Dating sucks

“uh oh.

"Beauty with a heart of stone," eh, Simer?

All I can say is, better to find out sooner than later! Still sux, tho'.”

“chili

a weekend at the beach sounds like several good dates in one weekend.”

“What I always tell them is,

"Now be gone! Before somebody drops a house on YOU."”

“hmmm I have several nites I will remember forever but those were on hiking trips...and romance wasn't involved so I guess those won't count.”

“"so does anybody have any dating success stories? One of those perfect romantic moments... one of those nights that you'll remember forever..."
~simer190

"What's you nice guys definition of a "nice guy?""
~twigeater

"Yeah, let's hear the "nice guys" describe themselves."
~lizs

I'll cover all three with a description of recent events:

We had a longterm sub covering for a teacher this spring. She's cute as pie, and she liked me ...I could *just tell*.

Soooooo, I invite her out to dinner. We had good conversation and an overall great time.

She invited me to her place for dinner during the next week - that woman can cook!

The next weekend, we done it up reeeeeel nice!
*Got a cabin at a nearby state park - the best they had. Gorgeuos view of the lake, fireplace, secluded - niiiiiice.
*Fire
*Wine
*Candles
*Yadda yadda yadda do;

Next day:
*Drove to Julliette, GA - location for the film "Fried Green Tomatoes".
(as it turned out, FGT is one of Kim's ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIES!... he shoots, he scores!)
*Strolled the sidewalks, visited every shop that was open. I bought her a gift. Surprised her with it later - she, as it turned out, reciprocated.
*Had lunch at Julliette's "Whistle Stop Cafe". Kim described every scene depicted by the photos displayed throughout the restaurant. Named every actor - even the "bit" folks.
*I paid for the entire weekend -minus gifts she bought for me, her mom, and her daughter.

The next Friday night, I'm to go to her house for dinner - sixish. I get home before five, and try to contact her for dinner confirmation - I left messages at ALL THREE of her phone numbers. I sat on the couch. I fell asleep (hey! I'm a teacher... it's spring... it's Friday night...I'm freakin' pooped!) My phone NEVER rang. I awoke at 4:00 a.m.

She invites me to dinner the next night. I arrive enthustiac, excited, heck..."in love". I leave a reject. Why? Because I "stood her up" the previous night.





"gojo
Move on and don't dwell on it and take it personally man. That's like digging yourself into a hole."
~JO

JO, hon.
I'm 45. Even minor dwellage accumulates over time. This gets old. I take it very personnaly.

Kim had the time of her life that weekend, as did I. I showed her what to expect on future dates and weekends. I assured her that she could expect many weekends at the beach, mountains, wherever - that weekend was only the beginning. She was shown - by a design my own - that I can, and indeed do, treat a woman right... right in every which way. When she got home that Sunday, she was "all woman".

She wouldn't hear of my collapsing on my sofa that night. She blew a great - albeit fledgling - relationship because her dinner date failed to show up. Once. One time.

And her being a (sub)teacher? Even she recognized the day today demands of a teacher. In the few short weeks she had been here, she had aged 10 freakin' stress years. She had gotten a taste of Friday Fatigue. But still,

Ah, what's the use?
I'm getting all worked up, and accomplishing nothing...”

“Based on your side of the story, Kimmy went too far. The fact that she invited you over just to blast you and reject you is a big SIGN.”

“"Beauty with a heart of stone" Tilt

That's not what i said is it? Try a heart of gold, but i can't see past what's on the outside, no matter how hard i try. I don't think i can be happy with a person unless i am happy with how she looks, no matter how great she is on the inside... it hurts, i know i've hurt her, but that's how i feel... and i can't get over it.”

“Tooooo bad, gojo. Maybe on her side she's had bad experiences with that kind of thing. You don't know her total background. Something simple like that can trigger an outrageous response.

I try to bend over backwards and give people the benefit of the doubt. And have had numerous incidents of being burned by being nice.

I don't know her case. It sucks from your end, sure.”

“Chicks dig the Bad Boy persona.”

“So says Oreo.... lol! I like it that Free called you Oreo.”

“Gojo that sounds bad. I could be reaching far here, but some women are control freaks, and maybe this one was testing you to see if you would grovel and beg forgiveness. Then she would know that she can control you, and you would be "okay" in her book. Some women couldn't possibly marry someone who they can't control. I would say that you dodged a bullet on this one.

My uncle is ten years older than me and has been divorced three times. He and I had a conversation about whether he would ever find someone to marry, that would be a real partner to him. We also talked about a couple other relatives who are middle aged and never been married, and discussed whether they would ever marry. The conclusion that we came to was that the two "nevermarrieds" will stay that way because they are controlling. My uncle, however, if he can stay away from the "damsel in distress" types, and find a fun, relaxed lady, should be able to successfully marry again.

