Dangerous Toys

“It's a moldy oldie, but still good for a laugh...


This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not - and made the web department take it down immediately.

(In case you don't know: McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft).
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Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name: .....................
Initial: ...
Last Name: ......................
Password: ............(max 8 char)
Code Name: ......................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........


2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified


3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19.. / .. / ..


4. Serial Number: ...............


5. Please check where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified


6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one


7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat


8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America
[_] Central / South America
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Europe
[_] Middle East
[_] Africa
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Classified


9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon


10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply:)

[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal


11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check


12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student


13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction


Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

<DELETED>”

“Ü”

“the keegle master 2000




ive heard!”

“So where can I go to get this?

8)”

“I saw an ad for a 7-speed self-tailing wench in the West Marine catalog... 5 forward speeds and 2 reverse...

Sorry... that's WINCH.”

“That must be an old post -- McDonnell Douglas Aircraft no longer exists as a separate entity. It merged with Boeing several years ago.”

“Check that first line...”

“Remember that kid in Britain who "won" a Harriet Fighter jet by sending in lots of Pepsi coupons or something (I think it was in the millions). He went on the Net and asked everybody to please send him their coupons. Pepsi (could be another company) refused to give him the jet or the equivalent money...says it was just a joke. Bunch of damn liars. Should sue them for false advertising.”

“Man that would suck!

I would be real pis@ed off if they did that to me.

8o”

“I'd be The Last person to defend advertising practices... anybody want to give it a shot?”

“Nuh-uh, not me. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

Zip.”

“"... And when they attacked the advertisers, I was not affiliated with the American Association of Advertising Agencies and I was not concerned. Then they attacked me -- and there was nobody left to be concerned."

(apologies to Reinhold Niemoller)”

“LOL! How about this:

"Are we so opposed to capitalism and free speech that we would criticize advertisers for using the techniques (such as lying) that have served our Political and Religious leaders so well."”

“Man, that's a screamer, BOL!

How's about Mitch McConnell standing before the cameras with the ACLU lawyers and BOB BARR to kick off their legal assault on the campaign finance reform bill!

BIZARRE bedfellows.”