Stupid Criminal Tricks

“If stupidity were painful, there would be a lot less of this stuff.”

“Hell, stupidity used to be downright deadly.”

“...back in the 60's while in the Navy and serving in Japan I had 2 friends who got thrown in the brig for some type of minor infraction. One had to spend a little more time than the other so when the early one got out he, naturally, went into town to get good and drunk. Being the nostalgic sort he got to missing his incarcerated shipmate and attempted to break back into the brig just to visit him. Naturally he got caught and ended up with another 30 days in the slammer. It was a friend, really.”

“lol! I was gonna do that one!”

“Possibly the Dumbest Vehicle Theft Ever

HARRISBURG, Pa. (AP) — Police followed a trail of doughnuts to find a stolen Krispy Kreme delivery truck.

"It has a happy ending," Swatara Township Sgt. Robert Simmonds said. "The evidence was brought back to the police station, and the cops are eating the doughnuts."

It was 12:45 a.m. Thursday when Krispy Kreme (search) deliveryman Tim Trostle stopped at a Swatara Township convenience store and left the engine running as he made the delivery.

Someone fled with the truck, but since Trostle had left the back doors open, police were able to follow a trail of doughnuts.

The doughnut trail ended before long, but police in a nearby township found a doughnut cart near the Harrisburg city line. City police found the truck near a downtown bar.

No arrests were immediately made. The truck was returned to the company.

Although Simmonds had been joking about police taking the contents of the truck, he acknowledged seeing Krispy Kreme doughnuts in a station conference room Thursday.

"I suspect that the manager from the Krispy Kreme might have given us a little thank you for our efforts," he said.

Second story”

“K-9 Used to Subdue Naked Suspect


[...]The cop spotted the naked man inside Martinson's home and ordered him outside. “At that point the suspect leaped toward the canine officer and punched the canine officer in the head."

"Doing what the dog is trained to do protect the handler, the dog jumped and bit the suspect, in the genitals. In this case, the genitals, that's correct."

One neighbor says she watched as police appeared to recover part of the man's testicles from the porch area of the home.
[...]
Police are investigating whether the suspect was on drugs. Even after the K-9 bit the suspect, Minneapolis Police say officers still “tasered” the suspect several times before they were able to subdue him. Zak the K-9 has a clean record, but is off the street pending the outcome of an investigation.



From wcco.com:

The man suffered a severed testicle and a lacerated #&%!$.”

“Zak the #&%!$-biting dog.

The other K-9's on the force are gonna have a field day with that.”

“Zak did a lousy job, since the perp ONLY had a severed testicle and a lacerated p e n i s. Zak should've taken the whole package right off.”

“Free Ride Available Outside Jail

BELLEVILLE, Ill. (AP) — It's not an old saying, but it probably should be: Leave a truck idling outside a jail and somebody is going to hop in and drive it into a tree.

That's just what happened to Jon Courtney on Jan. 10.

Courtney, 27, had driven his 2001 GMC Sonoma (search) to the St. Clair County Jail to turn himself in on a warrant for criminal damage to property. Thinking he'd simply be given a court date and be allowed to leave, Courtney left the truck idling in the parking lot.

But Courtney was booked into jail. Courtney told sheriff's deputies about his truck, who cited him for leaving an unattended vehicle and then went outside to turn it off.

Unfortunately for Courtney, the time he walked into the jail apparently coincided with James Thomas was walking out, sheriff's Lt. Steve Johnson said.

"He must have passed Courtney, who was coming in, and spotted the running truck," said Johnson. The 17-year-old Thomas, Johnson explained, had stopped by the jail to see if there were any outstanding warrants against him. There weren't.

The next time the deputies saw the truck was later that evening in East St. Louis. They chased Thomas, who ran the truck into a tree, Johnson said.

Thomas, who started the night with no outstanding warrants, was arrested on burglary and possession of a stolen vehicle charges. He was booked into the jail.

Meanwhile, Courtney was able to post bond the same night he walked in. But he had to call someone for a ride home.

----end of story----


OK, so how many of you go to the courthouse on a regular or semi-regular basis to see if there are any outstanding warrants for your arrest?


Second story”

“The first story reminds me of an incident that occurred while I was between jobs and working in a greenhouse (I like plants).

We had a guy working with us who had a hard time staying away from the law. A state trooper came out to discuss an out of date inspection sticker on one of the trucks, and when the trooper pulled up and got out of his cruiser, this guy automatically pulled out his wallet to hand over his ID. The trooper looked at him and walked on past into the greenhouse, and the guy sheepishly put his wallet back in his pocket. We never did let up on him after that.”

“I don't now how he was able to conceal the weapon in that area


Maybe it was tht large bulge on his flat ass that gave it away...”

“It's never a good idea to tell the cops that you're a drug dealer, and that when you get out, you're going to kill them all...”

“Oh yeah, he's not going to have to worry about where his next meal's coming from for a few years!”

“.25 cal.

If he was carrying a Desert Eagle he would have a really sore a$$”

“Excuse me, I'm going to go squeeze one off now.”

“Did he file down the sights, and hammer before sticking it up there? Did he use gel?”

“The phone call to a popular confessions show on WKSC-FM (103.5) could go down as one of the dumbest acts by a criminal in recent times, authorities said.

Instead of the typical talk of naughty love affairs or childish road rage, a man who called himself "D" volunteered last fall that he and five others robbed a TCF Bank inside a Jewel-Osco last April.

"D" gave specific details of a crime that went unsolved for five months, including that an employee had been in on it, that they tied up the bank workers, that those involved took money from the vault but avoided the dye packs and that they got off with $81,000.
[...]
It didn't take long for the FBI to trace the call back to a cell phone belonging to Randy Washington, 24, of Dolton.
[...]
FBI officials and prosecutors say Washington's bragging was the break they needed. Authorities didn't have a good description of the robbers because employees were tied up.

"As a result we had no leads until one of the individuals in the robbery called 103.5," Assistant U.S. Attorney Terra Brown said. "The details he provided were incredibly helpful in moving this investigation forward."
[...]

Full Story”

“Randy Washington, the dolt from Dolton”

“Sat down and had a chat for about 20 minutes with a federal investigator tonight. Seems as though my disabled neighbor is being investigated for disability fraud. I can’t imagine why? We had a nice chat about how I see her out riding her bike, riding motorcycles, gardening, pushing wheel borrows, painting her chimney on top of her roof, babysitting kids, mowing her lawn, ect.

Gee, I hope she doesn’t get in trouble…”

“A disabled person can do all that....it's just the degree of disability. And what's she's claiming....”

“She is as able as anyone. She told me four years ago she had lupus and Lou Garrigs. Riiiight.

The stupid part of the criminal part is she's defrauding the government and she's the neighborhood bltch. She calls the cops on all the neighbors for the slightest thing.

Boy I’m gonna miss her.”

“Nige, I have bad news for you. It's unlikely she'll actually go to the pokey.

My wife used to work for the SSA. The number of these frauds that actually get prosecuted is miniscule. The most she's likely to be sentenced to is to pay the money back, at which point she'll declare bankruptcy. Ta da!

Sorry, dude, you're gonna have to think of another way to get rid of her.”

“Yeah I figured as much. She's got a record for fraud though. I'd just be happy to see her have to drag her dead ass off to work like the rest of us. LOL!”

“One could only hope she'd come down with ALS for real, after claiming she had it but didn't. She'd have plenty of time to contemplate.”

“A slow death sentence for fraud, geo?

Nazi.”

“It's too bad we can't sentence people like that to work.”

“News just broke that some un-employed b! tch in Montreal,Quebec racked up $170,000.00 in credit card charges....she had 30 credit cards. Now she's blaming the credit card companies, that they didn't check her credit, before giving her the cards.”

“lol...well, it's not the credit card companies' fault that she racked up $170,000 worth of debt, but they are at fault for having extended credit to someone without properly checking their ability to repay.”

“A disgruntled Security guard recently was involved in the torching of about 15 expensive homes in a new development. He claimed he was at home. A call from his phone was on the cell tower near the development. (We live out in the middle of nowhere)when they busted all 5 of the Dopes, the claimed they did it for "Street Cred" God help us all.”

“How Do You Define 'Disappointment'?

FOSTORIA, Ohio (AP) — Thieves broke into an agency that serves the poor and made off with a safe.

The only catch — the safe was empty.

"It is really quite comical," said Susan Simpkins, director of the Fostoria Bureau of Concern (search). "It was very heavy, and they did us a favor by taking it."

She said the agency had wanted to throw out the safe but it was too big to move.

The thieves entered the agency through a back door after it closed for the day on Feb. 28 and took the safe, which was in the office.

They did manage to grab a small amount of money from the office's petty cash supply, police said.

Fourth story down”

“Hey Bit-

You gonna post the "frosted brownies" story?... EWWWWWW!”

“Obviously they graduated from Ohio State.”

“No, this is a family board, Bison...lol...”

“Yeah, I didn't want to post it myself...”

“POST IT! Come on!”

“You'll find it on Drudge, Nigal.”

“Speaking of stuid criminals and Ohio...there is no hell or torture that is good enough for this sick phuck.”

“I have some ideas I'd like to try out on him though.”

“string'im up!”

“Back to the brownies...

"A teenager has agreed to admit to three counts of disturbing the peace"

I wouldn't call it disturbing the peace. Just plain disturbing! Now those are special brownies. Like Elton John brownies.”

“Should be three counts of being disturbed.”

“Read the brownie article. I'll never eat another brownie in my life. At least not the frosted ones.”

“From New Scientist:

Robbing houses can be a tiring business, so it's hardly surprising that burglars often get an attack of the munchies while on the job. There's nothing like a free feed, after all. But when the light inside the fridge flicks on, the light between the felon's ears often goes out, and they leave the half-eaten evidence of their visit behind. But which discarded morsels should the police rush to first in search of a good saliva sample - and the incriminating DNA it contains? A new study has discovered that cheese, apples and pizza are very good at harbouring the all important evidence, while chocolate is much more reluctant to tell tales...”

“Man Falls Asleep Before Robbing Store

QUINCY, Mass. (AP) — It's never good to fall asleep on the job, but when you're a robber the consequences can be severe.

Police arrived at a CVS pharmacy (search) early Tuesday morning to find Steven Jakaitis, 42, sleeping in his idling car with a nylon stocking over his head and a cap pistol in his pocket.

By his side was a note that read: "I have a Gun DO NOT Press any Alarms or let Custermors (sic) know Empty the All the register."

A customer called police after seeing Jakaitis, who was also wearing a black wig and a scarf.

On the back seat of his car, officers found a plastic bag containing 36 unused hypodermic needles. He spoke incoherently after the officers woke him, Capt. Anthony DiBona said.

He never actually went into the store, police said.

At his arraignment Tuesday, Jakaitis pleaded innocent to attempted armed robbery, possession of a hypodermic syringe and receiving a stolen car. He was ordered held on $1,000 bail and ordered to appear for a pretrial conference on April 12.

Fifth story”

“Nice...”

“Boy, you got a panty on your head.”

“He'll be convicted for the hypodermic, but he didn't rob the store.

He's an idiot, but it's not illegal to sleep in your car with a note, toy gun and a stocking on your head.”