Cohabitating, but not in a tent.

“I thought it was interesting and want to find out how everyone else deals with it.

My wife would rather die than spend a night in a tent too. We just agree that we'll never be able to spend time together in the woods and it seems to work for us, but I'm still stuck doing some of the things that she wants to do.

Why is it that I have to do things she wants to do, but she won't sleep in a tent with me????”

“I just have a dog so I don't know how to answer that question.

But I will say this!Whatever girl hooks up with me she is going to have to understand that backpacking is one of the biggest parts of my life and if she can't understand that well then you know what happens.

Sad but true!

8|”

“The Trump Card Rule of Marriage:

Because she figures marrying you was by leaps and bounds the biggest favor she could ever possibly do for you, and because you will never, ever be able to do enough to repay her for that little bit of thoughtfulness.

(J/K, I think.)”

“Now that is funny!!!!!

8)”

“Icepak, this is a tough one. If you negotiate with your wife to get her to go with you, would you be happy with her attitude while she was there? Or would she complain a lot so that you wished you had left things alone?

As far as you having to do things that you don't like, because she likes to do them, you need to think about using the words "no", and whether the repercussions are worth it. It is okay as long as you both make an effort to do some activities together that you both enjoy.”

“Ya thats a good point there are two sides to every coin!

The good with the bad!

8|”

“icepack - I am willing to bet that there is a thing or two that your wife would like to do with you but doesn't because she knows that it isn't something you are interested in doing. Being married doesn't mean sharing all interests, just accepting that the partner's interests may sometimes take him/her away from you.”

“icepak, you are treading some dangerous territory here...

First, you are trying to understand the mystery of all mysteries...the wife. They are seemingly understandable but are like an onion. Layer upon layer and they make you cry when you peel away too much. The greatest minds have tried to solve the "living riddle". Yet they all have ended up confused,guilty and shopping for housewares. This is time for a strict DONT ASK DONT TELL policy to be embraced.

Second, as pekka said she married you. What with your stained boxers,uplifted toilet seats,burping and scratching,and incredibly poor grasp on the various shades of white paint (ecru,eggshell,navajo,offwhite,pearl...need I continue),she has already played the biggest trump card in the deck. She has dropped the A-bomb and you are trying to find a response, there is NONE! Submit, buy her flowers and NEVER mention you cock-a-mamy idea again too her. Next time she may ban you from hiking.......

Man I hope Sass doesnt read this.”

“LMFAO!!!!!!


8)”

“My wife will probably never backpack with me either. So here is the list:

Things I do without my wife:

Backpacking
Car camping
Sushi bars
Roller coasters
Action movies
School board

Things my wife does without me:

Trips to see her sister
Trips to see her parents
Early morning walks
Gardening
Crafts of all kinds
eBay
Reading (she is a voracious reader)

Things we like to do together:

West Coast Swing dancing
Hot tubs
Hanging out with our kids
Walks on the beach
Dining out
Camping at hotels
Shopping at touristy places
Watching "Antiques Road Show"
Other married stuff.

I think the important thing is to have stuff to do together, and then give your partner the freedom to enjoy the things they like without feeling guilty.

I could probably cajole my wife into going on one backpacking trip, but I have seen guys do that while on trail patrol with the forest service and don't recommend it.”

“Hey Phil sounds like you got a good deal going.

Whats your secret?

8)”

“Phil, if I ever get back to SoCal, I will go have sushi with you after an action movie.

I am happy that my wife likes canoeing, day hikes, and mountain biking, and is even willing to consider sailing. She doesn't mind camping, but BACKPACKING it all in is too much in her book. She is partial to B&Bs, which I can't really complain about, since she won't stay at the really frilly ones. And there are vacations where we both agree a modern art museum and a good restaurant are what is needed for our cultural souls.”

“Like Birch has anything to complain about! Lmao.

Icepack, unless she volunteers, I wouldn't take her if I were you. Hell hath no fury like a woman miserable. =) Find a compromise man!”

“That is a very good point!

Don't fix things that are not broken!

8)”

“Yep Birch old boy is sleepin on the couch tonight...”

“LMFAO!!!!!

8)”

“I'm in the same situation as Phil. I don't have to go shopping, or take her to chick flicks, or spend time with the most stupid of her friends, or any of that crap. The worst I have to do is go to her grandmother's church's indescribeably awful Easter and Christmas cantatas. I mostly sit there with a blank stare and a grin on my face, attempting to ignore the aural assault.