Are there not many fun, relaxed ladies out there? There seems to be quite a few on this board.”

“I jumped from one marriage into another one (boy was I stupid) so I cannot even imagine what it is like to date nowadays.
Do people use the internet now to find dates, is the bar scene still in.
The best place I found to meet women was the grocery store on Sunday afternoon, I wonder if that still works.”

“I think that young single women hit the grocery store after work, in the evening, not on Sunday afternoon. When I was young, I was shy and cautious, if someone struck up a conversation with me at a store, I wouldn't accept a date with him. Situations where you get to know a person a little bit work better, like golf lessons, group hikes, night classes, etc. You guys need to scope out the condo complexes near you, and start a hiking club. Deliver flyers advertising group hikes locally and you will get to meet a lot of single women with a tentative interest in the outdoors, but a fear of hiking or walking alone.”

“Ewker - Sunday morning, early, is better. Then they know that you were not out drinking late Saturday night.”

“Grocery shopping on a weekend, especially early Sunday morning would make me think - married, morning person, or someone with no life and no interests.”

“twig--
i'll second you on that.

best place to meet people?? who knows?? that's why i'm still single. :-)”

“Hey yeah I would be totally stoked if someone started a hiking group round here. :) Free24<~~~~single”

“twig, and what would you be like if you were at the store at the same time to see them?”

“I say try online. You get to chat a bunch before you finally meet up. Sure, they might be trying to present a whole different persona. But they would attempt to do that in real life, too. I have found that super far away is not good.

Currently lankyframe -- the newbie -- and I met through www.americansingles.com Three guys wrote me. One very local and a couple about an hour away, each opposite ways from me.

The local guy seemed flaky as to when and why he wrote. The other guy from an hour away only wrote at odd hours. We talked on the phone once. He had "no modem" so couldn't use his computer at home. Hmmmmm, yeah right. So you have to watch for sneaky, potentially married guys, too.

All wanted outdoors gals.(seems lots of guys have figured they want that by this time in their lives. Barbie girls are out, Simer. lol)

lankyframe said two magic words when he wrote, in a sentence something like, I'm just back from skiing in Utah. You say you're a photographer. You should see the pictures from there.

"photographer" and "Utah" had me writng back fairly soon.

Soooooooo... we'll see where it goes. But it does seem to let you meet people with your same "likes." And same level of dating interest.

Oh yeah, I went out a couple times with another guy last summer, same circumstance. He liked trout fishing and getting out. But... too much neck fat for my tastes. LOL!!! Where is Lyra???!”

“Dating sucks, huh? Mind introducing me to your date??? ;-) ;-)”

“I won't say you'd never find me in a grocery store on a weekend, but it doesn't happen often. Likely I'd be with my grandkids if I was, and we all know that no one wants to date a grandma, LOL.

I have a coupla friends who keep me entertained with their dating stories. One did udate.com and some other dotcoms. Sometimes she'd send me the guys pics. Once I e-mailed her back and asked what that ring was on the middle finger of his left hand. She asked him and never heard from him again. She got a lot of replies and many were married/involved/strange. She met a lot of them - frankly I think she made some very bad calls - but is now involved with a guy she really likes and seems to be happy. Her cousin is also online dating. I'm having dinner with them tonight, should be interesting. :)
Anyway if you're looking, I think it's worth a shot.

BTW - they think I'm nuts for hiking with people from the Internet. =D”

“If meeting people on the net is the way to go now I see why Matt put the Yahoo Personals banner on here.
Wonder if I should check it out to see if I know anyone from Nashville on there or would like to get to know them.”

“

"we all know that no one wants to date a grandma, LOL."
twigeater

Perhaps, but I did!”

“Slimmer, that was just a joke based on some of you guys comments.
Besides, didn't you say:

I'm too young to date a grandmother!"
nowslimmer
01:40:54 PM
05/27/03

:)”

“I feel your pain Gojo...at 41 myself the dates are far inbetween and not because I can't get them but because I am more picky.
For a year now I have just not cared..”

“gojo - IMHO you found out about her inability to forgive early enough to end the relationship gracefully. I heard almost an identical story from someone else two weeks ago. Turn out the person had no friends because she "kept score" on all her relationships and when the score got loopsided (in her way of things) she ended it. Her constant complaint was she had no friends.

I have been married for almost 30 years and couldn't imagine getting back into the dating scene again. My heart goes out to those of you who are struggling with it.”

“Phil, boy do I have to agree with you on that!! I could not imagine getting into the dating scene again myself. I am only married for 13 years, but...naaaa!! No more dating for me.

