Ways to Clear a Campsite

“We’ve all had that disappointing feeling. You hike all day and finally get to your shelter or campsite only to find it already occupied. How to best clear out the intruders?

Do you…”

“Take off your pack and begin to groom yourself like a cat?”

“show them your foot and say you caught the disease at that spot right over there...they will move then”

“Don a tin foil hat and start telling jokes from Marvin Garden's joke thread.”

“Depends on the occupants. If invited id stay and be a good neighbor. If they were nasty i might rub a steak all over their tent when they werent looking and go find a different site :)”

“Hide a bunch of gorp in the bottom of their trash bag. When they are looking, root around in the trash. Find the food and eat it?”

“Talk about how the last person you brought up there last time STAYED up there.”

“Start singing:

"You Light Up My Life"”

“She wanted a little lovin` and he went to screamin` for his life
it was funny as hell and him there lookin` just like Barney Phife
maybe they didn`t mean to, but it worked out in any case
not long after that five camps broke up and left the place
and a little bit of lovin` gone astray
gotta love campin` and a redneck holliday”

“Ask to borrow a trowel, go very nearby and start digging a hole in open view.

Works like a charm.”

“Start raving about thebackpacker.com and tell them you are a frequent poster and have even backpacked with people from that site.

If that doesn't work start going on about how some people don't appreciate the site or your posts, because they have no sense of humour.”

“The one time that didn't work, I told them I usually post as "pedxing," but have trolled as "plain hiker."

If ever that doesn't work, I'm high tailing it out of there, because they've gotta be a bunch of freaks.”

“I just show up.


People leave.”

“Take out a map and compass and start sketching on the map as you wander through their campsite. When they ask what you are doing tell them you are an advanced scout for a logging company getting ready to clearcut the area.”

“Actually I just go somewhere else. What kind of person considers running them off? Talk about intolerence.”

“Tell them your name is bacpac from Trail Talk...they'll be gone before you know it.”

“Make a casual comment about how much you enjoy bean burritos, then ask if they find farting offensive.”

“Talk about how the last time you were in the shelter some buddy of yours projectile-vomited all over the inside. THAT should get them moving!”

“Banjo. Theme from Deliverance. 'Nuff said.”

“You sure got a perty mouth.”

“Artex, just show them the picture of you dancing with the dead boar. They'll leave.”

“Saaaaay, that's not a bad idea!”

“Sacrifice something nasty on the campfire?”

“break out a can of crisco and a plastic sheet and ask "Who wants to play?"”

“This only works for fat guys, but nude yoga is pretty efficacious.”

“Walk up and start doing somersauts in a circle around their tent. Pass gas, yell "turbo!" and start rolling faster.”

“Take off your clothes and set a spell.”

“"break out a can of crisco and a plastic sheet and ask "Who wants to play?""
chili36

Thats a bit high risk - what if they all volunteer?”

“invite Towndawg and have him take a nap on the outside! His snoring will clear the whole damn woods!”

“at that point, ped, you leave”

“Kill all the bugs you can find with a hatchet while playing ‘Psycho Killer’ on a kazoo?”

“If snoring clears out a campsite I'd be solo all the time. LOL!

Hey Ghost, why didn't you try singing "You Light Up My Life" when that group of scout types camped right on top of us. Sure wish you had thought of it then!”

“ROTFLMAO @ Artex!!

Gawd, the turbo thing, I can see it now.

I think Prowler has the most effective method.”

“I dont know about TownDawg, but Bama has to at least be in the same league.”

“The fact that there might be another human being in TD's snoring league frightens me greatly.”

“At least Bama was kind enough to camp behind some large boulders. Of course, he did get kind of a cathedral effect then, but it wasn't too bad where I was.

Perhaps this could be an adjunct event during the Titanium Chef thing. We could call it the "Titanium Epiglottis," or something similar.”

“Can you imagine,,,having one of them on each end of camp...

Snoring in stereo”

“Pamster hit the nail on the head.
"Hey guys, there's a big troop of Boy Scouts heading up here right now, ... must be around 85 of them with only two leaders. They've got big big pots and pans and boom boxes. Said they're camping here whether anybody else is here or not!"”

“Collect all of your urine in a nalgene.

Drink it with your dinner.”

“I believe it was Mr.Birch or MrSgt.Rock who once said it best...
Don't say a word no matter what they say, keep your head down but everyonce in a while peer at them with angst, look pissed, mumble to yourself, sit down and constantly sharpen your knife. Or something to that affect.”

“Take apart the frame on your external backback and start inserting wires in one end, saying "don't worry this is only a 'dirty' bomb."”

“make a small pile on the ground of chocolate covered peanuts and yell, hey everybody is this deer crap or bear crap over here??? when everybody is gathered around deciding which it is reach over and grab a couple and pop em into your mouth and say hmmm tastes like deer crap but i cant be sure ,here somebody else try some.
Streamweaver

The only real evidence we have that intelegent life exists in outer space is that none has tried to contact us!”

“The only real evidence we have that intelegent life exists in outer space is that none has tried to contact us!"

Perhaps we weren't listening?”

“bitpusher..you couldn't hear BAMA snoring over your din!!! And then HOI over on the other side...Shesh...I had no clue what was going on when i woke at 4am..but i was sure wishing i had hung my food bag!!”

“TD could raddle the nails out of ANY shelters!

Shoot, he makes the floor boards rattle!”

“Act very crazy and tell them that you are from another world and if you do not leave you will eat them!

8)”

“I'm convinced! All my future hiking plans just went private. My group hikes are hereby limited to one person groups!”

“you tell them how happy you are to be out in the woods again, and how greatful you are about being alive. Then ask if anyone of them can help you with your colostomy bag later”

“Go up to the most supple male in the group. Say: "where the hell are ya'all headed?" Respond to their answer by stating: Aintree?!(any place name will do), this river(or trail) don't go to no Aintree!" "you boys is lost..." Then while looking directly at the supple male, gently but ambiguously reach over and touch his face while proclaiming: "look at you!... you look more like a sow than a boarhog boy!" If the message hasn't sunk in give him a good slap on both shoulders at the same time while saying: "yes sir!" If the group is still there demand that he: "take them britches off boy!"

If you suspect that this particular group will find this message appealing there is another method an aquantance of mine used once in the Oregon Cascades. He was setting up camp by a lake, when a group of 6 decided to set their tent way to close to his camp. He retrieved a bottle of Jack, and his handgun from his pack, began doing shots and firing rounds into a nearby stump in a safe direction. He was approached by one of the campers who asked if he was going to be doing that all day, he responded, "No! All weekend..."”

“I always thought it was first come first serve unless you had standing res. for that site. Sharing a shelter w/ strangers is half the fun most of the time and quite often some of the more memorable parts of the trip.

I've tried the shifty eyed mubbler routine before with a buddy. We cracked earlier cause they had what we liked and we had what they needed. It never hurts to carry an olive branch.

I keep my boot handy for snorers!! But honestly all you have to remember is to put a little TP in your ears at lights out if you want to sleep soundly.”