I AM A FOOTBALL HOTTIE..er...GOD

“Ron Zook has been chosen titular head of The Church of the Florida GATOR.


It's time to send down some commandments from on high.

1. All of my supplicants will buy Orange and Blue clothing. Something that can be worn on the trail lest we hike together and ye shall feel my wrath if ye not be wearing it. This does not include underwear or jock straps but may be in the form of a hat that expresses your devotion to the Church of the Florida GATOR.

If ye shall not be wearing Orange and Blue and ye shall look upon me on the trail, gear can and will be provided.

Chili, I got a real nice hat for you. See you in Ocala.”

“I was hoping you'd take Mack Brown.”

“I fear I may be the lone follower of the Church of Bowden on the ONF trip.”

“pagan!!”

“Dang, I thought this was a thread about Dunadan!!! :-) I'll always like you BEST, Dunny!”

“We ride on our bikes in pairs and dress alike. We've eschewed the ancient practice of polygamy, but we still follow the Book of Bowden.

Since I am not a 'radical' I have found I can still get along peacefully with other faiths.

Here are my prepared responses when faced with other doctrines...

-The ACC is getting stronger every year.
-We tried to play an SEC team but the backed out at the last second.
-Our non-conference schedule is the toughest around - wouldn't you agree?
-When was the last time Miami was on your schedule?

If it gets really bad and my previous statements only add fuel to the fire then I resort to...

-It was a rebuilidng year.
-We have a world class dance and drama program.”

“"-When was the last time Miami was on your schedule?"

you'd better use that one, while you can!”

“arc, I am not sure the cap will fit over my orange and white bandana.”

“well, just color that white part blue!”

“rad, such blasphemy you speak! now go wash your mouth out with Bacardi 151 for saying such things.”

“i already did that, this morning.

we'll just bring a big foam gator head for you to wear.”

“In that case you better bring plenty of bacardi,,,or better yet Jose Cuervo. I think I could wear the gator head if I had enough tequila,,but of course by that time I will also be 10 feet tall and bullet proof.”

“...And the mighty GATOR football god shall smite the unbeliever...

Wholly GATOR Scriptures
Chap 5, Verse 11


You WILL be wearing Orange and Blue at some point chili. Whether Rad and I have to keep sticking things on your pack or get you roaring drunk, stay up until you pass out, and decorate your tent.

We shall smite the rocky top out of you!”

“note to self: leave all booze at home and take two bottles of no-doz to the FL ECT trip.”

“So chili I gather you are a fellow 'Nole? Or a Vol? I could scour the College Football thread - but alas - it's been a long day.”

“Even though the Gators might cower before the mighty Jayhawk basketball team, we have gathered here to pay homage to a once-great football team from Gainesville.
Huzzah, O Great One!”

“Big Coop, I am a Volunteer!”

“He's still the Great One! Who are we referring to? Why, the one and only Lite of the Arc! Picks his wins like he picks his nose. The man is a legend.”

“Heck, arc even managed to get a Vol fan to say "Go Gators"..... That is a real life miracle.”

“Will the Gators be able to remain a contender for the title, next year?”

“It will be tougher for them than it would have been if no changes had taken place. But I wouldn't count them out at this point.”

“Dunadan, did you check out the teams on the GATORS schedule next year?

Miami, Tennessee, LSU, Auburn, Jawja, South Carolina, and FSU. Bowl teams all. Tennessee and FSU are away games. Did I hear you say, "That's brutal!"? You betcha!

We will be doing a lot of praying on this thread. Better buy your knee pads before the rush.”

“Our Gator, who art in Gainesville, hallowed be thy name.
Thy new coach come, Spurrier's legacy cannot be outdone, nor will the SEC be the same without him.
Give us this day our daily rant, and forgive us our running up the score, as we forgive those who would dearly love to run up the score against us.
And let Zook not lead us not into NCAA sanctions but deliver to us another national championship. Amen.”

“I don't get football. I don't care either.”

“I like the way you think Biz......:)But I am a die hard hockey fan though.”

“Football's easy to understand, Biz, don't worry if you don't quite understand it. I'll explain it to ya over a candle lantern lit top ramen dinner some time.


Max, that was superb! I wondered where you were, but it was well worth the wait.


I AM THE LITE!”

“Arclite is the Alpha and the Omega of college football picks.”

“Any word on Spurrier? - I heard he interviewed with the Redskins today?”

“I read an article by a writer in Fla., (forget which town), that was wondering why they chose Zook. Do you think there would have been better picks? This writer was saying that Miami and FSU had the recruiting advantage, now. What does the Football God think?”

“He is one hot god of a football kind of guy.”

“Zook is a good choice. Although he was obviously Jeremy Foley's third choice, he's a goodun. I won't go into his full history as that has been published EVERYWHERE it seems. He's a defensive guy who was the first defensive coordinator that Spurrier hired. Spurrier demoted him but then reinstated him as d.c. right before Zook left for the pros. Zook is a great recruiter with an unbelievable work ethic. When you hear him speak, you just know that he could single handedly support Starbuck's. He appears to have had WAYYYY too many espressos. We won the mythical '96 championship with his recruits. Refer to the college football thread for who he's hired on so far. Zaunbrecher was the Marshall offensive coordinator. Marshall had the #3 (or 2, every paper reports something differently) offense in the country. Expect Florida to still have a wide open offense, set up the run with the pass (After all, Spurrier changed the way the game is played today), but concentrate more on the run. Our defense will probably be even more aggressive and attacking. That is Zook's style.

