I apologize to all..

Dear:

[ ] Sir [X] clueless one [ ] twit [ ] great man on campus 

[ ] Madam [ ] dweeb [ ] twerp [ ] comrade 

[ ] Elvis [ ] moon beam [ ] boor [ ] babe 

[ ] geek [ ] boob [ ] Communist 

[ ] Republican [ ] Democrat [ ] liberal [ ] conservative 

[ ] Other :______________________ 



You are being flamed because: 



[X] You SCREAMED! (used all caps). 

[ ] You posted the inanely stupid "Make Money Fast" article. 

[ ] You posted the inanely stupid "$250 Cookie Recipe" article. 

[ ] You posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article. 

[ ] You posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article. 

[ ] You posted an inanely stupid "Fix Your Credit" article. 

[ ] You posted an inanely stupid "Good Time Virus" warning. 

[X] You repeatedly have shown lack of humor. 

[ ] You have a SIG with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics. 

[ ] You assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet. 

[ ] You assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon. 

[ ] You repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff. 

[ ] You repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, or Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions. 

[ ] You sent a please remove me from the list message to the list rather than the listserver. 

[X] You continued a boring useless stupid thread. 

[X] You repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to. 

[X] You repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads. 

[ ] You posted a piece riddled with profanities. 

[X] You advocated Internet censorship. 

[ ] You repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority. 

[ ] You are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve. 

[ ] You are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread. 

[ ] You are posting an anonymous attack. 

[ ] You responded to an obvious troll. 

[X] You posted an obvious troll. 

[ ] You neglected to do research on the chosen subject. 

[ ] You asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ. 

[X] You redundantly covered the same point over and over. 

[ ] You crossposted excessively. 

[ ] You used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after 60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post. 

[ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy with cancer who is trying to break the Guiness Book record. 

[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post. 

[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post and your addition was "I agree" or "Me too." 

[ ] You barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and started stinking up the place just because you read an article about the newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine or had seen it on TV, etc. 



You discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup: 

[ ] hollow earth theory [ ] alien President theory 

[ ] orbital mind control frisbees[ ] faith healing 

[ ] government weather control [ ] Russian psychics 

[ ] Squeaky Fromme [ ] the nation of France 

[ ] robot spy bees [ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens 

[ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate" [ ] Beavis & Butthead anything 

[ ] flat earth theory [ ] government consipiracy theory 

[ ] the veracity of any X-Files plot (see all of the above) 

[ ] Other :______________________ 



You considered the following to be reliable reference sources: 

[ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed in 1955 

[ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup or [ ] SNL News 

[ ] Oliver Stone [ ] Hard Copy [ ] Inside Edition 

[ ] The National Enquirer [ ] The Sun [ ] NY Post 

[ ] The Union Leader [ ] Pravda [ ] OMNI Magazine 

[ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft [ ] The Simpsons 

[ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication 

[ ] Other :______________________ 



In the future, you may wish to:

[ ] Allow boring and useless threads to die. 

[ ] Remember that not all newsreaders are threaded. 

[ ] Recall that there are academic and commercial users on the Internet. 

[ ] Remember that the Internet is multinational. 

[ ] Consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you. 

[ ] Exercise some humility. 

[ ] Be careful of where you are crossposting to. 

[ ] "Lurk" without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group. 

[X] Get used to being mocked. 

[ ] Stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments. 



I would like to suggest that, for the common good, you: 

[ ] Wait at least two hours before responding to another post. 

[ ] Read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group. 

[ ] Learn to use the "kill" command to eliminate erroneous posts. 

[ ] Post only to alt.dev.null. 

[ ] Selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in that thread. 

[ ] Voluntarily apologize in a brief post. 

[X] No longer contribute to this newsgroup/mailing list. 

[ ] No longer contribute to any newsgroup/mailing list. 

[X] No longer contribute to the gene pool. 

[ ] Look into the possibility of medication for the above problems. 

[ ] Familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet. 

[ ] Familiarize yourself with the concept of: 

[ ] patience [X] tolerance [ ] caution 

[ ] common courtesy [ ] succinctness 

[ ] vocabulary [X] higher brain functions 

[ ] Other :______________________

[ ] Reinstall what ever failed mental operating system you are currently running on. 



Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your progress toward being: 

[ ] a useful member of Internet society 

[X] a less annoying member of Internet society 

[ ] a human being 

[ ] a fully-functional human being 

[X] a tolerable poster 

[ ] integrated into humanity 

[ ] re-integrated into the wild 

[ ] Other :______________________ 



Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame.