Father-Daughter And Sex

“Thought you would like that 'incestuous title' but I am serious for a minute about something really bothering me.

All of my daughter's friends are getting bfs, getting lots of kissing/touching/sex, and enjoying telling everyone about it.

She says she has no intention of going 'that far' - we talked about it over the holidays quite a bit - but I am still losing sleep over this.

How do you convince your daughter to wait? Or does dad just need to take a chill pill and hope for the best?”

“A recent poll of HMWH members revealed that 99% of members, during high school, were trying their very best to get as much booty as possible at all times.

Unless you want to see Miss Town dawg on the "That's My Man, and This is Our Baby" Jerry Springer Show, ya best keep her in the house until she's 25.”

“My son gets a lot of razzing because he's not looking to 'score'. He tells them that he's not a dog who'll hump just any leg. Part of it is helping them resist peer pressure. Part of it is setting a good moral example for them to follow. And a huge part is trust. Just so long as they are aware of all the reasons why underage sex is such a bad idea.”

“towndawg... think back, to when you were 14...

be afraid... be VERY afraid....”

“Lay everything out on the table and convey open discussion between. I don't see anything wrong with teen sex...it's a natural occurrance. You just have to inform and hope for the best. But what do I know...I don't have kids.”

“I agree with Rad & Buddur. Y amight want to send her to a Talibani school, then you won't have to worry about it.”

“Well to add perspective to all of this.. the girls her age are getting plenty of action.. and when their bfs are not around.. they have other ways of satisfying themselves..

What is even scarier to me, is the total lack of regard for keeping their actions private. They LUV to tell each other their conquests, and even compare notes.

(geEez Radagast.. it sounds like us GUYS when we were 14!)

Which is what I think scares me the most -- it is the girls who seem to be the PREDATORS now.”

“"some people that regularly post on the site don't even contribute to Trail Talk in any meaningful way."

So Bud Bear's HMWH threads and comments are somehow meaningful to TownDawg's question?”

“I agree with rad...be very, very afraid...

How old is your daughter?

I tried to set a good example even though I wasn't married. I didn't bring home a string of boyfriends, didn't expose my kid to partying, and we talked about sex, STDs, birth contol (also not to depend on the girl for that), and he had access to condoms. Even though teenagers know all of these things they don't believe any of them will happen to them.”

“I have the same worries TD and Abby isn't even walking yet. I mull over all the stuff in the future I have to fret about when I can't sleep.

I think that your daughter talks about sex with you is awesome! I would never ever have talked to my dad about anything remotely connected to sex or my mom for that matter.

That you talk with her openly is great. You can't make her wait unfortunately. Maybe if she seems hell bent on trying sex or has a boyfriend that seems serious you might discuss bc methods and make sure she has some. I pray that I'll never have to provide birth controll for my little girl but I'd hate even more to find my sweet daughter expecting before she's an adult.”

“We talk to our's a lot. My wife more than me. We try to keep the lines of communication open. Let her know what we consider poor choices and why. Even when she says she doesn't need to hear it, she will. We try to keep a good eye on her, even if it means invading her privacy (in retrospect, I wish my parents had done more of that to me). Above all, we let her know that even if she really messes up, we will always love her and will be there for her no matter what.”

“Wow - after what you just said TownDawg, I'd be even more afraid!

These are 14 year old girls??? Times sure have changed.

I know what ya mean Sass, I worry about my granddaughter already.”

“It's called a joke kleety. If you want to pick on my posts, go ahead.”

“It's called a joke kleety. If you want to pick on my posts, go ahead.”

“Well Sass, it happened to my sister. Maybe that's why my son is so much wiser than his friends. He's already seen some of the potential consequences first hand.”

“I have sons (13 & 15) and I do worry. I hope they wait (longer than I did) and I certainly hope they use condoms. Even more importantly, I want them to have some basic values about people (they seem to). I try to be very honest, but also to keep some of my life private. I also try to show the kind of respect for women and sexuality that I would like them to have.”

“10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter:

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering
a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age
to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and
all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your
pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order
to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the
course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric
nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know
each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other
issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information
I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need
from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay
with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is
finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My
daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer
than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing
there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil
in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen,
or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places
where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places
where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter
to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other
than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to
her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are
to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey
games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a balding, middle-aged,
dimwit. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-
knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the
truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun,
a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper
coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange
starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to
clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your
car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter
password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -
there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged
face at the window is mine.”

