Sleeping Arrangements

“Nicegirl, first, there are plenty of nice girls on this board. Rad-Daddy Pimpalicious just has a fantasy about us being bad going on in his sick little mind (hehehe, I'm only kidding Rad). The other thing, the tent deal, I don't have a big problem with it. I'm not easily tempted (in fact, one could say that I have very little sex drive . . . maybe I need Viagra). I'm pretty much like Tarabull. I've spent plenty of nights w/ guy friends, in the same bed, and nothing happened. However, Phil had a good point about making your partner feel secure. If my partner had a prob. w/ it, then it would be another story.”

“pet peeve: Viagra is not an aphrodisiac.

There is a product on the market, however, that does seem to help both sexes enjoy their frisky time together: Nexcite”

“Let the thread degeneration begin!”

“This thread was degenerate to begin with.

I like that!”

“Sharing a tent would be a bad idea.”

“To follow up on newgirls post... I've never slept in a tent or shared a bed w/ guy friends w/out telling my BFs.

"I'm pretty much like Tarabull. I've spent plenty of nights w/ guy friends, in the same bed, and nothing happened."
newgirl
11:31:23 AM
07/31/02

Oh, and newgirl... I never said nothing has ever happened ;)”

“Let's say you're on that great old bicycle ride across Iowa, RAGBRAI. And you are a guy and maybe share your tent and maybe a little more.

BOOM!! Two divorces, two new marriages and the third marriage somehow managed to stay together.

Then again, it's a wild, partyin' bike ride where people were looking to hook up. Hmmmmmmm.... then again, backpacking?? ...... LOL”

“Lizs - Wow, I've been on numerous bicycle tours but nothing like that has ever happened..maybe a little flirting but that's it. Usually there are tons of people around and everyone sets their tent up a foot away from everyone else..I guess that's almost like sleeping with someone.
Tarabull -so the temptation was too much? j/k”

“nobody's perfect.”

“Apparently he was. Or was it, She was.”

“lol!”

“My BF's knew as well Tarabull. And nothing really did ever happen for me. I guess I'm boring or my guy friend's knew they would get their faces smashed if they tried! LOL!”

“I'm guessing "boring" isn't the reason...”

“Oh I dont know about that... I seem to recall sneaking out the back on occasion. ( i had a dont ask/tell policy back then) I have heard of romance bloomiong on the trail but I can see first contact occuring with someone who stinks of hiking.

Of course all women are nice unless of course they are being nice and then they are... 8}”

“Women don't stink, they simply become more aromatic...”

“"However, sharing a tent with another woman just doesn't send the message I want to my wife and kids."
Phil
11:27:41 AM
07/31/02

I don't see anything wrong with showing children that men and women can be involved in very close relationships that don't involve sex.

When I was growing up, my good friend's mom's best friend was a guy. They did all sorts of stuff together. I remember thinking that was so great. Now, I not only think it's great, I think it's healthy.”

“Excellent point Tara.”

“tara - My wife and I each have close friends of the opposite sex we hang out with at times. Knowing MY wife and family, I just think that sharing a tent with a woman would be inappropriate and make me uncomfortable. I don't think that necessarily says that married people can't have close friends of the opposite sex.

In the case of nicegirl's scenario, I don't think that guy's motives were pure.”

“Bitpusher - I loved your reference to Sirens turning him into a frog - we saw the movie just last night, so it was very timely.

As to the question - I've shared tents and even beds with guys I wasn't involved with, with no problem. I've also had hiking partners fall in love with me, because of the intimacy of the situation. When you spend hours a day talking, for several days at a time, in a natural setting, it is very easy for the emotional barriers to come down. It can also be very dangerous to a marriage. Although the man may remain physically faithful to his wife, he may be becoming emotionally unfaithful. If I were his wife, I would be very worried.”

“lol...I was alluding to exactly that!”

“The Siren thing, that is....lol”

“Ginny - You have just described what I heard once described as "Anatomy of an Affair". The intimacy along with a very active imagination can lead to lots of fantasies. The fantasies can turn into reality if allowed to. According to this, people with very active imaginations are at greater risk of this happening. A lot of affairs at work happen this way...just food for thought.”

“...ditto on the great movie.”

“I like having my tent to myself, but I would only share it with a married woman in an emergency. As far as a single woman I guess it would depend on who it was in anything other than an emergency.”

“I have shared many a tent, a couple beds and even a bivy sack (on a SAR operation) with my women friends, and while I will never say my heart wasn't beating a little loudly on an ocassion or two, I never crossed the line.

The gals were either SAR people or my mountaineering buddy's and as Amy (my main partner) used to say about mountaineering partners..."it's like being married, with none of the fun stuff".”

“Okay, this has had me thinking all day. I have a couple of scenarios to present.

1)One partner says to the other: Hey it's okay if I share a tent with a member of the opposite sex, without you when I'm hiking, because, of course, you trust me, don't you. And, naturally, the plans have already been made, so the partner staying at home would be the bad guy for making the other break the plans...In this case, one partner is laying the "You trust me" card on the table, and TELLING his/her partner that it's okay. What's the partner to say, without looking insecure? The partner is manipulated into letting the other do what they want without regard to their feelings. This is a case of it's all about me.

2) At a time when there is nothing going on and there are no arrangements made, Ask your partner, S.O., or spouse: What would you say to me going hiking without you, and sharing a tent with a fairly good looking member of the opposite sex, out in the wilderness with no one else around?
Same situation as the first, but asked differently. The best the partner could hope for as a reply would be a sarcastic "Yeah, right". This is a case of where it's about how you would make the other partner feel, and you were asking your partner, not telling them.

