I AM A BASKETBALL god

“Obligatory worshipful daily post. How am I doing?”

“you are doing a good job dun. I played high school ball.”

“Believe me, chili, the image that was in front of my eyes was TOUGH. I had to do a double-take to make sure that what was standing next to me was (genetically speaking) mostly female. And BIG too! All dressed in black leather with studs. 'Twas a might scary sight.

Dunadan, you are a model worshipper. Have you sent in your monetary blessing this week?”

“Sent in his monetary blessing? Does that mean we have to tithe? Tithe based on what? 10% of the money I would normally spend on Budweiser during basketball season? Are you taking away some of my beer so that I will focus on, and appreciate the blessings that I have received? Dang, I wish I'd won that contest. The money I would have received from chili alone would keep me in beer through most of football season as well!”

“Not tithe, dayhiker, it's a spiritual tax. I need to tax you guys in order to run my blessing bureaucracy. It takes a huge staff and lots of paperwork to hand down decrees and make sure that the blessings are distributed evenly between everyone.

If y'all don't contribute, it'll be bad JUJU for you and your families.”

“My cash keeps getting highjacked by my wife and kids. However, when I inform them of the Divine Needy One, they will desist. What is the zip code for heaven?
I played ball in HS, too. It was a blast. We had an insane coach who used to sniff ammonia caps on the bench.”

“dayhiker, what the heck, I am from Lower Alabama, I will buy the beer, name the place and I will be there. We have to stick together you know.”

“That's right, Bama guys have to stick together. How about 3rd Saturday in October, Knoxville, TN? Seriously though, another Sipsey trip would be great.”

“PS. I'm heading to LA in about 30 minutes. Salt water and cold beer cure all that ailes(sp?) ya'. I'll try to keep out of the Flor-Bama”

“And here I thought all people in Alabama were either sharecroppers or plantation owners.”

“Hey, what's all this cross talk?

This thread is supposed to be all about ME!

Looks like I'm gonna hafta send Guido an da boyz ovuh ta youse guyz howzez ta kuhleckt on dis heeyuh ovuh doo moneyz you guyz owez me. Deyll be bringun baseball bats wid em.”

“haven't seen a bat yet that will stop a .40 S&W”

“Yo, Arc. Da boyz forgot dat dis wuz a basketball thread and not a baseball thread?”

“Drew Gooden has not yet said he is going pro. Thus the Big Blue Faithful hold out hope for his return. Not likely, I say, and we will have an awesome team in any case.
But, if you are out there....DON'T GO DREW!!!”

“The BASKETBALL GODS were actually a TRIBE OF RENEGADE SPACE CANNIBALS, with a leader named "Yarden", who was the commander of a UFO SPACECRAFT ("pillar of fire", "pillar of cloud", etc.), and a GENETICIST who CLONED Adam and Eve FROM HIMSELF and put them on this planet which was ALREADY INHABITED at that time. The first born sons of the Egyptians became their ROAST DINNER. For a MORE DETAILED ACCOUNT I refer you to Erich von Daniken's "Chariots of the Basketball Gods?"”

“Boys, Marvin has finally supplied me with the truth. Renegade Space Cannibals? That makes the game even more interesting!”

“Who loves you, Arc? Posting on a Saturday. Above and beyond the call of duty. Private Dunadan reporting, Sir!”

“Yeah, whatever skully, I mean Marvin. Dunadan, we actually spend most of the time on the front porch, singing, with a banjo on our knee. My teeth are permanently stained with Red Man juice.”

“Thankyou, Dayhiker. See the things you can learn from stereotypes and old movies? I knew my education would never fail me.
If you need me, I'll be in my sod house in the middle of a wheat field.”

“We are expecting the big press conference today. Drew Gooden will tell us that he will be only the second player in the Roy Williams era to leave early to go pro. Or....maybe he won't!”

“Somehow a basketball or a net isn't quite as threatening as a bat, Dunadan.

