camping at a camp about 1/2 a mile in the opposite direction from the trailhead, and then out the next morning. He became very relieved to hear this and Larry made an on the spot appearance and he said, "Hell yeah man!". The camp we were staying at was as bad as the trail. It was once a nice little pasture but was now all over grown, wet and trashy )is there anything more trashy than horse people?). We ate and hit the sack. It cleared up that night and the near full moon lit up the whole world so bright you could see everything. It was beautiful.

The next day we were in higher spirits because the sun was coming up nice and warm and we knew the rain was done for. We spent the day hiking and cracking each other up. Mike has a way of making me laugh for the dumbest reasons. He has these hiking socks that are dark gray and he has these zip off pants that when they are shorts the bottom comes past his knees and he has very white legs. When I'm not looking he'll pull these ridiculous socks all the way up to his knees and strike a GQ pose while he draws on his cigarette all manly. I always turn around and nearly piss my pants from laughing. The whole time he stays stony faced and continues posing. It kills me!

As we hiked and got closer to the trailhead we began to succumb to weakness. The weakness that will degrade the most ridged, steadfast backwoods plans. It began innocently enough with Larry asking me, "Hey Nigal, a Mountain Dew sure would taste good right now.". The next thing I know we have the plan in place that when we reach the trailhead we will run into town, get Mountain Dews, a couple good cigars and we ended up picking up some nice dry seasoned fire wood too. Sheesh, how the mighty have become weak!

We schlepped everything the 1/2 mile to the second camp site and found quite a different camp site than the first one. This one had bunk houses, a lean to shelter, and best of all a great fire ring. We set up in the lean to and started our fire while we ate dinner complete with a jar of baby gherkins I weakly picked up at the store in town. It was a perfect night around the fire. Of course Larry kept me laughing the whole time.

We got up the next morning and packed up. Packing up with Mike is quite a chore. It usually ends up me standing around with my pack on for ½ an hour making fun of Mike as he packs everything up very carefully, cleaning anything that might be dirty and making sure everything is just perfect. Of course as I make fun of Mike he turns into Larry and starts in on me, "Shut up Nigal, ya sonofabitch! I can't help it! Leave me alone!" and he?ll start shining his boots or something stupid. It's so funny. He'll be doing something asinine like wiping all the dirt off his tarp stakes so they are perfectly clean and he'll look up at me and see me smirking at him and he'll turn into Larry and yell at me, "WHAT?". "Oh, nothing." "LEAVE ME ALONE NIGAL! Sumbitch!"

We were wet and miserable, the trail sucked, the trail map is so bad it's dangerous and we were tired beyond belief from the mud but did we have fun?

?HELL YEAH MAN!?”

“All right Nigal! Way to conjure up the true spirit of TT! I was seriously worried that Spank had permanently wrecked my online haven with pointless posturing. Hell yeah man! Thanks for the laughs.”

“What a great trip report,.. I`m glad you shared that one with us,..Thanks Nigal!”

“Now that was worth reading. Nothing like local color to entertain you all weekend.
Cool report.”

“Nigal, EXCELLENT report my friend! Makes me anxious for my next trip. Got any free time soon. I got some vacation time still.........”

“Great Stuff, Nigal”

“Nigal,
I hiked that trail this summer. I remember parts of it disappering into the lake. I'm reading the book by Steve Newman (the guy the trail is named after) called World Walker. Good report I hope to hike with you sometime.”

“Nigal -

ROFLMBO!! Great report! Hell Yeah, I wanna hike with you and Larry..er, I mean Mike!

Love to see the rain didn't dampen your spirits and admire your "flexibility" with the cigars, mountain dew and pickles. Kinda like the "Cold Mountain Approach Shelter."

Sometimes those little diversive side trips MAKE the ENTIRE trip worthwhile..ya know what I mean??

Hell Yeah, Man!! Peace Out!!”

“Hell yeah man! What a weekend!!!

Say, I thought Larry was your bro, hell yeah man? the dirtbag? What gives, man?”