“This is one that scares me to death because I know what all guys are like. My oldest daughter is only 8 so I have lots of wory time. Big fence, big shotgun can't hurt. I don't intend to let mine date (like out alone) till 18. I want to make a screw up, pardon the pun, as difficult as possible.”

“Kids today are soooo stupid.

When my daughter informed me that a boy down the street liked her, I told her to ask him if he'd like to see my gun collection.

His reply? - "Cool!"

I told her I hoped she could find a smarter boy.”

“Oh yeah, and constant parental interference is key. His friends hate me. I like it just fine that way.”

“My daughter is 7, but with her outgoing personality I am already worrying about the whole "dating" scene. However, in reviewing rad's ten rules, I think that I can find some comfort in establishing these as the ground rules when the time comes.”

“Towndawg, WOW, I have alot of info. for you. I wasn't a teen when I got pregnant, but I was young and it wasn't planned. My bf and I had been using the pill (after 2 & 1/2 yrs. we weren't using condoms anymore). I had been on the pill since I was 16. I took it regularly like I was supposed to, but there was that little 2% chance left. Needless to say, it was shocking to find myself amongst that 2%.

Now, I volunteer at my old h.s. I talk to the kids (your daughter's age) about birth control failure rates, the responsibilities of being sexually active, and the realities of unplanned preg.. I talk to them about how to take care of themselves if they do become preg., programs to help them, what the boy's role is in the preg. and future, how the baby develops, how their own body will change, exactly what happens in delivery, and about caring for themselves and the baby for the first yr. post-natal. I am completely honest and let them know that if they can maturely ask questions, I can maturely answer them. I give them facts that are hard to ignore and easily defined in their minds (i.e. one month worth of diapers costs this much, washing, sterilizing, & preparing bottles takes this much time, and C-section delivery costs this much). It makes a big impact when I show them ultra-sound videos, tell them the truth about how much stress was put on my relationship, or how quickly my life changed. It helps that I am close to their age, they see directly the impact, and can relate better. It is well worth my time.

Maybe, if you are that worried, you could find out about similar programs. Your daughter could meet a young mom and talk to her about the reality of what happened. DO NOT depend on her school to give her a good education in this department. I have found that these kids know so little about what really happens. Many of them do not even know that the pill can fail. Make sure that the person she speaks w/ is mature though and prepared to talk about it. Make sure she is a good example of a young mom who is doing well for herself and her child, some one who has educated herself about pregnancy and how the baby develops and how it must be cared for after birth. Anyway, getting wordy. If you want some info., I can help. Let me know.”

“ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAD can you come guard My daughter???”

“Newgirl, it is refreshing to see someone put something back into the community. Keep up the good work.”

“wow.. and who says that TT is not helpful..

RAD: You are the bomb, dude... I am forwarding your list to my daughter.. :)

but yes.. I am truly shocked at how far 13/14/15 year old girls are willing to go.. and to talk about openly.”

“sorry. that was quite messy. i cleaned it up...


10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter:

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a balding, middle-aged, dimwit. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all- knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.”

“Thanks Chili. Seriously, Towndawg, if you want info. to give to your daughter, let me know.”

“heh.. I forwarded it.”

“newgirl: trust me, I am serious. You know my email addy.”

“towndawg,

i might be of help. i have a shotgun and 5 chainsaws that you can borrow.”

“five chainsaws?.. geEez Rad.. do you cut wood for a sideline?

or moonlight in massacre movies over halloween?”

“Okay, TD, I e-mailed you. Rad may have the guns and chainsaws, but I'm sure that explaining how capillaries in a woman's cervix begin to burst from pressure during delivery would also be just the kind of detail to help hinder her from even meeting a boy. LOL!”

“Ever. She'll be afraid to think about sex.

I'm just kidding. I don't give these presentations w/ the idea that I want to scare them into celibacy, so they get the real facts. Although, if that is the kind of presentation you want TD . . .”

“Ever. She'll be afraid to think about sex.

I'm just kidding. I don't give these presentations w/ the idea that I want to scare them into celibacy, just so they get the real facts. Although, if that is the kind of presentation you want TD . . .”

“A friend emailed this to me recently. It's pretty funny but has some useful advice!

15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.”

“My philosophy with my son was simple.. don't even go out with a girl you would not consider marrying.

