as tough as leather

“From the onion.com VOLUME 31 ISSUE 16 — 29 APRIL 1997
Ünited Stätes Toughens Image With Umlauts
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the Ünited Stätes of Ämerica. "Much like Mötley Crüe and Motörhead, the Ünited Stätes is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the Ämerican flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."”

“I kinda thought this post was timely.”

“I thought putting all those Army men in berets was supposed to toughen up the image.”

“I think I heard a version of that "Howl Of The She-Demon" just before the baseball game last week.”

“I thought we'd changed it to "We Will Rock You".”

“Great.
A national anthem written by a band called "Queen".”

“Between that and the berets...”

“What's next, a Village People reunion?”

“LOL at every single post!”

“U.S.A/ We Need a Village People

Osama , there's no need to feel down
I said, Osama , pick yourself off the ground
I said, Osama , 'cause your in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy
Osama , there's a place you can go
I said, Osama , when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the boys.
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel.
Osama , Are you listening to me
I said, Osama , what do you want to be
I said, Osama , you can make real your dreams,
but you've got to know this one thing.
No man, does it all by himself
I said, Osama , put your pride on the shelf
And just go there, to the U.S.A
I'm sure they can help you today
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
They have everything for young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the boys.
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel.
Osama , I was once in your shoes,
I said, I was down and out with the blues
I felt, no man cared if I were alive
I felt the whole world was so jive
That's when someone came up to me
and said Osama take a walk up the street
There's a place there called the U.S.A
They can start you back on your way.
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the boys.
U.S.A
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
It's fun to stay at the U.S.A
Osama , Osama , there's no need to feel down
Osama , Osama , pick yourself off the ground
U.S.A
just go to the U.S.A
Osama , Osama , I was once in your shoes,
Osama , Osama , I was out with the blues
U.S.A
U.S.A
U.S.A
U.S.A”

“yeah ok my little pretties”

“Sickness, LOL”

“That would sound better if you put "of" in USA. US of A! See what I mean?”

“Cool thanks”

“Yeah but how would you do the "S" with your arms? For that matter, what about the "of"?”

“well skully, you just get a four of the fat, drunk guys from a Pittsburgh Steelers game, have their naked torsos covered in red, white and blue body paint and put "U" "S" "of" "A" on their chest and presto......

it's as "American" as it gets”

“NOT a pretty picture. THANKS, Chili.

By some strange coincedence, it'll be Thirsty Thursday again at the old ball field tonight. I'm already dreading the anthem. I don't know which is worse... the Country Soul version or the Psuedo Hip-Hop version.

Jesus Murphy... the trills that start in one key and end in another Nowhere Near the first...

<AARRGGHHH>”

“Hmmm...I haven't had the pleasure of a Greenjackets game yet. G00SE and Sauron aren't that crazy about baseball. It sounds like such a unique experience. You mean they don't have Mr. Brown sing for them? What's up with that?”

“YES!

We need the Godfather of Soul to make an appearance (as long as he crashes through the gate in that pickup truck with tires shot out, a loaded 12-guage on his lap, and that Hellacious PCP Buzz, LOL).

On second thought... I'll put up with the screeching and howling!


It's actually kindof fun on Cheap Beer Night. The people-watching can be downright anthropological. They 'look at you funny' if you don't join in with the Y-M-C-A song, but otherwise I don't think the crowd is very supportive of Gay Rights, BOL!”