Dating sucks

“The way you described yourself getting ready, I want to beat the sh1t out of them!”

“That sucks Ruby. Sorry.”

“I don't get this primped very often. He leaves in a few weeks and will be gone a whole year on the friggin' other side of the world. I was hoping to really make the most of some of our few days left. GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Well, I suddenly have a free weekend. Perhaps a good hike will make me feel better. Or a trip to REI maybe. Or a boxing class.”

“Or coming up to DC for a visit? Hate to see all that prepping go to waste... ;)”

“He should of joined the Marines!
Then they would of got a DWI and then beat the crap out of the cops and C.O. too :-)”

“PS
Sorry to here about your missing the BF.....

BUT!!!
As Areo said:
The prep work did sound very nice, and you got a few of us guys worked up just with the description of said prep work.
So you can at least get some satisfaction out of that :-)”

“That did get a few of us worked up.........................

I need to get out more!!!!!”

“Ha Ha Ha Ha!

I do what I can to make the world a better place. ;-D”

“The things us women do, not that I mind when he makes it worthwile.

How many guys spend much time on prep work?”

“Exactly, wingding. I'm doing the extras for him. And he's worth it. Otherwise I wouldn't bother.”

“I spend a lot of extra time prepping for dates.... a whole fifteen minutes worth, so there.”

“wingding & Ruby, guys don't have to spend that much time on prep work. We don't wear make-up, we don't shave our legs, we don't have to take an hour to fix our hair. We do shave our face so that when we are close the stubble won't rub against your face. If we buy something from Victoria's Secert or Fredricks it is for you to wear not us.”

“AAARRRGGGHHHH!
I'll explain later.....”

“date prep, hmmmmm.... sounds about right. He even got a haircut b/4 he came over (between getting off of work and dinner w/ me.) He did forget to shave. Next time I'll have to remember to get a razor for him. It wasn't too bad though,.








So Ruby, while I sympathize w/ you, I probably need to resurrect the dating rocks thread.”

“I had my first-ever-date since the divorce!

Talk about scared,... I was shakin` like a school-boy on the drive over. Thank God it was a long drive over to her house and I had time to calm down a bit first.

I left the house close to 8 O`clock that Friday night, drove and drove and drove,.. got sleepy and pulled over and slept a few hours and then got back under the wheel and drove some more, wound up getting to her place around 3 a.m. the next night.

Did I forget to say she lived in Calafornia? Guess so, oh well,.. had a blow-out on the way, ran outa gas twice gettin` there, (gas gage quit on me) and picked up a hitch-hiker on a gas-stop that kept me company the rest of the trip.

I get there, we hug and for a moment neither of us knows what to say, (odd that, we`d talked non-stop for a month on the phone, I got the bills to prove it) but I haul her into my arms and plant a long, slow deep kiss on her lips that made her granny blush and make up excuses for havin` watched the whole thing.

That over and done with we shared some small-talk, a cigarette and a few laughs, she asked about my drive from Arkansas and all. I went to the truck and hauled out my hitch-hiker and gave him to her, (she named him Bruce) it was a snow white teddy bear holdin` up a heart and on the heart it said I wub you!

She blushed and said no one had ever given her a stuffed animal ever before, shoulda made me happy, but instead it made me sad. Sad that no one thought to do a tiny thing for a friend, or loved one. She cried and I wiped away her tears and kissed the scars left behind from the tears trailin` down her cheeks. Musta been the right meds, `cause she quit her sobbin` and took in to smilin`.

We talked till the sun was almost up and then started packin` her stuff into her car, then we went and tried to find a tire at three different tire stores. Know what??? Calafornia doesn`t sell mud-grips unless you order `em,.. GRRRRR!!!

oh well, got a road-tread tire and went and got a u-haul trailer to haul her car and worldly goods back to Arkansas. Finally got car and contents loaded on the trailer just before dark. We said our Goodbye`s to Granny, her friends and such and then left to go eat at her favorite haunt before sayin` goodbye to Calafornia.