I have heard your praises sung and it gladdens me. Remember that The Church of the Florida GATOR accepts any and all monetary contributions.”

“we're not worthy, we're not worthy”

“I'll have to make a few credit card payments before I can send in my tax-deductible contribution to the One and Only!

Steve Spurrier is now the highest paid pro football coach in history. Washington is willing to throw money at the problem, will Spurrier be the answer?
I enjoyed following the Redskins when John Riggins, (from the Universtiy of Kansas) and Joe Theisman, (Notre Dame) were on the team.”

“1.) Thou shalt not lose.”

“What's up with this Alpha & Omega stuff, I picked a higher % than arc did. Never mind that his picks were more strategic. That's just a small, irrelevant detail (grin)”

“Dang right you ain't worthy Max! If'n you want to be worth something, get off your wallet and send in some CASH! I have expenses here ya know. Running the football world takes an enormous bureacracy. I'll need W2 forms from everyone so's I can soak the ones with the most cash the worst. That's only fair.”

“Hey, I'm excited because I've never had the chance to ask direct questions of God. So, here goes....
1. Who is the mightier, Steve Spurrier or the Florida Gators?
2. Why is Steve Spurrier wearing the "Garnet and Gold" now? Did he get permission from Bobby Bowden first?”

“Just like I thought. There is no god.”

“lol :-)”

“The "god is open for business" sign is back up. You don't begrudge a god a little down time do ya, Dunadan?

1. The FLORIDA GATORS transcend any mere coach. Being a FLORIDA GATORS disciple is a lifestyle commitment of the highest order. Come visit the cathedral in Gainesville and we'll get you on the right track, Dun.

2. Heaven't you been following what many sports writers consider THE most important story in sports, Dun? Steve Spurrier said that he was assured, by the Redskin's owner, that the colors were Burgundy and Gold.


It's not too late to repent, Dunadan. Charity can cleanse all sins. I was watching a show on Commerce the other night. Meddici was a banker in Florence. Before the Renaissance, it was a sin to charge interest because it was considered usury. Old man Meddici bought his forgiveness from the Pope by financing the construction of many church builidings.

Who says salvation can't be bought? Cough it up, son.”

“Down time is also my excuse, Mr. God.
I was asking which was greater in your heart because the Graters now have a defensive-minded coach who might not want to run up the score on the chumps. It might have affected your love of the Orange and Blue, but apparently not.
By the way.... the biggest story in sports is the recruits that Mangino is nabbing for the Jayhawks. He has put some top-quality boys on the team. Look for some excitement from Lawrence, KS in days to come.
(Sorry to besmirch your godly Gator thread, sir God.)”

“Thou shalt not take the name of the GATORS in vain, Dunadan. You are on very shaky moral ground until you come up with some cash.

"...run up the score on the chumps." Hell, Dun, the GATORS can run up the score on almost anyone. That's what happens when you consistently have the best offense in the Nation. You want to play the GATORS, Dun? Want to bet on the outcome? So, are you calling the Jayhawks chumps?”

“Bring em' on!
However, I just read an extensive article in the local paper quoting our esteemed AD, Al Bohl, as saying he wants to do everything in his power to make the non-conference schedule easier for the next year or two. He even wants to move the date with Iowa St, (are you trembling in fear at the name?) to later in the season, so they won't pound us on our first game. Does that sound like a team that wants to schedule the mighty mighty Gatresses? So, maybe for now, we reside in the "chump" category.
Ever since I was a young Kansan, the team has been very good about every 5-10 years. Things will change. And....when they do, we will come looking for YOU!”

“We'll be happy to add you to our non-conference schedule along with Miami and FSU. We don't run from anybody!

Still awaiting monetary donations.”

“Haven't you received my $ yet? Or are you trying to get a double donation? Say, you really are living in Florida, aren't you?
Hey, if it wasn't for the losers, there would be no winners.”

“I think I just received your two cents.”

“Bad news for the GATORS. Lance Mitchell, who was projected as the starting linebacker next year, was declared acedemically ineligible to play at Florida.

So he transferred to Oklahoma.”

“Yeah, and Oklahoma will probably kick both of our teams' butts. I think KU will be cannon fodder for the top teams next year. After that, who knows?”

“Bama's second game next year will be AT Oklahoma. We'll probably be joining you in the cannon fodder category.”

“I think the real sad news for opposing teams is that Oklahoma won't have any quarterback controversy. I look for them to be fully loaded and hungry.
I am very interested to see how seamless the transition will be at Florida. They have all the talent they need, but different coaching styles and different egos can make for breakdowns.
Is LSU going to continue to improve? Between them and Arkansas, there are a lot of unknowns in the SEC.”