Usually, I think about backpacking.

Anyway, she does what she wants, I do what I want. Our intersection is the kids, and she does love the mountains, although she doesn't have any interest in climbing them.
It works out okay.”

“I dated a lot of guys (after my son left home) that were interested in stuff I do, but after 3 months they wanted me to stay home. I tried, but couldn't handle it. They didn't like me going away every weekend, so they were history. Until SnowDude.....

He likes his car races (has season tickets) and doesn't care if I don't go. We sit in a bar after snowboarding and he watches basketball or whatever, and I work on photo albums. He likes time at home once in awhile. There's a lot we don't do together, but we spend time in the mountains snowboarding or backpacking. He doesn't go as much as I do, but he gets more days in than a lot of guys.”

“Naw, Sir Pete...I know he says it with love and admiration for his incredibly tolerant and outdoorsy wife. He just likes to act the martyr, lol.”

“LMAO!!!!

Sass you guys are luckey!

8)”

“I'm no marriage expert...but WHAT THE HECK'S A MARRIAGE WITHOUT TENT SEX????!!!!”

“Maybe you need to make it exciting for her.

Did you try putting some new shoes in the tent? Wrap em up pretty and add flowers. Hey, it just might work. Next thing ya know, she might want to climb Rainier with ya!! ha”

“I read and reread what Splash said. No, that won't work. You have to trick her.”

“Ice, just try not to take any direct hits, okay? Try to keep a low profile.


Phil just reminded me of a T-shirt I saw once...

I Was Declared Fake On The Antiques Road Show


Biz... I'm gonna Shut Up Right Now, LOLOL”

“My wife will dayhike with me but bping is generally not going to happen. I go to the woods, she goes to those Pampered Chef parties and the like. Hey, it works for us and we stay happy. One thing, she makes me take the cell phone so could call if I needed something. Oddly enough, where I go there is usually no signal-go figure!!”

“Biz, my advice was for grown-ups.”

“It's all about compromise. I don't even want my wife to go out in the backwoods with me because she wouldn't have a good time. So we compromized and I can now admit this to the general TT crowd...we bought a popup camper. We plan on spending about 1/3 of our weekends on the road this summer.

The greatest thing about my loverly wife is, while she hates bacpacking, she doesn't mind me taking off. Strange though, it seams as though every time bacpac is on the trail, I'm at home, and every weekend I'm on the trail he's not. Hmmmmmm!”

“Nigal, why a popup camper? All you needed was a portable potty and a tent for it.”

“We already had a nice 9' x 9' dome tent, double burner Coleman stove, king sized air mattress, but we felt that if we had the popup and it was already loaded and ready to go all the time, we'd get out more. I got a sweet deal on it too. I have come to realize that I was fooling myself that car camping was a wilderness experience and that a camper won't change it that much except for going more.

BTW- I flat out refuse to camp in the class A electrical sites.”

“That makes sense. While growing up, my family had a camper, and then later a motorhome, and I kept it packed and ready to go, since my Mom worked a lot of hours. But in my mind the big advantage was the bathroom. Everything else (hooking it to the car, making it level at the site so the fridge would work, hooking the septic tank to the campground holding tanks) was a lot of work.”

“My wife has been into BPing longer than me.
My x never would think of it
now all I have to say is "lets find a trail", or want to go for a walk...we have some close trails that are enough for a quick walk by ourselves.
Last year did close to 100 miles of AT with her, not all guys are as lucky to have a built in buddy like I found. Deer hunts, Bow & Gun, fish's and cleans hers and her kids catch. I catch and release I only keep what I can eat right then.

She has given in to some of my "falts" like NASCAR she will watch but not without me, I have given in to some of her falts, Ummm... I won't say what ones b\c some I enjoy also, she don't have to know what ones!!! then she will use it against me some how. you know how women are.”

“Oh my gosh, Muttley, if she will watch Nascar with you, then you have a gem. I would rather chew off my foot than go watch Nascar with my hubster. He goes with his friends, which is fine with me. Of course he is full of various excuses why he can't go backpacking with me. But I hope to convert him. Until he has tried it a couple of times, I don't think he can really decide that he doesn't like it. Each time I go, I like it better. Maybe he will too. But if he doesn't, that's life.”

