Stupid Criminal Tricks

“What was that Monty Python movie where a dozen topless women in helmets chased that poor guy over the cliff? The Life of Brian?”

“Bounce”

“WALL ST. 'SPECULATOR' PICKS THE WRONG POCKET

By ERIKA MARTINEZ and MARK BULLIET www.nypost.com

A lottery winner had a run-in with a real loser yesterday.
The unidentified winner had just collected his $2,500 windfall at the New York State Lottery's claims center at 1:30 p.m., and was heading into the subway on Wall Street, when a pickpocket tried to lift the loot.

Bad move. The sticky-fingered bandit - identified as Everett Jones, 21, of Marconi Street, Brooklyn - discovered the area was blanketed with cops. The lottery winner, who turned to confront the pickpocket, struggled out of the subway and was knocked to the ground when he reached the street, eyewitnesses said.

"The guy on the ground started to shout 'Police - help me, anybody,' and people jumped on [his attacker]," said Bank of New York security guard Robert Smykowski.

Within minutes an army of cops had descended on the scene. The pickpocket "chose the wrong area," said Smykowski. "There are cops all over here."

A patrol cop noted the bandit "never had a chance." He explained the robbery attempt took place on Broadway, between Wall Street and Exchange Place, and there were three cops on each corner. Also, the NYPD had anti-terrorist Operation Atlas cops, a Cobra terrorist response team, and a highway patrol unit stationed nearby.”

“Nominee for the Darwin award”

“Bank robber escapes with cash, headache

By TY PHILLIPS
MODESTO BEE STAFF WRITER

At the drawing board, it must have seemed like the perfect crime.

1. Cut out large square of checkered flannel cloth.

2. Drape cloth over head to hide face.

3. Secure cloth with hat.

4. Rob bank.

5. Spend fortune.

However, Modesto's latest bank robber forgot one small detail: eye holes.

So on Monday, as he entered Oak Valley Community Bank at 1419 McHenry Ave., at Orangeburg Avenue, the robber slightly lifted the front corner of the cloth so he could see where he was walking, police Detective Tom Blake said.

Lifting the cloth too high would have revealed his face. The obstruction forced him to walk with a noticeable shuffle.

However, that wasn't the only reason he stood out. The rest of his disguise featured white cloth gardening gloves, a longsleeved pink shirt and tight faded Wrangler jeans.

The robber saved his best move for last. After he stashed an undisclosed amount of cash in a blue plastic shopping bag, the teller watched as the man shuffled toward the door, all the while carefully holding up the front corner of his disguise.

"But he forgets which side the door hinges were on," Blake said. "He walks into the steel door frame, bangs his head into the frame and knocks his hat off. He backs up a bit, still holding onto his hood, and shuffles out the door."

The man, described as having a skinny build and a raspy voice, shuffled across McHenry Avenue and met an accomplice. The two men last were seen driving east on Briggsmore Avenue in a full-sized silver car.”

“Man tries to steal police teddy bear

A Californian man has been arrested after trying to steal a teddy bear - from a police station.

Gabriel S Hernandez was waiting with friends in the reception area of the station in Santa Rosa when he spotted the bear.

He climbed a seven-foot-high glass barrier around the receptionist's desk and snatched the bear from the counter.

Police sell the bears for $10 (about £6) to raise funds for local youth activities, says the Press Democrat.

However, the 22-year-old was spotted on security cameras by officers. When their colleagues arrived at the reception area they found Hernandez with the teddy bear still in his pocket.

He was taken to Sonoma County Jail with bail set at $10,000 (£6,000) on charges of petty theft and burglary.

Story filed: 11:11 Tuesday 25th November 2003”

“$150G theft suspect nabbed at plaza after he couldn't pay toll

PHILADELPHIA - A man wanted on charges that he tapped into his company's bank account and used stolen cash to take two strippers on a trip to Miami was captured when he couldn't find enough money to pay a highway toll, authorities said.

*snip*

He was arrested the day before Thanksgiving when he drove into a toll plaza near Annapolis, Md., and gave his real name on a form that would have allowed him to pay later by mail.

"The toll taker ran a check and saw that we'd issued a warrant for him in September," said Assistant U.S. Attorney John Pease.

*snip*

According to a federal indictment unsealed yesterday, Martinez used some of the cash to take two "entertainers" from the Philadelphia strip club "Cheerleader" on a trip to Miami. The thefts and the trip took place between July 2002 and May 2003, authorities said.

Martinez also faces weapons charges in Maryland. A semiautomatic pistol and several knives were found in his car at the toll plaza, Pease said.

The Times of Trenton”

“A car load of dummy's was busted in front of the CHP office yesterday with over 100 lb of marijuana, seems they were driving around without license plates.


Almost as bad as the car that got stopped on I5 last year with $500,000.00 worth of Heroin.

They got stopped for speeding, driving without headlights and windshield wiper's in the rain.....at night.


