Dating sucks

“Tango, I know you are joking. We talked about this when I was in FL. Time to do something about that......isn't it? You can't tell me there's been no interest in a sweet, pretty woman like yourself.”

“You are so sweet. Thanks D. I will finally be getting some time off. So I will come out and join the world again. Woo Hoo and look out!”

“What the hell is wrong with online dating!!?? By the end of the year, I should have 49 states covered...except for Michigan! LOL!! My current bait, catch and release is in Miami...damn hook is caught so having a hard time releasing it so far! Ahhh...the stories I have...”

“date anyone from the District yet?”

“Been there done that, BM...and I left them there. In the late 80's.”

“Hey wolfeyes. I can't believe I haven't seen you in forever. Time for a barkpark get together. Weekend of the 26th? Let's get the MI doggy crowd together.”

“Bummer... ;)”

“I can maybe do that, DHutch. Keep me posted.”

“I can attest to the internet dating sites. I have used Match very successfully. Every single gal and guy I know these days has used one service or another. Most of them with success. There are certain "rules/guidelines" to follow. In fact, that is how I met my awesome, phenomonal, fantastic boyfriend. We never would have crossed paths otherwise.”

“I met my husband on Yahoo Personals.

Yikes!!!”

“So you dumped me because I shared the fact that I won geek of the year in 98'! I thought I knew you. :(”

“See? They really do work! I don't know what the future holds for Jon (Lt is his TT name), but it's going really well now. I have a GF who is hot and heavy with the love of her life who she met through Match. I found that using the service helped me find the men out there who were even dateable and helped me sift through the ones I wasn't interested in. After that, it takes time and patience. But it works. Had to kiss (well, date) a lot of frogs.”

“I know some men like a little reassurance before they walk over to you, like maybe a smile.

Grocery store lines:

In the vegetable aisle, it's so easy. Just ask how you tell whatever fruit you pick is ripe or not. Do not choose grapes, lol.

Papergoods: excuse me, which paper towel do you think is more absorbent?

Canned goods or cereal aisle etc: Do you think xxxxamount of grams is a lot of sodium (salt) per serving?

Excuse me, have you ever tried this brand of .......?

Do you know the best way to prepare this?”

“No Buddha, you fit in to the too young category. You know I think you're the coolest! Go back to your hotties.

Feel better?”

“"Most of them with success. There are certain "rules/guidelines" to follow."
Ruby

If the time comes and when I'm ready to pursue a lady again.
I may just go for it.
What the heck! I can see some advantages, ie: They want to date, they want to be in a relationship if stated, you can see pictures and email before you actually meet.... not bad I guess...
So ,Please, please explain what would these "rules/guidelines" are...Thanks :-)”

“Vegetable/fruit aisle: Would you like to help me soften this banana? I'm looking for a unique marinade for this cucumber...

Paper goods: Lingerie is sexy but have you ever been wrapped in TP?

Frozen foods: Popscicles are nice but...

Anywhere else: I have strawberries and whipped cream but nothing to put them on. Any suggestions?”

“bearmagnet - do you work at Denny's?”

“Here goes. In my experience, many people still follow more traditional roles in which the guy asks the girl out. That's not always the case, but it seems to pan out that way. So for the men, you probably still have to take more initiative.

When you post a profile, make sure to include a photo. There are so many people who use the services these days that if you don't post one, you will never get a single response.

In your profile be completely honest. If you are a couple extra pounds, say so. Then the people who go out with you know what to expect. I went on a date with a guy who said he was a couple extra pounds. In my mind, that means he's maybe a big guy, but not fat. Well, this guy was way obese, actually waddled. We went to a movie and he literally had to squeeze himself between the arm rests. I am not going to judge his size, but the fact that he was so misleading really turned me off.

Be creative in writing your profile. In fact, try reading other same sex profiles to get an idea of what they're writing. Most people write pretty much the same thing. Of course you want to find someone who is funny, likes to take walks on the beach, yada, yada. Once you read one of those, you've read them all. If a guy could write a profile that was a little unique, that caught my eye.

Another biggie for me was this: Most of the services give you the option of posting a profile for free or of subscribing. The difference is that when you subscribe you can email other members as opposed to just "wink" at them. You should always subscribe. The men who winked at me hoping that I would email them back (I was a subscriber) looked cheap and lazy to me. If they guy can't expend a little effort and $20, then I'm not interested.

