Five Rules to Avoid Being Killed by Wife

“From: http://www.japantoday.com/e/?content=shukan&id=113" target="_blank">Japan Today

1. Don't buy high-priced insurance packages. Hiromi Ikeuchi, who works at an institute in Tokyo that deals with domestic problems, said, "Wives usually worry about what will happen to them financially after their husbands are gone. If killing husbands solved this problem, some wives actually do it. Some wives have actually come to see me to consult on such a thing."

2. Don't get into debt. "If you owe money, it's better to be jointly in debt with your spouse," said Ikeuchi.

3. Take note if your wife suddenly starts using different or more seasonings. According to Ikeuchi, one housewife actually told her that she had started giving her husband extra salt and soy source in the hope that it would make him ill and eventually kill him.

4. Pay special attention to curry. "The spicy flavor hides the strong odor of most poisons," explained Keiichi Tsuneishi, a biochemical professor at Kanagawa university.

5. Don't neglect having sex with your wife. "No matter how old he is, a husband should pay attention to his wife's sexual needs," advised Ikeuchi. "He also needs to listen to his wife and talk with her if she has any complaints."”

“Rule #1

Do what I tell you to do.

The End.”

“6. and when she says im sick dont chime in with "and tired"....”

“7. Don't come home from work to a messy house and ask your stay at home wife "What the hell do you do all day?"”

“#8. Don't come home smelling of another woman.”

“Don't get married. It's the only way to really be sure.”

“What bitpusher said.”

“What Father Goose said.

Get killed by your girlfriend instead.”

“"Don't get married. It's the only way to really be sure."
bitpusher
02:24:12 PM
05/17/02



"What bitpusher said."
Father Goose
02:29:32 PM
05/17/02


wonder if bitpusher's wife and Mother Goose read TT”

“Nope. Besides, what I said is logically true, and how my wife or anyone else feels about it doesn't change that.”

“My girlfriend doesn't read it, either.”

“So thats why I am never getting hitched!

I understand now!

8)”

“# 9 Don't say "I told you so!"”

“#10 As matter of fact, those pants do make your butt look big, but then again, it's probably not the pants!”

“Giving her lots of chocolate has always worked well for me.”

“#11 never, ever, ever say: "you'll go out with the girls over my dead body!"”

“That's just great. Not only did I have to come up with an excuse for the hatchet in my camping gear, now I gotta come up with one for the Arsenic too? I hope G00SE doesn't read this thread. Thanks a lot Violin.”

“hmmm curry. good one (files away in brain)”

“Didn't arsenic used to be the only cure for syphilis? Not sure you want to use that for an excuse though.”

“sorry sorry sorry....”

“#11, don't say "Are your t!ts beginning to sag?"”

“Never say, "Hmmmmmmm, ya know your sister's are much firmer!"”

“Just remember those magic words:

"Yes, dear, You're right and I am wrong, I apologize."

It doesn't matter what the conversation is about, just use that phrase.”

“Gordon has probably had the longest and most successful marriage. He knows the right answer. LOL!

Actually, I would like to meet a man who wants to solve relationship problems/arguments through the use of a board game. We could just play a board game, which would ease the tension and dull our hyper-sensitive selves and the winner could have their way. After my last relationship, I feel like being very non-confrontational. LOL!”

“I have shortened it to simply, "Yes, Dear".”

“1) Diamond ring
2) Gold bracelet
3) Diamond studded necklace
4) Platinum ankle bracelet
5) Diamond studded platinum tiara

and lots of luuuv.”

“Also a correct answer. LOL!”

“Father Goose's answer I meant. All the jewelry could get a girl robbed and beaten.”

“That's where the diamond studded handgrips of the handguns come in handy. :o)”

“What a dummy...you research it at the library, not your home computer.”

“Most people don't realize that the browser saves all those locations you've visited...lol...

You'd think they'd note that fact in all these websites that teach you how to do naughty stuff...”

“I tell my seniors that all women are crazy and all men are @$$holes and the difference is that WE KNOW we're @$$holes.

I also tell the girls that they can never be the most important thing in their man's life:

1. His toys,
2. his friends,
3. his job,
4. his space
5. and her

Sometimes they make number 2, but it only lasts about 20 minutes.

The dissapointing thing is that I can't get a rise out of them any more. They just ignore me.

I think it's time for the Men's Prayer:

All right, guys, gather round; we're all in this to-gether.

Repeat after me:

I'm a man,


I'm sorry,


I can change,


If I have to...











I guess.
(Thanks to the Red Green Show)

BTW, Lyra's idea of a board game is good. I'll get in touch with the Trivial Pursuit people. Lyra might get a few worthless Canuck bucks out of it.”

“dammit gremlin, i'm not newgirl! or am i...”

“Oops, sorry to both of you (I guess).”

“Women get shot in the bedroom, men get stabbed in the kitchen.

Rule #1 - Stay out of the kitchen.”

“I hurt when my kitchen is even touched!”