Stupid Criminal Tricks

“why do they think they must say manufacturing marijuana...thats so gay for cops to have to say it like that...”

“Man arrested at Heathrow for attempting to smuggle meat in the U.K.

What, is there no meat in Britain?”

“No mad republican cow meat.”

“Shoplifter leaves behind resume

By SEAN C. McCULLEN The Bridgeton News

BRIDGETON -- The suspect in a shoplifting incident at a retail business in the Hancock Center Wednesday morning did not exactly leave police with a whole lot of investigative work in order to identify him.

The suspect may as well have left behind a map to his home before leaving the store.

Police allege that Ellsworth Wilson, 44, of Seabrook, filled out a job application at Family Dollar as he milled through the store for approximately an hour while filling two bags with merchandise, according to Ptl. Leroy Smith.

Wilson then reportedly left the store, setting off its anti-theft alarm.

After reviewing police records and video surveillance from Family Dollar, police were able to positively identify Wilson, and confirm that he had filled the job application out with all the right information, including his home address, Smith said.”

“Robbers Die Trying to Hold-Up Suicide Bomber

news.scotsman.com

A Hamas suicide bomber blew up two armed Palestinians who tried to rob him at gun point in the Gaza Strip.

Hamas claimed the “stickup men” worked for Israeli intelligence, while Palestinian security forces said the two were ordinary thieves.

Rather than give up his explosives, the bomber detonated them, killing himself and the two robbers near the border fence between Gaza and Israel.

Palestinian security officials said the the gunmen were criminals who were involved in a car theft ring that brought stolen vehicles from Israel to Gaza.

Hamas said the bomber was on his way to try to infiltrate into Israel, accompanied by another Hamas member and a guide, when they were stopped by the armed men.

The robbers forced the bomber to lie on the ground and tried to steal the bomb, but the militant detonated it, killing all three. The other Hamas man and the guide escaped.

There have been cases of rival groups stealing each other’s explosives, but no group claimed the two gunmen, and their families did not go to the hospital to take the bodies, indicating that the two were not militants, who are revered in Palestinian society.”

“Do the robbers qualify as "Darwin" candidates ?”

“Two birds with one stone. Good one, V!”

“I guess saying to a suicide bomber “Give me your bomb or I’ll kill you” doesn’t mean much.”

“Did the bomb say ACME on it by chance?”

“One of those rare instances where I would say, "Excellent work, guys" to the criminals.”

“The only reason jails are so full is that crooks are dumber than cops.”

“...is stoned..lol”

“here's a case i recently handled:

1. my client and his friend decide to go joy riding.
2. in a ford festiva.
3. the car is almost out of gas.
4. they drive to a township building, take out a chisel and hammer, and puncture a hole into a commercial fuel tank.
5. fuel is spilling everywhere
6. they fill up the tank
7. they start up the car, it dies.
8. the fuel is diesel.
9. they walk back to the house, take a pick-up truck, and drive to the festiva.
10. they use the truck to literally push (bumper to bumper) the festiva back home.
11. environmental clean-up is $6,000.”

“Did they push the wrong vehicle home?”

“I've got that beat. I know someone who got arrested for pushing a stolen car because it ran out of gas.”

“jmitch, was alcohol involved?”

“bit,

around here, alcohol, or meth, is always involved.

amazingly, the DA agreed to offer a misdemeanor 3, plus pay restitution. looks like these guys inflicted their own punishment.

who joy rides in a ford festiva??”

“OK, they had access to the truck, or did they steal that too?”

“Woman arrested after flipping bird at officer

By Greg Jones, staff writer

An obscene gesture directed towards an officer in an unmarked vehicle led to a Safford woman being arrested on drug charges Friday, June 4.

An Arizona Department of Public Safety (DPS) officer arrested Barbara A. Hill, 21, on charges of possession of marijuana, possession of marijuana for sale, transportation of marijuana for sale, possession of a dangerous drug and possession of drug paraphernalia.

The arresting officer, DPS officer Lance Shupe, said he was getting ready to go home when the incident occurred.

"It's hilarious," Shupe said. "It was about 3:30. I was trying to go home. They totally brought it on themselves. I wasn't even looking for them."

