Dating sucks

“That's only a lie if it's not true...lol...”

“Go with the truth. I'd want to know the truth. And I will ask for the truth, give a guy multiple choice answers -- always with a funny one or two thrown in, but including "hey, you're ditched" or some such equivalent in there. I try to make it semi-painless, even with a few chuckles to get to the real truth. And then hope I get the truth.

I have been on the end of the "just don't call anymore" scenario. That's much worse, IMHO, than talking about something being over.

That all said, how appropriate, Twiggy, that the BUNNY BOILER is after Mr. Rabbit. Puts a whole new meaning to it!!! LOL1”

“also... just remembered this. It was on the late night Seinfeld just last night. George was not happy when he received the "it's not you, it's me" break up line.

WHAT??!?!? He said, that is MY break-up line. "It's not you, it's ME... defnitely ME," he said.

Yeah, it is YOU, she said.

LOL! gotta miss Seinfeld.”

“You're right bit, I was typing fast before I left work...didn't want to lose that thought..."I used you, but don't want you to feel used" just kills me!

Seriously, tell her the truth (as stated above if it is the truth). If she really has feelings for you, she'll hate you (and so will her friends) but ya know - the truth shall set you free!

o(=D”

“Well, this may be telling too much about myself, but here goes... Having been at the opposite end of your little situation, I say for sure tell the truth. I agreed with a really good friend to do a little "no strings attached" back-scratching. At the end (11 months later), alleged reasons were given, but I obviously knew they weren't true. One of the worse was "I need to study for the GRE" Please! I felt used even though I had agreed to it, and all because there were big lies involved. This made me feel that my friend didn't really think much of me if he couldn't just tell me the d*mn truth. It took almost a year for us to really be friends again. Don't let it happen, just tell the truth but in a nice way if that's needed. If you didn't both agree to a back-scratching kind of thing at the beginning, well, that's way trickier because she may see it as you getting her in bed under false pretense. Don't know how to handle that.”

“Did I paint that bad of a picture?

WTF, lying,,,hardly,,,I don't with her. There is no need cuz she can tell. Look, I tried to set a 'score' for this relationship from its onset. The pillow talk,, apparently not my strongest suit, was rippled with my honest opinion about our relationship that had just gotten closer. I don't know if she fully understood what I was trying to convey. She was a little shocked, hoping for something else but she did commend me for being honest at such a inappropiate time.

Look, we have somewhat of a history. Close to 8 yrs of knowing one another. We have dated and 'hung out' in the past. Nothing every happened. I never even thought about it. She was like a friend till the 'one' evening we became lovers.

The one evening well, I think now never should have happened. A roll in the hay does not a couple make. But she was thinking otherwise, I feel. She got what she wanted and I got want I needed. It was a mutual usage. No one in particular was taking advantage of the other. And if one was taking advantage of the sitution it would be her. Ladies how often have your advancements been met with a 'no'?

Another thing I need to mention is the 'phone' conversation we had several months back. It didn't go as I had planned but one thing had lead to another, my buttons got pushes and I flat out told her that if the sex we had was going to ruin what freindship we have going I didn't want any part of it and that again a roll in the hay does not a couple make. She took that as being 'dumped' over the phone as if we were an item. She ask to many question about the relationship and got an (brutally)honest answer from me that she didn't want to hear. She got pissed off and really pissed off and hated me for about 8 hrs till she called the following morning with a 'olive branch' offering. My original 'score' was back on the negotiation table to my amazement.

I'm not trying to work anything here. I'm wanting a female friend that I can talk too and hang with and should we get together at times so be it. Honestly, I think I'm to much of a nice guy, she knows that and knows that I really don't want to hurt her. The only thing worse then playing the bad boy is being a gentleman.

I don't know if this has cleared anything up and I truly appreciated the comments but a lair I'm not,,not in this stage of life. Life is to short for some of us so I'm on a bender to get my kicks before the whole sh-thouse goes up in flames.

I really want to make a sexist comment about 'boiling bunnies' and meat and bone but I won't. But I will say I'm best when slowly cooked and kneaded in 103 degreed water for 20 min.”

