Heartbroken

“I was at Walmart the other night, walking down the aisle minding my own business, when I heard a young mother speak harshly to her daughter, who was perhaps 4 years old. I felt bad for the little girl right away, it just didn't sound appropriate.

But my heart fell right to my stomach when the girl turned around and I saw that she had two black eyes.

Probably was an accident, as I kept telling myself, but I so much wanted to just pick her up and hug her and tell her, "it's OK sweetheart, you're coming home with me."

I still hurt when i think about that poor sweet little girl, and wonder what her life is like...

So badly hoping she is feeling loved and secure and safe tonight.

What could I have done? Nothing, right?”

“I don't know. But if it is really bothering you you could call child protective services in your state and ask what you could have done/or could still do.”

“Punch out her Mom?”

“Ouch!”

“That sucks anyone that would hurt a little kid should get the shi! beat out of them.”

“I used to work at the 1 Hour Photo at Wal-Mart part time a few years ago. It was accross from the toy department. I saw more kids get a whoppin. Especially around Christmas!”

“I have a feeling if you gave the mom a couple black eyes you'd be in more trouble than she would. Although it might be a lot of fun. I don't know about the Wal-Marts where you live, but around here they are trash magnets. Wouldn't surprise me at all to see that at WM.”

“Well ain't you just Mr. Wal-MartAin'tGoodEnoughForMe.”

“Damnn Straight! Ban Wal-Mart!”

“rut row shaggy”

“You just have to know what's worth buying there, and what is better purchased elsewhere.

Biz, that is a good suggestion. I really should do that, otherwise next time I see a situation like that, I'll be kicking myself for not finding out the right way to handle it.”

“Since you just catch a snippet of their life, and can't gain much insight on what is/might be/or isn't going on...unless you see more, all i can really suggest you do next time is make eye contact with the mother..strong locking eye contact..and give her that "i know what kind of lowlife you are" kinda look ..and then look at the kid and try to give them a heartfelt caring smile....without getting involved, which could prove to be messy beyond belief (what if it was an accident...kindergarten brawl, medication)...but your instincts are most likely right...and the mother deserved to get hers”

“"Kick her Squa in da nutz"
-Eric Cartman South Park-”

“Please let us know what you find out, Mr.Fritz, because I've been in that situation too. I was present when a Mother was verbally tormenting her kid for seemingly no good reason. I wanted to say something, but who am I to intervene in other's family matters.”

“I mouthed off once to a guy who kept sqeezing his kid's face and making him cry. This guy's wife started yelling at me. I guess she agreed with his choice of discipline.

Anyway, I felt dumb for getting into an argument in public and decided that if I made a habit of it, I might get popped in the mouth by some psycho dad.”

“Mind your own freaking business people!!! Nobody is perfect and raising children is no walk in the park either. Trust me thats where my parents left me!!”

“My son is a hemophiliac and was always bruised. The worse was when he was learning to walk, he tripped and hit his forehead on the coffee table. This resulted in a bruise on his forehead the size of a dark purple plum. People always looked at us like I beat him. I knew I didn't, so I didn't let it bother me. My ex, on the other hand was bothered by it. He had his drunken outburst and after 2 years of sticking it out, I left for our safety.”

“I got a good friend that went to kiss his girlfriends kid (2 years old)on the head goodnight and the kid raised up and they collided faces. The kid went to Daycare they next day with a fat lip. Someone there called the Child Services and they arrested him for child abuce. He did time in jail for it and the kids mom did too for letting it happen.
They were both innocent.”

“Man that's a #&%!$ of a situation. I agree with Biz. In theory at least child protective services should be able to tell if it is an ongoing situation or a one time thing. If somebody had turned you in Snow it would have been OK because it was legit.

About thirty years ago when my son was a schooner a little friend hit him with a tennis racquet. It split his eyebrow and gave him a shiner. I took him to the emergency room for stitches and made the mistake of saying something like "stuff like this just happens to kids" I was sure glad he was old enough to tell them what had happened to him. I think they would have locked me up.

We had a two eye shiner when my youngest daughter took out the floor at the skating rink. I have pictures of that that would make you cry to look at.”

“Snow Nymph, and Walkindude...

I know most bruises are not the result of abuse...my daughter broke her arm when she was two, and three months later, she broke the other arm. We worried about what they would say or do at the hospital.

This is a real tough subject...obviously it would be disastrous to assume guilt on the part of parents, but somehow there has to be balance and reasonable watchfulness to protect children. As a practical matter, how to do that, I really don't know.

The main point of my post wasn't intended to be the assumption of guilt...it was more of a venting, expression of my feelings based on what I saw.

WD, I am sincerely sorry about what happened to your friend.”

“This young mother was shopping with her kid. He was being really misbehaving. She smacks him once on the bum (he was wearing diapers under his snow pants) to quiet him down (after repeatedly telling him to hush up). A nice old lady sees this. She hung around them and somehow got the kid to reveal his name and his mom's name. She reports her to Child Services. Child Services goes to her house (small town) and takes her children away. She went through hell to get then back.

