PETA

“People for the Ethical Treatment of Algae (PETA), with more than one hundred and fifty members, is the largest algae rights organization in the world. Founded in 1987, PETA is dedicated to establishing and protecting the rights of all algae. PETA operates under the simple principle that algae is not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for masturbatory purposes.
PETA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of of these beautiful, unicellular creatures suffer: on factory farms, in laboratories, in the manufacture of health-food, and in the entertainment industry. We also work on a variety of other issues, including cruel poisoning by manufacturing plants and the curse of algae-eating fish.

PETA works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, algae rescue, legislation, special events, celebrity involvement, and direct action.”

“So Mr.Gardens, please discuss your opinions (For?, or Against?) on leather hiking boots and down-filled sleeping bags?”

“So Mr.Gardens, please discuss your opinions (For?, or Against?) on mildew and scummy fish tanks?”

“or toothpaste for that matter.”

“The Happy Ponds Algae World farm in Australia has a deplorable record of cruel treatment of algae. Eighteen investigations by the Action Algae Rescue Team (AART), have documented innumerable violations of the Code of Practice, including algae being left to suffocate in nutrient-free, darkened vials and living colonies crammed into beakers with colonies that have already perished as a result of the inhumane conditions in which they are kept.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Algae (RSPCA) has failed to take action against the farm, which AART feels is clearly in violation of the Code of Practice. Please write the RSPCA and ask that immediate charges be brought against the Happy Ponds Algae World for any violations of law.”

“PETA's Research, Investigations, & Rescue Department has recently been contacted by people who routinely witness the horrors of algae-fighting in Chicago Public Housing. Countless colonies suffer and die agonizing deaths because the "no algae" policy in these apartments is not enforced. Most often, Chlamydomonas reinhardtii and Dictyococcus cinnabarinus are used for fighting, but gang members frequently force "weaker" strains (who do not stand a chance of survival) to fight for their lives in this cruel blood sport. Cyanobacteria who miraculously survive being used as bait for training and fighting are left to die a slow, painful death from their wounds.

Algae that survive losing a fight are often punished by their "owners." They may be set on fire, thrown into dumpsters (via the garbage chute), or left to ooze or starve to death in vacant apartments. Vacant apartments also serve as "storage units" for bait and colonies that are considered disposable ("bad" fighters, mixed breeds, etc.).

We cannot expect children who are routinely exposed to such abhorrent and gratuitous violence to grow up to be compassionate adults. By allowing this savage "sport" to continue, we are desensitizing future generations to the suffering of others. It is essential for local authorities to intervene by removing all phytoplankton and diatoms from the premises and prosecuting the people involved (algae-fighting is a felony in Illinois).”

“Oh no!

Ohhh man!

Now someone is going to tell us it is inhumane to mow the grass. I haven't even paid off the new mulching mower I bought.”

“In the US, we have a proud history of respectful treatment of algae and similar organisms. Indeed, we have - on more than one occaision - elected pond scum to important political office. Even sewer scum has received broad support at the polls.”

“Feck that! I get great enjoyment out of squiting Clorox on the shower mold and watching it writhe in agony. Then I carelessly wipe away its pathetic little life with a swipe of a Bounty and chuck it in the trash can where it belongs.”

“you are a MONSTER!!!”

“if you're not Violin, i'll eat my hat!”

“Oh the HORROR!”

“BON APPETIT”

“i don't believe it! but i AM rather hungry...”

“Thomas Capriola of Long Island, New York was arrested by police on May 3, 1998 for allegedly making "crush videos" -- videos in which women wearing spike-heeled shoes tortured, stomped on, and crushed algae to death. At times, Capriola is alleged to have put on women's clothes and cruelly killed the plants himself. He is accused of selling the sickening videos through the Internet.

Capriola faces multiple counts of algal cruelty, each of which can carry up to a $1,000 fine and a one-year jail sentence.

Please write or call the Suffolk County, New York District Attorney, urging him to prosecute Capriola to the fullest extent of the law for each and every cell crushed and tortured in the videos. Ask him to demand that the court prohibit Capriola from owning algae and order mandatory psychological therapy if Capriola is convicted.”

“You ARE a MONSTER!!

And the algae are singing:
"You don't really want to hurt me... you don't really want to make me cry..."”

“Yeah!!! And sometimes, when I'm feeling really sadistic, I'll go out to where the algae and moss collects on a shaded spot of the concrete walkway in my backyard after a wet winter. I'll put the pressure nozzle on the hose, crank that sucker to the max and BLAST away that worthless GARBAGE out into the street. There, it bakes in the sun and turns into BROWN and LIFELESS waste to be blown away by the breeze.

YEAH!!!!”

“Killing mold is fun.And the thing with the shower mold is real cool but I use real bleach.....Works much faster....:)

Crazy Mike”

“Oh my God! roseymonster killed Chlamy!”

“CRAZY BOOGER!”

“...standing by the brown broken carcasses, it's like you can still hear the faint helpless screams in the shirl up the beaming rays of a sunny day...”

“lyra -

LOL! Please don't confuse me with this tin-foil cap wearing freak!”

“hey!

i wear a tinfoil cap!”

“FREAK?

Hello, Mr. Kettle? Please hold for a Mr. Pot.

Tin foil is good although it may not be thick enough to keep the alien beta-waves from causing further brain damage. I have a stainless steel salad bowl that I wear on my head whenever I am allowed outside.”

“i've found that bras with underwire make a good lightweight alternative to a salad bowl.”

“The discriminating foil wearer uses only aluminum.”

“What about the mass genocide committed by munincipal water treatment?”

“I agree, Rad. I try to use a EE whenever possible.”

“Good question there skullcap. I'm glad to see my message is reaching someone.

Currently there are bills in the Senate that would ban algae poisoning in municipal water treatment. Your help is needed now to make these bills law. Please, call your senator and ask him/her/it to vote for the following bills:

S.6623 is a ban on the notorious poison Al-G-B-Gone in any city in with a population of more than 1 million.

S.6622-A allows cities to ban the poisoning of algae in favor of natural predators and humane deterrents.”

“"Al-G-B-Gone"

so THAT's what they did to al gore!”

“What about the large scale water chlorination at water treatment facilities?”

“Direct action is needed. Take the fight to the streets!

Support ALF -- Algae Liberation Front.”

“What about pool treatment?”

“You are a VISIONARY skullcap. We need people like you in the fight for algal rights. Please contact me at 800-555-5774 or 888-555-4986.”

“yeah, most comfortable place for underwire is definitely on your head!

and i'm soooo sure, Violin...LOL! juuuust kidding. maybe i was just trying to throw you off because it's really me! just kidding again...even i don't have that much spare time! ;-)”

“While sharing common goals, we at PETA do not necessarily support or agree with the radical and often violent tactics employed by the ALF.”

“Wow, I finally get a guy to give me his number and he wears a salad bowl for a hat! So if I call one of those numbers, what do I tell the floor nurse? Do you go by Marvin Gardens on the ward?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!”

“Several years ago somebody got the domain name "peta.com" before the animal rights people did.

They had a site up for awhile, called "PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals." It was a direct shot at the real PETA, which of course sued and gained control of the domain name.”

“HA-ha! your date will be even weirder than mine, skully! maybe we should double...”

“Boycott Baquacil--

I kinda like alien beta waves in small doses--maybe I could wear my new Williams & Sonoma colender Santa brought.”

“Is mildew algae?”

“there's a fungus among us!”

“Well, blue-green algae is a bacteria.”

“Soylent Green is people...”

“soylent blue is smurfs...”

“So what's solyent blue-green?”

“...skullcaps...”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”

“damned straight, eek!”