The officer was driving west on Hwy. 70 from the San Jose area when he encountered the vehicle Hill was driving. He said he tried to pass the vehicle, but Hill would not let him.

"Then, when I passed her, then they decided to get right on me, and when I was turning into my office they honked the horn and gave me the one-finger salute," Shupe said.

The officer made contact with Hill after she pulled her vehicle into the parking lot of the Circle K east of Safford, near the DPS office.

He said he smelled burned marijuana and conducted a search of the vehicle. He reportedly found three ounces of marijuana -- some packaged for sale -- a small quantity of methamphetamine and packing material for the meth and pipes.
[...]
Because her license was suspended prior to this incident, it is possible she may face an additional charge of driving on a suspended license.
Full Story”

“How come Grammy Champion didn't come down and get her ass arrested too? Too busy scooping up roadkill?”

“Naw, she's passed out from her rheumatis' medicine...”

“Here's one from our fair city last week:

Man pleads not guilty to 8th DUI

A Billings man with seven previous drunk-driving convictions pleaded not guilty Wednesday in District Court to a new felony DUI charge.

Louis Michael Lavenger, 47, also pleaded not guilty at arraignment to a misdemeanor charge of driving without insurance. Judge Gregory Todd set Lavenger's bond at $5,000.

According to court records, Lavenger was arrested Saturday by a Billings police officer who did a records check on a passing car and learned that the registered owner was wanted on a warrant. A short time later, the officer found the car parked in an alley between Monroe and Jackson streets, and saw Lavenger nearby.

The officer said Lavenger smelled of alcohol and failed to properly recite the alphabet. Lavenger explained that he had a seventh-grade education, the officer said, and did not know the alphabet. Lavenger was arrested and later refused to give a breath sample.



I could have sworn they taught us the alphabet in kindergarten!”

“Was I the only on distracted by the Victoria's Secret ad? Oh yeah, that family was pretty dumb.”

“"Pull over a cop, go to jail."

Happened to one of my employees a few years back....He was on the left lane and a car pulled up close behind him. So he had to go into the middle lane....as the unmarked cop car passed by...the two cops looked at my employee and smirked.

So my employee goes into their lane and started high beaming (on and off) them.....So they all stopped on the side of the road, and the cops asked if he had some kind of trouble. He said, "No, you guys were speeding." They gave him a ticket.

Moral of the story;

"Don't Catch Fleas From A Tiger's Head"”

“I think it is quite clear this guy is a Bama fan.”

“Talk about a victory for ego over common sense. We can only hope this moron has not made any contributions to the gene pool.”

“Maryland man with a grudge against a Connecticut-based patent firm used unsecured wireless networks at homes and businesses in the Washington D.C. area to penetrate the company's computers and deliver untraceable threats and extortion demands, until an FBI surveillance team caught him in the act.
[...]
Though he went to some lengths to make himself untraceable technically, past altercations between Tereshchuk and the company made him the prime suspect from the start, according to court records. The clearest sign came when he issued the seventeen million dollar extortion demand, and instructed the company to "make the check payable to Myron Tereshchuk."
[...]


Full Story”

“What, did he think they'd believe the old "I'm not him, I'm doing it for him" line?”

“This is not stupid criminal, just stupid. [This is for real!] I guy had some gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe. So he stuck his finger into the fill-spout on his car to get a bit of gas. Well his finger got stuck. So the fire department was called. They removed the spout and 'carefully' used a hacksaw to free his finger.”

“A Risque Ride

A Pennsylvania dentist is paying the price for giving a naked woman a ride on his motorcycle.
Doctor Joseph Gronka has pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct.

Gronka was pulled over June 12th when an officer noticed his passenger wasn't wearing a helmet or anything else.

He's since paid fines and court costs of nearly $280.

His passenger, Lisa Drozdowski faces more serious charges, including aggravated assault, resisting arrest and open lewdness.

Gronka isn't commenting on the naked ride.”

“Is that what they mean by "riding bareback"?”

“A North Buffalo woman who publicly pitched an escort service on a radio station when she called to request a song Wednesday was arrested Thursday evening after an undercover sting by Buffalo Police.
Melissa A. Blumberg, 29, was charged with prostitution after agreeing to perform sexual acts for an undercover detective in her Stratford Road home Thursday, according to reports.