“Wow, I figured it was just something to start a hiking thread for. I think it?s time for you hikers to take this site back. Glad you liked it. One of the great things about Larry is that he is, how shall we say, chemically sensitive. Ya wanna get him going? Give him a few Mountain Dews and he?s off and running somewhat like a semi-mentally deficient Robin Williams. Bizarre, a little scary yet knee slappingly funny.”

“ha ha ha ha ha....
Hell yeah man!
I needed that
Thanks Nigal”

“East Fork Perimeter Expedition 2001
or
The "HECK yeah man!" Hike

Time and Date: Friday November 2nd.
The players: Pete and Walkindude:
The Place: East Fork Lake via Cincinnati, Ohio

12:30 Pm
It was one of those rains that never stops but, at
the same time it never really gets going too well.
Yes, it was a spitter day. Rain was periodically
spitting all day only broken up by the occasional
outbreak of a true rain. In every sense of the
word...it stunk. It never fails. Every stinkin' time I
go out hiking with mark it rains. Heck, I have farmers
call me during the dry season and ask, "Hey,
Pete, When you and mark going hikin' again? Boy
we sure could use the rain.". So it came as no
surprise that it was raining this day as we pulled
into the south trailhead parking lot at East Fork
Lake's backcountry perimeter trail. In Ohio
'backcountry' means hikers and HORSES are
allowed on the trail.

With the rain steadily spitting we got our gear out
of the back of the Jeep. As we were preparing we
heard in the near distance a female voice
exclaiming a triumphant, "Heck yeah!". We turned to
see a wet young man with a dog on a leash
following a wet young woman with dirty blond hair,
very busty (but in a bad way), eyes as red as a
fire truck and obviously had no bra on (again, but
in a bad way). They were walking from the
mountain bike trail (?) and she exclaims again,
"Heck yeah!" as if they just returned from base
camp on Everest after a successful summit bid.

She saw us with our backpacks on and made a
B-line for us. She never introduced herself by
name but it was obvious her initials were THC.
She starts right in with, "Heck yeah man, you guys
going out there?"

Mark being the more outgoing of the two answered
"Yeah.". I was still flabbergasted that a girl this
large didn't know what a bra was.

She starts right back in with, "Heck yeah man!
That's cool. You guys got tents?"

Mark tells her that we have tarps instead of tents
and of course her reply is, "Heck yeah man! We
saw this tree that was bent down over the trail and
it was beautiful man. That would be a great place
to set up a tarp. It wasn't too far in though." (We
found it about 500 from the parking lot)

Larry tries to speak to which she replied, "Hell
yeah man! It's great out here man. I was just tellin'
him (boyfriend who is now waiting at the door of
their car looking like he wants to be anywhere but
where this chick is talking to others) that we want
to come and live out here for ever man. Yeah man,
if it wasn't for weather we'd just live in there for
ever man. Aw shoot man, where'd the dog go?" The
dog was in the car with the boyfriend now and she
got the clue it was time for her to get in too. "OK,
well have a great time man!"

This short chance meeting was all the humor
fodder Mark needed to keep us both in stitches all
weekend long. Mike's alter ego is "Larry"
(pronounced Larwy) and you never know when
he's going to slip into Larry mode in order to get a
laugh. I think he spends as much time in Larry
mode as he does Mark mode as he is the
proverbial clown. Most of the trip was spent with
me asking him things as simple as, "Hey Mike, you
want to go this way instead?" and every time the
reply would be Larry yelling, "Hell yeah man!
That's beautiful man!". Every time we would pass
by a tree laying over the trail he'd turn into Larry
and start talking about how we could put our tarps
over these beautiful trees and just stay out here
forever, except for the weather, and food, and
money, and dope, and work, and...

We were going to need the humor too. The rain
spit all day long. As soon as we would collapse our
umbrellas it would start again. While rain doesn't
bother me it was different this time. The trail we
were on was a circuit trail that goes all the way
around East Fork Lake. It is 32 miles long and we
planned on doing the whole thing. It's very doable.
Very doable in DRY weather. Because it is a
horse trail too this sometimes rough but very
travelable trail becomes a 2' deep trench of mud
and horse crap in the rain. When it wasn't a trench
the wet places were 20' across because the
horses always go around water rather than through
it. We had to go 7 miles the first day, 19 the
second, and then 6.5 out. The first day we covered
the 7 miles in six hours. Son of a...the trail was so
bad there was no way we were going to make it all
the way around. The weather for the rest of the
weekend was to be great but the trail was still going
to be the same. Sh!t! We got to the first camp after
dark, cold, wet, and bitching.