They don't make bad guys like they use to......”

“oh good lord.”

“Last week we had a couple of 16 year old kids who were steeling cars from dealerships. The cops chased them and caught one of the kids. The other fled on foot into a wooded area. One of the cops used the over kids cell phone and called the kid in the woods. The cop told him that he was his friend and told him he would give him a ride on the other side of the woods. The cop gave him a ride all right, straight to the police station.”

“Former inmate rejailed when picking up belongings

ORLANDO, Florida (AP) -- Released from prison, Ronald A. Mahner's first mistake was driving back to get his stuff.

Mahner returned to the Seminole County Jail to reclaim his personal property four days after being released. He had served a sentence for drunken driving, auto theft and habitually driving with a suspended or revoked license.

But when asked to provide identification, Mahner handed a sheriff's deputy his license, which after routine computer check was found to have been revoked for life.

Deputy Teri Cresswell couldn't prove Mahner was doing anything illegal without seeing him behind the wheel, so she told him to drive to the back parking lot.

Mahner took the car around back, parked in a fire lane and went inside to claim his clothing, shampoo, dart board and battery charger.

Ann Mallory, a manager in the Forensic Services Section, called in a computer check of the car's tag and found it had been reported stolen the same day Mahner was released from jail.

Mahner was handcuffed and arrested Monday, just as he was about to drive away.”

“some people just don't need to be let loose, much less reproduce.”

“I heard this one on the radio on my way to work this morning. I guess his belongings will be going back into storage.”

“sounds like he deserves to get AIDS”

“I would never do a drug named after a part of my own a$$.”

“stole the name for that bar from one in my hometown in south GA”

“Suspect caught holding the bag

HILLSBOROUGH -- When Hillsborough police Capt. Dexter Davis asked a man acting suspiciously at a bank Monday afternoon whether he had a weapon, the man opened his backpack to let Davis see for himself.

What Davis saw made him want to laugh out loud -- and got the man immediately arrested.

The story of how Davis and Sgt. Brad Whitted caught a man wanted for trying to rob a Central Carolina Bank branch in Durham began with a telephone call.

"About 4:30 p.m., we got a call in here that a suspicious person came into the BB&T Bank [in Hillsborough] and stayed about 15 minutes and left," Davis said.

The man had entered the South Churton Street bank but never approached the tellers or conducted any bank business, Davis said.

Davis and Whitted drove to the bank, and as they approached, they saw a man walking toward the back of the bank with a backpack on. They parked in front and had just walked in the first set of doors, when the man came walking back out, Davis said.

"I asked him to step outside to see an identification," Davis said. "He produced several cards that had his name on them."

The man seemed nervous and asked why the officers had stopped him, Davis said.

"I asked if he had a weapon. He pulled his book bag off his shoulders. He opened the bag up and held it open to me," Davis said. "I looked down, and there I saw a note that said, "I want $10,000 in $100 bills. Don't push no buttons, or I'll shot you."

He didn't know how to spell shoot, Davis noted.

Somehow, when the man swung the book bag around and opened it up, the note slipped into perfect position so that it was lying flat in the backpack and was easy to read when Davis looked inside.

"I thought, 'What a dummy!'" Davis said. "I even showed it to Sgt. Whitted. I almost chuckled when I saw that note. I was looking for a weapon, but here was this note with nice large letters."

Davis put the bag down and then put handcuffs on the man. When asked about the note, the man said, "It ain't mine," Davis said.

more...”

“Hey, you left TT. Get the hell out of here!”

“He lied.

Violin shows the signs of TT addiction. We should hold an intervention.

Maybe I'll post a trip on the Trips page.”

“Oh my god! Ice Tea was going to rob a bank?”

“He needs that new bag really bad...”

“Now that's funny. LOL, aero and bitpusher!



Poor Tea.”

“Anyone remember Woody Allen's 'Take the Money And Run'?


I have a gub...”

“Sorry, I was stoned when I posted that. Let me try again.



Uh, dude, where's my, uh, memory?

Clyde Lamar Pace II made two mistakes Thursday.

The first, Polk County sheriff's deputies say, was when he emptied his pockets to pass through a courthouse metal detector and apparently forgot about the small bag of marijuana.

The second was when he ran the wrong way from deputies into a locked revolving door.

For the past two years, all visitors have been required to empty their pockets before they pass through a metal director. Items such as pocket change and car keys are placed into a small plastic tray.

"He threw in a baggie of marijuana without realizing it, and the person working the security post said, "Hey, what is this?" " Vaughn said. "He kind of gave that old I've-been-caught look, and the chase was on."

Sheriff's officials say Pace first tried to retrace his steps, then ran the length of the building before he was stopped by deputies at a locked north door.

Pace's lawyer, Bob Rigg, arrived in court shortly after the incident to find people laughing.”

“Classic case of a long time smoker. He'd been carrying that stuff around for so long he forgot all about having it on him. Kinda like losing your glasses while wearing them.

