Bear hunting question

“Yeah, well, all over her blouse, jeez, ... he had to get caught.
What a pair.”

“Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.

They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"

The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it."

The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?

The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"”

“These old jokes are unBEARable and are BRUIN up a bunch of groans among the GRIZZLY old farts. Of, course the CUBS here think they are great, a real HONEY of a thread. This may end up POLARizing the readers.”

“Question: what's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?

Answer: a molar bear!”

“Now that we've gotten the bear essentials down, perhaps we cub bear with it for a fur piece. Sow, if not, we'll have to claw our way out of this grizzly mess or risk being polar-ized.”

“Are we being PANDA'd to with these bad puns?

Is this a KODIAK moment?”

“cut it out or we'll club ya like baby seals.....”

“The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.
So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly."

"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"

"No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does."

The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."

"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.

"Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."”

“Da Bears!”

“Ah, that joke was told many times, in reference to the Lions, however, after the pathetic season they had last year. ;)”

“Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, and started growling and generally getting really mean. The bear started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was from Czeckoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him, and started to eat him alive (he didn't stay alive for long!). The other guy turned around and ran for his life.
A little while later, the second guy found a park ranger station and told his story. The ranger took his gun, and they both went out in search of the bear, in order to destroy it. Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female. The ranger turned to the other guy and said: "quick... tell me which bear ate your friend!" The ranger levelled his gun and got ready to to shoot.

"I'm not really sure," said the other guy, "they both look similar."

"QUICK! Make up your mind!" said the ranger.

"O.K.," said the other, "it was the male."

The ranger promptly aimed and shot the female bear. The male ran off. Using his knife, the ranger cut open the belly of the female and found the body of the other man.

"But why didn't you shoot the male when I thought it was the male who ate my friend?" the other man asked.

"Well," said the ranger, "I never trust anyone who says that the Czeck's in the male."”

“Ooooooooooooooo”

“How do you keep the Bears out of your backyard?


Put up goalposts.”

“Hmmm, would that work for campsites? I could see somebody marketing lightweight, collapsable aluminum goalposts.”

“I can see it too. They can double as backpack frame, tarp posts, and who knows what else!”

“Maybe even walking poles.”

“Let's see if we can piece this together folks. Bear walks into campsite, spots collapsable goalposts, stops, scratches head in a confused sort of way mimicking Chicago Bears encountering goal post, sniffs for food, finds out food is on other side of goal post, turns around and walks back to den muttering to self, "Drat, I should-a won!"
Naah!”