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“It would be neat if some day God decided that from now on all candy
would taste bad. And people would still keep tasting candy because
they'd expect it to taste good again real soon, and they'd get more and more desperate for yummy candy so they'd bite into lots and lots of pieces of icky candy. But the candy would never taste good because God doesn't want anyone to eat candy because he used to be a dentist.
Also when you die he makes you look at your X-rays.”
2:15:19 PM 6/24/02
“Did you ever see your X-rays?
If so, that means you're already dead!”
2:16:21 PM 6/24/02
“Another "Sex on the Trail" thread would be neat.”
2:17:44 PM 6/24/02
“is everyone drunk today? sniffing glue? gotten knocked upside the head a few dozen times...what? c'mon, let me in on the secret.”
2:18:07 PM 6/24/02
“Is it safe?”
2:24:22 PM 6/24/02
“Violin is off his meds this week - er month - er somethin.”
2:26:38 PM 6/24/02
“I agree w/ you Lyra. Everyone is a little stranger then normal today.”
2:32:18 PM 6/24/02
“thank you, newgirl! i was beginning to wonder...”
2:36:13 PM 6/24/02
“Ever read Stephen King's "Tommyknockers"? I bet somebody is unearthing an alien spacecraft somewhere and the metal is reacting to our air and making everyone change, just like in the book.”
2:38:35 PM 6/24/02
“ACTUALLY, Atrex, the problem here is that VIOLIN is a troll. He is every troll on this board. I have been observing him for many months now, and I UNDERSTAND HIS PATHOLOGY. He needs to give his opinions, but FEELS INADEQUATE DUE TO CHILDHOOD TRAUMA.
it is only with TOUGH LOVE AND SUPPORT that we can bring an end to this cycle of BINGE AND PURGE trolling.
TOO MUCH CANDY IS GOOD FOR YOU
An After-School
Special Show
(A KID is returning home from trick-or-treating. He is dressed as
Evel Knievel and carries an old pillowcase full of generic candy,
such as licorice allsorts, ribbon candy, and those little dots on
adding-machine tape. He enters the living room.)
KID
Oh boy! I got candy!
MOMMY
Now Michael, don't eat all that candy tonight!
Save half of it for breakfast.
DADDY
And remember to give the Pope 10% of it!
KID
Okay Mommy! Okay Daddy! Now I'm gonna eat my candy! Bye!
(He runs into his bedroom, which is decorated with generic road
signs such as "SPEED LIMIT", "STREET", and red octagons which say "SLOW".
He dumps the pillowcase of candy out onto the bed and then shouts
"Whee!" and does a belly-flop into the pile of candy. We see a
cowboy poster on his wall. A tear runs down the face of the cowboy.)
COWBOY
(on poster, smoking)
Hey, kid! Don't play with your food!
Just eat the friggin' candy!
UNCLE SAM
(on a WWII-era "I Want You!" poster)
Yeah, kid! Candy's for the eatin'!
I want you... to eat candy!
TEDDY BEAR
I wish I were real so I could eat candy!
KID
Oh boy! I got a LOT of candy!
(He picks one up and pops it into his mouth, then immediately
falls asleep. Harp glissandos. His bed floats into the
air and flies out the window with him lying face down. It
passes over The Magical Candy Factory Of Learning and dumps
him into a smokestack. His body gets all swirly as he spirals
down the smokestack like drain water. He lands on a giant
marshmallow.)
KID
Hey! My bed got softer! Wait, this
isn't a bed, it's a marshmallow!
Maybe this isn't my bedroom!
(Two robots, KNINK and KNANK, enter.)
KNINK & KNANK
(singing, together)
Weeeeee rep-re-sent
the Magical Candy Factory
the Magical Candy Factory
the Magical Candy Factory
Of Learrrrrrrr-ninnnngggggggg!
KNINK
We're here to teach you--
KNANK
--to teach you--
KNINK
--teach you stuff!
KNANK
--fun stuff.
KNINK & KNANK
(together)
JUST BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!
KID
Wow! But... Hey! What could anyone
possibly learn from a candy factory?
KNINK
Here, watch this educational--
KNANK
--this educational TV show.
KNINK
It's educational, you know.
(They wheel in a big candy-encrusted console TV with a
scary smiling face where the picture tube should be.
