Conversations w/ My Child

“I gave her some noodles and a little Parmesan & butter and then sat down to eat my own plate. Here is the conversation that started. Do any of you have funny/silly conversations w/ your kids?

"Mama!"

"What?"

"Noon-Nal."

She looks down her shirt. I go to see if she has gotten a noodle down her shirt. There isn't one and she finds this very funny. I sit back down.

"Mama!"

"What?"

"Potty!"

"Okay, hold on. I'm coming."

We are starting potty training, so I'm racing to get her to the potty chair. We get to the potty, get her pants down, and she doesn't have to go. She finds this very funny. We sit back down to lunch.

"Mama!"

"What?"

"Noon-nal."

I checked and this time there was a whole pile of noodles inside her shirt, smashed between it and her fat, little tummy. She finds this extremely funny. I just love this kind of stuff. It cracks me up too.”

“My little cousin barfed on my shirt once.”

“Newgirl, that's hilarious!

I do stuff like that to my wife all the TIME!”

“Phaedrus to his wife: Looky what I have HERE!”

“NOON-NAL!”

“Cannelloni?”

“This wasn't a conversation with my daughter but a few words flew from my mouth. I was getting ready to give her a bath and I was holding her next to me when she let go a huge bowel movement. All I could do was to cup my hand around her bottom and try to catch it all to keep it from going all over the floor. Nothing like catching a hugh pile of warm green cottage cheese. I have to admit not a drop got on the floor but I can't say the same about me.”

“NO, spagetti!”

“Ewker, that cracked me up! Good story!”

“Man I'm glad I don't have kids!”

“That is rough Ewker! Very rough.”

“These stories are great for embarrassing them with when they are teenagers.”

“Thanks Artex when you have kids you have lots of stories to tell. This time my son got me. One night he got up from his bed and came into the living room and said he didn't feel good. I got up and went over and knelt down in front of him and said what is wrong. He said my tum, then it happened, all I could see was a wall of some type of liquid coming right at me. I didn't have time to react and my face, beard and hair was covered. It just stuck to me. I had to take my hands and wipe the stuff from my eyes so I could see. It stunk so bad and was thick and slimey at the same time. I think I could smell it for a week.
I survived both times but I think back to those days and the things that went on. Man, they grow up to fast.”

“I like to bring out the naked baby pictures to embarrass them when they bring friends over.”

“My Mom tapes them to the refrigerator”

“I imagine I will be a big enough embarrassment to my daughter when she is older.

"Dad, why are you cleaning the shotgun on the front porch?"

"You've got a date tonight, right?"”

“Another thing Newergirl did since we began potty training, was take a poo on the floor.

I let her run around naked for awhile, so she could get a little fresh air on the bum. I told her to tell me when she had to go.

"Mama!"

"Mama!"

I look up and see her pointing at the floor.

"Ucka, pee-oow, ucka."

I look at the floor and see what has transpired while I was balancing the checkbook. I tell her it's nasty. She repeats.

"Nakky."

I tell her don't move and I'll get some papertowels and wet wipes. She stands very still and actually rolls her eyes at me.

"Oh-kaee (okay), Nakky (nasty)."

It was very hard to explain why this was not okay to do in the future. Her reaction to herself was so funny, I couldn't help but laugh.”

“Biz, buy your mother some magnets, already.”

“We started our daughter pretty early on the toilet training. I think that it set her back a little the first time she pooped in her potty. She was so grossed out by it she refused to use the potty seat again for awhile.

My son was a little easier. We waited a little longer on him, and started when he was 2 or 2 1/2. We struggled for awhile, and then then when he turned 3, my wife got him Power Ranger underwear.

He was trained in a week.”

“I was an usher for my sisters wedding. During the rehearsal we were all really serious finding out what we had to do. I don't think I'd ever laughed so hard when my niece (brothers daughter) announced from the pews "I HAVE BOOOGER IN MY NOSE!" to everyone”

“Potty training is like trying to find the missing word to a magic spell. You try a zillion ideas to motivate the little monsters, and then you suddenly find the golden answer. For my second daughter who was getting embarrassingly old (3 1/2) the trick was a very pretty dress with no underwear. She was afraid to mess it. Wearing underwear was a little too much like wearing a diaper, so she had to do without for a week or so, until she got attached to the potty idea.

My older daughter was almost 3 and sat on the baby potty for 4 straight hours until she finally figured out how to release her pee sitting down. The next time was 2 1/2 hours, the third time was 1 hour, and then she had the hang of it. Weird how some kids can make pottying so difficult.”

“I think the current diapers are way to comfy. Not long after my kids turned two they just seemed to figure out the potty thing--the little ones learned from the bigger kids. They all wore cloth diapers with rubber pants over them. My grandkids however were all past three and one of them was four. They don't feel wet in paper diapers.”

“I think that you are right MP. Although you would think that the poop would be uncomfortable no matter how great the diaper is. They would cry about the rash and I would say that they would not have a rash if they used the potty, but this seemed to just make them more stubborn.”

“My wife tells about the time she and her sister were in a restaurant in suburban Detroit, each with their little daughter. Niece had just gotten her first kiddy sex-ed book and briefing on the joys of femaleness from my very modern sister-in-law. In the middle of lunch, surrounded by businessmen and suburban matrons, my niece stood up, obviously struck by her own new knowledge, and announced loudly, "I got a bagina, mommy's got a bagina, Tanty Mary's got a bagina, even cousin Ellie's got a bagina!"”

“My son puked in my mouth once.




He also pooped a trail to the potty once when he was potty training. Looked just like deer doo. Go fiber!










He's going to kill me now. Heeheehee!”

