Phrases You'll NEVER Hear Someone Say

“It just popped into my head-couldn't help myself TD-”

“Oh goodie - it's that little drummer boy song again!”

“Ohhh that hammer felt good hitting my finger......no really. it's all puff up and turning purple, but it doesn't hurt at all!!”

“Putting up the outdoor Christmas lights is so much fun.”

“I can't wait to take them down!”

“Honey, they look so good I think I should hang them off the second floor roof next year. I just to extend my ladder a little more”

“The Nazis were a fine bunch of people.”

“I wish I had a little more weight around my hips and thighs. Maybe if I finish off these Christmas treats...”

“Actually officer, I was really doing 60 instead of 35 back in that school crossing zone.”

“Yes Dear, those pants do make your ass look fat.”

“Honey, I've decided to redecorate the family room, and my friends agree that the fieldstone fireplace would look MUCH better over on the other wall!”

“I've been waiting for an hour, but here, you six people with full carts go ahead of me, i don't mind waiting...really.”

“I just love it and cant' wait until when I'm having my physical (I'm male), and my doc. says "Now for the 'grand finale.' Time for the drop your shorts and turn your head and cough routine, and the digital prostate exam.
Geeze I just can't wait for THAT”

“and your doc is a nice looking woman (grin)”

“"Hey Rad, ya want another beer?"”

“"George Bush is not a murderer"”

“"no thanks, nigal. i've had enough."”

“"You people advocate murder and hate. I'm leaving and never coming back."

Tarp L. Rat”

“I wish that cracked-out girl sitting beside me and talking to herself would take off some MORE clothes!

LOL!!”

“lyra is cracked out???”

“ha ha, very funny! on his OTHER side! we were at this club, and it just kept getting weirder and weirder... :-) and just because i was cracked-out, i was NOT talking to myself!!”

“But you were removing your clothing? What? lyra's a stripper?”

“only for people named...oh never mind, i'll get in trouble! sshhhh, listen...*ting*! (that was the sound of my halo)

and how were your weekends, skully & raddy, hmmm? :-)”

“Put up Christmas decorations, cleaned, walked in the rain and sleet, listened to it rain and sleet, shopped. Pretty dang boring, actually.”

“I left out the part where I watched it rain and sleet for a little while.”

“mmm..... nekkid women.....”

“icky! that sucks... we had sun here for the first time in like a week.”

“It was nice Saturday, that's when the decorations went up. Oh well, it wasn't the only weekend in the world.”

“I like it when I find out that I am not getting a xmas bonus at work this year....Makes me happy...:)”

“a vasectomy is too expensive. i may just do it myself.”

“with rusty tools.......with your eyes closed.....:)Radagast....Hehhehehehheheh.... just kidding.....:)”

“huh - with the right pain killer it just might be possible - certainly no problem figuring out what to cut”

“a kick in the testicles isn't that bad”

“Ya it is!!!!!!!”

“Thank you may I have another!”

“The BCS system is pure genius! What a brilliant way to choose the college football champion!”

“mmm.. not right now, sweetie.. I got a headache.”

“Let's all share the wealth.”

“Let's administer psychological tests to NRA members and take guns away from those who fail.”

“Never heard from the GOP:

Let's just be honest.”

“The top 40 things you would NEVER hear a Texan say, no
matter how much
they've had to drink, no matter how far from Texas they've
wandered and no
matter how much the skunks are threatening...

40. Oh I just couldn't, hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family
sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight”

“Markar - this is great. Although I haven't met many Texans, they sound suspiciously like Florida rednecks.”

“Golly, I want to have a "deep cleaning" tomorrow!”

“LMAO @ Markar”

“'sure am thrilled to take yr corporate piss test'”

“I'll take the hair test, it's better!”

“LOL!”

“I always like it when a car sideswipes me.”

“No, no let's talk about your feelings. Taking your clothes off would be silly.”

“Hey, the cops are at the door in full swat gear.”