Ask BB: Questions on dating, and relatio nships.

“I am a self-touted expert on the subject, and will give you a better answer than Dr. Laura, so ask away!”

“I almost spit my pop out....”

“Well, smiley, that could be one of the reasons you are having a hard time finding a date. Maybe you should address your drinking problem,:
"I almost spit my pop out...."
smiley girl
10:58:26 AM
07/02/02
before starting a relationship.”

“BB, I think you should stop self-touting and find yourself a date.”

“Wild Child, in order to heal, one must confront the demons within. Your unprovoked personal attack on me is a result of your lack of a meaningful pleasurable sexual experiance over the past 10 years. Find a man, there are many ads in the paper, and you will begin your road to healing.”

“I met someone on an internet BBS named GreatLakesLady and I think I've fallen in love. How can I get her to see me as something other than an immature non-purist?”

“Good question LeSubtil. First you need to apologize profusely for any misunderstanding that she may have about you. Then send her lots of flowers, and maybe write a poem or two about her. Ask her out on a date, and instead of the traditional, dinner-movie, take her on a picnic, and read her Whitman as you massge her feet with scented oil. Then, after you do all these wonderful things, promptly hand in you HMWH Club card, you no longer fit into the group.

or

To hell with her, find some loose woman at the local biker bar, bring her to the next TT trip, and make ole' great lakes lady jealous.”

“You need to go on some real hikes, ls. None of this cheapo Isle Royale end to end stuff.”

“Thanks, BB. I feel better just knowing somebody out there understands me. Want to go on a picnic sometime?”

“wild chlid - you are on the right path, and, although your sexual advances toward me are admirable and predictable, you shouldn't try to aim so high. Trying for the Alpha Male when you are just gaetting back into the game is like trying to skip A-AAA ball and going stright to the majors out of high school. Take it slow, and be realistic. Best of luck.”

“Wild child & budder, hmm should be an interesting picnic. What will be in their pic-a-nic basket? ;-}”

“I should be very careful, what with a "stumprider" and a "bear" about.”

“Why does this thread frighten me so?”

“Hey stump, good question, but first we need to clarify.

1. I, am not budder, I am Buddha Bear.

2. You questions speaks of a keen interest of voyuerism on your part, which displays an aversion to you forming a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. There are, I'm told, internet chat rooms to feed your voyeur fetish, and as for your aversion to dating, go for the young women, they don't know any better most of the time. Good luck bro!”

“LOL Skully! You know, I think its really an advertisement for the HMWHC.”

“skullcap, your fear belies the true intense love you feel for a certain fowl-nicknamed TT'r, and the fear that you have of loosing him to the powerful bite of a deer tick. Fear not young maiden, all is well, and always remember, what's good for the goose, is good for the gander!”

“Ya think?”

“I think you've been "self-touting" too much!”

“Yes stump, I have, it's the only way to stay sane, did you have another question?”

“That explains everything!”

“Buddha,

Having met you, I think you are a fine person. However, there is no way I would ever let someone like yourself date my daughter. LOL. In the future if she shows interest in dating someone like you, how is the best way to stop this from happening without causing friction in the family. Every father’s greatest fear is to have their daughter bring home someone like yourself. I guess my real question is: “What are some of the tactics that other fathers use to get rid of guys like you?”

Thanks in advance for your advice,
Rabbitman”

“Will I ever get remarried?”

“Not if you try to get advice from these "experts".”

“Rabbitman

Guys like me are everywhere, and it will be very hard for you to get rid of all of them. Make sure you inform your daughter to stay away from bad boys, and stick with nerdy push-over type guys. That way, she'll have total control in the relationship, and, hopefully, the guy's insecurities within himself will drive him to be finacially successful in some form or another, allowing your duaghter both power, and a comfortable lifestyle.

I hope this answers your question, and good luck with the daughter!

BTW - Most of what you read from me is pure sarcasm, and does not represent the "real" me in any way. My mom will vouch for that, she thinks I'm the greatest.”

“bacpac

Yes, you will be remnarried. I, along with countless other TT'rs think you are a fine, witty, intelligent person who has a lot to offer someone. As far as I know, right now, you'd have to have the ceremony in Vermont, for it's the only place in the US allowing same sex marriages, and, even if you do, your fine state may not recognize the relationship anyway, at least not for now. Laws may be passed in the future allowing you to share with your loved one. Good luck bacpac!”

“BTW - Most of what you read from me is pure sarcasm, and does not represent the "real" me in any way. My mom will vouch for that, she thinks I'm the greatest."
Buddha Bear
01:11:20 PM
07/02/02


Not to mention a face only a mother could love! ;)”

“i have a minute #&%!$ and an excruciatingly pathetic personality with absolutely no prospects for finacial gain......is there any hope for me?”