Why bother, you know?

My philosopy with my daughter has been.. Anyone can have sex anytime they want, it's just a question of standards. How high are yours?”

“Towndawg --

It might help us in offering you advice . . .if you could give a clear idea of exactly what these kids are up to.

I think, and I'm sure others would agree, that if we had detailed information regarding what the atvities they are engaged in with their bf, and, per your earlier post, what activity they are engaged in without their bf, we would be much better able to help you.”

“maybe lee.. maybe.. but some knowledge is best left private.”

“lee, this ain't no pentyhouse letters! LOL!!!!”

“Rad . . .SHHHHHHHHHH!!!! We're huntin' wabbits!!!


Towndawg --

I certainly appreciate your desire to protect the youngsters . . .however . .. however . . .

i must say that FULL DISCLOSURE is the best policy in these situations.”

“lol.. you are a hoot, Lee.. but nope.. ain't gonna happen..

tell you what.. imagine the most perverse thing you could imagine young girls doing... and guess what.. they are.”

“Lee you are a sick, twisted dude.”

“Boy you got me thinking back. A bad example is probably as good as a good one. I was pg at 16 and married and had our first daughter at 17. Both of our daughters were 29 when their first babies were born. Our son has yet to procreate and he is 35.

Gey yourself some literature on the subject. I talked to my kids about sex lots and early--like about age 7. I made sure that there were no subjects we could not discuss.”

“TD - I think self confidence plays a big role in what a young girl will get involved in. I think it would be very difficult to stop her from doing some things, but if she has self confidence and knows how special...smart..talented she is, it will definitly limit what she will do - partially by empowering (I know that sounds cheesy) her to say no whenever she wants to. It will also help her be more selective with who she will date in the first place. Also, being involved in things she likes to do, like sports, reading, or backpacking :) will also help. Good Luck! I don't have kids, but it was not too long ago that my parents were worrying about me - :)”

“sunny: heh.. ya.. most of what I have heard today is exactly the approach I took. Jordan and I sat and talked several times over the weekend, and we were open and honest with each other.

I told her that I want to trust her, and know that she will make the right decisions. Smart? Talented? Yes she is. I told her how i loved her, and was so proud of her for not falling into the same trap(s) we have seen her friends fall into.

newgirl: I have done my best to help her understand how guys really are. We have talked about the fallacies of birth control and their less than 100% confidence rate.

Skullcap: I love the commercial you see on TV where the kids are telling their parents THANKS for being such a pain while they grew up. Mostly, I just try to listen to what she has to say and not be quick to pass judgement.”

“Newgirl ----


Awwwwww shucks . . . .thanks for recognizing my inner beauty!



Towndawg --

Good luck with it all. At some point you gotta hope that you built a strong enough foundation, with enough reinforcement, so that even if there is some drifting in the teen years, they will come back to center over time.

Really simple things are already bothering me, and my boys are 6 and 3. Driving, drinking, drugs. I used to race, and pass people on blind corners, over hills, in the breakdown lane. A kid racing killed himself on a tree on the edge of our property at 2:00a.m. almost exactly 3 yrs ago. Scares the poop out of me. Again . . .good luck. If she's a good kid she should come out the other side just fine.”

“I shoulda added that even with all this talking with my son I became a grammy at 39. It takes two, and I only had the ear of one. Yeah, he came "back to center" after his teenage years, but with 2 kids.

His girlfriend showed the video of her labor at school (side view) but I doubt it deterred anyone. Kids really think they are invincible, or at least have the "that won't happen to me" mentality during their teen years.

My son was involved in sports and scouting, was very bright and an all around great kid. People commented on it. Since I never had to work at it - he seemed to be good all on his own - I expected it to last forever. Unfortunatley during his teen years things changed, but I was too busy working and going to school to notice.”

“by the way.. how far at ya from the AT, TwigEater?”

“My sister-in-law thought the bad example of her oldest daughter who became a mother at 17 would deter her younger one. Guess who has two grandchildren and no sons-in-law?”

“Question:

Do we over intellectualize this stuff too much?

I mean . . .fooling around as a teen was a blast. I imagine it still is.

My point: Making intellectual arguements (e.g. the failure rate of condoms) may simply not work becuase fooling around is too darn much fun. Maybe the discussions should be: "I know that this is a lot of fun, but . . ."


I dunno.”