“'(S)He who has the gold makes all the rules!' Ain't that the bottom line.

The chap who said ' I'd rather be a live coward then a dead hero' was a married man. Why is it that most woman hang themselves on the masculine?

Nigal, you better watch over your lawn a little more! If that be the case.”

“MOT, can you be a little clearer?”

“I quit backpacking after I was married and had children (my ex-wife never enjoyed backpacking). In time, I bought a motorhome and we traveled together quite a bit. At the time, I thought it was a big improvement over sleeping on the ground in the woods. However, after the divorce, when I no longer had a someone resisting the backpacking, it didn't take long to ditch the motor home and dig out my gear.

I really can't imagine myself "camping" in a motorhome again. It is the solitude of the trail that I really enjoy.”

“ditto.
nuf said”

“Some folks still haven't learned in kindergarten, that the closest most women will get to the backcountry is car camping at fully developed campgrounds. With burger patties, barbeque grills, lanterns that can light up L.A. and hot showers NOT more than 50 feet away.

You gots 2 choices: Find a woman who don't mind you taking off into the woods a few times a year, or roll the dice and try the LONG odds of finding an attractive woman who likes backpacking and also likes you.”

“icepack

Perhaps it's not the sleeping on the ground that she hates, but your "aroma" after a few days! : - )”

“Car camping in a nice spot is a great break-in. Canoe or kayak camping is good as well. You can bring some comfy chairs, a portable toilet, and sun shower.

But the bottom line (and this kills me) is a bumper sticker a guy here at work has hanging in his office: "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."”

“Just wondering, but did you think about this while dating?

My wife doesn't backpack. She car camps if flush toilets are available. But I stopped a loooooong time ago trying to get her to do things that interested ME and we do things that interest US. It's actually nice to go and get away without her, because it's my thing.”

“Hey Arclite, what about the stomping of feet?

"If Daddy ain't happy, the ground trembles"

Steve, is that what you learned in kindergarten? I have news for you, there are a lot of boys/men who don't want to sleep in the great outdoors. Afterall, where would they put the remote?”

“Splash, you should make a bumper sticker. The one I posted already sells like hot cakes around here.”

“Are you nuts?! There was only one thing on MY mind while I was dating my wife. :)

You've all made some very good points and very funny ones as well. Thanks!!

I'm going to push for the idea of just going with my boys and coming home and telling some great stories and showing off good pictures. Maybe she'll get the urge to go on one some day, until then, I can live without her while I'm on the trail.

I just made a major breakthrough last night though. I was tentatively planning a trip to Colorado with my youngest son and knew the the wife wasn't too thrilled about my being gone for ten days. I asked her to come along and spend the time in the city, visit a few friends and just generally relax. She could also be our support, meet us at predesignated points along the trail to drop food off to us and pull us out if we decided to abort (like that's going to happen!).

Thanks again all. This whole gang is a hoot!”

“Now that I'm single again, I've come up with some criteria that the women I date in the future (or so I hope) will have to meet:

1. Sincerely love hiking or the outdoors. Not just a passing liking, but have a sincere interest in one or the other. If she's never hiked before, she has to be at least willing to give it a shot!

2. Non-smoker. Past few girls I've gone out with have all smoked, and it's really bothered me.

3. Good looking. (a duh!)

Having said that, I'm supposed to take a girl for a dayhike in the Catskills next week, and she meets all the above criteria. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!”

“LOL at Artex. Check out her gear closet just to be sure she's not snowing you.

Most people have a difficult time just finding someone that they can fall in love with, never mind share important activities with. You didn't mention honesty, loyalty, sense of humor, loves your MA. Good luck!”

“Oh yeah, that stuff too. :-)”

“I just don't get it I guess..... I go backpacking to get AWAY from my wife. Why would I want to ruin it and take her with me?”

“For me anyway if I could have a girfriend or wife that liked backpacking as much as I do that would be great!

But the way I see it that will never happen!

8|”

“We had some great backpacking trips in our younger days, but now we only cohabitate under a roof, whether it be a fixed dwelling or popup truck bed camper.”

“I guess I am lucky my wife not only likes camping, she loves it. Although she will still not go out during the winter. Even lucky guys like me must accept sacrafice. Not to try to make you guys jelous, she is also an avid climber, likes to ski, paddle, fish, and scuba dive

My best advise, you had better find someone who likes to do some of the same things you do, cause doing them together is more fun”