A Sense of Humor

“Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah

and anybody else I have recently offended...

j/k guys. I'm sorry if you don't have a sense of humor but I'm just teasing ya”

“You mean people take this stuff seriously?”

“Woh WOh WOh woh woh

(you know, like in the Peanuts cartoons when the adults are talking?)”

“Darn...I read the thread title and thought maybe it would tell me where I could get one.”

“What do you call it when you get a mosquito bite on top of a bee sting?”

“No problem bimbo, uh bizbo. whatever. We understand.”

“rockbutt HEEHEEHEE”

“It installed OK, but I don't have enough memory to run it.

Thanks for trying, Violin.”

“February 13, 2006
Cheney "Inadvertently" Caused Death of Man He Stabbed On Previous Hunting Trip, Says White House

Eyewitnesses: Man Ran Into Cheney's Knife

Vice President Cheney accidentally killed a man during a previous hunting trip, the White House reluctantly confirmed today after denying the incident several times. During a deer hunting expedition on a friend's eight billion dollar ranch, a man "ran into Cheney's knife" several times while Cheney was gutting and dressing a deer, wealthy Republican Party donors and eyewitnesses said.

The man who died was Willford Buchs, a Bush family accountant who "took care of the books" for the Bushes and several Bush companies, and was later appointed Director of the Texas Accounting Commission after the previous commissioner was dismissed for revealing irregularities in the accounting practices of Buchs's clients.

Buchs's death was ruled a suicide by Sen. Dr. Bill Frist, who examined Mr. Buchs by polaroid. Cheney's involvement with the death has not previously been disclosed, although it occurred a little more than a year ago. The incident was uncovered by the press after reporters discovered Buchs's mummified carcass on the ground last week and began asking questions.

Questions have arisen as to why the White House failed to report the incident to the press or the authorities for more than a year. "The Vice President's office deferred to the people who owned the knife that he borrowed for the expedition," said Candy Ricks, a spokesman for the Veep. "It really was up to them." Ricks also maintained that it was not necessary to report the incident to the authorities because the Vice President and his party were authorities, "and very powerful and influential ones, too, I might add."

Ricks denied that Mr. Cheney needed to exercise more caution during hunting trips. "Mr. Cheney is every bit as careful with hunting as he is with civil liberties, foreign policy and democracy," she said.”

“Add catskhiker to the list of peeps that do not comprehend Fuego.”

“Splashy the red-nosed canine

Had a very drunken driver;

And if you've ever seen him

You would even say "He's a liar".

All of the other doggies

Used to bark and howl at him;

He never let poor Splashy

Jump in the lake for a swim.

Then one foggy autumn eve

Teddy came to say,

"Splashy, you like water tricks,

Let's take a trip to Chappaquiddick."

Then all the doggies loved him,

As they barked and howled w/ glee;

Splashy the red-nosed canine,

Your owner's goin' down in infamy!”

“Dang it! I didn't even check if catskhiker used a fuego thread, just assumed he did.

Sorry anti-fuegoites.”

““Add catskhiker to the list of peeps that do not comprehend Fuego.”
StoveStomper
7:14:31 AM
2/28/06

Lighten up, sour-puss!!”

“"I wish I had gotten that much attention"
Vince Foster

"HOW about me? Look what I got for my years of service."
Ron Brown


LOL...the Republicans Wing em....the Dems Killem dead”

““We live in a country with a two party political system. We have the democrats who are the party of no ideas and we have the republicans who are the party of bad ideas. Some republican jumps up in congress and says, ‘Hey! I have a really bad idea!’ and then a democrat jumps up and says, ‘Yeah, and I can make it shlttier!’”

- Lewis Black”

“At least give a cite/credit.”

““Add catskhiker to the list of peeps that do not comprehend Fuego.”
StoveStomper
7:14:31 AM
2/28/06

Add StoveStomper and Sarge to the list of lonely, bitter retards who fail to comprehend that there was no fuego category when this thread was created.

Now go take on the day, bastards!

1-800-DRLAURA”

“Marko....I get the hint, I will take care of the erosion area in the back yard...sheesh it was only a little water.”

