Close one...

“Anybody else hear about the asteroid that passed by the earth a few days ago?

It was the size of 3 football fields, and it was only, double the distance of the moon from us. Minute by astrology terms.

The scientists say that if it had struck Toronto, the shockwave could be felt as far as Vancouver. Man...that's just like the movie, "Deep Impact".”

“A near disaster no doubt, but I'm still more concerned about the soccer mom on her cell phone zipping by me in her Ford Excursion. A more real and present danger.”

“That happens pretty frequently. That's just the closest one in a while. There was never any risk of it changing course and striking Earth. Unless of course it had directional engines installed.







Oh Maaaaaaarviiiiiin!”

“It came early? It was suposed to come by tonight! Damn! What is my cult going to do with 150 pairs of Nikes and purple death shrouds?”

“Yes, our buddy Marve was asleep at the switch, apparently, LOL.

Remember what George Carlin used to say... "Don't let 'em fool you, Gang! It's not a 'near miss'; it's a 'near HIT'.

Just do a search on 'Potentially Hazardous Asteroids' or 'Near Earth Objects'. Seems like we've catalogued the orbits of only about 10% of these little Party Favors. When they're zipping along at 50 miles per second they don't have to be very large to do a lot of damage. The Barringer Meteor Crater in AZ (one mile wide) was supposedly created by a rock the size of a truck.

Here's the NEO Page, courtesy of the International Astronomical Union.

Hmmm... looks like there are a few more of these than I thought...”

“Hey Nigal, you could open a cult outlet store.”

“What's amazing is the wave those suckers would throw up if they landed in the ocean. The big ones would make a wave a couple miles high, smaller ones a couple thousand feet. That's hard to even imagine. Suppose it hit 100 miles offshore, and here comes a 3000 foot high tsunami.”

“What the news said was that if it did hit the Earth, it would take out a state like Texas or a country like France. Not a civilation killa, even with the dust cloud, but still large enough to cause problems. This should wake some people up as to how to deal with asteroids. They will hit the Earth, not a questions of if, but when.... (no, I'm not Marvin!)”

“I beleive a civilization ending rock has to be at least a couple miles wide. "Nuclear winter" time then. Five miles for sure would put an end to most life. Anything less would cause alot of havoc though.”

“"Hey Nigal, you could open a cult outlet store."

Actually I'm thinking that we may just opt for a field trip to the jungle for a kool aid mixer/gathering. Yeah, it's old hat but very effective.”

“Come meet new and exciting people and die with them.

Everybodys doing it.”

“It's been done. I'm looking for something fresh.”

“Big Coop, it will give you some satisfaction to know that the other day near here a goofball from Chicago tried to deliver his trailer full of 4 snowmobiles with his 2002 Excursion across the ice to his lakefront vacation home -- ON NEW ICE. Put the whole shebang into 6 feet of water and barely escaped with his life.

As the local tow operator/lake extraction expert said on the TV news, "It's pretty dangerous for my men out on that ice. This could take a while and he's startin' to run up quite a bill."

That and a totaled Excursion, enclosed trailer, and 4 sleds.

Here in the Northwoods, the threat of asteroids is far from our thoughts -- the speeding SUVs are picking us off at a far more alarming rate.”

“It was not I who was asleep at the switch on THIS ONE! I tried to illuminate the Trail Talk ignoratti on this one. Remember ‘KAMIKAZE UFO TARGETS EARTH’. But of course you all LAUGHED or ATTACKED the messenger.

Just be grateful the UN and RESPONSIBLE world leaders took this threat seriously and LAUNCHED a COUNTERATTACK which was successful in DETERRING this intruder. You won’t read this in your MAINSTREAM PRESS because the sheeple are too busy with sitcoms to be bothered. Maybe you’ll start taking me a little more seriously now.”

“Nope.”

“How could you take anybody named "Marvin Gardens" seriously?”

“Who do you think you are?
Boardwalk?”

“Wasn't Marvin Gardens the guy from Rockford Files that drove the puke gold Firebird?”

“I deflected it with my superior mental powers.”

“Narf!”

“"We should all accept and rejoice an asteroid collision. It is a natural event and thus is beneficial to Gaia. Allowing natural processes to occur is always preferable to human intervention."



This is the philosophy of the deep ecology religion espoused by the lunatic fringe of the environmental movement.”

“Does militiaboy know?”

“The asteroid has always struck the Earth, is striking the Earth and will for always be destined to strike the Earth.
So it goes.”

“Now, that sounds like "Slaughterhouse Five"!”

“Lunatic Fridge
I know you're out there


(is your icemaker working okay?)”

“I worry more about dog #&%!$ on the trail than I do asteroids.”

“Yes, it's fine. And yours?”

“Pathman gets the prize!

SH5 = fine trail book, BTW”