Stupid Criminal Tricks

“I dunno, "receiving a stolen car" might net him a few years. The "attempted armed robbery" charge is BS though.”

“I guess it depends on how he recieved the stolen car, but yeah, you're right.”

“We need to make STUPID against the law.”

“i was once charged with "attempted public urination" ... and yeah, the judge threw it out.”

“I didn't know Ice Tea was 42.”

“LMAO!”

“Jail envelope leads to Clark burglary suspect

Thomas Ilg had walked about two blocks away from a Clark courtroom Tuesday after appearing on burglary charges when he paused at a house and broke in again, police said.

But Ilg, fresh out of lockup after being charged with plundering a church alms box, dropped an incriminating bit of evidence: a Union County Jail envelope, inscribed with his name.

"It was one of the easier burglaries we have ever solved," said Capt. Denis Connell of the Clark Police Department.

Ilg, who continued walking after his alleged post-hearing break-in, arrived at his home on Linden's Spruce Street to find officers waiting.

<snip>
last edited: 3/25/05 3:34:19 PM”

“Posted on Sat, Mar. 26, 2005

2d suspect is charged in hostage phone hoax

The prank call sent a SWAT team to a home near Rutgers after a report of a rape. They will be extradited to N.J.

By Wayne Parry

Associated Press

NEWARK, N.J. - A second suspect in a telephone hoax that sent a SWAT team to a New Brunswick house for a report of a girl being raped by an armed kidnapper was arrested early yesterday in Connecticut, police said.

Wadu Jackson, 20, of Irvington, N.J., was found late Thursday night by police in Hartford. He was arrested early yesterday on a fugitive warrant, a Hartford police Department said.

Jackson and an Arlington, Texas, woman, Fatin A. Ward, face charges stemming from the prank call Tuesday to police in New Brunswick that resulted in a massive armed response at a house near Rutgers University that tied up the neighborhood for six hours.

Before she was arrested Thursday at her home, Ward told the Associated Press she was engaged in a telephone chat-line game called "bombing" in which callers report fake emergencies at other people's addresses, then watch how many law enforcement officers respond.

She said that she meant no harm and that the game got out of hand. But the Middlesex County Prosecutor's Office charged her and Jackson later in the day with conspiracy, initiating a false public alarm, and making a fictitious report to police.

Both are expected to be extradited to New Jersey sometime within the next week, authorities said.

A registered sex offender in Texas, Ward had been charged in Arlington on Feb. 18 with failing to notify police of her new address.

A month later, after police in Union, N.J., said Ward was making prank calls to them, Texas authorities moved to revoke her bail because she was continuing to commit crimes, said Christy Gilfour, an Arlington police spokeswoman. It was that bond revocation order on which Ward was arrested Thursday.

Ward is suspected of calling in prank emergency calls to police departments in Union and Belleville, N.J., as well as several others in Pennsylvania and South Carolina.

"She did the same thing with us," said Georgetown, S.C., Police Sgt. Jimmy Burke. "She called in different kinds of threats, people with guns, hostages. We suspect her in calls to our schools with a bunch of threats. We cleared the schools several times because of her."

Ward lived in Georgetown for about five years, Burke said.

Georgetown police have eight arrest warrants for Ward but say she has made more calls than that. On several instances, Burke said, Ward called in as many as five bogus emergencies in a single day, but only a single complaint was filed, treating them all as one occurrence for legal purposes, he said.

Because of the many jurisdictions involved in the case, the FBI may join the investigation, a spokesman for the agency's Newark field office said”

“SAN DIEGO (AP) -- The hunt is on for a poop burglar.

Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog.

The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Misty, on Monday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding.

When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said.

He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Hassen said.

The robber ran to a waiting small, silver car and fled the scene, police said.”

“What a stupid turd.”