“BR - it sounds like her issue, not yours. Gentlemen are hot. And I for one didn't mean to imply you were thought a liar. It was just that many people try too hard to let others down easily and end up being viewed as the bad guy anyway. Good luck with this one. I hope the friendship remains and the tension passes.”

“I don't know what all that meant, Briar Rabbit, but I didn't read where anybody said you were a liar.
Bunny boiling is a reference to the movie Fatal Attraction, something we (or I) joke about on here ocassionally.

Hopefully it will all work out with your friend and you'll remain friends. Good luck!

(wow, you come complete with cooking instructions, how cool is that!)”

“It's nice to see that you have a good attitude, Wingding04. When I read your first post I started scrolling down to write, 'Get the phuck out of that relationship pronto.', but I see it's been taken care of. Sorry.

Artex, one word 'WEBCAM' for the offscreen part and don't forget your buddies.

Sounds like a toughy, Briar. I guess I'm lucky. I was in a tough, yet perhaps best relationship of my life until a year ago. I wrote about it on my 'Bummer!' thread. Fo a while the young lady was putting serious pressure on me to drop my caribou hunting trip and take her and her 4 year-old daughter to Disney World and she wouldn't go to scotland and see the lad whom she has just married.

Luckily, I never completely lost my head and when she came back after Christmas, she needed a little help (no, nothing financial) and we started 'seeing' each other again. I went to FYAO III after getting us both to agree that 54 an 24 just doesn't make any sense and, as for the long term, 64 and 34 is unimaginable.

After FYAO III I asked my present girlfriend out and it has been a wonderful relationship although (and I almost dis-like myself for saying this) it doesn't have the spark of the other relationship - not just because of the sex, but because it drove me to understand things about myself that I had pushed very far down into my past.

We never lost contact and in fact have co-operated on a penpal project between her French class in the neighbouring English language school and my best English class. We exchange the letters over a beer.

She wanted to introduce her boyfriend to me before marrying him and I feel a little guilty about not finding the time. My girlfriend Louise found out about our relationship (it's impossible to keep a secret in a small, country school if someone really wants to find things out). She (Louise) is extremely jealous of Chantal and had a fit when I told her about the penpal project.

I tell her she doesn't understand, but that just makes her crazy. The funny thing is - and I can't tell her this - is that I've flamed every rekationship up to now without realising why and if I have been with Louis for a full year now it's in large part because of the relationship I had with Chantal and what I learned from it (How's that for a run on sentence?).

Well, the week-end following FYAO IV will be pretty special for a lot of reasons, but the one that is most obvious is the 1st anniversary. I had a beer at Chantal's this week. I saw her photos, both of her civil marriage and this Christmas's vacation in Spain. Her daughter who has never forgotten me drew a picture for me to put on my fridge.

And do you know, for the first time in my life I really like myself and, yes, I'm proud of myself too.

Just had to share.”

“briar. Sorry, I wasn't saying you were a lair or anything like that. I don't even know you. Just the fact is, as hutch mentioned, don't be too "nice" to tell the truth. I guess I was just trying to give an example of how things could go really wrong, even if it's you trying to be nice about things.
Sounds like you have already told her the truth (more than once) and she won't accept it, right? I don't know your entire situation, but IMO a lengthly vacation with no contact works wonders. Like, you go on a nice long backpacking trip, she talks it out with another friend, gets rational, accepts things.
Just a thought. I wish the best for you.”

“I think what I meant before bouncing off into a tangent is that things get complicated - fast. It sounds to me (and probably to you and everyone else) that she has fallen in love with you even if it wasn't the original plan. That's why I said I was lucky - we really have become and remained the best of friends. I wish I had a formula for you.

Good luck,

Doug”

“Gremlin, sounds like things are going good for you. That's awesome and good to hear. Hey, I'm going to drop you an email sometime soon asking you about teaching stuff, if that's okay.

