Dumbest thing you ever saw in the backco untry

“One year while camped at the pick up point on a remote river in Alaska, a grizzled old guy floated up with a plywood chuck box lashed to the back of his top-heavy, practically-sinking raft.

Out of this, he pulled 4 steel legs, which turned the box into a kitchen table. He also produced a cast iron Dutch oven, a variety of cast iron skillets, and one of those giant coffee pots like Chop Sing used on Bonanza. Alas, he was out of coffee (probably trying to conserve weight).

Then, for his finale, he whipped out an actual chain saw. This, he proceeded to use with great zeal. It seems his personal goal was to clear-cut the area before his bush plane arrived. He would then soak his new green wood in white gas to try and get it to burn.

I thought of trying to stop him, but Alaska is a big land (and his group were heavily armed).

Instead, I warmed my freezing bones at his pathetic excuse for a campfire.

He kind of reminded me of the bad guy in a Disney movie (pick any Disney movie).”

“That was Hop Sing!”

“Ah, so it was.

So Sorry; it's been awhile.
:)”

“Toumne Meadows campground in '99 --
Went down to the river one morning to fetch water. In the middle of the river was a big boulder sticking out. On top of this was a large german man with his knickers around his ankles, doing his business. Toilet paper and sh*t covered the entire boulder. We kept making jokes in our best Ahnuld voice -- "Now I will be dumping all over this huge rock".

Then that night, a group of maybe 20 noisy French came running through our campsite. In a deep french accent one asked "Have you seen ze beer?" What? "Ze beer, have you seen it"? Huh, no we don't have any beer. "No, No!!! Ze, beer, ze beer"... Oh, the BEAR... yeah, it went that way.

It sure felt good to leave the next day.”

“A hundred feet up between a spire and the side of a ridge...three really bright fellows were using simple diaper slings with a tube rope leader, taking running starts to the edge, and leaping off the ridge and sailing UPSIDE down across the void...oblivious to the danger of equipment failure or falling out of the slings...I left them there to figure out how to carry the body of the first to die...”

“These guys were walking down the trail talking about syllogisms and formal rules of logic...”

“ok so shoot me, spell tyrolian with a "Y"”

“Fritz wins.”

“This weekend I enjoyed and overnighter in the sipsey wilderness. On my way out nearing the trailhead I walked across a campsite that was truly nauseating. Bubba and his cooler camping buddies had managed to construct their still blazing bonfire ring right smack dab in the middle of the trail. Although they were long gone, beer cans, diapers, wipes, and toilet paper was scattered or hanging from every nearby limb like some sick Halloween prank. Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. I was able to get most of the diapers into the fire but the rest was more trash than two hikers could carry.

This story didn't occur in the backcountry but while bass fishing I had the privilege to see a man do a face plant trying to ski off a pier. The ski’s fins grabbed the deck and he failed to let go of the rope. The guy was really hurt but all we could do was point and laugh.”

“I vote for Fritz.”

“...I just didn't want you to know.”

“trailhound..which trailhead..i feel like going and busting heads..THAT"S MY BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!..i think one week this year i'll hide out near bad areas like that with my paintball gun and pop idiots...god i'm pissed now”

“I agree OPIE. That's close to home. Thompson Creek trailhead has some campsite close the trailhead. That would be my guess.”

“Sequoia NP, early 1970's.

Camped at a flat about 200 feet from the stream. Later, almost dark a group of about 10 came along and camped right at the stream edge on the opposite side. When I went over to talk to them they told me they were a group from the sierra club and further conversation convinced me they were. They had a HUGE bonfire through most of the night. The next morning they left early. I went to check out their camp, and there was trash and garbage strewn everywhere. The fire was still smoldering. Several trees had been freshly hacked or cut. Didn't even bury their toilet.

I wrote a nasty letter to the sierra club headquarters but never received a reply.

I've been sour on them ever since.”

“trailhound57?.. I know those guys!! Ask HPM -- that must have been Millipede and his army of fun!”

“One of the more recent incidents (last year) involved a bunch of motocross riders on NF land closed to ORVs. We hiked in about seven miles to an alpine lake. They obviously had entered illegally, probably from the adjacent private land. They proceeded to scar up an entire mountainside by high marking as far up as they could until their bikes would propel them no higher. The engine noise reverberated throughout the entire basin we were in. It was just me, the gf and our mutt and there were about six of them, so I was hestiant to tell them off. All I could do is wait for them to leave and the silence to return. Friggin' rednecks!”

“Well I haven't met Fritz, so:

I'd have to say these two guys on the Maine AT who were totally overpacked.... I tried their packs and they must have been 80 pounds each. They had a 12 pound Coleman Propane Grill and 10 days supply of MRE's and canned CDInty Moore stew. They also had a full sized axe. However, they had no tent and were in sorry shape when they couldn't make the shelter the second night. We bailed them out on Saddleback. They were planning to backpack for 10 days. They bailed on the third, even after giving away a lot of their stuff.

