Politics Explained

“USING 2 COWS TO EXPLAIN:

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Then you
covet it.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.

A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk.
You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage that ultimately
blows up the cows.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a

gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts
that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch. Life is good.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
school.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have
some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open
another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3
months. The mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing
them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American
corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows. You expropriate them. The American
corporation goes chapter 11.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.”

“Buddha has two cows?????”

“You may worship them”

“?”

“He slaughters both of them, sells the hides, and butchers the rest. With the money from the hides, he buys a keg. He makes steaks out of the meat, invites all his buddies over and they eat steak and drink beer.”

“So what's wrong with that picture, Buddha Bear? Sounds like the perfect weekend to me?”

“If you give Buddha Bear a cow, he and his friends will eat for a day.

If you teach him to ranch, he will learn to get a government subsidy.”

“That's the stuff aero!”

“And then we'll drink beer and eat steaks everyday Aero!”

“You make America sound like a bad place to live. Tell me, have you found someplace better? France, perhaps?”

“Why?

Because France would have surrendured to the cows.”

“Besides, I would trust Buddha to grill the steak before I would trust the French to cover it in some kind of sauce....”

“I don't know if Buddha can COOK or not.. but he can EAT.”

“Too funny!”

“AN ENGLISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but they contract Mad Cow disease and think they are chickens. You sell the eggs and have a cup of tea.”

“BaSO4, I think with a British Corp you would have to kill the cows, burn the bodies then denounce the French for not buying your beef!”

“I'll have the French food; you can have the British, *G*.

This thread sounds more like Animal Husbandry than politics, enny hoo.”

“BB you forgot something about the German company...

After they take 13 wks vacation they invade Poland.”

“LMAO Birch, my fellow french hater!”