Fractured Definitions

“Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter and supply a new definition. Here are the 2001
winners:

Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.
Circumvent (n.) the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.) The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n) A Jamaican proctologist.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realise it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you have been smoking marijuana.

And, the pick of the year:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an #&%!$”

“I love those! My personal favorites: Frisbeetarianism (n.) The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. and Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. ”

“Two of my favorites are:

Pokemon (n) A Jamaican proctologist

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a$$hole”

“osteopornosis fits me perfectly..hehe”

“Hmmmmm....Ignoranus....yeah it's funny, but I know so many of them!”

“They are all great! I work with an oyster!”

“Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
ha ha ha. One of the disadvantages of hanging out with doctors is they get drunk and start talking about 'this one time when they had to exam prisoners'


I like
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.”