(jess needling you back Fritz, no offense taken here)”

“Was hikeing deep in the El Yunque(SP?) rain forest on NE Puerto Rico. Came across a lady @ seven miles from the road in gold lamme high heels. BIZZARRO!!!!!”

“Hot! Did you invite her to share your tent?”

“Opie, dayhiker the campsite was just about a mile west of the large waterfall off trail 209. I may have the trail number mixed up though. Saturday and Sunday there were more visitors in the Sipsey than I have seen since last Memorial Day. I personally talked to over 20 parties of hiker and dayhikers. 3 of the parties were boyscout troops with more than 15 in there group. With the increased traffic, Sipsey really could use a good clean up day around the trailheads.”

“Wow, that waterfall is about 1 mile from the trailhead. That means they had to go 2 miles in and out. 4 miles usually weeds out the bubba campers. Sipsey is becoming a victim of its own beauty. I was there weekend before last but stayed off trail most of the trip. I did see lots of folks in Bee Branch. I purposely camp away from that area due to overuse.”

“I looked in a portable mirror once while camping..”

“Yeah, it’s amazing the Sipsey even 5 yrs ago was a little known secret. Only locals really knew the area well. I really think it is one of those small rare places that will suffer. Occasional volunteers groups do almost 100% of the trail work. I was shocked when my friend told me a few weeks ago that he saw a ranger doing some clean up chores on the trail.”

“2 weeks ago was the first time I had ever seen a ranger up there. He was handing out questionaires to be sent to the NFS.”

“I'd like to lend a hand to clean up this trail..more than just trash pickup...dunno how though..any of ya'll wanna do a work trip?”

“The main thing I've seen that's a problem is the huge amount of logs. Not being able to use a chain saw really sucks. Gojo mentioned getting a cleanup trip to Sipsey as well. I could go. If this happens it might be a good idea to get some boy scout troops to lend a helping hand. I would think this could count as a service project for them.

If HPM is around he could maybe advise how a scout master might respond to this proposal”

“I'd be for going with a group to do some cleanup...do we have to get permission somehow? Does anyone know?

I know we can't use chainsaws to clear blowdowns, and little bowsaws won't be enough. Where do we find one of those big two-man crosscut saws like loggers used to use?

Does anybody have any idea on how to do this safely?”

“PS. On the questionair I mentioned I actually put that it would be a good idea to get about half a dozen trail clubs to rotate trail maint. in the area. It seems that there would be enough traffice from B'ham, Huntsville, and Quad Cities area so that each club would only have to be out once every 3 months or so.”

“To add to gordon's Sierra Clubbers story...
On my first trip to Isle Royale, back about 1980, a group of about a dozen was forming up under the direction of a strapping young man clad in some high end-name form-fitting navy blue fleece pullover and leggings. It was a Sierra Club trip and each mostly middle-aged person had a monster backpack on, plus a full daypack reversed on their chests. Loads were immense, but one guy still had a full-size heavy-duty tripod strapped on top of his pack.

The leader, with his own huge pack and reversed daypack, was accompanied by his woman, also clad entirely in navy blue fleece, with a huge backpack on, and a Snuggly-type baby carrier on her chest and an extremely young infant inside it.

My brother and I hurried to get on the trail (which is pretty rocky and rooty) with our seemingly miniscule 30-35 lb. packs, yet after awhile, the leader speed hiked past us alone. Before we reached Daisy Farm some 8 miles from Rock Harbor, he came back past us without any packs, then later passed us again with his woman's pack on. She, with the baby, apparently was left to guide the customers. Luckily, we found a campsite away from the group area and never encountered that bunch again. But with loads like that, they probably didn't get far under the leadership of that over achiever. I bet there were some who had backpacking ruined for them in the first day's hike, as well as the Isle Royale experience.”

“Hey we might be more successful if we began a new thread. This may not be the place for this.

There is a problem with logs on the trail. However, many of those logs are great for preventing trail erosion during the up coming seasonal downpours. Because sipsey lack an official trail maintainers, which would cut the debris and repair the fallen area, it may be more profitable to just cut a wedge out of the logs. This requires some talent. The abundance of fire rings heaps of ashes and trash in them caught my attention most this weekend.”

“If we're mainly talking trash and fire rings then what if two groups were formed. Each group would have shovels and garbage bags. One starts at Thompson Creek and the other starts at the main trailhead. Meet in the middle at Bee Branch and head up there for same. If some one has a canoe the trash could be loaded there and float down to the main trailhead. The whole thing could be done in one Saturday.”

“I saw a man standing high on a a cliffs edge that had the underneath of it scooped out so there was no support under where he was standing. I thought for sure he was going to fall, and watched him for a little while. I didn't want to miss it, but he didn't fall.”