The End.”

“Stanlee, that is horrible...either she misrepresented what she saw, or child services was apallingly over-zealous.

By the way...this is similar to the lawyer/lawsuit thread. We normally don't get all of the facts about incidents like this.

Also...since most of this thread has gone to situations like the one you mention...recall that what I saw was two black eyes, not a swat on the bum.”

“'I so much wanted to just pick her up and hug her and tell her, "it's OK sweetheart, you're coming home with me." '

This makes my heart hurt”

“Biz, if Fritz did that he'll probably be arrested for attempted child molestation or worst.

Fritz, if someone files a complaint to Child Services (or any other department, for that matter) they have to act...it's their job. In this case, I believe they were over zealous.

That brings me to another story from Winnipeg or Calgary. Two young sisters called 911, quite a few times in a span of a few hours, to complain about their dad beating on them.

In their last call, their dad took over the phone and said everything was fine.

The operator warned him that if the girls kept on fooling around she'll have to call the police on them.

A few hours after that, the dad killed the 2 girls. This is all on tape. The operator should've just called the police (after the first call) to go investigate.”

“Hey Snow Nymph,
My son is also a hemophiliac,the neighbors called child services on me cuz he bruised the under sides of both arms banging on his high chair. They came out talked to me, got his doctors name, an all was fine. I wonder if there are just over enthusiastic workers out there, or what? I think it's better for them to investigate an there be nothing, then not an end up with a hurt or dead child.”

“Yall gotta admit.
Kids are not the most graceful things out there. They fall down alot and get busted up. A kid ain't a kid unless it's got bumps, bruises, & scabs.
If a kid also gets a spanking in Wal-Mart he just might have done something to desirve it. They can be annoying. I got my butt busted by my Mom & Dad when I was a kid but if I got it, I deserved it.”

“Remember the soccer game that prompted one dad to mouth off to another? The mouthy one just happened to be a bit too small to defend himself against the larger dad, and the larger dad proceeded to beat him to death. This guy is now doing time in the state pen. My point being, if someone can get that emotional about a game, just think of the possibilities regarding someone else mouthing off to them about the way they discipline their children. My advice is to let those in authority handle it. If you feel you must interfere, do so by reporting them. Follow them to the parking lot, get a license plate number, etc.”

“I can't speak about any of the particular cases people like Stanlee and 'Dude mention. But in a number of case, I have had a chance to see the real evidence in cases where people lost custody of their kids and/or did jail time and compare that with what people told other folks (and what these other folks ended up believing). I came to the conclusion that most (not all) of the people who tell stories about being falsely accused or sent to jail for false accusation or trivial stuff are bunk.

Its just like prisoners... not many of them are guilty (if you ask them). How many people who abused their kids are gonna say, "yeah I had a hangover and the kid wouldn't stop bugging me so I lost is and belted him... I think this was the 12 time I hurt him?"”

“Fritz, hopefully this might make you feel better...

In all likelyhood because the child had TWO black eyes he or she probably fell and hit her/his nose, breaking it and resulting in black eyes. I have a little cousin who managed to do this three times before age 5! Kids are clumsy that's for sure. Abby's so full of bruises it's ridiculous.

My poor brother has 3 children under age 5. He has full custody and his ex thinks it's fun to call protective services and make up stuff. He has had at least ten visits since his divorce 2 years ago. She also tells the one in preschool to tell his teacher that daddy beats him. Nice eh? I think it's deplorable of her to waste the time of the social workers and the state $. I wish they could stop reponding to her calls. My brother now keeps a log of all thekid's bumps and bruises and how they occured and when.”

“DON'T be calling the state about something you know so little about. The state people truly believe they are doing god's work. And don't think that if the parents are innoccent they have nothing to fear, cause that is NOT true. Cops create criminals as well, but that's off the subject.

What's right and what's wrong in the eyes of the state changes with the PC topic of the day. A friend of mine and his 4 siblings were taken from their mother and placed in 4 different foster homes. At the time of the divorce his mother said she was a lesbian, therefore considered unfit in the eyes of the state at that time. They could have lived with their dad, who soon married a woman who was in and out of mental institutions, but even the kids knew better than to do that.”

“I don't want to be too hard on accused parents or too defensive of case workers (there are idiots, lazy ones, and ones who are over-invested and have a huge axe to grind). I have dealt with cases where it took months to sort out what appeared to be false allegations and families went through hell trying to deal with people who treated them like they were the scum of the earth. In the two states I've worked in, the case workers who deal with this kind of stuff are understaffed, underpaid and undertrained. They usually make the right decision in the end, but it often takes way too long.

One of the worst things I have seen was a father falsely accused (on the basis of "facilitated communication"--- a scandal in itself) and forced out of the house while the case was examined. His wife and kids (the allegedly abused kid was autistic) didn't know what to believe. Eventually it was proved that facilitated communication did not work... but some lots of damage was done in the meantime.

Nonetheless, I saw more dedicated decent and over-worked case workers threatened and harassed by abusive parents (and their friends and family members who seemed to believe the lies of abusive parents).”

