backpacker Magazine Changes Formats!

“Backpacker Magazine to Change It's Format

AP Press. Rodale Press- In a startling move today Backpacker Magazine has announced a major change in there format. Backpacker Magazine, the flagship of the periodical juggernaut known as Rodale Press released a statement that it would be dealing with issues exclusive to desert hiking from now on. Critics of the long time self proclaimed backpacking authority say that the reason for this change is, in the words of one disgruntled reader, “…because their well of information has run dry and the writing is as dry as the desert.”

Backpacker Magazine’s Executive editor refutes this accusation by stating, “The readers don’t know what they truly want. Backpacker Magazine has always had a long standing reputation of filling a certain niche in the hiking community and we have simply decided to narrow our focus where it is most needed. Most hikes don’t know what gear to use for every day hiking, much less the extreme demands that desert hiking requires. We want to let the readers know that we will always be here to let them know what they want and need. Among the things the desert hiking community has to look forward to in future issues are gear tests of wooden hiking sticks (‘there is a big difference between a broom handle and a pine stick and we want to be there to help the readers through these tough desions‘), the effects of wearing the left sock on the right foot and repercussions of that and what to do if it ever happens to them, and not the least of which we will take a good hard look at lighters vs. matches: Come on Baby Light My Fire!.”

Corporate heads have expressed concern over the new format having fears that they may lose advertiser revenues but the executive editor has assured them that after negotiations with the advertiser that they have agreed to stay on board in exchange for more positive gear reviews in the future.


However inside sources have learned that the “narrowing” of the magazine’s scope is due to a 50% reduction in subscriptions. It appears that after the most recent issue Backpacker ran a piece concerning men’s health in the backcountry. It appears that the article gave such a detailed and intimate look into the inner workings of the male tentacles and what can go wrong with them in the backcountry that nearly all the male subscribes have castrated themselves and summarily quit backpacking all together. In the words of one male subscriber who wishes to remain anonymous, “I became so scared about what could really go wrong with my nuts on the trail that I just wanted the evil things GONE. I also felt influenced by the article that ran in the same issue about the virtues of ultra light hiking that it seemed, at the time, to make sense to “lighten my load” as it were. I had no idea the mental stress and anguish I would face when, on my next hike, a chopper ‘buzzed’ us and when we followed the advise of the executive editor [see editorial of the same issue]we mooned the chopper, thus revealing my empty, shriveled nut sack to the chopper and my hiking companions. It was awful! The people in the chopper were laughing and pointing, my hiking friends did likewise and to this day I known as “Nancy the Nutsack Boy”. Then my husband returned to Connecticut, where we were married and has filed for divorce on grounds of punitive damages. It has caused such pain and anguish that I have retained a lawyer to defend me in my pending suite against Backpacker Magazine and it’s parent company Rodale Press.”

When asked about these charges the executive editor stated, “That guy is nuts!”.”

“Gee Nigal did you write that all yourself?”

“LOL @ Nigal! I read that issue last night and was trying to commit to memory which direction I should rotate my nut should it become twisted. They I decided, #&%!$e, I'll just pop a couple of vicodans from the med kit and hike it out.

Their gear reviews do blow. They're too chicken#&%!$e to say "Don't buy this piece of gear" so they always throw in some caveat like, "This backpack didn't fit the backpacker well at all and we questioned it's durability. However, it has great zippers and Dikhead really like the handy toiletpaper dispenser on the waist belt." WTF?”

“Riiiiiped from the headlines! Straight from CNN (Cowardly Nigal News). Hey, I don't report this stuff, I just make it up!

8)”

“I need to have m tentacles checked!

I'm leaving TT!!”

“And No, I don't look a thing like Dr. Zoidberg.”

“How many of you guys have tentacles anyway?

Do I need to have some grafted on?

Do I need a hiking pole for each one when I'm on the trail?”

“Tentacles?
What... on yer octa#&%!$?”

“Can you say Tesla Coil ten times fast?”

“What's wrong with desert hiking?”

“Just one big one. I think it's more like a prehensile pecker.”

“Boy, that's an appendage the ladies would love...”

“Nigal, You have... Too much... TIME!

Take a hike!

:)”

“It was very funny Nigal.”

“I'm glad to hear that they're waking up. Maybe it will be a better magazine now.”

“Lack of rain in the west would make that new format very useful.They're right about tentacle problems,mine are caused by carrying 25gal.H2O in my back pack when i water my illegal garden.”

“If you cut off your tentacles, won’t they just grow back?”

“.'However, it has great zippers and Dikhead really like the handy toiletpaper dispenser on the waist belt." WTF?'
roseymonster

Hey, where can I get one of those handy toiletpaper dispensers for wearing on the waist belt? Wow! With one of those I'll look like a #&%!$ house wall!”

“I have a 4-season tentacle.


Stop me if you've heard this one, BUT, I heard about a guy who had one of those prehensile jobs. Yeah, he was popular... but it kept jamming hot buttered rolls up his butt.


Hey Nigal, have you posted it Over There yet? <snicker-snicker>”

“LOL! I don't go "over there". Feel free to next time you're over there. 8)


be sure to include my e mail addie: Poopypnts@Yahoo.com!”

“.'Hey Nigal, have you posted it Over There yet? '
Tilt

What's this? TT is just a test area before posting elsewhere? Hmmmmmm. And I thought TT was the best. Careful, Matt may have copyrights after the posting here.”

“I was just imagining the responses... LOL

Hmmmmmmm... If one were to post a Mahvelous blurb on the Runners' World site and at Backpacker, and they Both wanted to reprint it... would Rodale sue itself?”

“Good one nigal.

Hey - who's gonna help me remove the duct tape from my chafed upper thighs on the next ECT hike?”

“Oh that's just wrong. Now I'm gonna have nightmares.”

“LOL Nigal. Maybe that's why the photo with the editorial was from behind, so we couldn't see just how "ultralight" Dorn was equipped!”

“LOL.

I use a wooden walking stick, so now I'm really worried.

When I read that scary article in Backpacker I got worried. I had never heard of that before. I would have been better off skipping that issue.

No doubt, a guy has to take good care of his tentacles and prostrate.”

“That gave me a good laugh...

Hheheheheh!!!!!!

8)”