“poograbber”

“Matthew Porter, 25, was arrested in a Texas golf course carpark and charged with possessing marijuana. Porter didn't have the drug on him - but his dog JD sure did, reports the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. A police search of Porter and his pals came up empty - until JD emerged from an ornamental pond with a large plastic bag full of marijuana in his mouth. Tail wagging, the labrador dropped the bag at Porter's feet. Porter had tossed it into the pond as police approached.”

“Good doggie!”

“Here it is boss; I retrieved it for ya. Am I a good dog or what?”

“Mathew Porter signed up for Korean cooking classes in prison.

Good dog !!”

“Guilty to growing pot, in a dicey spot

By Larry King

Inquirer Staff Writer


Ryan Steel had tended his marijuana crop with great care.

He nourished the plants with food. He protected them with fencing and deer netting. He culled and destroyed the male plants to keep the females from going to seed.

And to avoid detection, Steel had situated his illegal garden on a lonely plot in rural Springfield Township, Bucks County, many miles from his home in Upper Makefield. Bad move.

The land belonged to Robert Bell, Springfield's retired chief of police.

Steel, 26, pleaded guilty yesterday in Bucks County Court to manufacturing a controlled substance, agricultural trespassing, and agricultural vandalism. He will be sentenced June 2 by Judge Rea B. Boylan.

A former George School lacrosse star who holds a history degree from Temple University, Steel faces at least one year in the county prison.

In September, police cut down 29 marijuana plants, each six to 10 feet tall, from a 40-acre lot owned by Bell. The former chief had reported the plants in May, after his son discovered them while hunting.

The son, Louis Bell, is a police officer in nearby Hilltown Township. He said he questioned his father immediately.

"I wanted to know if he was supplementing his retirement," Louis Bell joked after yesterday's hearing.

"Once Chief Bell was ruled out as a suspect, we moved on to other things," Assistant District Attorney Daniel Keane chimed in.

Robert Bell, a vocal critic of recent Police Department cutbacks by Springfield Township, initially feared the pot was a political ploy. "I had a large concern that someone was trying to set me up," he said.

Police placed a video surveillance camera near the garden to watch the comings and goings of its tender. The camera recorded repeated visits by a tall young man in a hat, but officers struggled to identify him.

On Aug. 21, the man strung black deer netting over his crop. On Sept. 8 - four days after police had cut down the plants - the camera caught the man throwing "a temper tantrum," Louis Bell said.

The mystery was solved in late September. Receipts at a nearby home-supply store showed that Steel had used a credit card to buy deer netting Aug. 21, an hour before it was placed over the plants.

Louis Bell and Hilltown Police Sgt. Matthew Dryer visited Steel at his home in October.

"We asked Mr. Steel what he knew about Springfield Township," Louis Bell testified yesterday. Steel, he said, broke into a sweat and gasped for breath.

"He said he thought kids had stolen" the marijuana, Louis Bell recalled. "He said, 'I knew I shouldn't have used that credit card.' "

Defense attorney John Kerrigan said that Steel, who had no prior record, was growing the marijuana for personal use.”

“A little math here

29 plants 6-10ft tall, .. for private use.
Lets start by averaging the length to 8ft
232 linear feet of pot.
Now the leaves frow out sideways from the stalk, lets say that you can get a joint from each inch of stalk.

232*12 = 2,784 joints.

You get a crop each year so that harvest is for a single year 2784 / 365 = 7.6 joints per day, every day of the year.

Sorry, I do not believe his story.”

“Hmmmm, manuka seems to know an awful lot about growing and marketing pot.”

“I've known people who would run dry by May with that crop.”

“Geo, I was thinking the same thing. Hmmmm.”

“Maybe he was growing eight years' worth?”

“

Now doncha think that I was being a little conservative on the yield per plant ??
--------------------------
Crossing from Pakistan to India at the border post nearest Amritsar. Got a bus to the border and walk across to the Indian side.