Blumberg, known to her clients as "#&%!$cat," called WGRF-FM 97 Rock Wednesday night to make a request and was put on the air by radio personality "Slick Tom" Tiberi.

"During the conversation with Slick Tom, they started talking about what she does for a living," said Detective David Sugg. "She tells him she does hot oil rubs, massages and escorts and then proceeds to put her number out over the air."

An off-duty Buffalo police officer who heard the dialogue, took down the number and reported it to Detectives Sugg and Johnny Walker.

Sugg, who said police also cross-referenced her telephone number with an advertisement in Artvoice, set up an appointment with Blumberg at her apartment for 8 p.m. Thursday.

Blumberg answered the door wearing a red "teddy," Sugg said.

"I said to her, "Wow, you're really famous,' and she said, "I've been famous since I've been on the radio. I've been getting a lot of phone calls.' "

She was arrested by undercover detectives after agreeing to perform intercourse and oral sex for $150.

The Buffalo News”

“Burglars captured for fear of being ID'd by parrot

First story...”

“Arrested man sets his pants on fire

Thursday, November 11, 2004
HAMILTON - An Edison man being held in the Hamilton police lockup on a warrant set his pants on fire yesterday, causing himself burns, police said.

Paul Francisco, 46, was taken to Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital at Hamilton after the noontime incident, police spokesman Lt. Mike Kane said.

Francisco was arrested in Edison late Tuesday for having an outstanding warrant from Hamilton. Kane said he did not know what the original incident was but it was minor because the warrant, issued Oct. 5, was for $250.

As officers were booking a man arrested after a lengthy police chase, a prisoner yelled, "Hey, this guy's on fire!"

Officers ran to the cell and found Francisco's right pant leg on fire and extinguished it. Kane said Francisco told officers he set the fire with a cigarette lighter he had secreted on his person.

An ambulance was called, Kane said, and after treatment at the hospital Francisco was scheduled for a crisis center evaluation.

Police were pondering whether to charge him with arson or for endangering the other prisoners and police officers, Kane said.”

“Anyone want to guess inside which orifice the lighter was secreted?”

“Flamer!”

“Dad's call to police leads to arrest for drugs, guns

A father, angry over his daughter coming home drunk and unruly, called the police to teach her a lesson.

Instead, police ended up arresting the father after his daughter led them to a stash of illegal weapons and more 600 vials of cocaine inside the house.

Kevin Winston, 46, was being held yesterday in the Essex County Jail on numerous weapons and drugs charges.

"He called us on her and ended up getting locked up himself," said Newark Police Director Anthony Ambrose, shaking his head.

The incident began at 2:45 a.m., when Winston called police complaining about his 16-year-old daughter, who had come home drunk.
[...]
When police arrived at the family's home, the oldest girl pulled police aside and told them she feared for herself and her sisters because of the number of drugs and weapons stored there.
[...]
The girl led the officers to a hidden crawl space above the ceiling of the home where police found eight guns, 617 vials of cocaine and assorted drug paraphernalia, police said.

In addition to four semi-automatic guns, including an AK-47 complete with banana clip, police confiscated a sawed-off shotgun, a 9mm handgun, a .22 caliber rifle, and more than 70 rounds of ammunition.
[...]
Winston was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled dangerous substance, possession with the intent to distribute, drug possession within 1,000 feet of a school, three counts of possession of a high-capacity magazine, three counts of a defaced weapon and possession of assault weapons while in commission of drug related crimes.

Police said Winston also had outstanding warrants in Newark and Elizabeth.
[...]”

“Well, I can't imagine a druggie's daughter having the nerve to come home drunk. Where'd she learn that type of behavior anyhow?

Should have tased them both...”

“some people never surprise me, course if you've ever been to Newark you'd understand!”

“I heard people from Newark, when asked where they're from, always give the name of the burb or other closest town. Rather than having to actually admit to living in Newark.

I can't remember what show I heard it on but I think it NPR.”

“The cops should arrest the girl too...since her father did make a legitimate complain to the cops.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree....”

“Well, ya know.... druggies don't generally exercise common sense....”