When you send an email to someone, put a little thought into it. Read their profile and respond to something they wrote. Pay them a compliment. But don't necessarily try to be their perfect match right away. Here's what I mean by that: I had some men respond to my profile by agreeing with everything I wrote and they gushed about how they loved exactly everything I did and how we must be a perfect fit.

When someone responds to your email, don't waste a ton of time emailing or chatting back and forth. Go right in and ask them out for coffee or something. Face to face you get a much better feel for the person. And it's silly to expend weeks of time emailing/chatting only to find when you finally meet them that you aren't in the least bit interested. That gets way too exhausting.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Stay positive. There are so many fish in the sea. Be picky. Wait for the right one.

Once you have some dates lined up, make sure you read Mars and Venus on a Date. It's way informative.

Sorry about this guys, but it tends to be that the guys pay. I always offered to at least help. On the first date I was always declined. But I think most women are still going to "let" you pay. So even more reason to make the first dates cheaper ones, like coffee or something like that. But if you like someone enough after coffee, by all means take her out for something a little more substantial next time. But don't go overboard. One guy took me downtown to a swanky restaurant. There were famous people all around us. We got fabulous service. For two steaks, two salads, one potato (shared), and a bottle of wine, the bill came to $160 without tip. I was flattered, but I still wasn't going to sleep with him on the second date. So you needn't go to that much expense.

One more big thing, when you get on the date, don't talk so much about yourself and all your accomplishments. I got bored very quickly with the guy who bragged about being a United Airlines pilot and how he traveled the world and made so much money or the architect who bragged about his buildings in Chicago or the guy from England who bragged about the racetracks around the world that he developed. Gag me.

Those are some starter tips. Geez, that's a little longer than I had intended. Now have at it!!!”

“Oh, yeah. Then there was the Hooters manager. Don't get me started!!!!”

“Ruby, if you read the book, you know that men advertise. ;-)”

“You've gotto think there's something wrong with the hooters manager where the staff wouldn't go near him.”

“No. That wasn't the problem, so he claimed. His bragging was about all the women he had at his disposal and how he dated them all. Well, that wasn't going to make me want him more.”

“Explain that one for me dhutch?

Oh, and I don't mean to come off as some sort of misongynist in these posts. Just a tad cynical about the return to the whole dating thing ;o)”

“dhutch - No. I'm afraid to ask but why?

Ruby - you better sleep with me 15min after we leave a restaurant like that! LOL! And Puhleeze tell us about the hooters dude!”

“DH, you're right. The ones who didn't advertise, or at least not so blatantly and excessively, always got my attention much more.”

“Thank you very much Ruby!
All excellent info!

Chili might want the email of the Hooters manager...LOL”

“Y2 -
When men first start dating a woman, they feel they have to "win" her. What this book says (and I have found to be true in most cases) is that to impress the woman, men talk a lot about their accomplishments, money, possessions.

Some men go overboard. It's nice to be included in the conversation.

Men advertise, women appreciate
Read the book, form your own opinion.”

“Y2, the books says that men "are primarily work-oriented. They value themselves on the basis of their ability to achieve results and success at work. Every Martian (man) knows that his success is based on three things: his competence, his ability to let others know how competent he is, and the opportunity to serve."

Some more quotes: "A man uses communication as a medium to advertise his services."

"Instead of talking about himself, a woman wants a man to ask questions and be interested in getting to know her."

"The first few dates for a man are like prsenting his resume: Here I am; this is what I have done and can do. Ask me anything."”

“There's a thread out there bearmagnet about what a Denny's "chef" recently added to the honey mustard dressing.”

“Most women want men to pay and be responsible for everthing.
Women justifiably demand equal rights.
Most womem see no conflict here. ;-)”

“Don't read the book Y2! It's Propoganda!

On a more serious note - I'm sure the book has some good advice but for every women who doesn't want to hear you brag at level "x", is a women who does. In DC I would say there are more who want a trophy man.”

“I dont have a huge resume of accomplishments, well I do but they are pretty normal ones. I love to talk about the other person more then myself. I think it more of a challenge to the lady when the guys are more mysterious but not to a point where they are wierd...lol

I basically when on a date (been over 5 years since last one) try to listen well, laugh a little, talk a little, shout up at times (comfortable silience), be cordial, and a gentleman. most woman would probably think I'm boring...lol
truth is in the past when I "laid it all on the line" It never worked and I felt like a idiot after....”