“Back at the dawn of time, when I was an intrepid motorcycle messenger in D.C., I intervened in a fight.

There in front of the Vet Adm building was a very attractive and well-dressed young couple.......picture Julia Roberts/Brad Pitt kinda pretty.

The dude was quite drunk at midday and shovin' and yankin' this woman around.
She would turn to walk away and he would grab and spin her and yell obscenities.

I asked my dispathcer to send the cavalry and walked over to ask the guy to knock it off.

It quickly turned into them against me.
She cussed me and they got into a cab and left.

I scooted just as a cop car pulled up.”

“Check this out! It looks like heartthrob hunk-tor Brad Pitt will soon be moving to Oregon with his bride-to-be Julia Roberts. Word is, the two are tired of making movies and are going to raise buffalo in the out-of-the-way state. We'll see how long that lasts, though. Once you have Hollywood in your veins, it never leaves! I know I could never leave my life of reporting all the dishes and dirt on the Hollywood fast track, not to mention the hard work involved in buffalo farming. I could hardly imagine what it would be like to actually live the movie-star lifestyle, but it's pretty exciting to watch, to say the least.”

“this is a tough topic... and I'll give my own personal story to lighten things up a little.
I was dating a girl who was a tiny little stereotypical beach girl, with one problem. She had a type of skin cancer that wasn't fatal, but she had to have moles removed regularly... at one point she had one removed from her face and one from her upper arm, leaving a black-eye and a large bruise on her arm, and bandages in both places. I would NOT be seen in public with her for a few weeks! When we did go back out the bruises were faded but still there, I was getting LOOKS like you wouldn't believe! That experience kinda tempers my response now... just a little though”

“Good points by donman, snownymph and many others. You just can't jump to conclusions either way.”

“donman, it is a tough topic.

Stanlee, I didn't even consider actually picking her up or taking her home. I was just expressing how my heart felt.

I knew the black eyes were probably not from abuse. But with the way the mother spoke to her child...the combination of the two observations was hard to handle.”

“Fritz, I know how you felt. Some things are just out of our control.”

“I'm not trying to beat this subject to death, but can't believe I failed to mentioned this one little tidbit. A year ago a child who had been taken away from her mother - because she moved too many times - was murdered by her foster mother.

A little of the story is here: http://www.centralmaine.com/news/stories/020201marr_b1k.shtml”

“I once knew a little girl that was rejected by both parents. The parents split up and neither would take care of the little girl. The girl was passed around from relative to relative and never had a home. The relatives were always mean to her and told her that they didn't want her at their house.


SO, we adopted her.
The best thing I ever did.
The End.”

“OH, MDSHiker, that's the best story I've heard in a really long time. Thank you for helping a child.”

“Very kewl MDS!”

“Maybe Medic Girl can shed some light on this one...it's in her area.

A 56 yr old grandfather tried to drive from Edmonton, Alberta to Ontario (3500 km trek) with 3 of his grandchildren. 2 of the girls were only 3 months old and their brother is 1 1/2 yrs old. The girls had been previously abused (broken ribs (not by the grandpa)). His car broke down twice during the trip.

They spent 3 hrs in the freezing cold (-25C) before being towed to a motel. The 2 girls died during the night, most likely from the abuse, although the bitter cold probably didn't help. Now everybody's pointing fingers.”

“Oh, man, I can't take these types of stories. I breaks my heart. MDS, your story is wonderful. I do not plan to have any more children biologically. I hope after I finish college and find a good paying I will be able to adopt. Your story further convinces me that this is a good decision.”

“MDSHiker, that was a sad story with a wonderful ending. Thank God you were there to step in.”

“The little girl was my neighbors granddaughter. She's 12 now, Irish, beautiful, smart, athletic. Obviously, she doesn't take after me. My wife and I had another daughter the week after this one moved in!!! That was tough.

I like having a house full of girls. I get hugged and kissed all the time!”

“I saw this on Yahoo earlier. I hope they find the #&%!$.”

“I saw video before I left for work.

I think the video did a better job of waking me up than the coffee.”

“sorry but couldnt read that one. The headline made me sick to my stomach!!!


can't do anything other then go home and hug the #&%!$ out of my kids and tell them how much I love them and to say sorry to my son for getting made at him........”

“This made me think of one of the first popular songs I remember which dealt very directly with child abuse (by the very under-rated Pat Benatar):

Hell is for Children
They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears
They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears
Forgive and forget, all the while
Love and pain become one and the same
In the eyes of a wounded child

Because Hell
Hell Is For Children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell
Hell Is For Children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh

It's all so confusing, this brutal abusing
They blacken your eyes, and then apologize
You're daddy's good girl, and don't tell mommy a thing
Be a good little boy, and you'll get a new toy
Tell grandma you fell off the swing

Because Hell
Hell Is For Children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell
Hell Is For Children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh

No, Hell Is For Children

Hell
Hell is for Hell
Hell is for Hell
Hell Is For Children

Hell
Hell is for Hell
Hell is for Hell
Hell Is For Children”