A Project For You, Newgirl!

“No, violin, I was working on the first version,,,,,,TD changed the thing around on me......

But you have a good point,,,,the new #8 is ambiguous.”

“Violin? I don't know HTML, but i am assuming that this: 'FORM METHOD=POST ACTION=http://www.armory.com/cgi-bin/purity-test' forces the rulez?”

“As a dayhiker (mostly, at least for now) I'm supposed to clean my boots? I don't think I've ever cleaned my boots. Whoops.”

“Well, my question was aimed at whether your brought them hiking.. not whether you used them.

I know folks who bring alcohol on the trail, which technically is illegal.”

“smiley girl: hehe.. I was trying to aim that question at the folks who think they have to look nice also.. and make a fashion statement on the trail.”

“I try not to look like a total dope, but sometimes I come close! My boots are not allowed in the house, they are kept in the garage. I wonder if they ever get lonely out there.”

“We died. What happened. Violin, are you still here? Is someone waiting on me? Do I have a deliveable?”

“x.) have you ever dug a cat hole with your foot

x+1.) have you ever stepped in sh!t someone did not cover up

x+2.) was it your own sh!t

x+3.) ever have your sh!t land completely in the cat hole

x+4.) ever assault a mountain biker with your trekking pole

x=5.) did you succeed in destroying the bike

x+6.) ever fall in a river while hiking

x+7.) did you get your butt wet

x+8.) did you get your head wet

x+9.) did someone else ever have to save your worthless hide while hiking

x+10.) ever get lost without your compass and map

oh well - just a few suggestions”

“hehe.. we are going to have one of those 500 questions purity tests!”

“TD, what's wrong w/ looking a little fashionable on the trail. I always try to make a statement! Kidding. Anyway, you and Violin need to get this all put together and then start a new thread where everyone can take the test. Fun. Fun times. Thanks for breaking up the boredom. I'm thrilled.”

“Serious answer: I'm glad newgirl..


Typical TD Answer: So I have to ask, were you one of those kids at Christmas time who ignored the toys, and had more fun playing with the box?”

“Yeah, that was me.”

“hey newgirl! you still at work?”

“I'm here TD. Just been busy, on the phone w/ my mom (aka daycare). Newergirl is runnin' a fever.”

“AH..ok.. well you are busy, and that's ok. Was just going ask you to call me, or I will call you -- but no problem -- maybe another time.”

“Yeah, I'm leaving work in like 5 mins. Sorry. Hey, do you have this test going or what? We need an official form, so everyone can enjoy the fruits of my whining! LOL!”

“heh.. I think violin is working on it.. but I never heard confirmation for sure.. :)”

“I think that you should some questions about nude hiking and tent sex.”

“ok more questions for the test:
y.) ever sleep in a tent

y.+1) ever sleep under a tarp

y.+2) ever sleep in a bivy

y.+3) ever sleep in a hammock

y.+4) ever cowboy camp

y.+5) ever have a shelter collapse on you while camping

y.+6) ever offend someone else with your smell

y.+7) ever out so long you don't even notice your smell

y.+9) every get a sudden lust to go backpacking from smelling some sweaty polypro

y.+9) ever refer to your self as a dirtbagger

y.+10) ever have an orgasm while camping in the backcountry

y.+11) was it shared with another person

y.+12) was the other person not your spouse

y.+13) was the other person a MOTSS

y.+14) ever get distracted on the trail while hiking past a tent whose inhabitants were making very suggestive noises

y.+15) ever get distracted by a couple having sex on or very near the trail without a tent or other visual barrier

y.+16) ever see someone you don't know taking a sh!t in the backcountry

y.+17) ever get observed yourself while peeing in the backcountry

y.+18) while sh!ting

y.+19) was the observer a strainger

y.+20) was the observer a weirdo

y.+21) have you ever mooned someone while camping

y.+22) was it deliberate

y.+23) have you ever seen someone hiking without clothing other than socks and boots / footwear

y.+24) have you ever backpacked without clothing other than footwear

y.+25) did you tuck a bandanna into your hip belt while hiking without clothes

... more to come”

“OK, I'm back. Is there an official list of qusestions? Once there is, I'll put everything together and post a new thread. TownDawg - The ball's in your court.