“I watched some newbies chasing their free standing dome tent, the wind was blowing it like a tumble weed across the prairie... except their tent ended up in the lake.

It dried out before dark but there was quite a stir while they were chasing it. :)”

“It's a good story just the same. A big burly man friend was doing work in a persons backyard. He spotted a crow on the fence, then saw a baby rabbit running all around the yard right into the fencing.

He saw the rabbits eyes were closed, and figured the crow had pecked them out, and would soon be picked to death or eaten by nearby hawks.

He took the bunny with the pecked out eyes home with him. Later he took the bunny to the veternarian who informed him that the bunnies eyes were not pecked out, but closed because he was only a few weeks old, LMAO, when I heard this.”

“When I see people who have never gone backpacking and on there first trip they bring the dumbest things out.”

“I saw a man in DRAG and another woman standing outside of their car near a trailhead in the Water Gap on Sunday. The thing was that it was a trailhead on Old Mine Rd on the NJ side and I couldn't figure out what reason they had for being there since they were both dressed up and wearing high heels.”

“I saw Marvin peeing in his foil hat and then drinking it”

“I remember that a couples years back when this site was in a totally different format that there was a thread similar to this one. I believe the thread was titled "The strangest thing you ever saw while backpacking." I'll never forget some of the things people saw. One person claimed they saw two women many miles down a trail in Banff. They were both carrying suitcases, 2 for each them, no packs. Another story was were someone saw some weekend warriors rolling a home grill down a trail in the Smokies...one of the big propane ones with wheels that you would have on your porch!

I wish Matt could dig that old thread up!!!!”

“One of my friends went camping with his buddies a few years back. They were sitting around a campfire drinking beer and shooting the #&%!$.
One knucklehead brought along some .22 ammo and started throwing them into the fire one by one. My, it was pretty when the shell explored and send ambers flying. Unfortunately, one bullet hit my friend in the wrist...that sobered them up. They had to leave immediately to the hospital to sew him up.”

“I was on a trip in the BWCA and happend to camp on an island across from a couple of nude sun bathers. Now this was a boy scout group I was with mind you. Surprisingly a lot of guys took their binoculars fishing with them.”

“hiway 33 ,31 miles north of Ojai, ca. at the top of the pass (elev.6000ft), a homeless guy pushing a shopping cart!!!this is a steep,long climb but the thing is he wasnt coming from ojai but from the frazier park side.He was at least 55 miles from the nearest supermarket with shopping carts!!I saw him a few days later down in ojai!”

“Stanlee's story is winning now in my book.”

“Thanks Artex..

"explored" = exploded

BTW, his left wrist still doesn't freely rotate smoothly (It's over 12 years now). Lucky none of them got shot in the heart or head.”

“I think Stanlee's story qualified for a Darwin Award honorable mention.

Dumbest thing I've seen on the trail? A stupid, ignorant, a$$hole father taking his elementary school kids mountain biking, off trail, through the high grass. This was in the the middle of rattler season, and they had to swerve around a "stay on the trail" sign. I got money that says one of them makes the Darwin Awards.”

“Some moron couple who decided it was more important to have a full size pillow and foot long zuchinis than their tent on Isle Royale. They had no shelter and nothing to construct one out of. All the shelters were full and would be their entire trip (August). No one would share w/ them but Birch and me. Their zucchini sure was good.”

“I saw a boy scout troop leader carrying a whole watermelon on N Manitou Island.”

“I've posted this story before, but here goes. Last summer coming out of the Beartooths, we ran across a group who had pitched their tents on the trail. They also had a huge fire ring, still smoldering, when there were fire restirctions posted at the trailhead, and garbage strewn about. They had packed in a couple coolers too! This was about 4 miles in. We didn't see anyone and proceeded down the trail. We ran across more of their garbage; t-shirts, beer/pop cans, and a cast iron skillet sitting on yet another fire ring. We knew it was them since it was some of the same stuff we saw at the camp.

The best part was, that just as I was cursing, "where's a ranger when you need one?", the wilderness ranger came around a bend headed up the trail headed towards us. We provided statements and he took off to issue a few citations. He was pretty pissed about the fire violations since it was pretty dry up there and could have really blown up. That made my day!”

“We walked up on a woman with three full-grown German Shepherds in the Sangre's. Now, not to rehash the "dog" threads, (because I know your dog is always well-behaved on the trail), but was this woman packing 30lbs. of dog food? We were at least two days from an trailhead.”

“On our visit last August to the Bob Marshall my friend and I ran into a guy that had been in the backcountry for longer than he could remember. The gentleman was really helpful and friendly and welcomed us into his camp for a cup of hot tea. When asking his name he replied by saying it was Eric Randolph. I noticed my friend immediately began to act as if we were in a hurry to get back on the trail. A few miles down the trail my friend ask me if I could remember the name of the Atlanta Olympic/Alabama Abortion Clinic bomber. I said oh yeah his name was Eric Rudolph.”