I told Mark (Larry was nowhere to be found in
these conditions) that I didn't care what he did but
I was going to spend the next day hiking back the
way we came and camping at a camp about 1/2 a
mile in the opposite direction from the trailhead,
and then out the next morning. He became very
relieved to hear this and Larry made an on the
spot appearance and he said, "Hell yeah man!".
The camp we were staying at was as bad as the
trail. It was once a nice little pasture but was now
all over grown, wet and trashy )is there anything
more trashy than horse people?). We ate and hit
the sack. It cleared up that night and the near full
moon lit up the whole world so bright you could see
everything. It was beautiful.

The next day we were in higher spirits because the
sun was coming up nice and warm and we knew
the rain was done for. We spent the day hiking
and cracking each other up. Mark has a way of
making me laugh for the dumbest reasons. He has
these hiking socks that are dark gray and he has
these zip off pants that when they are shorts the
bottom comes past his knees and he has very
white legs. When I'm not looking he'll pull these
ridiculous socks all the way up to his knees and
strike a GQ pose while he draws on his cigarette
all manly. I always turn around and nearly piss my
pants from laughing. The whole time he stays
stony faced and continues posing. It kills me!

As we hiked and got closer to the trailhead we
began to succumb to weakness. The weakness
that will degrade the most ridged, steadfast
backwoods plans. It began innocently enough with
Larry asking me, "Hey Pete, a Mountain Dew sure
would taste good right now.". The next thing I know
we have the plan in place that when we reach the
trailhead we will run into town, get Mountain Dews,
a couple good cigars and we ended up picking up
some nice dry seasoned fire wood too. Sheesh,
how the mighty have become weak!

We schlepped everything the 1/2 mile to the
second camp site and found quite a different camp
site than the first one. This one had bunk houses,
a lean to shelter, and best of all a great fire ring.
We set up in the lean to and started our fire while
we ate dinner complete with a jar of baby gherkins
I weakly picked up at the store in town. It was a
perfect night around the fire. Of course Larry kept
me laughing the whole time.

We got up the next morning and packed up.
Packing up with Mark is quite a chore. It usually
ends up me standing around with my pack on for
½ an hour making fun of Mark as he packs
everything up very carefully, cleaning anything that
might be dirty and making sure everything is just
perfect. Of course as I make fun of Mark he turns
into Larry and starts in on me, "Shut up Pete, ya
sonofab!t@h! I can't help it! Leave me alone!" and
he?ll start shining his boots or something stupid. It's
so funny. He'll be doing something asinine like
wiping all the dirt off his tarp stakes so they are
perfectly clean and he'll look up at me and see me
smirking at him and he'll turn into Larry and yell at
me, "WHAT?". "Oh, nothing." "LEAVE ME ALONE
PETE! Sumb!t@h!"

We were wet and miserable, the trail sucked, the
trail map is so bad it's dangerous and we were
tired beyond belief from the mud but did we have
fun?

?HECK! YEAH MAN!?

Pete”

“Plagerizing again, my dear brother?? No wonder you failed English in High school!!”

“Was that TX with the dirty blond hair?”

“That was a great report, Nigal!”

“What the..? A hiking thread!!! Great trip report Nigal. LMAO! And I thought my weekend sucked!”

“LOL!!!!


and horse people ARE mighty trashy!”

“Can Trail Talk be primarily a backpacking board again?

Hell yeah man!”

“Thanks for the funny story, Nigal! LOL, you and Mike/Larry must not be coffee drinkers. Mountain Dew, indeed!”

“LMAO!! Nigal, I must have been in the wrong place last week, LOL no blondes or rain in the desert. Great report.”

“HELL! YEAH MAN!”

“Too funny Nigal.

I love these trips though. Builds character.”