A Customs Officer is busy searching my pack and I idly look out the window.
Me "What are you searching for ?"
CO "Drugs"
Me "have you tried looking out the window? "
CO (shrugs) "I know, but it is a job"

Marijuana had to be 6-8 feet high all around the Customs house and down the sides of the road LOL.
Lots of backpackers sprouted little plastic baggies when through with customs.

This is where your tax dollars go in the war on drugs.”

“Woman Bails Out Wrong Man
Sunday, April 10, 2005

There are cons, and then there are great cons.

A Maryland woman paid $2,000 to bail her boyfriend out of jail last month, but he's still in the hoosegow while another man walks free, reports the Carroll County Times of Westminster, Md.

Charles Lawrence Armstrong was taken in March 12 after a drunken argument with his girlfriend, Debbie Ward, apparently got out of hand. His bail was set at $100,000, which she couldn't make.

The next day, Ward got a call from a "Sheriff Miller," who asked her for Armstrong's birth date. She gave it to him.

"Sheriff Miller" also rang up Armstrong's friend and employer, John Condon, and told him Armstrong's bail was being reduced to $50,000.

"He was an older man," said Condon. "He wasn't that pushy. He seemed like he was just passing information along."

Condon called Ward, who got a bail bondsman to put up the 50 grand for a $2,000 deposit.


There was one catch.

Before "Sheriff Miller" got off the phone with Condon, he said, "By the way, Chuck checked himself in with an alias" — one that would have to be used on all the paperwork.

You can probably see where this is going. For the record, the Carroll County sheriff's last name is Tregoning.

Sure enough, after Ward had posted bail for a "Robert Anthony Williams," and then waited patiently at the Carroll County Detention Center (search) for Charles Lawrence Armstrong to be released, the real Robert Anthony Williams slyly sauntered right past her out into the open air.

Williams, jailed since December on drug, weapons and assault charges, had happened to be in the same cell the still-drunk Armstrong was tossed into. He quickly convinced the less-experienced man that he could get them both out of jail if Armstrong would just give him his girlfriend's phone number.

Warden George Hardinger said Ward could have avoided the whole mess by being upfront about the "alias" to begin with. Without that information, the paperwork freeing Williams was all perfectly legitimate.

"We don't have a dog in that hunt," said Hardinger. "I feel terrible for [Ward], but that doesn't do anything for me as far as letting that man out of the door."



First story”

“Shouldn't this go under "Smart Criminal Tricks?"”

“Well, the guy who let another con call his girlfriend to get him bailed out was pretty dumb, I think.”

“Yeah, but I was thinkin' it was more about the con artist.”

“Yeah, that's the first thing I'd want to do if I got thrown in the slammer, ... give out my girlfriend's phone number to another prisoner. Du-uh!”

“A Houston man is suspected of driving drunk and crashing his pickup truck in a dramatic fashion overnight. As a result, some area business owners were left literally picking up the pieces.

The accident occurred at South Gessner at Clarewood in southwest Houston.

Who knows where the driver was going Friday morning, but wherever it was, three different buildings got in his way.
Police say he was going north on Gessner just before 3 o'clock this morning when he hit a curb in front of a storage facility. That launched his truck in the air and it tore down a chain link fence when it landed.
The fence ripped off the rear axle of the truck, sending the wheel through the window of a pawnshop. The truck kept on going until it finally ran into a wall.

The driver got out, made a run for it and was caught by the fence when he tried to jump it. Police arrived and found him hanging from the fence, with his clothes tearing off.
He was asking to be let down from the fence, and as police walked over to him they noticed that there was an open gate. He could have just walked through that gate instead of trying to jump it.

The man has been charged with driving while intoxicated.”

“N thash not all occifer, ... I spilt my damn drink!”

“Not Thinking Clearly, Part I

DULUTH, Minn. (AP) — A nervous driver was arrested on marijuana charges after he grabbed the wrong backpack as he got out of his car and ran away from a state trooper.

