Can we talk?

“Okay, this is a rant. If you don't want to read a bunch of complaining, leave.

My husband's birthday is coming up, so I went looking for a card. I picked out a good funny one, and then decided to get a Valentine's Day card while I was at it. I was in the mood to get him a quietly romantic card, but that is apparently a tall order. There were all kinds of dumb cards, with plain hearts, and flowery verse, or gold embossed flowers and hearts, or ones with gophers sitting on a picnic blanket, kissing each other. Finally I spotted the perfect card. Done in a watercolor style, there is a couple walking in the rain, facing away from the card, sharing an umbrella. ALRIGHT! I grab the card, and open it. Inside were about fifty five lines of verse in tiny print. WTF???? It was ruined. It needed something very short and lightly romantic in the way of verse, IMO. So I was bummed and left without the Valentine card. I need to learn how to make my own cards, I guess.”

“well there ARE some good greeting card softwares out there.. :).. and it WOULD be more personal.. :)..”

“'chelle got me a car that has two lil kids in yellow rain slickers walking hand in hand, one with a lunch box..says something to the point of "having fun on a long journey together, hand in hand...as long as we have snacks!"..”

“You`re right, they run from sappy to down and out crappy!”

“I have a Print Shop or something like that, that has cards already made up, and allows you to design your own. I just had trouble learning how to design my own. So, a new project. Maybe I'll start a cottage business, and get broke quick making greeting cards.”

“The color printing is what eats ya up.”

“I made my own Christmas cards one year with a couple of stamps and some embossing powder. Turned our really cool, but took a lot of work. I also made some embossed every-day cards, blank on the inside and gave them as gifts one Christmas. That kind of stuff is very relaxing to me, it just takes a lot of time and money!”

“Mind if I insert a sub-rant inspired by the title of this thread? Thanks.

Joan Rivers was Satan long before Martha Stewart.”

“Hallmark moment = Maalox moment”

“Martha Stewart is Satan? I thought she was just possessed.”

“or obsessed.

Did anyone else ever make the mistake of thinking that Phillips Milk of Magnesia was the same general thing as Maalox? There is actually a rather important difference, as I once discovered.”

“been there.”

“There used to be a coffee shop not far from my work that carried cards with really nice photos and very minimal wording inside - a sentence at most. I'd pick one up now and then and add my own glurg for my sweetie. Random love notes are more effective than the obligatory ones IMHO. Unfortunately, that shop has been swallowed by the evil empire (Starbucks) and I can't find those cards anymore.”

“Is that really you, Violin? (hee hee)

Your sweetie is a lucky one, if you get her random cards.”

“This thread defines the difference between men and women. Splash's day is ruined, because she can't find the 'right' card.

Here is a true story that will make the women puke.

I worked with a girl who had a long time affair with a co-worker from her previous place of employment. She changed jobs, but kept the same boyfriend and husband. Eventually she broke it off with the boyfriend. She had this enormous collection of birthday cards, Valentines cards, I love you cards, etc. None of them were signed, because the boyfriend didn't want any evidence. Well she gave me all the cards and I stuck them in a drawer of my desk. Whenever a special occasion rolled around I would grab a card, sign it and give it to my wife.”

“HHHHHHHHhhhmmmm ideas for my future....”

“And yet the romance faded bacpac?
I'm surprised!”

“maybe not so good of an idea.”

“Sounds like your husband is high maintenance. What does he need so many cards for?”

“Why a card? Hell, cards are useless. I'd rather tell em' a joke and give em' $4.”

“I got a birthday coming up, dude. Heard any good jokes lately? Can you send the money via Pay Pal?”

“I make my own cards. Buy blank ones at the craft store, doodle a picture on the front, watercolor it and write whatever you want on the inside. People seem to like them. Blank cards aren't as inexpensive as you'd think though. I don't make them for Birch though. I think he'd rather have a bag of cashews and an explanation of how much I love him than a $5 card that says it in someone else's words.”

“A priest is at the river fishing. He catches a nice fish and this other guy on the bank says, "WOW! That's the biggest Son of a b!tch I've ever seen!"
Priest- "Pardon me but Can't you see I'm a Priest? Such Language!"
bacpac- "Excuse me. That fish you caught is a Son of a B!tch fish. Ya got Catfish, Bass, Bluegill......That's a Son of a b!tch fish."

So the priest goae to the Convent and a Nun says, "OH what a big Fish!"
Priest- "I caught this SOB down at the river."

She freaks out but the Priest explains that it's a type of fish.

Nun- "Well I'll Clean the Son of a B!tch for ya.
The Mother Superior Walks in as the Nun is cleaning the fish.
Nun- "The Priest caught this SOB at the river today".
Mother Superior freaks and so the Nun explains the fish types to her.

Mother Superior- "Well I'll cook the Son of a #&%!$."

Later that day the Bishop comes in while they are all eating the fish.

Bishop- "What ya eating there?"
Priest- "I caught the Son of a B!tch"
Nun- "I cleaned the Son of a B!tch"
Mother Superior- And I cooked the Son of a B!tch"

The Bishop looks around and says," Ya know, You F**kers are Alright"!


There ya go bacpac.

The $4 should be there soon.”

“Son of a B!tch

ROTFLMFOA!!!”

“A card can help you express your feelings, but so can a written note or twenty....I used post it notes, wrote all the things I liked, and loved about a special person in my life, and stuck them everywhere...some in places they would not be found for days...like buried in the coffee can, or folded in a towel, where they would be found during my long stays away...say I miss you, I love you, I appreciate the little things you do...then hide some, stick some in the kitchen, the bath, heck, the LAUNDRY room...let your loved ones know you care.”

“Good Idea ST. If I did that, it would be my luck that Susan's kid would find it.
LOL”

“Just remember--mylar balloons are EVIL”

“Supertroll, that reminds me of what my mom told me about her dad. He died young. The doc gave him 6wks he said he needed 6 months...he won with his timing. He left notes for my grandmother all over the place. He left em in the fuse panel explaining how to change fuses when he was gone. He left em all over, some to say I love you others for helpful hints.

I never met him but always loved that story.”

“valentines day?

hell, my wife and i haven't even celebrated an anniversay in.... umm.... however many years we've been married. we just think it's ridiculous. why not be nice every day? go out to eat during the week. fu@k hallmark, fu@k balloons, and fu@k candy companies.

damn! now i'm ready for some nookie!”

“Well said Rad.
That's pretty much the way me & Susan are too.”

“I would rather stick 10" spikes through my eyes or poke glass up my butt or pour brick acid on my privates or spend the night prison in nothing but a pink fuzzy g string -
Than walk down the Hallmark aisle-
but I live with my ladies-gotta do it once in a while-
The hand written ones do the best job though-gotta admit.”

“My,My,MY,-
There is a Mrs.Radagast?

Is she elvin?”

“she makes appearances at some ECTs.

she lurks, but refuses to post, here.”

“Wow, I lot of people who make their own cards or don't do cards. My husband and I have always given cards at birthdays and Valentine's Day, and we typically try to get each other very funny or personal ones. Then we write our own stuff at the bottom. I have a friend who teaches the stamping and scrapbooking, and she makes beautiful cards. They are like artwork, but not the kind of thing my husband would appreciate.

On the other hand, my dad hates Hallmark and would much rather have a joke!

A blonde is fishing. "An SOB, I caught an SOB", she yells.

"Nope, just the boot from one", says the old grumpy fisheyed bacpac sitting next to her, wearing one boot.”

“LOL Splash, good one!”

“Josh Man is into some weird #&%!$!”

“

JoshMan, A man's man..”