“Yes srtatdewd, there is hope for you in several areas:

1. Viagra, if it's small, at least you can work it longer.

2. There are many drugs that tout increasing size, try some, they may work.

3. Realize its not the size, but the motion of the ocean that rocks the boat. Work on the motions.

4. Play the lottory.

5. Larger ugly women don't care about personality, they just like talking to someone who'll listen, work on the listening skills, and speak less.

6. Learn how to play guitar, act, or become a comedian - chicks dig all that stuff despite the drawbacks you possess.

Good luck dude!”

“Buddha (got it right this time?!)

What is "remnarried?" Is that remnants of being married, remembering having narried? Huh?”

“As you can tell, most bachelors have an aversion to the above mentioned word stumprider. It's hard enough to say it, none the less spell it properly.”

“I'LL LEARN HOW TO PLAY GUITAR! ! ! GENIOUS! SHEER GENIOUS MY FRIEND!”

“Dear Buddha Bear,

Recently I gave my heart to a new girl on the internet. I pleaded and begged for her to give me some respect, but none came. She says she doesn't love me but I can't believe that. She says I'm a fruit ass, but I'm not. I am wholly infatuated with her wonderfuless.

My question:

What countries do not have an extradition agreement with the US?”

“I believe Brazil and Argentina do not have agreements with the US. I'm sure there are many middle eastern countries who'd rather sponsor chatolic bingo events than extradite US citizens such as yourself.

BTW - If you are planning to harm others, Buddha BearTM, and or the "Ask BB: Questions on dating, and relationships."TM thread, and or, Matt the Webmaster, and or, thebackpacker.com are not responsible for, and have no opinion as to the actions of said parties, therin hereafter know as ULTRAPacker, or any related affliate thereof. Whereas, if said entity's were to harm another through misfeasance, malfeasance or maliciuos intent in any form or variety, the parties above forfeit any right to initatiate any litigation concrning the matters stated within.”

“Wow!! Thanks BB.
Do you anything about the stock market?”

“BB - You sound like someone who can help me.

My wife doesn't seem to appreciate that her husband and four children are not naturally organized people like she is. We tend to leave things out when we use them and have no organized method or plan for putting things back. She seems to take it personally.

What can we do to make her happier without actually learning how to be neat and tidy? (Oh, yes. She is a pharmacist and claims she can "take us out" any time if she wanted. What makes it worse is that I am heavily insured).

Anxiously awaiting your advice.”

“Phil

Remember the movie As Good as it Gets? There is a line spoken by Jack Nicolson in the flick when he was asked by a women, how he can think and write like he knows women. He states:

"I take a man, and then remove all reason and logic." This is the root of your problem Phil, and ole' Jack hit the nail on the head. In order to come out ahead here, you have to think like them. It is reasonable to think, with 4 kids, that things probably will never be organized. It is logical to know that, after a hard days work, the last thing on a guys mind is "Is the afgan in the right coffee table?" You must remove yourself from rational thought, which brings me to the answer to your question:

Hire a maid.”

“women....can't live with em...can't shoot em










phil, i have this pain in my shoulder, could yer wife get me anything for that?”

“Hey BB here is a question for ya.Do you listen to your heart or your gut?

8)”

“BB - I'll have to rent that movie!

What a genius. I did suggest that a number of years ago but she asked, "Who is going to clean up this place before the maid gets here?" It may be time to bring it up again.

Thanks!”

“this is the best thread that trail talk has had, in quite a long time.”

“I think I have been outed!?!


I wasn't even in!”

“If you were outed and weren't even in, then where, exactly, are you?”

“"I almost spit my pop out...."
smiley girl
10:58:26 AM
07/02/02


What's a pop out?”

“Stratdewd
Try playing left handed. That way the guitar strap sits on the other shoulder.
Just be glad you don't play a Les Paul!”

“Crazy Mike Bacpacs

I listen mainly to my gut. The heart is swayed by things that aren't rational, which, can cloud the mind, and lead you down the path to asking me questions on an internet website (although I still contend that my sarcastic, reasonable advice is 10x better than Dr. Laura's). The gut is essentially your soul, connected to the heart, yet based on the survival of one's sanity. Once the gut overcomes the heart, in my humble opinion, you are in good shape.”

“BTW - bacpac is straight, I was just trying to be funny.”

“Uh...I don't think it's your heart...”

“I hear Viagra cures altitude sickness. Is this true???”

“What cow patty said!”

“Phil, I was rolling after reading your post! Very funny (assuming you manage to placate your wife). My sister said that there is only one week out of every month that she has to really concentrate on not committing murder. Maybe you only need to be neat and tidy one week out of each month? It just might add years to your life.

Buddha, this thread was very entertaining. I hear that the major newspapers have an opening for an advice columnist.”