I met my husband in a club, he feel in front of me. It was just too funny. Sure did not look for a husband that day, I can tell you that.

I think if I would ever be single again (no guarantee for anything) I think would stay single for the rest of my life.

Did not read all the messages, but I guess I can add anything to the subject "dating sucks"”

“OK, there's a real opportunity for innuendo in Gemini's post. Who's gonna take it and run???!”

“Obviously Gemini will fall for any guy who falls for her. A lot of women are like that.”

“I had to resist, lizs...it's all yours...”

“a dumb comment like this can only come from a guy that is still desperatly seeking. I don't have to feel sorry for you!”

“that this comment would probably be funny and well deserved...but I just don't like you bacpac!”

“ok, lizs . . . is this what you're talking about?

"I met my husband in a club, he feel in front of me."

Hey, nothing wrong with a little feel . . . especially in front! :)”

“Ya thats a good point!!!


8)”

“Hey Gforce in back! How is the hiking? We have not "seen" you here lately. Nor Cowpatty. I was just thinking that you guys should plan a trip to the trail that jmitch was just at. He said that a lot of Michigan people were hiking there, and I thought that we should do another PA-paloosa there as well with all the midwestern folks.”

“I am looking for a woman with a sense of humor. You are hysterical.”

“hi LyndyS - I'll be out east for three weeks in Sept doing the Long Trail, but I do want to make it out for another trip to see everyone this year. PA sounds good.”

“speaking of possible innuendo - its great sometimes to just omit a few words - for example from a post a ways back in this thread:

"... I'd much rather eat fruits ..."
Buddha Bear
04:15:07 PM
05/27/03

has a whole other meaning simply by dropping the words "like apples and oranges."


other notes : if you're "dating sucks" then you are going about it all wrong - you should be dating humans instead of sucks”

“LOL, HOI, you think that they were spelling wrong and meant "Dating Ducks?"

Gforce, the Long Trail will be great. Yes we will have to do the North Country Trail in the Allegheny forest. It is a long drive from me, and from you all too, but maybe people will want to get together and do it. I'll have to talk to CowPatty and see what is up.”

“Anyone ever try dating someone from a different country? I don't mean someone who has lived here for a long time. I guess it wouldn't be easy to find someone like that, but I wonder if meeting someone with different values, customs and a different lifestyle would make things any better. Maybe American men and women are just too used to the same old games. Just wondering?”

“I dated women while I was in other countries. They are the basicaly the same, except they were much cheaper, but they would drink more.”

“Gemini - I didn't mention it earlier, but I would probably not date again either. It may seem odd, but my wife and I have discussed this several times and seem to agree on what we would do.”

“Take it easy Phil, The scuttlebutt is that she doesn't like you either.”

“I think dating can be fun sometimes, other times frustrating. After being back in the game for only a year or so I find dating to be very interesting. Trying to figure out why women do the things they do, what they like and what they don't is all quite intriging to me. And being 35, well 36 since Sun.:), I can date women from 25 to 45(actually 24 to 46:) and they each have their own unique qualities.

I havn't figured them out yet and I'm sure I never will. But one thing I know for sure is that I LOVE WOMEN. You ladies are very special!”

“

Anyone ever try dating someone from a different country?" richb?

Yes, many times in several countries(Germany, Sweden, England, Japan, Puerto Rico, Mexico(Baja), Panama, Colombia and Baltimore. I even married one of them in the Rep. of Panama with the knot-tieing accomplished in Spanish. She had never been out of Panama or below about 67°F. until I took her to Chicago. It was -17°F. when we arrived there.”

“bacpac - Please pass along any useful information.

ltwtbkpkr - I'm almost 54. My attitude has changed over the last couple of years. Another thing is that I have a daughter with special needs that I would consider a higher priority than another partner.”

“Gemini and Phil, that's a very noble sentiment - "I wouldn't date again" however you do understand that no dating = no sex, right? =D”

“Or you can stay single because it's quieter that way..
Hey I go where I want , do what i want and no one ask me anything..”

“staying single and not dating are two different things aren't they?

I've never been married, and frankly don't see any benefit to it (well...) Basically I have this phobia that if I had a man around full time I'd never get to do anything fun like fix my sink in my own good time, throw in the winter wood, let my lawn go to hell...stuff like that. I envision myself up to my elbows in the dishpan, having to decorate the house in something other than the "museum of natural history" look, having to (gawd forbid!) put up curtains and other silly things like that. LOL

Mostly when friends say they have someone they want me to meet I kinda get this jacked deer look... :)
Like you clem, I enjoy doing my own thing far more than I miss a relationship.”

“however you do understand that no dating = no sex, right? =D"
twigeater
07:35:02 AM
05/29/03

Sex requires dating? WTF???”