STOP THE MADNESS!

“Football kills our children.

To the uninformed this may come as a surprise. After all, what could be more innocuous then a little football game between kids? But statistics prove that football is a killer sport. The National Federation of State High School Associations made public in 1999 that 15 high school football players died during regular season and playoff games in that year. Fifteen lives sacrificed to the altar of the pigskin!

But this revelation is not all: this number is equal to deaths caused by school shootings, as reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National School Safety Center (NSSC) for two different school years.

To our children, there is no difference. The pigskin or the gun, we are killing them in the name of society's morals. And it has to be stopped at all costs. The football death lobby is killing our children.


Laws must protect our children

Not only is football as deadly as guns, but there are more than 20,000 gun laws and none against football! Immediate legislative measures must be undertaken to stop the death toll. Some of our suggestions to lawmakers and schools include:

1. The registration of all footballs, especially those in the hands of our children.

2. The creation of a football license, distributed based on attendance to football awareness classes.

3. No selling of footballs to underage kids.

4. Parental responsibility laws - crippling or death of a child while playing football should be the responsibility of the parents, and deaths occurring while playing with a parent's football should be the responsibility of the parent. Football death should ideally carry the death penalty.

5. Launch ad campaigns to incite parents to keep their footballs out of the reach of small children.

6. The establishment of public standards of safety for football handling (especially as regard to padding and protection).

7. The rejection of harsh, grass-based fields in favour of safer, plastic materials.

8. A high football tax, in order to dissuade football players from all levels to continue their anti-social activity, and to compensate for medical bills.

9. Class action lawsuits against football equipment companies, football leagues, and television stations that transmit football games. Alternatively, stop manufacturing of footballs without warning stickers (similar to the Surgeon General's warning).

10. The abolition of football-related commercials and advertisement.

11. The abolition of sports magazines for promoting violence and death.

12. The picketing of shops which sell footballs without registration or age checking.

Our ultimate goal, of course, is the elimination of all footballs. But since the population at large would never accept it because they depend on the greedy football lobby, we must take action ourselves.

Sport: the violence mentality

It has been hypothesized that team sports are a sublimation of warfare. Whenever this is true or not, sports do generate an inordinate amount of violence. It has been proven that football players are incredibly criminal compared to the general population.

As APBnews (an outlet of criminality-related news) reports in "The Stats of NFL Player Crime" (January 2000): "[p]rofessional football players tend to be scofflaws and criminals -- gold-wearing, pot-smoking, brawling hip-hop gangsters who beat their women and abandon their children". It found, for example, that as many as 11% of football players in the last Super Bowl had a criminal record! Of course, one must be reminded that their star status makes them less likely to be arrested than an average citizen, making this statistic a bare minimum.

Sports elicit violence, be it children and wrestling, soccer and fan fury, Stanley Cups and riots, or football and student deaths. We must stop these needless cultural artifacts and replace them with a kinder, gentler society. This is the goal of Citizens United Against Football.”

“Hi Spock”

“where is spork?”

“I like to play disc golf...My pdga number is 11247....Disc golf is fun...Kidz need to play that more and go hiking....”

“Don't you have a train to catch?”

“What ever happened to Tarpie?”

“only outlaws will play football!”

“*perk* Hey, YEAH!! Ban Football! Expand "Honey Do" lists. Stop all that needless carnage. Think of all the additional work around the old homestead that would actualy get finished!”

“Then they'd have to ban Trail Talk. I get so much more done around the house when my internet is down!”

“hee, hee, but we weren't talking me, we were talking about him, the football fanatic!”

“Hmmmmm. And after football season comes auto racing!”

“Why did this monologue focus on the ball, rather than the bone-crushing official game? The ball is an endearing American symbol. A defensive tackle, on the other hand......”

“I have no problem with Ska...


ONE STEP BEYOND!!!”

“I guess they should ban neckties (or at least register them) too. How many of our youth must be lost, strangled by neckwear, all alone in the dark of their closet?”