The Mongolian Bar-B-Q was nice and a chance to get caught up on small talk and visit with her four year old son. Did I forget to mention she had a son? Yup, she does and he`s a hoot-in-hell and made for adventure and all the fun the law allows. God, I fell in love with his smile and his wide open for anything kinda love.

We get supper over and take off again, this time thinkin` we`re gonna put some distance between us and Calafornia. Nope! Freakin` truck overheats the first mountain we try to pull.

We get out, find water and start in on what will come to be comanplace for more than I care to remember of that trip, we haul water to cool the blasted thing down so we can go a few more miles till it overheats again.

God was kind to us though and blessed up with a star filled sky and the moon to taunt us as we went about cooling the truck down yet another freakin` time.

We decide to get a room and call it a night about the time the sun`s about to make a showin`. We sleep a few hours and spend the entire next day and late into the night getting only about 300 more miles. What a test for a new relationship;)

Busted a heater-hose, blew off a pvc valve(sp) oil was backin` up into the breather, but no one could find the problem, but I did when I saw oil drippin` outa the breather,.. Took the breather out, cleaned out the oil and took out the thermostat(sp),.. that cured the over-heating problem. Darn, my truck hates Calafornia!lol

Well there`s always another day and it dawn`s brighter and again we`re on our way. We rool up in the front yard a little after five in the morning, dead beat and dogged out to the world. Her and her son stumble off to bed and I stay up and check my e-mails and what-not. Who needs sleep anyway, I`ve already been up more hours than I can count and only got maybe 5 hours of sleep in the last five days.

Well, they get up later in the afternoon and I hear `em talkin` in the room so, I go about gettin` `em something ready to eat. They make a showin` and wolf down their food and start in explorin` the place and surroundings.

Arkansas`s a whole new world for `em and they notice it right off. Green and lush lawns and countrysides, trees and flowers in bloom, like it was all on display for `em and just tryin` to make a good impression. (it did)

I show `em the high spots of life and the country-side, open a window to my world and bid `em to take a gander. They fall in love with it all and start in actin` like they own it.;)

I`m happier than any man has a right to be and that scares me.
My life has been one big mistake, or near-death experance, one right after the other and all of a sudden things start to look like it`s normal.

I shoulda known, shoulda seen the handwriting on the wall, shoulda seen it commin`, but I was blind to it all. Happiness makes fools of men and boys and bein` a he-critter, I was delighted with `em as if they were new toys.

Her sun was a pure delight and everyone took to him right off and adopted him as if he were their own. In the two plus months they were here he broke hearts like they were meant for the task and no one was left untouched by his charms.

Well, to make a long story short,.. I know, I know, now I think of it,... it didn`t work out and they packed up and went home, but it`s the nearest thing I have had to havin` a date.

How`s that for hooverin`?”

“AAARRRGGGHHHH!
I'll explain later....."
trailtrekker
07:19:52 AM
06/26/04


I must have hit a nerve ;)”

“Bill!!! Well holy sheeyat!!

What an experience!

Get back out there, buddy!”

“Hiya Lizs!”

“Is that real Bigfoot? Wow!! the cautious side of the pendulum is where I am at, Looks like you just put one Big Foot in front of the other and Jump in with Both Feet. Geesh, sorry it didn't work out.”

“That reminds me of a song. I wonder if I can find the lyrics......”

“oh no, BF did not just put both feet out there and jump. lol! Been a few (or more like MANY) opps out there for him that he did not fully pursue... I was surprised to read he finally went after someone wholeheartedly.
>8-O”

“Lothar of the Hill People

Lothar.....Mike Myers
Tyler....Phil Hartman
Faldor.....Ed O'Neill



Lothar: [ to the audience ] I am Lothar of the Hill People! Much have I have seen, and much have I done, for I am Lothar of the Hill People! [ sits next to Tyler and Faldor ] Faldor, Tyler, of what do speak?

Tyler: We speak of many things! The hunt! Fire! The weakness of women!