LOL - bet the judge got a big kick out of it.”

“DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — A man going through a courthouse metal detector emptied his pockets, tossing a small bag of marijuana into the security tray.

When Clyde Lamar Pace II realized what he had done, he ran — straight into a locked revolving door.

"He threw in a baggie of marijuana without realizing it, and the person working the security post said, 'Hey, what is this?'" said Polk County Chief Sheriff's Deputy Bill Vaughn. "He kind of gave that old I've-been-caught look, and the chase was on."

Pace, 18, first tried to retrace his steps, then ran through the building before he was stopped by deputies at the locked door.

Pace was arrested for drug possession and resisting arrest, causing him to miss a scheduled hearing on drug and driving charges filed after a traffic stop last month.

Link to story, it's at the bottom”

“Bitpusher,
Look back 3 days.”

“Oops, sorry I was gone then.”

“In Iowa perhaps?”

“Uh, no smartass, I was at Savage Gulf.”

“Criminals should remember to make gear lists and be prepared for bad conditions.

They could learn a thing or two by listening to TT'ers.”

“lol momma nature lends a hand! There was 2 guys here in baltimore a few weeks ago that robbed a Dunkin donuts and the cop just followed their foot prints in the snow right to their front door.”

“what an idiot”

“Too bad both of 'em didn't assume ambient temperature and save the state the cost of a trial.”

“A Chalmette man was arrested after calling the St. Bernard Parish Sheriff's Office to complain he had been ripped off attempting to trade a microwave oven for crack cocaine.

Joseph Bulot, 32, of 600 Oak Tree Lane, Apt. B, was booked Saturday just after 4 a.m. on a misdemeanor charge of possession of drug paraphernalia after he showed a sheriff's deputy a crack pipe he said he had used to smoke what turned out to be fake cocaine, according to a sheriff's report.

nola.com”

“A group of six armed robbers who held up a pizza driver at gunpoint Wednesday night unknowingly delivered police to their door after officers in the street heard them arguing about how to divide the money, police said.

Police arrested three men and three 16-year-old boys inside 34 Revere St. at about 10:15 p.m., a little less than an hour after a delivery driver was robbed in front of 50 Revere St., said police spokesman Capt. William J. Noonan, head of the detective bureau.

With assistance from witness statements and a police K-9 unit, officers tracked the robbers to the vicinity of 34 Revere St., Noonan said.

While police searched in front of that address, officers could hear some men arguing loudly in a second-floor apartment about how to split the loot from a robbery, Noonan said.

"(The officers) were investigating a robbery, so they put two and two together and figured out they had the right place," he said. "The robbers helped us out in creating such a disturbance."

Police listened in for several moments while the people in the apartment "were accusing each other of having lesser or greater part of the robbery, and who was going to jail for what," Noonan said.

Each faces the same charges of armed robbery and possession of a firearm without a license, Noonan said.

www.masslive.com”

“Crackdown on crackpot with crack pipe?”

“A Stamford High School student apparently didn't notice the word "police" written in capital letters across the jackets of two officers when he allegedly tried to sell them drugs yesterday.

Davaugn Goethe, 17, of 40 Stillwater Ave., who should have been in school at the time, was charged with criminal attempt to sell narcotics.

Narcotics officers were on routine patrol on Stillwater Avenue at 11 a.m. in an unmarked vehicle known to "just about everyone" in the area, Lt. Jon Fontneau said.

The officers were driving slowly, which is what many prospective drug buyers do, when Goethe waved them down, he said.

Goethe opened the back door of the police car, jumped in and asked the officers what they wanted and how much, Fontneau said. He then directed the officers to drive off Stillwater Avenue, saying the area is "too hot," police said.

The officers asked for "two pieces," which indicates that they wanted two pieces of crack cocaine, Fontneau said.

"He said to the two officers, 'You guys look like cops,' " Fontneau said. "Maybe it was the police raid jackets they were wearing with 'police' written in big letters on the back, on the sleeves and on the front."

Fontneau said the officers were wearing the raid jackets because they were looking for fugitives and didn't want to be mistaken for anything but police officers.

The officers turned around and grabbed Goethe's arm and told him he was under arrest, at which time he appeared to swallow the drugs, Fontneau said. No drugs were recovered.

"He did not admit to swallowing any drugs and he is under observation," the lieutenant said.

If Goethe shows any signs of illness, he will be taken to the hospital, police said. He was held on a $2,500 bond for a March 23 appearance in state Superior Court.

www.stamfordadvocate.com”

“I think the kid wasn't selling drugs....he was taking them...alot of them....considering how his brain seems to have been fried.”

“BRILLIANT!”

“Hey It's understandable, he was from Connecticut, George Bush's home state.”

“wow redhawk...stupid liberal tricks...”

“I wonder if they were etitled to a crime stoppers reward?”