Too all my friends...

“Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good
but never actually come close to reality? Well,here is a "friendship" poem
that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself!

Friend, When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge
against the sorry !$%& who made you sad.

When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain it to your
dumb ass.

When you are sick, ...stay away from me until you're well again. I don't
want whatever you have.

When you fall, ...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end.

Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!

P.S. A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a
body”

“Gee TD, you actually have friends?? LOL.”

“ROTFLMFBO!”

“Sometimes . . . when you cry . . . no one sees your tears
Sometimes . . . when you are worried . . . no one sees your pain
Sometimes . . . when you are happy . . . no one sees your smile
But fart just one time . . .”

“I assumed this was from Ice Tea...

too all my friends, indeed!”

“gGgeezz.. with friends like you guys..

:)”

“I thought this was going to be a Julio Iglesias song for a minute.

" To All the Girls I've Loved Before"”

“Just wait until I get in a AT shelter with ya.. and RIP a really good fart.. that'll fix ya.”

“Now we know the real reason the chain link is coming down--unobstructed escape! LOL!”

“gEeez.. sk.. you still at home doing NOTHING?.. dang.. how many of my tax dollars you gonna steal?”

“You're just jealous.”

“lol... jealous?.. of being a sleezeball?

naw.. not me.. i enjoy being part of the USA economy.”

“I'm still a part of the economy, they're still sending me paychecks.”

“lol.. taking out.. and not putting in.. I bet you are even getting a big fat butt.”

“I know you are, but what am I?


thpppppppppppppp!”

“heh.. well i know your phone line is busy.. how about that?”

“moocher!”

“I bet you sit around the house all day.. drink beer.. whoop your kids.. and do phone sex with unsuspecting guys..”

“thpppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“what?.. you want us to condone your absolute lack of desire to be part of the working class?”

“When at last the poet has died,
You will learn that the poet had lied.
Roses aren?t red and Violets aren?t blue,
His heart isn?t aching. He hasn?t been true.
It was all just a scam to get under your skirt
The truth was too painful he knew it would hurt
So he made up some words to calm your fears,
While he rodgered your brother and the rest of the queers.”

“Just cos you won the KY state lottery.. don't expect ME to have any sympathy for you..”

“gawd bacpac.. that was twisted..”

“Whatever.”

“exactly.. "whatever" .. the quintessential comment from someone who enjoys the good life..”

“Too mushy, huh TD?”

“With friends like these, who needs an enema?”

“LOL, Tilt!”

“The Passing of Time

With the passing of time,
I rhyme.”

“Favors I have done for a friends? Let's see:

1. lie to boyfriend about where she was (with me)
2. cart someone's drunk ass home, stay with them and/or hide keys because I know they will bolt as soon as I let them (done this way too many times..)
3. listen to sniveling about boyfriends/girlfriends/breakups
4. babysit dogs/kids (dogs are better, NEVER cats--I have to draw the line somewhere)
5. Give them my last Brach's RICH and Creamy on a long hike...
now you know you're special

Ü”

“Her name slips through my lips like a gentle kiss.
Biz...
A beautiful woman with safire passion.
Biz...
Tender touches and bold embraces.
Biz...
Never mine and alway his.
Gizz.”

“Poetry, softened, is boorish at best.
The words too pasty and lacking in zest.
Loud and brutish my words in a roar.
Turning a virgin into a whore.
Some call it art, I call it luck.
Rap a few words and the skeezers will f*ck.

The lady liked a cocktail.
And so did I.”