Okay, so, my date is on for tonight. We have a camera crew secured and everything. The reporter that's doing the story is a total goofball and a very cool chick, and there's no doubt she'll make the story a lot of fun when it airs in about a week and half. The dating service called and my date actually sounds interesting.. auburn hair, green eyes, athletic, attractive, into outdoors and sports, ect. (but then again, a used car salesman could also talk a good game about a 1973 Ford Pinto, if he was so inclined). I'm just going to have fun with it, and since my work is paying for everything, I've got nothing to lose.”

“woohoo - can't wait to hear all about it!

have fun!

o(=D”

“Webcam”

“Morning newspaper.”

“'Full cool!' as we say in French (no kidding), Artex. I can't wait to hear more and get the e-mail. BTW, now's the time to get into the racket. , there is finally a real teacher shortage, probably the first since the 60's.”

“Good peeps is what we got here.

Yes, no one actually said the word 'liar' but a few posts had running themes about 'lies' and 'truth' as if I was holding out on something or using her to feed my appetite like I was some horny rabbit.

If anybody is getting played its me. She used that 'got dumped over the phone' sh-t for weeks after it happened. I gave in slightly allowing her to 'use' a few trump cards on occassion since I felt bad for breaking up w/her over the phone even though we weren't a f-ckin' item.

I better stop thinking about this before I get really freaking honest with her. You know I got an extremely warm heart for being such an aloof guy, and I got patience out the a$$ to boot but you know enough is enough sometimes and I will be drawing yet another line in the snow.

I know it must be hard for women to empathize with men but thanks ladies and gents.”

“Relationships that start out with sex rarely last. You start thinking that you like the person just because the sex is good and it takes you a while to figure out that you have nothing in common.

I'm going to try to start the next relationship with common interests and friendship - that is until I can't holdout any longer.”

“Wingding, that is what finally worked for me - so far, at least. It's been a year.”

“A year without sex, wow! That is a holdout.”

“Either that or have your wingman take her off your hands. And act hurt. ;-)"
dhutch1
11:02:02 AM
01/29/04


ahhhhhem. Maverick, this is Goose reporting for duty!”

“Watch that ejection seat, Dude!”

“Question.


I have a friend that has been dating somebody for over a month, and she agreed to go to a superbowl party with him, does that mean they are boyfriend-girlfriend? If not, what are the parameters? Can this person still date others and be a wingman for a his buddies?”

“Watch that ejection seat, Dude!"
Tilt
02:03:37 PM
01/31/04


I only watch to make sure it isn't premature.”

“ya got that right.”

“Also, I try to eject from the cockpit only after my partner has ejected on the cockpit. It just seems better that way.”

“If someone is going out with someone for a month and isn't quite sure if they are dating yet we must fall back on the Sinfield criteria...does she keep anything at your house? Toothbrush? Lotion? Kotex" If so, you my friend, have a girlfriend!”

“"ahhhhhem. Maverick, this is Goose reporting for duty!"

Don't forget, Goose dies.”

“#1. This friend is not a reference to the character "Buddha Bear".

#2. Whay is a kotex?

#3. What should he get her for her birthday next week?”

“If ejecting from your cockpit is the way I'm supposed to die, I can think of much worse ways to croak.”

“It depends.

Have they had 'The Talk' where they set those 'parameters'... or are they still 'winging it'?”

“#1. This friend is not a reference to the character "Buddha Bear".

The above rules are universal.

#2. Whay is a kotex?

What is a "whay"? A kotex is that thing you wear one week out of the month.

#3. What should he get her for her birthday next week?"

Kotex.”

“I just got off the phone with my buddy Tilt. He said no "talks" were had, but she is pressuring him to have pre-marital sex, and constantly grabbing his butt and laughing at his jokes. It doesn't sound good to me, he may be in trouble.”

“Be sure to get a picture when she unwraps it.”

“Ahhh, so the friend is actually Tilt then?”

“LMAO Nigal! So my budweiser boxers are also known as "kotex"? cool.”

“Buddha Bear, though no talks were had, you are dangerously close to losing a wingman.