“Perish the thought, eh?”

“finally a post i am in complete agreement with... ban ALL ball sports,baseball ,boogieball, football,soccer,tennis ,golf,monkeyball,all of them have to go ...
for the good of our "CHILL UNs" all professional "ballers' should be rounded up and twep'd...they are an evil influence on impressionable "CHILLUN's" and should suffer the ultimate penalty for what they have done to this country...
bring nack the arenas ,the gladiators ,the wild beasts, the days when entertainment was REAL!”

“Spock Lives”

“I'm getting used to being treated like a lunatic by you people but this is no joke. For documentation go to this site:

http://www.lp.org/press/archive.php?function=view&record=162


Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt”

“Even spectators are in danger since bleachers cause 8 times as many injuries as the game itself.”

“The evil football lobby has resisted every common sense effort to design a safer football. They persist in using bi-pointed forms, which not only can make someone blind, but has obvious phallic symbolism.


I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel.- Psa 31:12”

“See how they run like pigs from a gun,
See how they fly!

In 1909, the last year that the flying tackle was legal, over 60 men were KILLED and 250 seriously injured playing college and professional football.

Ah, the good old days, when America was a far more civilized place.
Why hell, you could even leave your doors unlocked.

WOW, it must have been like "Rollerball" or NASCAR!
People went to football games back then hoping to see some dude get his skull crushed!”

“I don't like football, too much hype!”

“Well, it is a game for men.

Scock, that you?”

“Football and mental illness:

We now know more about the damage of football in the mental illness field than we did in the previous decades.

A recent report in the Susquehanna Life Sciences Monitor has scientifically proven that a majority of sufferers from severe mental illness has at some time or another watched a football game. Only 7% of these sufferers followed other sports, like field hockey, lacrosse, or strict-tempo ballroom dancing.

These terrible statistics should make you think twice about claiming that football is a harmless game! Let's never forget the horrors that the football lobby inflicts on our population.”

“So, you used to watch a lot of football?”

“LOL!!”

“Football teaches children that "winning" is more important than "participation", that "performance" is more important than "equality". What kind of message are we sending to our children? That this is how we should live our lives? That's what the evil, greedy capitalist football lobbies try to convey to our children: that competition in society is good. Competition has never achieved anything, let alone make good, civic-minded children.”

“So, you still watch a lot of football?”

“Last but not least: football fields are not metric.

Another instance of American foulness and ignorance.”

“You've switched to soccer?”

“Doesn't the responsibility for this come under Homeland Security?

Face facts folks, what happens to this cabinet level position after the American public tires of the War on Terrorism? He's out of a job is what! Do you want this guy collecting a big fat unemployment check? I say that we give this job to Homeland Security and immediately begin hiring lots of new gov'mint employees. We can keep our unemployment figures down by providing long-term jobs for this very necessary cause.”

“I'm surprised he's not going after the true blood sport: DODGEBALL.

What better way to spend a half hour than trying to smash your classmates in the face?”

“Dodgeball is E VILLE!!!

The word brings back terrible memories...”

“Hmm, I like the sound those bouncy red dodgeballs make when you really connect with some poor kids head or back!”

“Arggghhhh!!!

just git it over with, and wallop me so i can sit down on the bench!”

“Whammmmmm!”

“...and smokygirl walks dejectedly back to the bleachers to a line of sullen, beaten faces.”

“It was the original RED MENACE!”

“One thing to remember about Eleanor Roosevelt; she married her first cousin and didn't even have to change her name.”

“She had so much capital tied up in stationary... It's understandable. It Was a different age...


Bad Flashback to those giant red rubber balls, y'all! I'm skeert fer sure!”

“I'm with Tom T on this one. There's just nothing like the solid, resounding SMACK of a big red one between the shoulders of your opponent.”

“back to top...”

“I've been out to lunch.”

“Is there some sort of unusual cosmic convergence tonight?”

“Is football played on the inside of the hollow earth?”