Lothar: Do not tell me that women are weak! For today, my woman has cast me out of the hut!

Faldo: Mine, as well!

Tyler: My woman, also! She behaves as if I am unimportant!

Lothar: Yes! I am Chieftan of all the Hill People! But in my own hut, I am deemed no better than foul humors discharged from the body!

Faldor: Ah, yes. I, too, have worn the brown helmet. It vexes me!

Lothar: You know, I will do battle with my woman, and lose. I will do battle with my woman, and win.. and yet, I still lose! And I am suppose to feel great sorrow for her! I swear, by Zeena's teats, if I hand her advantage on the field of war, I would be a god.

Faldor: To this, I can relate. At dawn, I leave the hut; my woman is happy in her toil. When I return from my daily gathering, I am tired and hungry; there is no food or fire, because she has dragged out her ceremonial betroval skins and spent the day weeping because they do not fit. And somehow all this is my fault! I tell you, that ties a knot in my pelt! And now, her family has come to comfort her. They have been with us since Nordis blew his icy breath. And, I tell you, if her brother is not out of my hut by piping time, there will be a clubbing!

Lothar: My woman's family dwelled among us for some time. My woman would not walk with me while they were in our hut. She felt her matriarch would not approve of her walking with a man. I told her that her mother must have walked freely with somebody at sometime, or she would not be here for this conversation. My point was futile. It was like trying to tell the people not to eat monkey heads!

Tyler: Ah. There are days that I am so troubled, that I swear I will never walk with a woman again! And keep only the company of men!

Faldor: I have a brother who made that pledge.

Tyler: Oh, do not be misled... the urge to walk with women is still there, there has never been any question of that! But my woman is so unpredictable! After the last great hunt, I stopped by the council fire and the feast!

Lothar: Ah, I know it well - it was a good feast, albeit a formal one.

Tyler: I drank many flagons of mead, as is my custom, and invited my fellow warriors to the hut for a game of sticks and rocks. I sent my woman ahead to prepare for us, but when I arrived, I found my personal collection of sacred relics and amulets scattered outside the hut, as if thrown with great force! Above the door is the Talisman of Gleadley, signifying death to all who cross it! Since then, I have been in the company of men!

Lothar: I have seen woman behave like this - they frighten cattle!

Faldor: What gives women such power? We are the warriors! We are the chieftans!

Lothar: Yes! Who smoked the Tree People (!) when they attacked with a force three times greater than our own - women?

Tyler & Faldor: No!! Men!!

Tyler: And who was it that redirected the River Zoro, so the harvest would be more bountiful!

All: Men!!

Faldor: And who is it that can write their name in the snow without using their hand! Men!!

[ Lothar are Tyler stare at Faldor ]

Lothar: Well.. that is a lesser point.. But you are a man, and we will overlook it!

Tyler: Yes! Slacks shall be cut for you, my friend!

Lothar: And who is better at creating a social and domestic order - one in which we can all create, and be at our best? [ pause ] Again, that is bad example. Let us sing a song to help us forget about women!

Tyler: Yes!

Lothar: Yes! Let us sing "The Man Song"! you know the tune!

[ they stand ]

All: [ singing ]
"Men, men, men, men
Men are better than women!
Men are stronger
Men are better
Men are better than women!"

[ they laugh ]

Tyler: I am filled with camaraderie!

Faldor: Let us sing another verse!

Tyler: Yes!

Woman's Voice>: Lothar? Lo-thar!

Lothar: Uh.. [ speaks to the audience ] I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!

[ fade ]


http://snltranscripts.jt.org/89/89jlothar.phtml



More SNL transcripts…

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/”

“AAARRRGGGHHHH!
I'll explain later....."
trailtrekker
07:19:52 AM
06/26/04


I must have hit a nerve ;)"


No, Ewker, it wasn't you. Just the kid, YES- KID, I am dating got a phone call from a drunken ex (?) girlfriend at 4:30 in the morning while he was here.. and here's the thing- it just annoyed me that he got up and talked to her for a half an hour. It's not that big a deal, but just reminded me that he is not want I want/need. I don't want to have another long non-meaningful relationship- I have wasted time this way before. I want a REAL relationship. Guess I need to date people nearer my age to have a more substantial relationship. blah blah blah......”

