Fasting

“I have my annual physical today. I have to fast for 12 hours for the blood work. Why is it that I can skip breakfast, no coffee when it doesn't matter, but when I know I can't eat or drink a ravenous hunger strikes and I get the caffine cravings?

My appointment is at 9:30 so I guess I will have an early lunch afterwards. I got a pretty good doctor too. He has very small hands.”

“only problem with a doctor with small hands - he will have to go in up to the wrist to check things out”

“Be glad your doctor's not a good looking chick...that would be bad indeed.”

“To answer your question, it's because you're a psycho.

And I hear it's good to have small hands if you're a surgeon or a mechanic.

Good point, Skully. Now turn your head and cough.”

“It's so you don't fart, have to take a #&%!$ or maybe get sick and puke from the tests.

Don't forget to turn your head to one side when he grabs you and makes you cough.”

“when I had the tests that eventually led to my gall bladder being removed, they gave me the Gall Bladder Test of Torture, where they make you lie on a narrow rack, then pump you full of wonderful chemicals while they take a picture of your gall bladder and figure out if it works or not.

During that procedure, they give you a drug that makes your gall bladder contract and expel its contacts. It also make you very nauseated. I'm sure that the only reason they keep you from eating before that one is so you don't puke on their nice clean floor.”

“Keeeey-rist, bacpac, how many of these "tests" do you get a year? Ya sure that's his HAND he's sticking up there?”

“I was telling Birch how bad my a@@ hurt from my last check up. If it happens again I'm finding a new dentist!”

“LOL,.. been there and had that done to me,.. that was one of the worst days of my life.

Helpful hints,... don`t get him mad at you before you bend over and grab up some of the table and don`t crack jokes while he`s fishin` off around in there.

I was tricked into that once, but never again! I`ll have to be more than half dead the next time!LOL”

“Here's a tip: be wary if you see both hands on your shoulders.”

“LMAO @ Nigal,.. I `bout coughed up a lung reading that!LOL”

“The doc said he would send me the results of my blood and urine samples in a week. Beyond that he agreed with Tilt's diagnosis.

I am a psycho.

Skully, I don't mind it when a good looking woman is poking around my @ss.

Buddur, The fasting is to insure blood sugars, enzimes, etc are not distorted by diet.

Nigal, Floss.

Kleetn, My last physical was in 1999.

Small hands or not it still hurt. I thought he was looking for another way out before it was over with.

Enjoy your lunch.”

“Great one nigal.”

“Mooooon river! you got your whole fist up there doc?”

“Matthew 15:17
Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated?”

“I keep telling people how GOOD IT FEELS TO HAVE AN EMPTY STOMACH, an empty feeling in the intestines, a feeling of lightness, of deep relaxation in that area. There’s even a feeling of RENEWED STRENGTH AND ENERGY, which is an empirical observation that most people experience after a good bowel movement. Now you feel better, you feel lighter, you feel stronger, you feel happier. Did it come from eating, or did it come from eliminating? It proves that the body has innate energy, which is BLOCKED BY FOOD and by the whole process of digestion, and that by removing these obstructions, the body’s innate energy is restored.”

“When my doctor, named Esmerelda, gave me the finger she said, ..."the prostate fells OK to me..."
Says I, "I don't know, it felt pretty funny to me!"

She almost laughed.
This chick-ee-ta was waaaaayyyy too serious!


But really, do WE need to know this schit?”

“Ooops!
That'd be ".....feels OK to me...."”

“I remember the first time I had a colonic irrigation. Afterwards I felt so great, IT WAS INDESCRIBABLE. I felt like I could JUMP TEN FEET HIGH, and I truly felt "high." I felt like the best I ever felt, on the finest spring morning, in my earliest childhood memories. I’m sure you can remember times in your youth when you felt so great. Well, that was the feeling I had after I had my first colonic irrigation. I had the same experience when I tried it about a month later, and then one-month after that...

I had been a strict vegetarian for about 3 years, and most of that time a fruitarian. I had FASTED ON OCCASIONS, and taken enemas on occasion, because I understood the importance of a clean colon and intestines. Prior to this first colonic, I fasted on just fruit for a few days, and also gave myself an enema before undergoing the process.

The colonic doctor laid me down on the table on my back. The warm water went in and out for about 45 minutes, and the doctor described things I had been eating several days before. I kept feeling LIGHTER AND LIGHTER, as every time he let the water out, I could feel my belly emptying its contents, and shrinking, getting smaller and smaller. Finally, after about 45 minutes of this, I thought the process was done. I thought he had CLEANED ME OUT COMPLETELY. I was lying on my back all this time. The doctor told me to sit up, and go to the toilet. I thought to myself: "This doctor is crazy. There’s nothing in me." But was I wrong!

I was lucky that the room with the toilet was only a few feet away. By standing up, gravity began to pull down what the colonic had loosened. The doctor told me to go use the toilet. But laying on my back, I didn't feel like I had to go. But as soon as I stood up, I felt this strong, sudden urge to defecate! Lucky the toilet was right there, because as soon as I sat on the toilet, the stuff just started coming out of me, like black water, with a color that was literally "black" and it SMELLED ABSOLUTELY PUTRID! This was stuff I was carrying around in my intestines for years, as dried up fecal matter that stuck the walls of my intestines. (By the way, I have always been a relatively slender person). This black stuff had been STUCK IN MY INTESTINES FOR YEARS, as dried-up fecal matter. Neither short fasts, nor enemas, nor fruitarian diet (for 2 years) was able to loosen or remove this vast amount of intestinal crud and debris, which took only about an hour at the doctor's office, including 20 minutes sitting on the toilet, where I had constant, watery, black, putrid-smelling diarrhea for about 20 minutes without let up, and had to flush the toilet about once every 2 minutes, just to clear the air, so I could breathe, because it smelled so bad! I'm glad this stuff came out of me, because, as I described earlier, I felt afterwards so good, like I had never felt in many years. I FELT TOTALLY REJUVENATED!”

“Mat 23:26
Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.”

“LOL!
Marvin... you find some wonderful material on the web. thanks for turning us on to the site! Its hysterical.

(http://www.jesus-diet.com/stopeating.htm)”

“Those THOUGHT STEALING, INTER-DIMENSIONAL BEINGS have been up to their tricks again!”

“Get real Marvin. When was the last time you had an original thought?”