(another test)

Trail Talk Purity Test

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".

The "submit" button is at the bottom.

1. Have you ever urinated 'on the trail?


2. Have you ever snored loud enough to wake up everyone in the shelter?


3. Have you ever been a matt, the webmaster groupie?

”

“I am 100%!”

“hummm I suppose we could add a bunch of gear realted questions

z.) do you know the difference between a Gregory and a Kelty

z.+1) have you ever cooked a trail meal

z.+2) with a white gas stove

z.+3) with an alky stove

z.+4) with a wood burning stove

z.+5) with an open fire

z.+6) using a kerosene stove

z.+7) using diesel fuel in a multifuel stove

z.+8) ever have a stove flair up

z.+9) ever lose any hair to a fire from a stove

z.+10) ever leave a burn mark in a shelter

z.+11) ever start a brush fire

z.+12) that attracted official notice

z.+13) does the term Wiggy (sp?) Wars mean anything to you

z.+14) ever argue about your choices in gear

z.+15) ever argue about other peoples choices in gear

z.+16) ever make an alcohol stove

z.+17) ever make a tarp

z.+18) ever make a pack

z.+19) ever lose a hiking stick

z.+20) ever lose a food bag

z.+21) to a bear

z.+22) ever have a mouse run over your head while trying to sleep

z.+23) ever put a rock into someone else's backpack when they weren't looking

z.+24) ever have a rock slipped into your backpack while you weren't looking

z.+25) same question only instead of rock its a sixpack of beer

more to come”

“Hog has the question part down. You can dream up faster than I can read 'em.”

“Prolly wont get to it today.. swamped here at work.. maybe you guys can tie up the loose ends?

If not, I will get it done for you over the weekend.”

“heck - we got over 400 questions to go - someone else needs to get a little creative here (grin)”

“My recommendation is that HogOnIce finalizes the questions. He is obviously good at this.

Violin can then work his HTML magick, and we can all benefit from his incredible talent.

NewGirl should receive credit somewhere on the form for being our inspiration, and therefore owns the copyright on its intellectual property.”

“at the very least someone (newgirl?) needs to organize the questions”

“TownDawg -
Get your priorities straight man!
Ahh, I guess Monday will work.”

“Just like you people!.. Everyone wants the glory, but no one wants to work!

j/k!”

“Isn't that the American Way?”

“We’ll call it the:
TownDawg™ Trail Talk Purity Test”

“lol.. I dont want credit... Newgirl gets credit..

I just fed on her energy.”

“TD, Violin, and Hog can have the credit. I'd love a small mention about how my whining resulted in such a cool quiz for everyone to burn co. time taking. I mean, am I the queen of the whiners or what! HeHeHe! Thanks you guys this cool!”

“Blame it on Marvin Gardens”

“Ok here are the questions for TownDawg's TT Purity Test:





a. pranks

ever hide a rock in someone else's backpack when they weren't looking

was the rock more than five pounds

did the victum carry the rock more than a mile

ever have a rock slipped into your backpack while you weren't looking

did you discover it before hiking a mile

ever hide a sixpack of beer or a box of wine in someone else's backpack

did you share when it was discovered

ever pretend to be a bear so as to scare other hikers in your group

to scare strangers

just for the fun of it without scaring anyone

ever put booze into another hiker's water bottle

ever put a rubber snake into another camper's sleeping bag

a real snake

ever make strange noises at night to weird out the other campers

ever lock someone in the privy

ever think about leaving a backpacking parther behind to find their own way

did you do it

ever think about pushing a backpacking partner down a ravine

did you do it




b. huts, shelters, and leantos

ever have a mouse run over your head while trying to sleep

ever act like a weirdo so as to get more space

ever piss out the front of the shelter while others were in the shelter

ever pack in a mouse trap and see what sort of a score you can rack up in one night

ever pack in a pet snake to guard you stuff

ever leave a message in a shelter register

was it for someone hiking behind you

did it include drawings

was it obscene

ever snored loud enough to wake up everyone in the shelter?

even woken up beside someone, and you didn't even know his/her name



c. tents tarps etc.