Police say 18-year-old Jonathan Smith had four 1-pound bags of marijuana in a backpack in his car. Smith told police he thought an officer was coming up behind him while he was driving, so he tried to get away.

According to the complaint, the car following Smith wasn't a police car, but when he sped up, a state trooper clocked his speed at 77 miles an hour.

Authorities say Smith tried to get away from the trooper by getting out of his car and running, grabbing a backpack that he thought contained the marijuana. But the backpack he took contained schoolbooks and the trooper found the pot in Smith's car.

Soon after, Smith turned himself in. He is charged with marijuana possession and fleeing a police officer.

Third story”

“Smoke got in his eyes.”

“LOL That was great.

This actualy happened to me.
I was playing with my dog in the backyard and noticed a peice of wire by my shed that did not belong to me just in front of the door.

The wire was clearly used to try and pick the masterlock to get into my shed. So I spoke with the police (which was useless) and just decided to put the wire in a baggy in my house.

The next day I was in my yard cleaning up and I had a guy come up to me and acutaly asked me if he could get his "tool" back. I asked him which tool and He said it was a "Wire Wrench".

I said Sure you can, its in my hosue let me get it.........Well I didnt get the tool instead I brought my German Shepard outside.
I have never seen a crackhead run that fast before in my life LOL, I didnt even let her off the leash and he freaked out.

Needless to say I put his wire wrench on ebay and got $35 for it...LOL just kidding the wire wrench as he called it was once a cloths hanger that wont even fit in my masterlock LOL.”

“Suspect falls out of ceiling into meat

In an epic effort to escape after being caught shoplifting at a Slidell supermarket early Wednesday, police said, a man climbed above the store's false ceiling and raced around looking for a way out as police officers tracked him from the floor.

The man scrambled along a maze of steel beams supporting the ceiling, slipping occasionally and punching holes in the ceiling tiles with his feet before meeting his fate above the deli section.

He crashed through the ceiling and landed in an open meat case, where a police dog named Major latched onto his leg, dutifully ignoring all the juicy T-bones and rump roasts.

"This is one of the funniest and most bizarre cases we've ever had," Slidell police Capt. Rob Callahan said. "One of the officers said it was like chasing a rat through an attic."
[...]
Police said they searched Coleman and found $60.33 worth of stolen merchandise, including a few packages of hair dye, six cigarette lighters, several black markers and a 40-watt night light.
[...]
Coleman also was carrying a glass pipe and admitted having smoked crystal methamphetamine, Callahan said.
[...]
Police estimated the damage to the store at several thousand dollars.
[...]”

“I wonder if the 40 watt light bulb broke when he fell. OUCH!”

“That's just too dumb for words.”

“2 Arrested After Claiming Buried Treasure

LAWRENCE, Mass. Apr 29, 2005 — Two men who claimed in numerous national television interviews that they found buried treasure in the back yard of a home were arrested early Friday after being questioned by police, who said the money was stolen.

Investigators believe Barry Billcliff, 27, of Manchester, N.H., and Timothy Crebase, 22, of Methuen, Mass., found old bank notes and bills in a house where they were doing roofing work.

Both men were charged with receiving stolen property, conspiracy and accessory after the fact, Lt. Kevin Martin said. They were to be arraigned Friday morning

The men said they found 1,800 bank notes and bills dating between 1899 and 1928, with a face value of about $7,000. Domenic Mangano, owner of the Village Coin Shop in Plaistow, N.H., examined the find and estimated its value between $50,000 to $75,000.

The men's stories, though, prompted some suspicions because of discrepancies.
[...]”

“Loose lips sinks ships.”

“Why did those idiots go on TV?”

“The answer is in your question.”

“Suspect Caught Next to Wanted Poster
Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Brooklyn cops didn't have to go far to nab a robbery suspect.