“My new daughter just stares at me - Occaisionaly she purses her lips and furrows her brow. We're waiting for that first smile.

Thanks for all the previews above!

My kid sister once hurled orange soda and french fries on me in the back of our old non-air conditioned Datsun 210. Fun ride home.”

“My youngest brother puked right in my lap once while we were in the car. My mom was feeding him a lot of fruit, too. At least he looked sorry for it.

It was the longest ten minutes of my life.”

“Big Coop, congrats. That first smile is going to do you in, so get ready for it.

MaryPhyl, I think you are also right about the diapers. Newergirl will be 20 months old of the 2nd of June. Yesterday I went and got some panties that are more like the cloth diapers. I'll try these for awhile and see if it speeds the process up a little. My goal is no more diapie duty by her 2nd b-day.”

“Well, I never had children, but I used to watch over my boss's daughter in the office from time to time. Heather was sitting in my lap at my desk one afternoon, while I'm shuffling papers, and all of a sudden I get this warm glow. The kid peed in my lap! I just wish I could be there when her first date shows up, so I could tell him the story. Ah, revenge!”

“Nothing like a little urine bath to start the day.”

“Oh, dem golden showers...”

“I dont have any children of my own, however I do work at a daycare and claim 13 two and a half year olds. I have learned a whole lot about child care the past 2 years that I have worked with 2 year olds and have heard many cute phrases!

I agree with you MP about the comfortable diapers and I am also against pull ups. I find that it takes children so much longer to potty train that wear pull ups. The best way is when they begin showing interest in the potty, much easier in a daycare setting because they see other children going, let them start wearing panties or underware with plastic underware over them. They learn faster when they have accidents on themselves. Another trick is to let them wear their favorite character underware. One little girl of mine loves Barney and her mom told her, Brooke, don't tee-tee on Barney. And as silly as this may seem, it works amazingly. That was her goal of the day, to keep Barney dry.”

“One of the little girls in my class has very curly blonde hair. So curly that the curls just stick to her head. We had a substitute working in the class one day and she said oh what a pretty little girl. The little girl replied, "It's because of my beautiful blonde hair." Hearing this from a two year old was so funny! We have to stop telling this child that she is so cute before she becomes a snob! And to add to her statement she just started carrying a brush around calling it her "darling."”

“I have to tell you, Miss Opie, that I learned a lot from my daughters' pre-school teachers. And then I worked at a non-profit where everyone was a former daycare worker. The funniest stories. You must have huge vast reservoirs of patience.

About puking, my daughters were good enough to always puke away from me. I figure I'll get my due when the grandkids visit (hopefully when I am too old to smell or see anything).”

“I would not even try to toilet train a child before two. You will just traumatize her. All those muscles and that small brain have to be ready. She is just little once and it is only a few months extra to wait.”

“HA!! this thread is cracking me UP! newgirl, your daughter sounds absolutely adorable. i've gotten the carsick sibling deal, and my dad always tells me about the multiple times he's caught my puke in his hands. yummers! also, Tarpster and i have 6 toy monkeys that talk to us, but that's neither here nor there.”

“Yes lyra, the 6 toy monkeys talk to you. But can anyone other than you and Tarpy see or hear them?”

“Do ya spank yer monkeys when they're bad? :D”

“I thought it was supposed to be 12 monkeys....”

“they're REAL, i swear!! :-D

the funny thing is, we do spank them, FG!”

“MaryPhyl, I actually decided to start because she is so interested in the toilet, me using the toilet, and in general, all things to do w/ the toilet. She also started recognizing and telling me when she was pottying or pooing.

Lyra, thanks. I think she is absolutely adorable and very funny. It's like having my own mini-comedian.

Miss Opie, being around all those kids, I bet you have lots and lots of hilarious experiences. I prolly helps keep your mood up.”

“Miss Opie, your story about the blonde curly haired girl reminded me of another funny incident w/ Newergirl.

She has this little tie-dyed onsie (like a bodysuit, for those that aren't familiar w/ toddler fashion terms). She loves the thing. She really thinks she's cool in it. I put it on her one day and she ran into the bedroom to look at herself in the full length mirror. She touched the mirror and said, "Cooo (cool) babee." I was crying from laughing at her.”

“My youngest, before starting kindergarten, went in over the Summer to meet his "soon-to-be" teacher. She sat him down at a table, and after introductions showed him some worksheets she had accumulated over the years. He pointed out and identified triangles, squares, circles, ovals, id'd the colors in the crayon box and was generally having a grand time. The teacher pulls out this mimeograph worksheet whic was really smeary and "mungy" and asks him some questions. They get to this one problem which showed 5 slices of bread, 4 similar and one unique. She asked which were the same and why, and he id'd the 4 slices of white bread. She inquired, "what about the other one?" Now, to me it looked like toast, especially with the copy quality (and I have little imagination.) He looked at it and looked at it, and stared. She, fearing that he didn't know the answer said "Well, maybe..." He jumped to his feet and exclaimed "IT'S PUMP-er-NICK-el!"

(Guess you had to be there)”

“Limpy, that is hilarious!”

“My two little cousins (one four and one five) were playing in my aunt's living room, when the younger tripped over the older's skateboard (his prize possesion). The younger was very angry, and told his brother that there were "cookies in the kitchen!"

The older was fooled, and went running off to the kitchen. The three-year-old then dragged the skateboard to the door, opened the door (he had to stand on tip-toes to reach the handle with both hands), threw the skateboard outside, and closed and locked the door.

When the brother came back with a cookie, the younger boy demanded half of it, which he got.”

“Pretty smart cookie (pun intended).”