Chili, you need to pack because of all your disgruntled clients? Guido an da boyz, dey'll come see youz in da middel of da nite.

I'm on the verg of making a decree that we slow roast Marvin as a sacrifice. Any of you boys know how to barbeque? You, my disciples, can eat him. This here god only eats women.”

“arc, I never had a criminal defendant who was completely happy with the outcome. If they get convicted as charged, they blame the lawyer. If they get convicted of a lesser included offense, they blame the lawyer. If the get acquitted, then they blame the lawyer for charging so much. No win situation. That is why I now work for corporate America on the operational side.

As far as packing heat.....I always want to make sure I am armed at least to the extent that my clients were. I used to have a sign in my lobby "Please check weapons with the Receptionist".... it was meant to be humorous. I had to take it down after about a month.....the secretary was afraid of guns and at times she would have a desk drawer full.”

“Arc, I know you've been in the South awhile, but what kind of question is that? "Any of you boys know how to bargeque?" In the South, every adult male knows how to barbecue!”

“Dayhiker, I now beleive that every male in the South is born with a barbeque instinct. They don't become world class until they reach puberty. By the time they reach adulthood, they could barbeque cow flop and get a yankee to admit that it was delicious!”

“Dang arc, I thought you'd jump on me with both feet for that one. You're way too friendly and passive now that we are many moons past football season. We have to get some fire back in your belly. Ron Zook, Bob Stoops, discuss, talk amongst yourselves.”

“Zookie is a rookie who can eat my cookie! Gators are just damn lucky that Kansas isn't on their schedule! You want some of this?”

“Correction: Florida south of Lake Butler is not in the South.”

“Plenty of time to get all fired up about football season. Our Spring practice game had 40,000 people in attendance. They got that many people in the State of Kansas, Dunadan?

I don't joke about barbeque, dayhiker. The South doesn't have much ethnic world cuisine. People in the South say eyetalian, and have no idea what that incredible type of cooking is all about. People in the South boil vegitables into an unrecognizable mush. But the barbeque makes up for it all. Now y'all got me hungry.

We shall see how the GATORS look next year, but I like what I'm hearing and seeing so far.

Our Newspaper reported that Brett Nelson (All-American shooting guard) was leaving for the pros. They used his dad as a source. They wrote articles, they got everybody fired up, they lied. Nelson's dad was quoted as saying that he never told the newspaper that Brett was turning pro. Imagine sports writers getting people fired up with misinformation and lies just to sell papers. I can imagine that comes as a huge surprise to everyone who thinks they know Spurrier.... We're just getting warmed up here.”

“Hey, I just heard a heart warming story about Steve Spurrier getting a kid into a holpital who was having difficulties getting treatment. Oh, yeah, he isn't a college coach any more.
Hey, Arc, we are sending our surplus population to you all the time. That's the way I like it.
I'll bet Nelson does go pro.”

“Sports writers in Bama don't like to stir the masses either. When it's a slow news day you're sure to either get an Alabama Q-back controversy story or some "late breaking" month old news about the NCAA.

I agree about the EYE-talian thing. I don't know much about Italian food, but I try something different just about everytime I go to my favorite restaurant in Birmingham. Sometimes I get burned, sometimes I get something I love. Birmingham is blessed with a large number of Greek restaurants that date back to B'hams hayday in the early part of the last century. Good stuff!”

“It's a shame everyone is so spread out. I was thinking a pre-football trip would be fun. Chili and I seem to be centrally located. I did a mapquest travel plan for arc and Dunadan to Sipsey Wilderness. Unfortunately, it's over 500 miles from Gainesville and over 700 from Lawrence. Oh well, it was a decent thought.”

“Not this year, dayhiker. Nelson's originally from West Virginia. The recruiting services have Florida's incoming class rated #3 behind North Carolina and Duke. The future looks bright.

Would love to go on a TT trip this year; however...

Hawaii in August.
Tennessee/Florida (hopefully) in September.
I'm throwing my mother a big 80th birthday in November.
Christmas, fly to N.J.

A few thousand here, a few thousand there, pretty soon you're talking about serious money.”

“Tennesse/Florida in September. I am working on tickets, but they are going to be scarce this year. Oh well, I am sure I can grease the skids with some greenbacks......just beginning to wonder how many it is going to take.”

“I will donate to the cause, Chili. I want to read the trip report, afterward.
I hear Duke's recruiting class is out of this world. They must die a slow horrible death. No, just kidding, nice little devils....”

“How are them "Cheetas" doing, Dayhiker?”

“dayhiker, a pre football trip might be in order, of course the High and Mighty Leader of the Unified House of Sports Worship won't be able to make it, but we can always send the pictures along with a request to be granted Sainthood.”

“Other than the fact that all our receivers graduated, we're doing great. We led the SEC in rushing while starting three RS freshman on the OL. That bodes well for the future. It's hard to tell if our DB's are doing better, or if it's that our WR's are lacking.

If the big man can't go, we could shift a trip to the NW to split the difference with the Blue & Crimson One. The Ozarks might be nice.”

“A trip to the Hurricane Creek Wilderness could be arranged. Just need to think about the date we want to plan this.”

“I'm serious. If you sports fanatics can make it to the Ozarks, I am there. We will form a coup to dethrone you-know-who. (I will tell you when we get together.)”

“Chili, if can get the tickets, I'll come up with the cash. I think we'd have a blast. Imagine taunting the VOL navy, imagine throwing cokes down on VOL fans from the top of that huge stadium, imagine...

Wait, don't imagine that. I promise to be on my best behavior. You got my back?”

“This may be a possibility. Do yall want to do it before football season starts. Another possibility is 9/14. We play North Texas, KU plays SW Missouri State, and UT is off. We are off 10/12, but it's KU's homecoming and UT plays Georgia(revenge game). I don't mind missing the UA-Arkansas game. It's 9/28, and KU plays Tulsa, UT plays Rutgers.

It looks like 330 miles for Dunadan, 513 for me, and 240 for chili. My only conflict will be how my wife reacts to a fourth night out. I usually get up early on Friday for trips and come back Sunday evening. This would be a leave at lunch on Thursday and get back late Sunday sorta thing. Our kids will be 31 mths and 10 mths by that time. That's alot to handle for 3 1/2 days. I can probably work it out, though. It's like I told an architect yesterday, just call me Annie Sullivan, 'cause I'm the miracle worker.”

“The Sipsey trip is being planned for the last week in September. Need to work around that one.

September 14 would work, or do we want to move this up to late August? The UT/Gator weekend is out.

arc, I am working on tickets and I am pretty sure I will score. Will keep you posted. It should be a great game.”

“Chili, as always, it should be a fairly even match between two football powers. Did I tell ya about the time Strider, Orin, and I hiked out of Olympic National Forest just so I could find a bar with a TV and watch the Tennessee/Florida game? Here I am in the corner of a little bar in Port Angeles, Washington, screaming my head off at the TV. I'll bet Strider will think I'm a nut job for the rest of his life.”

“I wouldn't expect the good folks in Washington state can appreciate the Florida/Tennessee game like we do here in the South.”

“I wish I was in the land of cotton.”

“Hey, Dayhiker, I see where the courts upheld the use of the hitching post in Bama. Do they use that when the football coach has a bad recruiting class?”

“No dun, that's what the chopping block is for.

Remember Jackie Sherrill's demonstration to his team during his first year at Miss State?”

“Don't they have hitching posts in Kansas, Dunadan? What do you folks do with your mules after a day of plowing? Do you park them in tornado shelters?”

“Hey, our mules allow us to share the barn with them. I mean, where do you sleep in Florida? And don't tell me you have one of them new-fangled houses, neither.”

“I gots me a house woooooeeee! Ain't got runnin' water, but I gots me a nice outhouse out yonder.”