ever sleep in a tent

ever sleep under a tarp

ever sleep in a bivy

ever sleep in a hammock

ever cowboy camp

ever have a tent collapse on you while camping

ever find out the hard way that the tent / tarp / whatever is no good in the rain



d. games

ever play fart baseball

with strangers

ever play cat's cradle around the campfire

ever use a frisbee as a dinner plate in camp and then throw it around also



e. AT specific

ever hear about Chip Lynard (sp?)

ever meet Chip

did you threaten to plant him under the shelter

ever meet the Barefoot Singing Sisters

ever meet Baltimore Jack

ever meet Hacksaw

did you hear him snore

ever give any trail magic

ever get any trail magic



f. relationships

do you pick your friends based on whether they hike and backpack

is one of the first things you look at with a MOTAS is their legs / butt to see how strong they look

do your cow orkers think you are weird

are you unknown to your neightbors because you are always "gone hiking"



g. weather

do you check the weekend forecast more than once a day

more than five times a day

do you own a NOAA weather radio

do you carry it with you backpacking



h. maps

do you know how to read a topo map

do you study / day dream using topo maps

have you ever drooled on a topo map

do you own a computer based topo map program

more than one



i. preparedness

can you get ready for a weekend backpacking trip in less than an hour

less than a half hour

less than 10 minutes

do you keep backpacking supplies and gear in your car/truck at all times



j. gear

do you own any goretex clothing

more than 3 pieces (count a pair of goretex boots as 1)

do you own any titanium equipment

more than 3 pieces / sets (ie 1 set of Ti tent stakes counts as 1)

are you boots always dirty / muddy

do you own a scale just to check the weight of your gear

does it read down to .1 ounce

does it read down to 1 gram

do you own more than 1 sleeping bag

more than 3

do you own more than one shelter (tent/tarp/bivy/hammock etc)

more than 3

do you own a bear canister

more than 1

ever argue about your choices in gear

ever argue about other peoples choices in gear

ever make an alcohol stove

ever make a tarp

ever make a pack

ever lose a hiking stick / trekking pole

ever lose a food bag

to a bear

ever have your pack stolen



k. stoves

ever have a stove flair up

ever lose any hair to a fire from a stove

ever leave a burn mark in a shelter

ever start a brush fire

that attracted official notice



l. pack weight

do you know your pack weight

to the nearest ounce

to the nearest .1 ounce

to the nearest gram

do you train with a heavier pack than you will ever use for real

is your summer time pack weight less than 40 lbs

less than 30 lbs

less than 20 lbs

less than 10 lbs



m. food / cooking

have you ever cooked a trail meal

with a white gas stove

with an alcohol stove

with a wood burning stove

with an open fire

using a kerosene stove

using diesel fuel in a multifuel stove

ever run out of food while backpacking

was it because of a bear getting the food

do you use a bear canister

can you hang a line for bear bagging food in less than 10 minutes

less than 2 minutes

ever have someone (other than yourself) say "I wish I could hang a line than fast"

ever cook a backpacking meal that takes more than one pot

more than 1 stove

ever cook something that you felt was not fit to eat

did you eat it anyways

ever clean a pot with your fingers and water

ever clean you pot with leaves or grass (no not that type)

ever clean your pot with sand / dirt

ever have such a mess in the pot you left it until you could use a dishwasher at home



n. nudity

ever mooned someone while backpacking

was it deliberate

ever been mooned while backpacking

ever seen someone hiking without clothing other than socks and boots / footwear and pack

was it a stranger

ever backpacked without clothing other than footwear and pack

did you tuck a bandanna into your hip belt while hiking without clothes




o. piss sh!t and screw

ever pissed 'on the trail'

was it really on the trail or off to the side

ever sh!t in a privy

have you ever dug a cat hole

with your foot

have you ever stepped in sh!t someone did not cover up

was it your own sh!t

ever have your sh!t land completely in the cat hole

ever start a fire with your used toilet paper

ever see someone you don't know taking a sh!t in the backcountry

ever get observed yourself while peeing in the backcountry

while sh!ting

was the observer a stranger

was the observer a weirdo

do you know what "mountain money" is

have you ever had to borrow some

ever use a rock instead of toilet paper

ever use leaves

ever use grass (no not that type)

