Lá le Páidrig Agat!

“Here's a wee bit o' humor in honor of this Irish holiday:

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "That's them". The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of them birds in that cageup there," says Gerry, "Put them in a paper bag." The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "This looks like a grand place, eh?" says Gerry. "Oh, yeh, this looks good," replies Paddy. They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Phuck thatt, this *budgie jumpin' is too phuckin' dangerous for me"


*budgie: aka a parakeet”

“A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun. "Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, "Bejasus that parrotshootin is too dangerous for me."”

“A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'paperr bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself of the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Phuck me Sean, first their was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, them Seamus parrotshootin and now you phuckin' hen gliding"”

“LMAO.. to funny Goose!”

“Ahhh, if only there were a suitable holiday for me to display my repertoire of Polack jokes. Alas, there are none.

Green check (not to be confused with a green Czech)! Everybody make sure you're wearing a bit 'o the green today!”

“Goose - funny jokes! They were poultry in motion.

(get it?)”

“Once upon a time not toooooo terribly long ago, there were three priests travelling to Pittsburgh by train. There was a very young priest, a middle-aged priest and one that was quite... experienced. The two older priests send the youngest to get the tickets and admonish him to get the change in nickels and dimes to tip the porters (this IS kind of an old joke, <G>).

In any event, the young priest proceeds to the ticket counter. There selling tickets is a decidedly lovely young woman, 'well-endowed' and wearing a flimsy burnoose. The young priest is somewhat taken aback (to be sure, to be sure) and sputters, "I'd like three pickets to Titsburgh, please!"

He then turns beet-red and runs away!

He returns to the other two priests and tells them that he simply cannot accomplish the task at hand but refuses to say why...

The middle-aged priest takes the money and heads for the ticket counter.

When it's his turn, he immediately sees what the young priest's problem was and says, "Young Lady, I would like to purchase three tickets to Pittsburgh, please, and I'd like me change in nipples and dimes."

He realises what he has said and walks away flustered.

Returning to the group, he too refuses to explain, giving the money to the agèd priest and trading a knowing glance with the youngest.

So the last priest totters off to the ticket counter. He surveys the situation closely and matter-of-factly says to the young lady, "Yes, Mum, could I be having three tickets to Pittsburgh, please... and could I have me change in nickels and dimes? And, Ah, but you're such a fine young woman, I'm sure that when you get to Heaven, Saint Finger will be pointin' his peter atcha!"”

“LOL,....Tilt!”

“Today is my last day being 29.


Sniff sniff.......8(”

“You'll live... like it or not! LOL!”