Party Success Levels

“How To Tell If You're Throwing A Successful Party



__ / .-

- Festivity Level One - /.-' |/,-'`

.--. // _.-'''-._

Your guests are sitting //~`_\//_ _.;.--._.--.;._

around chatting, nibbling '--| // .|` /( O / \ O )\ `

the party food, sipping |~~~~~| ; '-' '-' ;

their drinks. They are _|__' | | (_) |

admiring your house and / __) '| | . . |

stand around the piano | __) | | `-.___.-' | .-. _

singing songs. | ___)' | ; \.-./ ; | | / |

|~~| .| \ `-` / __| |/ /_

| |====;___'._ _.'__ (_ _)

- Festivity Level Two - \ /\"""""/\ `\ `| .'`

'----------.`-`\^/`-`. \ |~~|

Your guests are talking | /~\ |`\ \ | |

loudly, occasionally to one another. | |\| | \ `y |

They are wolfing down the food, | |\| | \ /

gulping their drinks, rearranging | |\| | '.__.'

your house and sitting on the piano |___|\|___|

singing "I Gotta Be Me." |===\_/===|

| |

| L |

- Festivity Level Three - | | |

| | |

Your guests are holding < < |

conversations with inanimate | | | jgs

objects, gulping other peoples' |____|____|

drinks, wolfing down Busch and .---' / \

dancing around the piano shout- / /| |

ing the words to "I Can't Get No '.______.' | |

Satisfaction". \__/



&

_____(_)____ - Festivity Level Four -

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Your guests, food smeared across

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ their naked bodies, are capering

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ around your burning house in some

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ unholy ritual. The piano is

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ missing.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Unless you rent your home, or own

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ heavy firearms, you generally don't

^^^^^^^^^^^^\^^^^/^^^^^^^^^^^^ want your parties operating above

__.-)__(-,__ Level Three. The true test of

./' \_\_/_/ `\. party success, however, is whether

/ > | //\ | < \ or not the police arrive. If they

/ \ | |/| | / \ do arrive, your job as host is to

/ |\ | |/| | /| \ see that they don't arrest anyone.

/ /| \ | |/| | / |\ \ If they are intent on arresting

( ( | \| |/| |/ | ) ) someone, your job is to see that

\ \| Y |/| Y |/ / it isn't you. Following is an

\ | o| |/| |- | / example of how to successfully

`\ | | `^` | | /' handle this situation.

`| o|=[Ll=|- |'

| / \ | Police: "We've come in response to the

~~|` \ `|~~ complaints."

| | |

| | | You: "Complaints? It isn't about the

| | | drugs, is it?"

| | |

| | | Police: "No, sir, not drugs."

| | |

| | | You: "The guns, then? They're complaining

| | | about the guns?"

|____|____|

/ / \ \ Police: "No, sir. It's about the noise."

jgs / / \ \

`---' `---` You: "Oh, that's all right then. 'Cause

there sure aren't any guns or drugs

[An explosion sounds here, heh heh."

somewhere behind you]



You: "Or fireworks either! The neighbors complained, did they?"



Police: "No, sir. The neighbors all fled inland hours ago. The

recent complaints have come from Kansas."



[At this point a Volkswagen Bug, painted in various arcane symbols,

roars out of the living room, down the hall past you and the

policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree.

Eight naked bodies tumble out, moaning.]



You: "There, you see? It's winding down already."”

“nope.. sorry.. it doesn't format right.. if you want it.. let me know.. will email it to you guys..

it was cute.

:)”

“You owe your employer an apology. Slacker! LOL!”

“Sure, zip it on over. It reminds me of a party I threw (with emphasis on ballistic flight)... in the late 80's... I think.”

“I think you should abandon your writing career! (LOL)”

“If you get some, then ANY party is a successful one.”

“It ain't all 'bout sex ya know. A successful part has got to end up down at the town dump for some rat shootin'!”

“FW to tilt.”

“*    *”

“*                      *”

“Just doing a little test there. TT is set up to ignore multiple, concurrent spaces and collapse them into a single space. To overcome this, replace your regular spaces with the magical &nbsp or non-breaking space. Most browsers will read &nbsp as a blank space (don’t ask how I made it visible).”

“( ! )”

“{_!_}”

“Link to "HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE THROWING A SUCCESSFUL PARTY" (about 3/4 of the way down on page).”

“Poster: Violin

Infraction: Poor word choice [concurrent]”

“What the?????

8|”

“heh.. just what we need.. a QC person around here.

by the way.. you still got QC?.. I thought everyone had went to QA by now.”

“LOL!

I've been busted by Quality Control!

Of course I meant confluxible.”

“concatenated?

cuntiguous?

< ? >”

“&

haha”

“Rat shootin'? Who needs it, when you got good old-fashioned cow tippin'? Geez, Nigal, get w/ the hillbilly groove.”

“Puttin' a sail on yer bike and seein' who can go the furthest without peddlin'. I had to hitchhike back from South Dakota one time.

I remember going to a party in the bad old days where most of the people were on downers. It was almost as fun as walking through the morgue.”

“sex is not the answer.













sex is the question.

"yes" is the answer.”

“Is your QC ISO 9000 or 9001 or 9002??????

8)”