“Oh I will read the book, but I'm an impatient soul so I was hoping for a quick summary here ;o)

I can see what you mean, I looked at the whole match thing for a while, and read some of the guy's profiles. It's all, "I'm very successful and career minded blah blah blah."

It's also interesting to discover the cultural differences. I mean, not to go on about the paying thing, but I find it interesting beyond the finances. I was chatting to another Brit, a girl, about it, and she also found it strange. Of the girls I've dated so far, the Europeans - a Finnish girl and a German - they've been the ones most eager to take their share of the first date, and it's not because of not wanting a second, as I've had second dates with both of them.
Here there seems to be some sort of rules to dating.
I just find it something of a paradox, as in American woman put themselves forward much more than typical Europeans in terms of being strong, independent individuals, and yet are happy to let the men take the lead role in this.”

“You're right, BearMagnet. A lot of women are into that sort of thing. I guess what I'm saying is, if you want a woman who loves you for your accomplishments, then talk them up. You'll find the right person then. If you're the kind of guy who wants to find a woman who isn't after your money or who only loves you when you have a good job or high position, then don't focus on that sort of thing. You'll eventually find the genuine, down-to-earth types. And she might even like backpacking, too!”

“Bearmagnet, I'm told DC is the city of parallel dating, pay, ambitions, lifestyles - I think I'll struggle as I can't match the salary of these guys at the big law firms ;o)”

“Questions I would ask:

Any kids? Ex-wife? Caught up on child support? Consistant employment? Lease or bought car? Drink a lot? Religion?”

“errr.... right, no, yes, no, yes, ex-wife has car, yes, yes - though I haven't decided which today's will be.”

“See? It stumps em'!”

“What, I answered ;op”

“wolfie has common sense, I like that in a woman.”

“Yeah, but you had to "errr" before you answered.”

“I'm definitely not going to impress anyone with my pay and acquired items! Well, maybe the homeless.

Y2 - you ever see Madam's Organ Matchbooks? On the inside is:

You may be the love of my life so I'll need your

Name___________

Phone #________

I fill one out before I head out. The first women who gives me their card gets my "card".

I hate that card #&%!$! I've almost snarfed beer from some of the reactions I get!”

“Well yes Wolfeyes, you'd rather someone who never thinks before answering a question?

Lol, I've not seen those bearmagnet, maybe I should get there early and fill out a few dozen to scatter around the bar.”

“I meet a woman last night for drinks. It was a casual corner bar nothing fancy which was fine with both of us. We sat and chatted for a while then left. It was one of those feelings when she left like, what a waste of my time. No second meeting happening here.”

“I never felt comfortable having a man pay, EXCEPT when I was a young single parent and struggling just to put food on the table. Paying a babysitter so I could go out was a very real hardship.

Today I prefer to pay my share, it's more comfortable for me. I can be myself and get what I want, also can suggest doing things that might cost money.
I had a boyfriend who used to say "let's go to the Anchor Inn for a fish sandwich" I didn't want a fish sandwich, but it was only $5, and since he insisted on paying, I felt obligated to get that. I didn't like being in that position.

These days I have no qualms at all about paying my share, or the whole bill for that matter...if I suggest a date that costs money, I certainly would expect to pay.
Doesn't hurt to take a man out once in a while.”

“Good ones, wolfeyes. Another one I like to find out is political affiliation. Having said that though, in the past I always seemed to end up in a LT relationship with guys of the exact opposite of me. So it's not a requirement that we match.”

“I once ran into this not so good looking man at a trailer park while working some time ago, and he was drinking Budweiser, had two teeth, and a beer belly. He slurred "Whas yer name miss?" I told him and he asked if I would be "inneressed" in a date? I asked him if he had kids and he looked at me dumbfounded (if that could have been any more than he already looked), and said, "Why, yes, I do. I gots me three." I asked where they were and he said in the "house" with the ex-wife. I rolled my eyes, and just gently broke the answer of NO to him. LIke I was gonna anyway, but I like to mess with them trailer boys.”

“LMAO, Wolfeyes!!!!”

“twigeater is just so damn dreamy.
What a woman! ;-)”

“twiggy, watch out for stovestomper on the Maine Trip”