They push it very close to the kid's face. The TV
opens its mouth and spits a stream of acid in the boy's
face.)
KID
YAAAAAAGH!!! IT'S ACID! MY EYES, MY EYES!
KNINK
Ha ha ha ha!
KNANK
Hee hee hee hee!
KNINK & KNANK
(together)
Don't be silly, that's CANDY acid!
KID
(licking his face)
Wow! You're right! It tastes good!
KNINK
Good for you, too!
KNANK
Betcha never knew learning about
candy could taste so good!
KID
Holy cow! I wanna learn more!
I wanna learn so much more I could burst!
KNINK & KNANK
(together)
If that is your wish, o master, then
thy will be done!
(The two robots embrace and there is a flash of light.
They turn into a robotic, candy-covered chair. The
chair grabs the kid and straps him in with licorice rope.)
KID
(giggling)
That tickles!
CHAIR
Careful, don't fall out!
(The chair rolls onto the factory floor. A huge machine
is dripping out tiny chocolate drops. Each one makes
a different musical note as it comes out of the nozzle.)
CHAIR
This is how chocolate bars are made.
First we make chocolate drops, then
we melt them in a special bar-shaped mold!
Would you like to see the mold?
KID
Sure!
CHAIR
Here you go!
(The chair holds up a candy bar covered with green fuzz
and shoves it into the kid's mouth. He immediately
becomes morbidly obese, and develops high-water pants.)
CHAIR
Mmmmmmmmmm, mold!
KID
(with his mouth full)
Thif tafes delifif!
CHAIR
No talking in the factory, kid!
Even with your mouth full!
Next stop, Nougatland!
(The chair passes under a waterfall of melted nougat.
The kid now has three-eighths of an inch of it all over.)
KID
I can't breathe!
CHAIR
Then you need a dip!
(The chair jumps off a high-diving board into a
vat of candy shell. The chair climbs out and now
the kid has a glossy red shell. A hydraulic
stamper comes down from the ceiling and prints a
white "K" on his belly.)
CHAIR
Okay, we'll skip that one and look
at how candy canes get their stripes!
(The chair rolls over to where Jack Nicholson has
just had his nostril slit open in "Chinatown".
He is picking up plain white candy canes and screwing
them into his nose, then pulling them out with
red stripes.)
KID
(passing out)
Mmmmmfffff... mmm...
CHAIR
Hey, kid, you don't sound so good.
In fact, you sound DEAD! Guess
you should've eaten more candy!
(There is a flash of light and an explosions as the
chair separates into KNINK and KNANK. The kid, still
covered in goop and unconscious, falls to the floor.
Several elephants, covered with fluorescent psychedelic
swirls that keep changing color, stampede over him.)
KNINK
(to KNANK)
Looks like Michael learned his lesson!
KNANK
(to KNINK)
Yes, Michael learned his lesson! About candy!
KNINK
The lesson about candy is that you
should always eat it!
KNANK
Yes, you should always eat candy!
(Both turn to stare into the camera in extreme close-up.)
KNINK & KNANK
(together)
...BEFORE THE CANDY EATS YOU!
(The robots explode, and it begins raining candy.)
(FADE TO BLACK)
”
2:56:01 PM 6/24/02
“ISP = Violin.”
3:01:57 PM 6/24/02
“Ever think all this may be evidence in a trial some day?”
“Penumbral Eclipse of the Moon, 2002 June 24; the beginning of the penumbral phase visible in Australia, Indonesia, southern and western Asia, Europe except the extreme north, Africa, extreme eastern South America, Antarctica, the Indian Ocean, the eastern North Atlantic Ocean, the South Atlantic Ocean, and the southwestern Pacific Ocean; the end visible in Africa, Europe except the extreme north, most of South America except the northwest, Antarctica, western Australia, southwest Asia, the Indian Ocean, the eastern North Atlantic Ocean, the South Atlantic Ocean, and the southeastern South Pacific Ocean.
Moon enters penumbra June 24 20:18.4 UT
Middle of eclipse 24 21:27.1 UT
Moon leaves penumbra 24 22:35.4
Magnitude of the eclipse: 0.235”
6:14:45 PM 6/24/02
“NS, if I could only get One Internet site and it was the APOD... it'd still be worth it.”