“It's a joke! Relax already =)”

“Aug. 2005 Briefing Warned, 'Cheney Determined To Shoot Old Man In Face'

February 20, 2006 | Issue 42•08

WASHINGTON, DC—Government documents declassified today reveal that President Bush was briefed last summer of "a substantial risk" that Vice President Dick Cheney would shoot an elderly male in the face sometime in the next several months.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45572”

“Add StoveStomper and Sarge to the list of lonely, bitter retards who fail to comprehend that there was no fuego category when this thread was created.

Add Dr. Laura to the list of lonely, bitter retards who fail to comprehend that new threads can be created utilizing the correct category so as not to disrespect those who wish to avoid fuego.”

“PS - You should have heard the sighs of relief when your show was cancelled in my area.

Good riddance!”

“Sarge, Sarge, Sarge...
Don't pay any attention to silly stupid trolls.
Trolls are cowards by definition.”

“SHe had a SHOW????No kidding, I thought she was one of those stripper/trollops who had turned into a counselor....”

“...so as not to disrespect those who wish to avoid fuego.

Enlighten me as to the ways in which you show respect on this silly internet bulletin board, pencild|ck.





And what's with dissing my show?....after all, I'm one of YOU!”

“Since when has disrespect been a problem here??

It seems that we have a couple of clowns trying to be Miss Manners.

That picture above is of Gros Morne in Newfoundland.....looking west.
Stick that in your fjord and smoke on it!!
last edited: 2/28/06 9:24:48 AM”

“Ya all do realize this is a troll and not Dr. Laura, right?”

“"I'm one of YOU"....?????

I love this....what are WE?”

“We're all Bozos on this bus!!”

“I love this....what are WE?
XL400236
9:23:32 AM
2/28/06

Oh, dear God.

Can you just drop your pants and bend over?”

““Ya all do realize this is a troll and not Dr. Laura, right?”
Nigal
9:23:27 AM
2/28/06

LOL
Dang Nigal, and here I was thinking it's BB. ;-)”

“Oh, dear God.

Can you just drop your pants and bend over?”
Doctor Laura
10:26:40 AM
2/28/06


Sorry I am not a Talk show wannabe head shrink”

“Dang Nigal, and here I was thinking it's BB. ;-)

Christ.

You must be even stupider than your photo would indicate.

How dare you insult me by making such an assumption?”

“Doc.............help, I'm a rock!!!”

“Big deal. I knew a guy who was a rock....and an island. Cuz a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries. So boo-hoo, bastard!”

“A rock......ha! I know a guy who was walking down the street and turned into a bar.”

“"Dang Nigal, and here I was thinking it's BB. ;-)"

BB is not this witty or clever.”

“Who said this troll is witty or clever?
Only you, LOL.”

“Correct. The troll is of low wit and cleverness. This says more about BB than the good doctor. LOL!”

“Just yet another cowardly #&%!$ troll in a long line of cowardly #&%!$ trolls.”

“Dr. Laura...

I did her.”

“Bacpac banged Laqtis?! ;)”

“I suffer from Laqtis intolerence.”

“lol!”

“Dr.L can't be Q cause Q said he was outta here and I know he'd never break his word. LOL!”

“Sensible Observations


1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his
car."
--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Au! thor Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support
group for that.
It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the
infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, the day before they leave
you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God...
I could be eating a slow learner."
&n! bsp; --Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of
people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.
Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line
from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
Monogamy is the
same."
--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,
and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right!
I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
! --Unknown, presumed deceased


20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.
I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields”

“"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
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"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S. Marine Corps
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"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop
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"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General Macarthur
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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal
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"You, you, and you .. Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
- -----------------------------------------------------
"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
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"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." - U.S. Navy Swabbie
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"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth
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"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal
- --------------------------------------------------------
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper .. Once."
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
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"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies
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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him" -USAF Ammo Troop
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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies."
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"Never trade luck for skill."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where the hell are we?" and "Oh #&%!$!"
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"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
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"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
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"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron Ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)”