Add to this backpacking story

“It seemed to all start as I reached the other side of a large south facing avalanche chute. Reaching the refreshing coolness of the trees shade Sue barks out, “Hold up there Joe. We need to wait for April to caught up again.”

“We’re only traveled 3 miles and she’s havin’ trouble already. Are we going to make to the lake by dinner time? This could be a long day at this rate.” I answer without much sympathy.

Sue response in her typical way of defending the weaker, “Listen, this is not a race. We already know your god’s example of fitness to the rest of us poor slobs, but let’s make this a fun trip. For April too. Maybe we need to slow down or take some of her load.”

Now Sue tends to speak her mind but the truth be known, she is the real fitness goddess. She can out hike me any day. The only physical advantage I have over her is my size and testosterone.

“I get your point, sue. But some of her loads can’t be transferred.” Is my reply.

“So Joe, can’t you look at a women above the collar bone. I don’t think she’ll fall over frontward if we take some of the load out of her pack” Sue comes back.

We wait out of the hot sun for April to approach. After some mild objections April passes the food and a few other item in her pack to Sue and I. We’re off again and at a good pace this time.

A thankful April tells us, “This is some much easier guys, hiking is not my strength, but I make your pack mule work worthwhile. I cook tonight.”

With the load shared, a quickened pace and beautiful solitude of this wilderness, tensions ease and spirits turn giddy.

(Your turn. Add to the story. No short circuits please.)”

“"It's time for women to just accept their place in the world as inferior physical specimens when compared to the glory of MAN," retorted Joe, grabbing his crotch for added emphasis in the statement.

As he did so, Joe unwittingly twisted his right testicle and immediately doubled over in pain.”

“"hey" said april, "i just read about this in backpacker magazine this month. we better summon help."”

“Sue said "We don't need help, we can take care of him right here and now"”

“Biz said, "Screw him, let him rot! Besides, he's too tall".”

“"But who's going to carry the tent?!"”

“Two girls and one guy? This was obviously written by a guy.

Joe whips out a reefer and states TOKE UP GIRLS! Still giddy with excitement.”

“So they all smoked from the peace pipe, and, when done, strolled along The hills singing All Along The Watchtower complete with air guitar and deep knee bending paroxyisms of life's joy.”

“And that's when the real trip started . . . Joe had forgot to mention that this gonja was laced.”

“A high cornice of snow atop the avalanche chute partially blocks the afternoon sun. Sue, April and Joe travel the well worn trail along a rocky ridge, making great time. They are sure to make the lake by dinnertime. After passing by some rabbit brush, Sue starts sneezing and cannot stop. After 5 or 6 sneezes Joe and April hear a rumbling sound coming from above them. All three look up just in time to see the White Death coming down on them from above. They are shoved and tumbled down the avalanche chute by tons of fast moving snow. By some miracle, all three survive, but Joe has a broken leg. They are now 1800 vertical feet down a steep ravine and 12 miles from the trailhead. The map does not indicate if the ravine reconnects to the trail they had hiked in on. The sun will be going down in three hours.”

“And they are trippin' hard! Holy cow! LOL!”

“"damn" said joe, "what luck. a twisted testicle and a broken leg, what else could happen to me?"”

“About this time a frozen block of $hit smacks him in the head. It had fallen 43,000' from a passing airliner.”

“Miraculously, the frozen block of $hit knocks a previously undiagnosed brain tumor out of Joe's head.”

“And the snow all around turns deep scarlet red”

“April turns to Sue and says, "I know you're not supposed to eat yellow snow, but what about red?"”

“Joe awakens and turns to April and Sue. He says "How you doin'?"”

“Sue and April have popped open a bottle of 1976 Cab to celebrate Joe's lament!

"Thanks gals," says Joe, "I'm gonna need a good pull from that bottle to quell some of the this pain shooting up my femur from this compound fracture!"

"Oh no," laughs Sue, "This isn't for you."

"This is for our new friend," chimes in April, "Mr. Yeti!"”

“passing the bottle to yeti, the girls look on in amazement as he turns the bottle up and empties it. "hey" exclaims joe "that's no yeti. that's a bear. and by the way he went through that wine i would say it must be buddha bear".”

