Rejected Valentines Day Cards

“Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk. But
the thing I like best,is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, unless,
one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the sto.
In hopes that later, you'd be my ho.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish
it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . . . . .SO,
MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . . . . .
but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy, or silly, or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!”

“The (1) is the best.And I like how number 2 goes...:)”

“what's wrong with 'em??”

“Numbers 5 and 8 are the best!”

“Hall Mark wouldn`t take this one either, but the guy I talked to did buy just one!LOL


You stuck with me even when things were hard
I remembered that so, I bought you this card
you got me fired and you talked that cop into giving me a ticket
here`s your damn card sweetheart, you know where you can stick it
I remembered you like it kinky so I got this rope for you and ten gallons of gas
here`s a match, talk dirty to my no havin` a job, goat smellin`, no money makin` ass
all that sappy talk of love and desire
to hell with that, I want to light your fire
to hell and gone with you then sweetheart along with your fancy handbag, it`s all gone up in smoke
this time it was just a card, cross me again and the next time it happens you won`t get the joke”

“Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see...
Broken hearts are for #&%!$s
Broken hearts are for #&%!$s
Are you an #&%!$?
Broken hearts are for #&%!$s
Are you an #&%!$ too?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an #&%!$...”

“Tell me why the stars do shine,
Tell me why the ivy twines,
Tell me what makes skies so blue,
And I'll tell you why I love you.

Nuclear fusion makes stars to shine,
Tropisms make the ivy twine,
The Tyndall effect makes the skies so blue,
Testicular hormones are why I love you.


From The Joke Book of Isaac Asimov
(Tyndall effect substituted for Rayleigh scattering by RMF)”

“A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

“When I was younger I dreamed of the woman I would marry.

She would be beautiful, with the face of an angel and the body of a goddess. She could hold intelligent discussions on any subject. She’d be athletic and free spirited. She would be a gourmet chef and an expert gardener.




















Imagine my disappointment when I ended up with YOU!”

“yow, LOL

I was expecting something like:

"Now I'll be satisfied with 3-ft. tall, flat head and mute with no teeth."”

“I met my wife in a Laundromat. Only later did I find out that a Laundromat was a really bad place to pick up a woman, because a woman who can't even afford her own washing machine would never be able to support me.”