ever use sticks

ever use snow

ever use you hand

was it your left hand

ever deliberately fart where someone would smell it and be disgusted

ever share a tent with someone of the opposite sex

with someone of the same sex

with any sort of animal

ever have an orgasm while camping in the backcountry

was it shared with another person

was the other person not your spouse

was the other person a MOTSS

was the other person an animal

really an animal

ever get distracted on the trail while hiking past a tent whose inhabitants were making very suggestive noises

ever get distracted by a couple having sex on or very near the trail without a tent or other visual barrier

ever bring a sex toy backpacking

was it battery operated

did you use it




p. hygiene

ever taken a bath in a stream

were you naked

were you observed

ever go more than 3 days without a bath on the trail

more than 5 days

more than a week

more than two weeks

ever offend someone else with your smell

ever been out so long you don't even notice your smell

ever get a sudden lust to go backpacking from smelling some sweaty polypro



q. trail names

did someone else give you your trail name

while on the trail / camping

do you greet strangers with your trail name

do the majority of people you hike with not know your real (or mundane) name



r. forgot ...

ever forget your water

your pack

your maps

your sleeping bag

your tent / tarp / etc.

your stove

your food

did you discover it after hiking 2 miles

after 5 miles

after 10 miles


s. other events

ever threaten to assault a mountain biker with your trekking pole

did you do it

did you succeed in destroying the bike

ever fall in a river while hiking

did you get your butt wet

did you get your head wet

did someone else ever have to save your ass while hiking

ever get lost without your compass and map

was it deliberate

ever backpack more than 5 miles in a day

more than 10 miles

more than 20 miles

more than 30 miles

ever hiked at night

without any artifical light (ie by moon / star light)

ever camp somewhere illegally (trespassing or against park regulations)

did you get caught

were you able to talk your way out of a ticket

ever break any other park rules wrt carrying illegal things

did you get caught

ever have a fire in a no fire area

did you get caught

ever get drunk while camping in the backcountry

have a hangover the next day

had to hike more than 5 miles with hangover

more than 10 miles

more than 20 miles”

“I think we have a winner.. :)

Your turn Violin..”

“Oh my..... how... prolific...


OK, I'll attempt it but it will take some time.”

“hehe.. well at least we have plenty of content.. :)..”

“actually there is a whole lot of other questions that could be added but I decided to let some one else come up with them

Violin - you should show newgirl how to cut and paste the html boilerplate around each of the questions and then get her to do it”

“That's what you'll have to do Violin, I no nothing about html or boilerplates! Man, Hog, you can really dream up some stuff.”

“I think it will be easier to do it myself than to try and teach you over the internet. I just need to finish a few other things first. There are 12 pages of questions there!”

“Also, I may not be the best girl for the job . . . . considering I don't seem to KNOW the difference between NO and KNOW. Geez, did Tea invaded my mind or what?! LOL! Take all the time you want, I'm getting plenty of entertainment on the welfare thread right now. Twelve Pages?! Are you kidding!?”

“Double spaced but yeah, 12 pages.
He's like the Energizer Bunny!”

“And I thought I was the bored one?! LOL!”

“well I would have been out doing trail maintenance Sunday but I had hurt my leg doing TM Saturday and doing the questions was relaxing fun - besides there was nothing else that was interesting to do in the afternoon/evening”

“Well thanks. That lazy TownDawg quit after 10 or so questions. Someone had to do it. I just hope there is enough room in cyberspace.”

“I haven't forgotten about this, really. I've gotten through #125 and just want to test if it will handle so many questions.

Trail Talk Purity Test

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".

The "submit" button is at the bottom.

1. Have you ever urinated 'on the trail?


2. Have you ever snored loud enough to wake up everyone in the shelter?


3. Have you ever been a matt, the webmaster groupie?

This is only a test. If this had been an actual
Trail Talk Purity test, you would have been notified which thread to tune to in your viewing area.”

“Next time, HOI has to write in Dr. Seuss format.”

“lol... well hey.. no one can say we are not prolific.. :)”

“Trail Talk Purity Test

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".

The "submit" button is at the bottom.

1. Have you ever urinated 'on the trail?


2. Have you ever snored loud enough to wake up everyone in the shelter?


3. Have you ever been a matt, the webmaster groupie?

”