“As it turns out, the reason April's pack had been so heavy was that she had been reading threads on TT that convinced her that she needed a firearm.

As Joe lies helplessly looking up at her, she empties the Ruger into his body.

"Now we can really get this party started! Where's those hot springs, Mr. Yeti?"”

“Much to Sue's chagrin Mr. Yeti turns out to be gay.
Poor Joe, poor Joe!”

“Joe wakes with a start. Sue rolls over and looks at him.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asks.

"Nothing," says Joe, "But I think you better go on that backpacking trip with April by yourself."

"Bastard," mumbles Sue as she rolls back over and goes to sleep.

"Whew, that was a close one!" thinks Joe as he goes back to sleep.”

“Joe wakes up, and he's on a trip with Sue and April.”

“Joe purposely impales himself on his trekking poles.”

“Joe hopes it's his trekking poles and not Mr. Yeti.”

“It turns out it's both the poles AND Mr. Yeti”

“And Mr.Yeti gets mad as he!!.

8)”

“But then starts to realize that he likes it... Oh yeah, he likes it a lot... A hole lot.”

“........So Mr.Yeti asks "Do you like it dry or with KY?"


8)”

“wrong hole you bastard thats my ear!”

“Meanwhile, April and Sue have unpacked their Thermarest chairs, and are enjoying the show.”

“Mr Yeti fluched with embarassment, both at being so stupid and the undeniable fact that the ear had been a good fit.”

“Reaching over to each other a fiddling the padiddle. When Sue says says wait I dont like hairy poon.”

“And fish ran away wit the horse and the cow jumped over the loon.”

“But they can only take so much before there's lesbo action on the Thermarest.”

“Eventhough, April said, "I can't bliev e the size of his EARS!"”

“The search and rescue team that came to investigate the avalanche spy to goings on and ask "Is there any more of that wine?"”

“April smoothly replied, "yeah, but it will cost you".”

“The leader of the team replies "We have some lime-green jello. Want to share?"”

“"No thanks, we're just about to enjoy some Spam sushi", April says with a toothy grin.”

“(who started this tale, Mt. Gal, or Ice Tea? lotsa spelling mistakes...hehehe. OK, so I'm an editor, shoot me with that packed pistol!! LMAO!)”

“"I think we could find something better than Spam to put in our Sushi" said Sue. "Do you remember that TT thread on 'Cannabalism yea or nay' or the immortal 'Spam as a proxy for human flesh'thread?"”

“NO-not MR YETI! April snorts”

“The search and rescue team began to slowly back away....”

“And immediately fell over the edge of the cliff behind them. The Yeti howled with delight, and April reached for the camera, but alas, too late.”

“With the SAR team backing away and the last traces of purple light fading from the sky, April, Sue, and Joe decide they will need to just stay put for the night. Thank heaven all three still had their packs. April and Sue set up camp while Joe and the Yeti sing drunken camp songs. "Darn" April says, "It is hard to set up these tents in the dark, we should have done this earlier but the stupid Yeti distracted us." In reply Sue states "Yes, the Yeti was certainly not in the plan, but neither was falling down this cliff. The Yeti will be useful tonight when it gets cold though. We can cut him open and get inside of his body, just like Luke Skywalker did."
We can only hope that our brave trio will be able to last through the night and start developing their plan to get out of this situation in the morning.”

“As dawn breaks the morning sky the trio awakens to find Mr. Yeti has departed. The ladies, and Joe to a lesser degree, feel that this is typical of MEN, no respect in the morning.
Joe says that if they use his trekking poles as splints he might be able to make it out, but he sure could use someone elses' poles to help him walk after Mr. Yetis' adventures last night.”

“Then Joe notices his belt is undone his butt hurts something fierce, making them wonder about Mr.yetis' true intentions of the activities!!!”

“Rugerman shows up. While reaching for his first aid kit he accidently shoots Joe in the head.”

“And the Yeti really wasn't a Yeti, it was some guy named "The Backpacker" dressed up in a fur suit. As he stumbled away, they could hear him saying "Death to Americans", "The US is evil", "George Bush made me do it"”