This all raises an interesting point between the boundaries of:

A. Going on a date
B. Dating
C. Boyfriend/girlfriend.

The difference between "A" and "B" seems to be somewhat vague. If a person goes on a date with a person once, are you dating? I mean, you did go on a date, and therefore were in the act of dating, but yet I don't really consider one date to be "dating". Two though, maybe... but perhaps there has to be some promise for a third. It's confusing, because to move on to "C", I generally think a talk has take place, which makes it more clear cut. The correct terminology for the jump from "A" to be "B" is a bit hazy.

Just a muse I was having in light of last night, and it's all somewhat meaningless labeling... but anyway, the date went well. We made plans to go out again this week, I'm going to call her tomorrow (48 hour rule). I got all the right signals from her... touching my arm, laughing at my jokes (no easy feat)... I didn't even have to use my patented move at the end of the evening to get a kiss, I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me to. She's a very sweet girl, and very attractive, so we'll see how it goes.

I thought the date might be awkward with the cameras, but it wasn't that bad. They gave us some space. Definitely a good night.”

“Arrrrrr.....A kiss! Is that all? What kind o tar ar ye, settlin for a kiss!

Ravish the wench! Arrrrr........”

“A. Going on a date
B. Dating
C. Boyfriend/girlfriend.

My two cents on the matter...

A. Going on a date: pretty simple, two people going out to do something together(usually involves two people mildly attracted to one another in the quest to see if there's something more to be had there)

B. Dating: two people getting together - with one another - for a series of dates (hopefully involves some level of physicality, talking on the phone, etc.., generally having a good time together). During this time, either person may still go on dates or "date" other people. This is generally the time when you really get an idea of whether or not you want to get more serious, which leads to...

C. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Involves a talk (to ensure everyone is on the same page) and usually a commitment to exclusivity.


Artex - glad you enjoyed your date! PS - know any hotties in NYC? If I don't get some sort of romantic life soon I shall be forced to buy a cat. LOL!”

“"I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me to"

I get that look all the time, maybe i'll get it again tonight when I go out and flash some cash at the bar.”

“arrgghhh. men. The communication level is SO frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a freakin' WALL.”

“Artex - I think we need to get BigPoppa on the case to record your adventures for a documentary.

Where are the pics?”

“Hee hee... no pics yet. If I have time, I'll make a few captures from the video and post them at some point.”

“All this happiness is making me teary eyed. The stars align for the men of trail talk!

It warms the cockles to see the HMWHC behaving as if the leading men in a chick flick. You talk a mean game! lol

Watch out Briar Rabbit, love is in the air, and it's like a virus!”

“trailtrekke,, I know the feeling, so I can EMPATHIZE with what you are trying to say. For women have similiar endearing qualities.

Hutch,,equating love to a virus is a real turn off for me. Well not really but viruses are forever and often lack cures. But I can EMPATHIZE with your romantic statement. Love, loving is a grand experience. My love of women now that is virus like but on a individual level it might look more akin to a bacterium or fungi for the most part. Sorry to break it down, I'm not wanting to take away from your wonderful statement, but I'm a man and prone to do things like that or this. BOL.

Look, I'm not asking for much, guys rarely do atleast verbally,, no late night booty calls or anything, just a female friend I can hang with. Is that too much to ask.”

“dhutch - you sure have a way with words. LOL.”

“Please, wear a rubber for pete's sake!”

“Briar Rabbit- At least it seems you can express yourself. It is so awful to have to try to coax someone into explaining their feelings, actions, whatever. I guess that is the basic difference between men and women. I am foolish to expect what I have expected in the past- especially with younger men. Arrgghhh! Why can't it be easier and fun? Relationships can get so complicated sometimes.”

“Briar, it is, apparently, too much to ask. I can't find one of those "hang out buddy" types either. They don't exist.

I had a guy that was a good "hang out buddy" when I was about 15. We used illegal substances, while listening to the Beatles and Crosby, Stills, & Nash on record, in his hippie decorated camper trailer, parked in his mom's driveway. It was really cool and low-key. Oooooh, I miss the old days. I'll never find that again! LOL! Arrrgh, I just turned 25 . . . that was a decade ago. I hate birthdays.”

“And reality check . . . I ended up dating his jerk-off cowboy brother. Anyone ever notice how you can look on the past like it was so nice and gloss over the crappy parts?”