“dating sucks...



it sure does.”

“Yeah...I heard about you, Scorchy.”

“Hey Scorch- 'sup?”

“scorchy might be single again sometime in the near future.

guys are just such morons, but i'd rather not get into it.”

“uh oh.

Sorry to hear that ---”

“he makes me nautious”

“trailtrekker, you probably need to date guys closer to your age. I am older than you but if I was in California I would ask you out in a hearbeat :-)”

“I agree, Men suck!




Again I get "I'll call you later", but there is no call later. Next time he calls, I'm not going to answer. Screw him!”

“Don't get involved in relationships. They are nothing but heartache and BS lies.”

“We mean to call, really, we do, it's just that there's a lot of other things we'd rather do at the moment than talk on the phone with our girlfriends. We know what you're gonna say, it's not like anything new or exciting is gonna happen. Talking on the phone is for when you're still infatuated at the beginning and it's exciting and stuff.”

“So Ruby, while I sympathize w/ you, I probably need to resurrect the dating rocks thread."
mtnmom2
02:02:25 PM
06/26/04


Again I get "I'll call you later", but there is no call later. Next time he calls, I'm not going to answer. Screw him!"
mtnmom2
12:28:48 AM
06/28/04


"Screw him" in less than 48 hours??? Have a little faith, eh? I suspect his life was almost full when he met you, if he was totally unoccupied do you think he'd be someone you would want to know? Have a little patience woman!

;-)”

“well, it's not like I see him everyday. In fact I haven't seen him for almost 2 weeks! He's called me maybe 3 times in that 2 weeks.”

“nothing wrong with that!”

“what? us east coasters aren't good enough for ya? : P”

“Why do women need attention more than a couple times a month from us? It's so inconvenient.”

“ok, shawn, you are confusing the 2 men in my life. Bach #1 is the one who says he will call and Bach #2 is the one I had the date w/? But he basically hung up on me the next day so I'm not real happy w/ him at the moment either.


you say that's not fair? Heck, life is not fair, why should I play fair now. They're doing the same thing to me. (Not verifiable but highly suspected especially w/ Bach #1)


And patience....Hah!
I'm working on that one. I know I need to just forget about them right after the date/call, whatever. No sense thinking there should be any follow-up.





Scorchy, I didn't mean to imply that easterners were not good enuf. I just figured you'd gone to bed.”

“Anyway, so yes, in that regard, men suck. That's why so many women dig gay guys. They just wanna talk and listen and talk and listen and talk and listen. Yak yak yak. Gab gab gab. Yadda yadda yadda. (yawn) I like women who love to fish, and hike, and climb, and paddle, and they like the smell of their own farts and get sweaty and dirty on the trail. Yes, I love lesbians.”

“really, Buck! and you have a GF?


I actually had a good day today until I called B#1. Went for a motorcycle ride, built a compost bin, pulled some more weeds.”

“Scorch,
bummer.”

“yea.. to put it lightly.”

“sorry, to hear about your troubles, Scorch. I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever have another meaningful relationship w/ anyone. But I am prone to melodramtics especially just before that time of the month.

Dang hormones!”

“mtnmom- what the heck happened to the dating rocks resurrection??
It just doesn't sound like anybody is having any fun in the dating dept. at all.
Thank God all this bad stuff will pass eventually...”

“TT, I'm not so sure. I seem to be in a bad recurring dream.

Someone had suggested a while back that we should quit trying so hard to find someone. That may be the best advice around, but, dang, I hate talking to myself.”

“hee hee! (I do that anyway!!!)”

“mtn, thanks. sh\t happens to the best of us.”

“this time the prep work paid off :)”

“whhoooo-hooo Wing!! Good weekend???? YES!! We needed some good news!!”