I guess my outlook is geared more towards how I would make my wife feel, doing something I shouldn't be doing. Am I totally whacked out here? Or out of sync with the norm?
Really, I'd like to hear comments about the 2 scenarios I've presented. Are there any other scenarios that could illustrate how to ask your partner such a question? I realize I have presented scenarios from opposite ends of the spectrum.”

“Man I can see that this thread has gotten very big how long and how far will it go!

All I know is that if I slept in a tent with another girl and it was not Evergreen my @ss would get burnt like a piece of toast.

8D”

“Whoa, this thread has gone on quite a while. I thought Phil summed it up pretty nicely. Along with uphillKlimbers two scenerios.
I guess it would all depend. I am not sure if I would plan it out that way. Emergencies excluded, Everyone I have backpacked with has either slept in their own tent. Or outside.

I would never want to hurt anyone. But also, I would want to be mature about it as well....
I would like to think I could handle the shared tent situation.
But I could certainly see the problems created by it... And my mind would certainly be wandering. Plus before bed, I sometimes wash up in my tent.I guess at this time I am undecided. And it would depend on who it is...

LOL, no I am not 70 years old. But if I live that long I hope to still be backpacking, as some of you are!

Since I am not into pain/SM/MM, I will not be sharing a tent with Newgirl. "Smashed Face"”

“UK - You are not whacked out. The context makes a big difference when discussing stuff with your spouse.

In this case, I don't even have to ask. I know my wife well enough after 28 years to figure this one out on my own.

(In other words, she already told me that she knows more ways to do me in than I dare imagine. She has promised, however, to make it painless since I have been kind enough to have lots of life insurance.)”

“LMFAO!!!!!!

8D”

“I like the serious thought that alot of people have put into this thread. It's rewarding to see that many of you really care how your spouse/SO would feel in this situation. Like I said early in the thread, sleeping next to someone is in my mind an intimate experience. BTW, I have not shared a tent with anyone other than a person that I was involved with.”

“I usually sleep naked and roll around alot. nicegirl you can sleep in my tent anytime!

8D”

“nicegirl - Welcome to TrailTalk. This has been an interesting thread. You are cordually invited to surf around the photo page and, if you are ever so inclined, submit photos. Lots of good ones there and an interesting community has evolved.”

“and now that we have fooled you into thinking we are nice thoughtful people.....”

“(...should we tell her about the initiation?...)”

“umm the leki,the Ti axe or the tin foil hat challenge?”

“almost forgot... thong dance.”

“I saw in Newsweek that Tin Foil Hats are featured in the movie "Signs".”

“Crazy Mike, isn't Evergreen married to someone else?”

“WLD, the smashed face would involve no amount of pleasure (other than my own at teaching my guy friend to lay the hell off). LOL!”

“I was just thinking the same thing Chief. Have I missed something very big here?”

“One time I "shared" a tent with a woman on a camping trip. Everyone else was still out around the fire and we were both "tired" so we went into the tent. It was a big family tent and there were about six or seven people staying in it. And no, this isn't moving on to tent orgies. Anyway, we ended up getting busy and moved into one bag :) Then another one of the guys who was staying in the tent came in, all buzzed and bumbling around, and layed down right next to us in his bag. I guess he just thought I was laying on my stomach or something and didn't realize there was a person beneath me. So there was this awkward minute or two where he's having this conversation with me. The girl and I were trying not to laugh our asses off. Finally she just piped up, "Hi Ed." He immediately got up and left. LMAO!!”

“Definitely sounds like this guy is trying to get away with somehting, if he doesn't come clean with his SO. I've spend nights with the opposite sex, sometimes things happen, sometimes they don't. But, only when I wasn't in a relationship with someone else. I could never spend the night with someone if I was in a relationship. I certainly wouldn't want him to do it, so I wouldn't do it eithe.

An emergency would be a different situation. I like to think I could control myself, and I think there would be more pressing matters on my mind.”

“I know he mentioned something to Jerbear at the Montanpalooza that the two were now an item, but I haven't heard anything about a divorce.

What's the deal Crazy Mike?”

“She mentioned elsewhere (I like thread maybe) that she was nearly out of an abusive relationship. Correct me if I am wrong.”

“Some of you need some wilderness hygiene lessons. There is no reason to stink continuously while packing. Do you at least brush your teeth?

I believe in picking my battles. The battle that could occur because of the tent sharing is one I chose not to fight. I wouldn’t share with any man but my hubby. Why put yourself in the position where there is even a question about the activities? I can’t think of any reason that is worth the possible conflict that could result.”

“i wouldn't share a tent with the opposite sex if i was dating/ married to someone. no problem if i was single. outdoors sex is the best kind.”

“I remember getting a phone call from a gal with SAR while my wife and her friend were sitting on the couch...at the end of the call I said "I love ya" to my friend... my wife's friend couldn't believe I told another woman that I loved her and my wife was OK with that, she was confusing love with sex my wife told her, but she said she thought it was so wrong she couldn't believe it.......My wife and i have been married 33 years, my wife's friend just got her 3rd divorce last week.

How many of you could say "I love you" to a friend in front of your S.O, with out having to spend half the night explaining......”

“You gots a keeper Mtnsteve. As a side note, I once dated a Dutch guy. He prolly would have had no prob. w/ me saying "I love you" to a guy friend in English (although the sit. never came up). However, he prolly would have lost it if I said it in Dutch. For reasons unknown to myself he seemed to think that the words were much more powerful in his language.”

“mtnsteve... I can! I have a few male friends that are like brother's to me. I find men are easier to get along with than women (in general) so my b/f is very accustomed to my friends being male.”