Hike coming up: Someplace you have never heard of.

“mean, aren't I?”

“YES!”

“East
South Rodgers Smoky gizzard gulch creek trail?

or maybe

West
Olympic beartooth Sierra caynon river wilderness area of no return?”

“ya, I was considering doing the hidden passage tunnel to nowhere trip that includes a side trip to destiny's gorge.”

“That's very pretty that time of year. You can see all the way down to the bottom where the new wildflowers are cause the leaves have fallen.”

“oh.. exactly!.. so you have done that trail?.. that is so kewl, HPM.. maybe we could set up a ECT hike there.

which way to you go in, the approach trail that loops over sanders ridge? or do you come in the hard way, using the blue spur that is marked right before you get to sawyers sag?”

“The approach trail is nice cause it meaners through the Jubjub tree grove and many feel it is the way to go. However the blue spur presents a real challenge as it is in prime fruminous bandersnatch habitat, and we all know how painful that can be.”

“I'm thinking and ECT there would be nice. Let's set it up for, say later? Or would earlier be better?”

“dang HPM... we need to hike together.. you tripped me out on the last one.. let me try to get my poker face back on again.. *lol*.. you have me laughing here bad!”

“WHAT!!!!!
I thought we were planning a hike here! You're not pulling out on me are you! ;)”

“ok.. got my straight face on again.

fruminous bandersnatch is the worse.. if you make the mistake of hiking that section, say after april?.. that crap is like waist high.. and stings something awful!..”

“Well if we do it.. without a shuttle.. then we will have to either double back along the rafters section, or plan on making a loop down thru the sinks.”

“I like going thru the sinks when it is warm enough to swim.. but if we do that.. we have to put up with fruminous bandersnatch.

Somebody told me that you can smear peanut butter on your arms, and it won't get into your epidural orifices as much.. which means of course, the itching is not nearly as severe.”

“Especially if it gets under your pack straps.”

“which shelters do you like best along that loop, HPM?.. have you ever stayed in that three-story thing?..”

“I heard BB and Rad hiked it once.. but never heard a good trip report back.”

“I was there once but there was no room so I had to tent out. It looked pretty nice except for the revolving door. I got my pack stuck in it when I was checking out the shelter. It was all taken up by a group of militant quilters peoples revolutionary party members who were thru-hiking the national scenic timezone trail. They were nice enough but one guy kept me up all night with his bagpipe. Jerk!”

“Both y'all.”

“dang I HATE that... we ran into a flock of bagpipes when we were down in alabama, doing the wilder-woodsen connnect trail.

they are like so obnoxious!”

“LOL!! "militant quilters," indeed...”

“Skullys mad cause she doesn't know where the trail is.”

“did you know that right there, before you get to that shelter, that is where that guy fell off the ridge to his death, cos he was smoking crack?”

“they said he never felt it.”

“Yeeh but this guy stuck kazoos and whistles on the end of the pipes! It was horrible! I almost went blind!”

“wow.. I HATE dayhikers!.. the nerve of those people to drag a set of bagpipes into the woods!”

“I thought that was up near the cardboard shelter. I stayed in that one once. It was nice except when it rained the roof sagged and your sleeping bag would touch and get all wet.”

“heh.. they still haven't put a piece of tylek over that one yet?..

dang.. I would have thought by now for sure.. what I like best about the cardboard shelters though?

if you don't like your neighbors, you can move it to another quieter place.

I went up there once, and some guy had actually hauled the danged thing up one of those eucal-pine trees!”

“WOW! So it was like a shelter treehouse? Cool.”

“I had a smoking crack once after eating trail burritos.”

“HPM: exactly! talk about views? and you didn't even have to mess with your bear bag!

(actually, you WOULD have to, cos we all know bears climb trees a LOT faster thean us.. but oh well.. don't diss my fable here.)

the biggest problem he had was getting out to make a trip to the privy about 2 that morning.. the DA actually FORGOT he was 20 feet off the ground! I thought he was gonna bust his butt when he was hanging by a couple limbs, begging up to come help.”

“you ain't never seen nothing any funnier than some guy hanging by tree limbs, with a cardboard shelter stuffed around his knees!

I thought he was gonna loose it, right there.”

“DANG!!! You guys are funny, and TD I never did get my straight face back on after the point where you lost yours....

But the cool thing is, I know EXACTLY where you guys are talking about...”

“Fritz: so you know about eucal-pine trees! when's the last time you been up that way?.. did the acumen bugs get to them, or is that grove right past holler hill still growing good and tall?”

“get off of my land, you punks!”

