Men vs Women Rehash

“Okay, primetime is on soon. Let's see:

Survivor-Marquesas
Friends (There's a show about missing intelligence)
Charmed (Witches)
PowerPuff Girls (Nevermind)
Biography (Good show)
SpongeBob SquarePants (Former TT'er)”

“I think SpongeBob is still a TT'er!

8)”

“Fox News, watch O'Reily rip somebody a new bodily orifice.”

“What about catdog?


8)”

“Catdog gives me the willies. I'd rather watch Animal Planet.”

“OK, I'm gonna have the last word on this man/woman thing.
Men were created by the Big Daddy first. The fact that "The Man Upstairs" is a man should be enough to keep women in their place. However, the fact that you are also the product of our ribs should make an air-tight case for your position, (below men). Can you handle it?”

“ooooooooooh, dunadan's gonna get it now!”

“Dang! I was hoping you women wouldn't be smart enough to read that. Did they let you go to school past 3rd grade?”

“Obviously Dunadan never made it to the fourth grade to see that all the girls were still there. Nowadays, they mainstream kids like you into the regular classrooms under the theory that you would receive a less sheltered education. Too late for you though. ..;~D”

“I love you too! It was fun while it lasted.”

“*Big Grin*

Hey, someone loves me!”

“TT women rock my world!”

“Dunadan....

"Woman was created from the rib of Man, she was not created from his feet to be stepped on...Nor his head to top him. She was made from his side to be equal to him, from beneath his arm to be protected by him and near his heart to be loved by him."

Isn't that sweet? NOW be nice!=)”

“you guys make my day! I need to see all of this teasing and see that its all in fun!! Right???
:)”

“you can figure out with you score if you need to bash orThis is for you guys, but you ladies will smile and nod your heads in agreement. I can see
it now.For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with
women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do
something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are
subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the
way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow...................................+8
but return with beer..........................-5
and no liners................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat.................................................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking
buddy........................-2
Named Tiffany.................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer..........................-10
With breast implants.........................-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday......................................0
You buy a card and flowers.....................................0
You take her out to dinner.................................... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team..........-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal..................................................0
The pal is happily married....................................+1
The pal is single.............................................-7
He drives a Ferrari..........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).................-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2
It's called Death Cop III.....................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid to it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts......................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding...........................-10
You reply, "Where?"..................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"..............-100
Any other response...................................-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes...............................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear
her saying "well, what do you think I should do".....-50
You have fallen asleep......................................-200
be bashed..”

“Big Daddy Don Garlits?”

“Sassafras, that is beautiful. And right on target!”

“Adam was enjoying his first day in the garden, naming the animals and swinging through the trees, but after awhile was feeling a little lonely.

The Lord said, “Adam, I’ve got just the thing for you. It will be a beautiful creature, like you but different, who will be a delight for your eyes. She will be a perfect companion and friend, play with you, give you wonderful feelings, caress you and care about your innermost desires. She will talk and laugh with you, never argue or complain, smile at you and blow you kisses and wink and make you feel like a real man. Not only that, she will cook and clean for you, pick up your things, make your lunches, cut your hair, make your bed and be up in the morning before you to make your breakfast, and . . . ”

“Whoa, that sounds great,” Adam interrupted, “but what will it cost?”

“Well, that’s the hard part,” God answered; “It’s going to cost you an arm and a leg.”

Adam thought for a moment, turned his head and sighed. After a long pause, he turned back to the Lord and bargained, “How much can I get for a rib?””

“You think we've got it bad?”

“Hasn't science proved, beyond a doubt, that males are physically superior to females?”

“It's not 'bashing' if its the truth.”

“Two earthly genders
Women feeling, Men building
And then there's Kleetn.”

“By the way.. did you hear that comment last night on survivor?..

He said, "well I just think the team who is strong, ultimately will win.. so we need as many GUYS as we can get."”

“Hiding in the rain
Cuddling with squirrels for warmth
We see you, Kleetn.

Want to change yourself?
It's 093358
Gracious lizs”

“Your wives told you to say that, right?”

“Yes, dear!”

“You know, Kleetn, some people are married because they want to be. And there was actually a woman who would agree to it. How's it working out for you?”

“Cat got your haiku?”

“Calm down silly Dun!
I love women. Everyone
should own one or two.

I beg forgiveness
on bended knee. I look up
your red mini-skirt.”

“One word to describe
Predicament of Kleetn
Unmarraigeable.

Sorry, good buddy
The ascerbic wit unleashed
Has its own life now.”

“Tired of this game,
I now prepare myself for
Couch Hockey for One.”

“When haiku appears
The regulars run away
Lonely Dunadan

Slap shots on squirrel
There's nothing like a good puck
Take care of your stick”

“He shoots! He scores! O
solo mio! Who's up next?
There ain't no goalie!”

“that is beautiful and right on target.”

“HAHA!! that's funny kleetn.
(laughs nervously)

Damn, you're right.”

“A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final
approach.

The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our
final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us
today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto.

"He forgets to switch off the intercom.

Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The co-pilot says to the pilot. Well skipper, what are you going to
do in Toronto?"

Now all ears are listening to this conversation.

Well" says the skipper, "first I'm going check into the hotel and
take a crap. Then I'm going take that new stewardess out for supper,
you know, the one with the huge boobs. I'm going wine and dine her,
take her back to my room and put it to her all night."

Everyone on the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess.

She's so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try
and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the
aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to run, dear.
He's gotta take a #&%!$ first."”