Police in the Williamsburg section of the New York City borough told the New York Post that Awiey "Chucky" Hernandez walked into a precinct house Tuesday — and stood right next to a wanted poster with his face on it.

"Obviously, he did not notice it, but we did," Sgt. Norman Horowitz told the newspaper.

Hernandez, 20, was at the station house to ask about his alleged accomplice in two livery-cab stickups, 18-year-old Huquan "Guns" Gavin.

Gavin, whose face was also on the wanted poster, had been arrested only hours earlier in an apartment raid, where police found wallets belonging to the two cab drivers who had been held up.

"I can't understand how [Hernandez] can walk into a station house knowing very well what they did, and their picture was plastered all over the [neighborhood]," Horowitz said.

Photos of the suspects had been snapped by a security camera in one of the robbed cabs.


Both Hernandez and Gavin admitted to robbing the cabbies, police said — but each said it was the other's idea.


First story”

“This had me laughing.


http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,159708,00.html”

“

Crying in pain, bleeding and having soiled his pants, the gunman tried to crawl away, but the angry women held on to his legs and kept hitting him until police arrived.

I don't think this guy's cut out for a life of crime.”

“Ya think?”

“A bunch of school girls in Philly did that to a bad guy a couple of years back.

Man, he'd probably have been better off doing that in a police station.

Give them credit for hanging onto him after he soiled his pants.”

“That's hysterical. It would have been great if the gun was really loaded and they held it on him while the girls adorned him with make-up and all the rest of that stuff!”

“If I remember correctly, that guy in Philly was a pervert.....sadly, somehow I think he enjoyed being punched and kicked by schoolgirls. :o0”

“they should have shoved that gun up his ass”

“July 20, 2005 (YANKTON, S.D.) — An Iowa man who led officers on a highway chase that ended at the Clay County Courthouse Wednesday ran inside and tried to barricade himself in the courtroom where he was scheduled to appear, authorities said.

The Clay County Sheriff's Office was asked to help find a pickup truck suspected in a hit-and-run accident on Interstate 29 in Union County.

A state Highway Patrol officer Wednesday was pursuing the vehicle on Highway 50 into Vermillion, where the man stopped the truck in the middle of the street and backed into the courthouse retaining wall, said Clay County Sheriff Andy Howe.

"It seemed to just get more and more strange," Howe told KVHT radio in Yankton Wednesday. "Typically the pursuits don't come right to us as this one did. Officers actually left the sheriff's office and the police department to go assist with the pursuit, only to find themselves right back here."

Jada Coover, of Sioux City, Iowa, had been scheduled to appear at the courthouse on charges of attempting to tamper with anhydrous ammonia, which is used to make methamphetamine.

After stopping the truck, Coover jumped out, ran into the courthouse and headed upstairs to the courtroom. The judge in his case had just dismissed the jury, and jurors were leaving the room as Coover burst in, Howe said.

Officers cleared the hallways and asked people to leave the building.

"He attempted to barricade himself in by holding the door shut, but officers were able to get in and take him into custody," Howe said.

Coover was arrested on charges including failure to appear, felony eluding, driving under the influence and disorderly conduct. He is also wanted on outstanding warrants for possession of meth and burglary tools from Woodbury and Sioux counties in Iowa, Howe said.

He was being held Wednesday on $25,000 bond.


http://abclocal.go.com/wls/news/strange/072105_ap_sn_chase.html”

“JULY 21--Meet Patrick Tribett. The Ohio man was nabbed yesterday morning for "abusing harmful intoxicants" as he attempted to make a purchase at Bellaire's Dollar General Store. The 41-year-old Tribett, it seems, had been huffing spray paint and needed a refill. According to a Bellaire Police Department report, Tribett's pupils were constricted and he replied slowly to their questions. Oh, and "officers observed the paint on face and hands," as can be seen in the below mug shot.



http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0721051gold1.html”

“Al Swearengen would not be surprised over strange goings on in Yankton.”