“hey... it don't go thru your land.. only that six mile section.. and we don't cross it till tomorrow!”

“Sorry, I haven't been there since I was a kid.

But I heard the eucal-pine grove was sold to an evil big-business-man, who cut them all down and made a fortune selling pine-flavored antiseptic, astringent, tonic, antispasmodic, deodorant, expectorant, stimulant, antibiotic, rubefacient, febrifuge stuff.”

“really. BASTARDS!”

“I come from nowhere
And you should go there
Just try it for a while
The people from nowhere
Always smile

Their eyes are all frozen over
The sides of their faces pooch out at the corners
Because that's what happens when their mouths turn up
On both sides
Which is why we can tell they're smiling

They never frown
They never let their eyebrows turn down
They like going around with their teeth showing
All the time
They are from nowhere
Your teeth are showing
So maybe you been there

You could have the disease of nowhere people
Where the air gets stuck all over their gums
When their nowhere lips roll back
For real excitement
They stand still
They shut up
Then they don't do nothing
Out there in nowhere

fz”

“National Scenic Timezone Trail ECT hike
Date: Later but not April

Day1: We will take the hidden passage tunnel to nowhere. Those who don't want big miles can opt to take the approach trail that passes through an old-growth Jubjub tree grove. This option is only about 4 miles.

Those who like it rough can hike via the 12 mile blue spur trail (marked right before you get to sawyers sag.)The blue spur presents a real challenge as it is in prime fruminous bandersnatch habitat. Hopefully with the weather way it has been lately the bandersnatch won't be that high yet, but if its a heavy snow year all bets are off. Be just to bring peanut butter for the rash just in case.

That night we will all hook up at the cardboard shelter. Those of you who snore are asked to please move your shelter down the trail to crack-smokers cliff so the rest of us can get some sleep.

Day2: Today we loose 2000 feet and gain it all back plus some as we approach the sinks. If the weather is warm enough the sinks are great for swimming. Please note the sinks are home to the prudefish minnow. Swimming is only allowed if you remain completely covered including socks. The prudefish minnow is sesitive to abrupt breaks in decorum in its habitat and skinny dipping will cause heart failure in the little guys. We don't want a repeat of the '88 rainbow family kill off.

That night we will stay at the three story shelter and there should be room for all of us )unless some larger group shows up.)

Day three is an easy 3 mile hike through the remains of a eucal-pine forest that was clearcut recently to the parking area. Fritz tells me that the area is undergoing extensive resoration efforts so be sure to stay on the trail.

Roll call
humanpackmule
towndawg
Fritz
lyra
skullcap (if she can find the trail)

Sound good? Changes, suggestions?Who else?”

“I'm in!

Since this is only 3500 miles from my house, I can easily drive there in a little under two hours.

My maps are a little outdated, though. I went to TimeZoneTrail.com and ordered a new set of maps. They are published by EucalPineCreek Outfitters, and I hear they are quite good.

I am a little concerned about the fruminous bandersnatch. We should definitely go before April. TownDAWG knows his stuff.

So, does anyone know when April is planning to go?”

“I haven't heard from April since the last South Rodgers Smoky gizzard gulch creek trip.

I think she got put off because of that unfortunate esbit/breath mint mix up. I'm just glad we got the flames put out in time.

BTW-Hats off to your quick thinking with the baking soda Fritz!”

“sure, i'm in! i'll bring the little cakes that say "Eat Me" so that we'll be small enough to get through the hidden passage tunnel. and i hear if you smoke crack constantly for 3 days prior to encountering fruminous bandersnatch, it won't give you a rash. and we all know we don't want to tamper with anything dangerous, so i suggest everyone get smokin' right now!”

“Yeah the tunnel gets tight in spots but I think we can get through ok if we just walk on our hands.

Never heard of the crack remedy before. Do you use it often? That has to be expensive is there a generic brand?”

“HPM- there's nothing cheaper than the Philips Hwy. special! Just avoid the jumping hos, and you should be fine.”

“guys... I can't read threads like this any more.. lol... my eyes are watering I am laughing sooo hard!!!!”

“DO NOT PARK AT THE HIACOOTCHIE TRAILHEAD!
That's where the rangers broke into
my truck and took my shifter knob screw.”

“Damn those rangers!
Always looking for a free screw!

Who will protect us from the protectors now? Can't trust anyone anymore.”

“I stopped and reported it to some redneck car campers at the Skunk Scat campground. They said they'd look into it, but who knows.”

“YO TownDawg!
You still up for this trip?
We need to get permits before ticketmaster sells out.”

“LMAO!!”